SMANTHA 

AT 

SARATOGA 


BY 

JOSIAH 

ALLEN'S 

WIFE 


,(, 


THE  LIBRARY 

OF 

THE  UNIVERSITY 
OF  CALIFORNIA 

LOS  ANGELES 


SAMANTHA 
AT  SARATOGA 


BY 

JOSIAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE 

(MARIETTA  HOLLEY) 

Author  of 

"Samantha  at  the  Centennial,"  "My  Opinions  and 
Betsey  Babbit's,"  "My  Wayward  Pardner,"  etc.,  etc. 


GROSSET      &      DUNLAP 

PUBLISHERS  ::  ::  NEW  YORK 


ENTERED    ivCCORDlNG   TO   ACT  OF   CONGRESS,  IN  THE  YEAR    itlfj.  *• 

HUBBARD  BROTHERS, 
m  THE  OFFICE  OF  THE  LIBRARIAN  OF  CONGRESS,  AT  WASHINGTON 


AJU,  RIGHTS   KESBRVBBk 


College 
Libraiy 


PS 


H72.50. 
CONTENTS. 


CHAPTER  I. 
3AMANTHA  AT  SARATOGA   .  .  •  a      1U 

CHAPTER  II. 
ARDELIA  TUTT  AND   HER   MOTHER  9  e,      28 

CHAPTER  Ilf. 
THE   CHERITY  OF  THE   JONESVILLIA2SS        •  r.      40 

CHAPTER  IV. 
ARDELIA   AND  ABRAM   GEE  .  •  »      75 

CHAPTER  V. 
WE  ARRIVE   AT  SARATOGA  .  »  .89 

CHAPTER  VI. 
SARATOGA   BY   DAYLIGHT     .  .  i  .10) 

CHAPTER  VII. 
SEEING   THE    DIFFERENT    SPRINGS  .  .    116 

CHAPTER  VIII. 
JOSIAH   AND   8AMANTHA   TAKE   A    LONG  WALK          .    128 

CHAPTER  IX. 

•IOSIAH'S  FLIRTATIONS        ....  148 

(lii) 


1116431 


It  CONTENTS. 

CHAPTER  X.  PAGE 

MISS  G.    WASHINGTON   FLAMM  .  •  •   174 

CHAPTER  XI. 
VISIT  TO  THE   INDIAN   ENCAMPMENT  •  .  200 

CHAPTER  XII. 
A  DRIVE  TO  SARATOGA    LAKE  .  ,  ,    221 

CHAPTER  XIIL 
VISITS  TO  NOTABLE   PLACES  .  *  .   239 

CHAPTER  XIV. 
LAKE  GEORGE  AND   MOUNT   McGREGOB         •  •   266 

CHAPTER  XV. 
ADVENTURES   AT   VARIOUS   SPRINGS  •  .   279 

CHAPTER  XVI 
AT  A  LAWN   PARTY  .  .  *  .  290 

CHAPTER  XVIL 
A  TRIP  TO  SCHUYLERVILLE  .  •  .  315 

CHAPTER  XVIIL 
THE   SOCIAL  SCIENCE  MEETING         .  «  .  381 

CHAPTER  XIX.' 

ST.  CHRISTINA'S  HOME        .  .  •  •  343 

CHAPTER  XX. 
AN   ACCIDENT  WITH    RESULTS  .  •  •   360 


A  SORT  OF   PREFACE. 


WHICH   IT   IS   NOT   NECESSARY   TO   READ. 

WHEN  Josiah  read  ray  dedication  he  said  "  it  wuz 
a  shame  to  dedicate  a  book  that  it  had  took  most  a 
hull  bottle  of  ink  to  write,  to  a  lot  of  creeters  that  he 
wouldn't  have  in  the  back  door  yard." 

But  I  explained  it  to  him,  that  I  didn't  mean 
tramps  with  broken  hats,  variegated  pantaloons,  ven 
tilated  shirt-sleeves,  and  barefooted.  But  I  meant 
tramps  with  diamond  ear-rings,  and  cuff-buttons,  and 
Saratoga  trunks,  and  big  accounts  at  their  bankers. 

And  he  said,  "  Oh,  shaw  ! " 

But  I  went  on  nobly,  onmindful  of  that  shaw,  as 
female  pardners  have  to  be,  if  they  accomplish  all  the 
talkin'  they  want  to. 

And  sez  I,  "It  duz  seem  sort  o'  pitiful,  don't  it, 
to  think  how  sort  o'  homeless  the  Americans  are  a 
gettinr  ?  How  the  posys  that  blow  under  the  win 
ders  of  Home  are  left  to  waste  their  sweet  breaths 
amongst  the  weeds,  while  them  that  used  to  love  'em 
are  a  climbin'  mountain  tops  after  strange  nosegays." 

The  smoke  that  curled  up  from  the  chimbleys,  a 


2  A   RUNNIN*   VINE. 

wreathin'  its  way  up  to  the  heavens — all  dead  and 
gone.  The  bright  light  that  shone  out  of  the  winder 
through  the  dark  a  tellin'  everybody  that  there  wuz 
a  Home,  and  some  one  a  waitin'  for  somebody — all 
dark  and  lonesome. 

Yes,  the  waiter  and  the  waited  for  are  all  a  rushin* 
round  somewhere,  on  the  cars,  mebby,  or  a  yot,  a 
chasin'  Pleasure,  that  like  as  not  settled  right  down 
on  the  eves  of  the  old  house  they  left,  and  stayed 
there. 

I  wonder  if  they  will  find  her  there  when  they  go 
back  again.  Mebby  they  will,  and  then  agin,  mebby 
they  won't.  For  Happiness  haint  one  to  set  round 
and  lame  herself  a  waitin'  for  folks  to  make  up  their 
minds. 

Sometimes  she  looks  folks  full  in  the  face,  sort  o* 
solemn  like  and  heart-searchin',  and  gives  'em  a  fair 
chance  what  they  will  chuse.  And  then  if  they  chuse 
wrong,  shee'll  turn  her  back  to  'em,  for  always.  I've 
hearn  of  jest  such  cases. 

But  it  duz  seem  sort  o'  solemn  to  think — how  the 
sweet  restful  felin's  that  clings  like  ivy  round  tha 
old  familier  door  steps — where  old  4  fathers  feet 
stopped,  and  stayed  there,  and  baby  feet  touched  and 
then  went  away — I  declare  for't,  it  almost  brings 
tears,  to  think  how  that  sweet  clingin'  vine  of  affec 
tion,  and  domestic  repose,  and  content — how  soon 
that  vine  gets  tore  up  nowadays. 

It  is  a  sort  of  a  runnin'  vine  anyway,  and  folks 


OUR  OLD  4  FATHERS.  3 

use  it  as  secli,  they  run  with  it.  Jest  as  it  puts  its 
tendrils  out  to  cling  round  some  fence  post,  or  lilock 
bush,  they  pull  it  up,  and  start  off  with  it.  And  then 
its  roots  get  dry,  and  it  is  some  time  before  it  will  be 
gin  to  put  out  little  shoots  and  clingin'  leaves  agin 
round  some  petickular  mountain  top,  or  bureau  or 
human  bein'.  And  then  it  is  yanked  up  agin,  poor 
little  runnin'  vine,  and  run  with — and  so  on — and  so 
on — and  so  on. 

Why  sometimes  it  makes  me  fairly  heart-sick  to 
think  on't.  And  I  fairly  envy  our  old  4  fathers,  who 
used  to  set  down  for  several  hundred  years  in  one  spot. 
They  used  to  get  real  rested,  it  must  be  they  did. 

Jacob  now,  settin'  right  by  that  well  of  his'n  for 
pretty  nigh  two  hundred  years.  How  much  store  he 
must  have  set  by  it  during  the  last  hundred  years  of 
'em  !  How  attached  he  must  have  been  to  it ! 

Good  land  !  Where  is  there  a  well  that  one  of  our 
rich  old  American  patriarks  will  set  down  by  for  two 
years,  leavin'  off  the  orts.  There  haint  none,  there 
haint  no  such  a  well.  Our  patriarks  haint  fond  ot 
well  water,  anyway. 

And  old  Miss  Abraham  now,  and  Miss  Isaac— 
what  stay  to  home  wimmen  they  wuz,  and  equinomi- 
cal! 

What  a  good  contented  creeter  Sarah  Abraham 
wuz.  How  settled  down,  and  stiddy,  stayin'  right  to 
home  for  hundreds  of  years.  Not  gettin'  rampent 
for  a  wider  spear,  not  a  eoaxin'  old  Mr.  Abraham 


4  SLIGHT  PREPARATIONS. 

nights  to  take  her  to  summer  resorts,  and  winter  hants 
of  fashion. 

No,  old  Mr.  Abraham  went  to  bed,  and  went  to 
sleep  for  all  of  her. 

And  when  they  did  once  in  a  hundred  years  or  so, 
make  up  their  minds  to  move  on  a  mile  or  so,  how 
easy  they  traveled.  Mr.  Abraham  didn't  have  to  lug 
off  ten  or  twelve  wagon  loads  of  furniture  to  the  Safe 
Deposit  Company,  and  spend  weeks  and  weeks  a  set- 
tlin'  his  bisness,  in  Western  lands,  and  Northern 
mines,  Southern  railroads,  and  Eastern  wildcat  stocks, 
to  get  ready  to  go.  And  Miss  Abraham  didn't  have 
to  have  a  dozen  dress-makers  in  the  house  fora  month 
or  two,  and  messenger  boys,  and  dry  goods  clerks,  and 
have  to  stand  and  be  fitted  for  basks  and  polenays,  and 
back  drapery,  and  front  drapery,  and  tea  gowns,  and 
dinner  gowns,  and  drivin'  gowns,  and  mornin'  gowns, 
and  evenin'  gowns,  and  etcetery,  etcetery,  etcetery. 

No,  all  the  preparations  she  had  to  make  wuz  to 
wrop  her  mantilly  a  little  closter  round  her,  and  all 
Mr.  Abraham  had  to  do  wuz  to  gird  up  his  lions. 
That  is  what  it  sez.  And  I  don't  believe  it  would 
take  much  time  to  gird  up  a  few  lions,  it  don't  seem 
to  me  as  if  it  would. 

And  when  these  few  simple  preperations  had  been 
made,  they  jest  histed  up  their  tent  and  laid  it  acrost 
a  camel,  and  moved  on  a  mild  or  two,  walkin'  afoot. 

AVhy  jest  imagine  if  Miss  Abraham  had  to  travel 
with  eight  or  ten  big  Saratoga  trunks,  how  could  they 


ON   THE    GO.  5 

have  been  got  up  onto  that  camel  ?  It  couldn't  have 
been  done.  The  camel  would  have  died,  and  old 
Mr.  Abraham  would  also  have  expired  a  tryin'  to 
iift  'em  up.  No,  it  was  all  for  the  best. 

And  jest  think  on't,  for  all  of  these  simple,  stay  to 
nome  ways,  they  called  themselves  Pilgrims  and 
Sojourners.  Good  land  !  What  would  they  have 
thought  nowadays  to  see  folks  make  nothin'  of  settin' 
off  for  China,  or  Japan  or  Jerusalem  before  break 
fast. 

And  what  did  they  know  of  the  hardships  of  civil 
ization?  Now  to  sposen  the  case,  sposen  Miss 
Abraham  had  to  live  in  New  York  winters,  and  go 
to  two  or  three  big  receptions  every  day,  and  to  din 
ner  parties,  and  theatre  parties,  and  operas  and  such 
like,  evenin's,  and  receive  and  return  about  three 
thousand  calls,  and  be  on  more  'n  a  dozen  charitable 
boards  (hard  boards  they  be  too,  some  on  'em)  and 
Jots  of  other  projects  and  enterprizes — be  on  the  go  the 
hull  winter,  with  a  dress  so  tight  she  couldn't  breathe 
instead  of  her  good  loose  robes,  and  instead  of  her 
good  comfortable  sandals  have  her  feet  upon  high- 
heeled  shoes  pinchin'  her  corns  almost  unto  distraction. 
And  then  to  Washington  to  go  all  through  it  agin, 
and  more  too,  and  Florida,  and  Cuba ;  and  then  to 
the  sea-shore  and  have  it  all  over  agin  with  sea  bathin* 
added. 

And  then  to  the  mountains,  and  all  over  agin  with 
climbin'  round  added.  Then  to  Europe,  with  sea 


£  LUKER    GATHERERS. 

sickness,  picture  galleries,  etc.,  added.  And  so  on 
home  agin  in  the  fall  to  begin  it  all  over  agin. 

Why  Miss  Abraham  would  be  so  tuckered  out  be 
fore  she  went  half  through  with  one  season,  that 
she  would  be  a  dead  4  mother. 

And  Mr.  Abraham — why  one  half  hour  down  at 
the  stock  exchange  would  have  been  too  much  for 
that  good  old  creeter.  The  yells  and  cries,  and  dis 
tracted  movements  of  the  crowd  of  Luker  Gatherers 
there,  would  have  skairt  him  to  death.  He  never 
would  have  lived  to  follow  Miss  Abraham  round 
from  pillow  to  post  through  summer  and  winter  sea 
sons — he  wouldn't  have  lived  to  waltz,  or  toboggen, 
or  suffer  other  civilized  agonies.  No,  he  would  have 
been  a  dead  patriark.  And  better  off  so,  I  almost 
think. 

Not  but  what  I  realize  that  civilization  has  its  ad 
vantages.  Not  but  what  I  know  that  if  Mr.  Abra 
ham  wanted  Miss  Abraham  to  part  his  hair  straight,  or 
clean  off  his  phylackrity  when  she  happened  to  be  out 
a  pickin'  up  manny,  he  couldn't  stand  on  one  .side 
of  his  tent  and  telephone  to  bring  her  back,  but  had 
to  yell  at  her. 

And  I  realize  fully  that  if  one  of  his  herd  got 
strayed  off  into  another  county,  they  hadn't  no  tele- 
graf  to  head  it  off,  but  the  old  man  had  to  poke  off 
through  rain  or  sun,  and  hunt  it  up  himself.  And 
he  couldn't  set  down  cross-legged  in  front  of  his  tent 


HAD    70  KILL  A   SHEEP.  1 

i 

in  the  mornin',  and  read  what  happened  on  the  other 
side  of  the  world,  the  evenin'  before. 

And  I  know  that  if  he  wanted  to  set  down  some 
news,  they  had  to  kill  a  sheep,  and  spend  several 
years  a  dressin'  off  the  hide  into  parchment — and 
kill  a  goose,  or  chase  it  up  till  they  wuz  beat  out,  for 
*  goose-quill. 

And  then  after  about  20  years  or  so,  they  could 
put  it  down  that  Miss  Isaac  had  got  a  boy — the  boy 
probably  bein'  a  married  man  himself  and  a  father 
when  the  news  of  his  birth  wuz  set  down. 

I  realize  this,  and  also  the  great  fundimental  fact 
that  underlies  all  philosophies,  that  you  can't  set 
down  and  stand  up  at  the  same  time — and  that  no 
man,  however  pure  and  lofty  his  motives  may  be, 
can't  lean  up  against  a  barn  door,  and  walk  off 
simultanious.  And  if  he  don't  walk  off,  then  the 
great  question  comes  in,  How  will  he  get  there? 
And  he  feels  lots  of  times  that  he  must  stand  up  so's 
to  bring  his  head  up  above  the  mullien  and  burdock 
stalks,  amongst  which  he  is  a  settin',  and  get  a  wider 
view — a  broader  horizeon.  And  he  feels  lots  of  times 
that  he  must  get  there. 

This  is  a  sort  of  a  curius  world,  and  it  makes  us 
£^>1  curius  a  good  deal  of  the  time  as  we  go  through 
it.  But  we  have  to  make  allowances  for  it,  for  the 
old  world  is  on  a  tramp,  too.  It  can't  seem  to  stop 
a  minute  to  oil  up  its  old  axeltrys — it  moves  on,  and 
»  "frith  it.  It  seems  to  be  in  a  hurry. 


8  /f2£Z   NATION  IN  A  HURRY. 

Everything  seems  to  be  in  a  hurry  here  below. 
And  some  say  Heaven  is  a  place  of  continual  sailin* 
round  and  goin'  up  and  up  all  the  time.  But  while 
risin'  up  and  soarin'  is  a  sweet  thought  to  me,  still 
sometimes  I  love  to  think  that  Heaven  is  a  place 
where  I  can  set  down,  and  set  for  some  time. 

I  told  Josiah  so  (waked  him  up,  for  he  wuz  asleep), 
and  he  said  he  sot  more  store  on  the  golden  streets, 
and  the  wavin'  palms,  and  the  procession  of  angels. 
(And  then  he  went  to  sleep  agin.)  , 

But  I  don't  feel  so.  I'd  love,  as  I  say.  to  jest  set 
down  for  quite  a  spell,  and  set  there,  to  be  kinder 
settled  down  and  to  home  with  them  whose  presence 
makes  a  home  anywhere.  I  wouldn't  give  a  cent  to 
sail  round  unless  I  wuz  made  to  know  it  wuz  my 
duty  to  sail.  Josiah  wants  to. 

But,  as  I  say,  everybody  is  in  a  hurry.  Husbands 
can't  hardly  find  time  to  keep  up  a  acquaintance 
with  their  wives.  Fathers  don't  have  no  time  to  get 
up  a  intimate  acquaintance  with  their  children. 
Mothers  are  in  such  a  hurry — babys  are  in  such  a 
hurry — that  they  can't  scarcely  find  time  to  be  born. 
And  I  declare  for't,  it  seems  sometimes  as  if  folks 
don't  want  to  take  time  to  die. 

The  old  folks  at  home  wait  with  faithful,  tired  old 
eyes  for  the  letter  that  don't  come,  for  the  busy  son 
or  daughter  hasn't  time  to  write  it — no,  they  are  too 
busy  a  tearin'  up  the  running  vine  of  affection  and 
home  love,  and  a  runnin'  with  it. 


BEYOND    THE  SUNSET.  9 

Yes,  the  hull  nation  is  in  a  hurry  to  get  somewhere 
else,  to  go  on,  it  can't  wait.  It  is  a  trampin'  on  over 
the  Western  slopes,  a  trampin'  over  red  men,  and 
black  men,  and  some  white  men  a  hurryin'  on  to  the 
West — hurryin'  on  to  the  sea.  And  what  then  ? 

Is  there  a  tide  of  restfulness  a  layin'  before  it  ? 
Some  cool  waters  of  repose  where  it  will  bathe  its 
tired  forward,  and  its  stun-bruised  feet,  and  set  there 
fcr  some  time  ? 

I  don't  s'pose  so.  I  don't  s'pose  it  is  in  its  nater 
to.  I  s'pose  it  will  look  off  longingly  onto  the  far- 
off  somewhere  that  lays  over  the  waters — beyend  the 
sunset.  JOSIAH  ALLEN'S  WIFE. 

YORK,  June,  1887. 


9AMANTHA  AT  SARATOGA. 

THE  idee  on't  come  to  me  one  day  about  sundown, 
or  a  little  before  sundown.  I  wuz  a  settin'  in  calm 
peace,  and  a  big  rockiii'  chair  covered  with  .a  hand 
some  copperplate,  a  readin'  what  the  Sammist  sez 
about  "  Vanity,  vanity,  all  is  vanity."  The  words 
struck  deep,  and  as  I  said,  it  was  jest  that  very 
minute  that  the  idee  struck  me  about  goin'  to  Saratoga. 
Why  I  should  have  had  the  idee  at  jest  that  minute, 
I  can't  tell,  nor  Josiah  can't.  We  have  talked  about 
it  sense. 

But  good  land  !  such  creeters  as  thoughts  be  never 
wuz,  nor  never  will  be.  They  will  creep  in,  and 
round,  and  over  anything,  and  get  inside  of  your 
mind  (entirely  unbeknown  to  you)  at  any  time. 
Curious,  haint  it?  How  you  may  try  to  hedge  'em 
out,  and  shet  the  doors  and  everything.  But  they 
will  creep  up  into  your  mind,  climb  up  and  draw  up 
their  ladders,  and  there  they  will  be,  and  stalk  round 
independent  as  if  they  owned  your  hull  head  ;  curious ! 

Well,  there  the  idee  wuz — I  never  knew  nothia* 
(10) 


JOSIAH  SCORFING.  1> 

about  it,  nor  how  it  got  there.  But  there  it  wuz, 
lookin*  me  right  in  the  face  of  my  soul,  kinder  pert 
and  saucy,  sayin',  "  You'd  better  go  to  Saratoga  next 
summer ;  you  and  Josiah. " 

But  I  argued  with  it.  Sez  I,  "  What  should  we 
go  to  Saratoga  for  ?  None  of  the  relations  live  there 
on  my  side,  or  on  hison  ;  why  should  we  go  ?  " 

But  still  that  idee  kep'  a  hantin  me;  "YouM 
better  go  to  Saratoga  next  summer,  you  and  Josiah." 
And  it  whispered,  "  Mebby  it  will  help  Josiah's 
corns."  (He  is  dretful  troubled  with  corns.)  And 
so  the  idee  kep'  a  naggin'  me,  it  nagged  me  for  three 
days  and  three  nights  before  I  mentioned  it  to  my 
Josiah.  And  when  I  did,  he  scorfed  at  the  idee. 
He  said,  "  The  idee  of  water  curing  them  dumb 
corns — " 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  stranger  things  have  beeo 
done ; "  sez  I,  ''  that  water  is  very  strong.  It  doe> 
wonders." 

And  he  scorfed  agin  and  sez,  "  Don't  you  believe 
tfTth  could  cure  em  ?  " 
1      Sez  I,  "  If  it  wuz  strong  enough  it  could." 

But  the  thought  kep,  a  naggin'  me  stiddy,  and 
then — here  is  the  curious  part  of  it — the  thought 
nagged  me,  and  I  nagged  Josiah,  or  not  exactly 
nagged ;  not  a  clear  nag ;  I  despise  them,  and  always 
did.  But  I  kinder  kep'  it  before  his  mind  from  day 
to  day,  and  from  hour  to  hour.  And  the  idee 
would  keep  a  tellin'  me  things  and  I  would  keep  a 


12  DR.  GALE   CONSULTED. 

tellin'  'em  to  my  companion.  The  idee  would  keep 
a  sayin'  to  me,  "  It  is  one  of  the  most  beautiful  places 
in  our  native  land.  The  waters  will  help  you,  the 
inspirin'  music,  and  elegance  and  gay  enjoyment  you 
will  find  there,  will  sort  a  uplift  you.  You  had 
better  go  there  on  a  tower  ;  "  and  agin  it  sez,  "  Mebby 
it  will  help  Josiah's  corns." 

And  old  Dr.  Gale  a  happenin'  in  at  about  that  time, 
I  asked  him  about  it  (he  doctored  me  when  I  wuz  a 
baby,  and  I  have  helped  'em  for  years.  Good  old 
creetur,  he  don't  get  along  as  well  as  he  ort  to. 
Loontown  is  a  healthy  place.)  I  told  him  about  my 
strong  desire  to  go  to  Saratoga,  and  I  asked  him  plain 
if  he  thought  the  water  would  help  my  pardner's 
corns.  And  he  looked  dreadful  wise  and  he  riz  up 
and  walked  across  the  floor  2  and  fro  several  times, 
probably  3  times  to,  and  the  same  number  of  times 
fro,  with  his  arms  crossed  back  under  the  skirt  of  his 
coat  and  his  eyebrows  knit  in  deep  thought,  before  he 
answered  me.  Finely  he  said,  that  modern  science 
had  not  fully  demonstrated  yet  the  direct  bearing  of 
water  on  corn.  In  some  cases  it  might  and  probably 
did  stimulate  'em  to  greater  luxuriance,  and  then 
again  a  great  flow  of  water  might  retard  their  growth. 

Sez  I,  anxiously,  "Then  you'd  advise  me  to  go 
there  with  him?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  on  the  hull,  I  advise  you  to  go." 

Them  words  I  reported  to  Josiah,  and  sez  I  fa 
anxious  axents,  "  Dr.  Gale  advises  us  to  go." 


"Ajwi  when  I  did,  he  scorfed  at  the  idee."     page  n. 


J4  JO  SI  AH  SCORFS  AGAIN. 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  I  guess  I  shan't  mind  what  that 
old  fool  sez." 

Them  wuz  my  pardner's  words,  much  as  I  hate  to 
tell  on  'em.  But  from  day  to  day  I  kep'  it  stiddy 
before  him,  how  dang'r'us  it  wuz  to  go  ag'inst  a 
doctor's  advice.  And  from  day  to  day  he  would 
scorf  at  the  plan.  And  I,  ev'ry  now  and  then,  and 
mebby  oftener,  would  get  him  a  extra  good  meal,  and 
attack  him  on  the  subject  immegatly  afterwards.  But 
all  in  vain.  And  I  see  that  when  he  had  that  im- 
movible  sotness  onto  him,  one  extra  meal  wouldn't 
soften  or  molify  him.  No,  I  see  plain  I  must  make  a 
more  voyalent  effort.  And  I  made  it.  For  three 
stiddy  days  I  put  before  that  man  the  best  vittles  that 
these  hands  could  make,  or  this  brain  could  plan. 

And  at  the  end  of  the  3d  day  I  gently  tackled  him 
agin  on  the  subject,  and  his  state  wuz  such,  bland, 
serene,  happified,  that  he  consented  without  a  parlay. 
And  so  it  wuz  settled  that  the  next  summer  we  wuz 
to  go  to  Saratoga.  And  he  began  to  count  on  it  and 
make  preparation  in  a  way  that  I  hated  to  see. 

Yes,  from  the  very  minute  that  our  two  minds  wuz 
made  up  to  go  to  Saratoga  Josiah  Allen  wuz  set  on 
havin'  sunthin  new  and  uneek  in  the  way  of  dress 
and  whiskers.  I  looked  coldly  on  the  idee  of  puttin' 
a  gay  stripe  down  the  legs  of  the  new  pantaloons  I 
made  for  him,  and  broke  it  up,  also  a  figured  vest. 
I  went  through  them  two  crisises  and  came  out 
triumphent. 


JOSIAH'S  PREPARATIONS.  15 

Then  he  went  and  bought  a  new  bright  pink  neck 
tie  with  broad  long  ends  which  he  intended  to  have 
float  out,  down  the  front  of  his  vest.  And  I  im- 
megatly  took  it  for  the  light-colored  blocks  in  my  silk 
log-cabin  bedquilt.  Yes,  I  settled  the  matter  of  that 
pink  neck-gear  with  a  high  hand  and  a  pair  of  shears. 
And  Josiah  sez  now  that  he  bought  it  for  that  pur 
pose,  for  the  bedquilt,  because  he  loves  to  see  a  dressy 
quilt, — sez  he  always  enjoys  seein'  a  cabin  look  sort  o' 
gay.  But  good  land !  he  didn't.  He  intended  and 
calculated  to  wear  that  neck-tie  into  Saratoga, — a 
a  sight  for  men  and  angels,  if  I  hadn't  broke  it  up. 

But  in  the  matter  of  whiskers,  there  I  was  power 
less.  He  trimmed  'em  (unbeknow  to  me)  all  off  the 
side  of  his  face,  them  good  houerable  side  whiskers 
of  hisen,  that  had  stood  by  him  for  years  in  solemnity 
and  decency,  and  begun  to  cultivate  a  little  patch  on 
the  end  of  his  chin.  I  argued  with  him,  and  talked 
well  on  the  subject,  eloquent,  but  it  wuz  of  no  use,  I 
might  as  well  have  argued  with  the  wind  in  March. 

He  said,  he  wuz  bound  on  goin'  into  Saratoga  with 
a  fashionable  whisker,  come  what  would. 

And  then  I  sithed,  and  he  sez, — "  You  have  broke 
up  my  pantaloons,  my  vest,  and  my  neck-tie,  you 
have  ground  me  down  onto  plain  broadcloth,  but  in 
the  matter  of  whiskers  I  am  firm  !  Yes  ! "  sez  he 
"  on  these  whiskers  I  take  my  stand ! " 

And  agin  I  sithed  heavy,  and  I  sez  iu  a  dretful 


16  A   STAND    ON    WHISKERS. 

impressive  way,  as  I  looked  on  'em,  "  Josiah  Allen, 
remember  you  are  a  father  and  a  grandfather ! " 

And  he  sez  firmly,  "  If  I  wuz  a  great-grandfather 
I  would  trim  my  whiskers  in  jest  this  way,  that  is  if 
I  wuz  a  goin'  to  set  up  to  be  fashionable  and  a  goin' 
to  Saratoga  for  my  health." 

And  I  groaned  kinder  low  to  myself,  and  kep* 
hopin'  that  mebby  they  wouldn't  grow  very  fast,  or 
that  some  axident  would  happen  to  'em,  that  they 
would  get  afire  or  sunthin'.  But  they  didn't.  And 
they  grew  from  day  to  day  luxurient  in  length,  but 
thin.  And  his  watchful  care  kep'  'em  from  axi 
dent,  and  I  wuz  too  high  princepled  to  set  fire  to  'em 
when  he  wuz  asleep,  though  sometimes,  on  a  moon 
light  night,  I  was  tempted  to,  sorely  tempted. 

But  I  didn't,  and  they  grew  from  day  to  day,  till 
they  wuz  the  curiusest  lookin'  patch  o'  whiskers  that 
I  ever  see.  And  when  we  sot  out  for  Saratoga,  they 
wuz  jest  about  as  long  as  a  shavin'  brush,  and  looked 
some  like  one.  There  wuz  no  look  of  a  class-leader, 
and  a  perfesser  about  'em,  and  I  told  him  so.  But 
he  worshiped  'em,  and  gloried  in  the  idee  of  goin'  afar 
to  show  'em  off. 

But  the  neighbors  received  the  news  that  we  wuz 
goin'  to  a  waterin'  place  coldly,  or  with  ill-concealed 
envy. 

Uncle  Jonas  Bently  told  us  he  shouldn't  think  we 

would  want  to  go  round  to  waterin'  troughs  at  our  age. 

And  I  told  him  it  wuzn't  a  waterin'  trough,  and  if 


WHAT  THE    TEACHER   SAW.  17 

it  wuz,  I  thought  our  age  wuz  jest  as  good  a  one  as 
any,  to  go  to  it. 

He  had  the  impression  that  Saratoga  wuz  a  im 
mense  waterin'  trough  where  the  country  all  drove 
themselves  summers  to  be  watered.  He  is  deef  as  a  hem 
lock  post,  and  I  yelled  up  at  him  jest  as  loud  as  I  dast 
for  fear  of  breakin'  open  my  own  chests  that  the  water 
got  into  us,  instid  of  our  gettiu'  into  the  water,  but  I 
didn't  make  him  understand,  for  I  hearn  afterwards 
of  his  savin'  that,  as  nigh  as  he  could  make  out  we  all 
got  into  the  waterin'  trough  and  wuz  watered. 

The  school  teacher,  a  young  man,  with  long,  small 
lims,  and  some  pimpley  on  the  face,  but  well  meaning 
he  sez  to  me :  "  Saratoga  is  a  beautiful  spah." 

And  I  sez  warmly,  "  It  aint  no  such  thing,  it  is  a 
village,  for  I  have  seen  a  peddler  who  went  right 
through  it,  and  watered  his  horses  there,  and  he  sez  it 
is  a  waterin'  place,  and  a  village." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  it  is  a  beautiful  village,  a  modest 
retiren  city,  and  at  the  same  time  it  is  the  most  noted 
spah  on  this  continent." 

I  wouldn't  contend  with  him  for  it  wuz  on  the  stoop 
of  the  meetin'  house,  and  I  believe  in  bein'  reverent. 
But  I  knew  it  wuzn't  no  "  spah," — that  had  a  dread 
ful  flat  sound  to  me.  And  any  way  I  knew  I  should 
face  its  realities  soon  and  know  all  about  it.  Lots  of 
wimen  said  that  for  anybody  who  lived  right  on  the 
side  of  a  canal,  and  had  two  good  cisterns  on  the  place, 
and  a  well,  they  didn't  see  why  I  should  feel  in  a  suf- 


A  STIDDY  CONVERSATION.  J9 

ferin*  condition  for  any  more  water  ;  and  if  I  did,  why 
didn't  I  ketch  rain  water? 

Such  wuz  some  of  the  deep  arguments  they  brung 
up  aginst  my  embarkin'  on  this  enterprise,  they 
talked  about  it  sights  and  sights  ; — why,  it  lasted  the 
neighbors  for  a  stiddy  conversation,  till  along  about 
the  middle  of  the  winter.  Then  the  Minister's  wife 
bought  a  new  alpacky  dress — unbeknown  to  the 
church  till  it  wuz  made  up — and  that  kind  o'  drawed 
their  minds  off  o'  me  for  a  spell. 

Aunt  Polly  Pixley  wuz  the  only  one  who  received 
the  intelligence  gladly.  And  she  thought  she  would 
go  too.  She  had  been  kinder  run  down  and  most 
bed  rid  for  years.  And  she  had  a  idee  the  water 
might  help  her.  And  I  encouraged  Aunt  Polly  in 
the  idee,  for  she  wuz  well  off.  Yes,  Mr.  and  Miss 
Pixley  wuz  very  well  off  though  they  lived  in  a  little 
mite  of  a  dark,  low,  lonesome  house,  with  some  tall 
Pollard  willows  in  front  of  the  door  in  a  row,  and 
jest  acrost  the  road  from  a  grave-yard. 

Her  husband  had  been  close  and  wuzn  t  willin'  to 
have  any  other  luxury  or  means  of  recreation  in  the 
house  only  a  bass  viol,  that  had  been  his  father's — he 
used  to  play  on  that  for  hours  and  hours.  I  thought 
that  wuz  one  reason  why  Polly  wuz  so  nervous.  I 
said  to  Josiah  that  it  would  have  killed  me  outright 
to  have  that  low  grumblin'  a  goin'  on  from  day  to 
day,  and  to  look  at  them  tall  lonesome  willows  and 
grave  stuns. 


20  LOW-NECKED  DRESSES. 

Sut,  howsumever,  Polly's  husband  had  died  durin* 
the  summer,  aud  Polly  parted  with  the  bass  viol  the 
day  after  the  funeral.  She  got  out  some  now,  and 
wuz  quite  wrought  up  with  the  idee  of  goin'  to  Sar 
atoga. 

But  Sister  Minkley,  sister  in  the  church  and  sister- 
in-law  by  reason  of  Whitefield,  sez  to  me,  that  she 
should  think  I  would  think  twice  before  I  danced 
and  waltzed  round  waltzes. 

And  I  sez,  "  I  haint  thought  of  doin'  it,  I  haint 
thought  of  dancin'  round  or  square  or  any  other 
shape/' 

Sez  she,  "  You  have  got  to,  if  you  go  to  Saratoga." 

Sez  I,  "  Not  while  life  remains  in  this  frame." 

And  old  Miss  Bobbet  came  up  that  minute — it 
wuz  in  the  store  that  we  were  a  talkin' — and  sez  she, 
"  It  seems  to  me,  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  that  you  are  too 
old  to  wear  low-necked  dresses  and  short  sleeves." 

"  And  I  should  think  you'd  take  cold  a  goin'  bare 
headed,"  sez  Miss  Luman  Spink  who  wuz  with  her. 

Sez  I,  lookin'  at  'em  coldly,  "  Are  you  lunys  or  has 
softness  begun  on  your  brains  ?" 

"  Why,"  sez  they,  "  you  are  talking  about  goin'  to 
Saratoga,  hain't  you  ?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  I. 

"  Well  then  you  have  got  to  wear  'em,"  says  Miss 
Bobbet.  "  They  don't  let  anybody  inside  of  the  in 
corporation  without  they  have  got  on  a  low-necked 
dress  and  short  sleeves." 


CO  ATS  KINDER  PINTED.  21 

a  And  bare-headed,"  sez  Miss  Spink ;  "  if  they 
have  got  a  thing  on  their  heads  they  won't  let  'em 
in." 

Sez  I,  *  I  don't  believe  it." 

Sez  Miss  Bobbet,  "  It  is  so,  for  I  hearn  it,  and 
hearn  it  straight.  James  Robbets's  wife's  sister  had  a 
second  cousin  who  lived  neighbor  to  a  woman  whose 
niece  had  been  there,  been  right  there  on  the  spot. 
And  Celestine  Bobbet,  Uncle  Ephraim's  Celestine, 
hearn  it  from  James'es  wife  wLen  she  wuz  up  there 
last  spring,  it  come  straight.  Th*y  all  have  to  go  in 
low  necks." 

"  And  not  a  mite  of  anything  on  their  heads,"  says 
Miss  Spink. 

Sez  I  in  sarcasticle  axents,  "  Do  «ien  have  to  go  in 
low  necks  too  ?" 

"  No,"  says  Miss  Bobbet.  "  But  they  have  to  have 
the  tails  of  their  coats  kinder  pinted.  Why,"  sez 
she,  "  I  hearn  of  a  man  that  had  got  <;lear  to  the  in 
corporation  and  they  wouldn't  let  him  in  because  his 
coat  kinder  rounded  off  round  the  bottom,  so  he  went 
out  by  the  side  of  the  road  and  pinned  up  his  coat 
tails,  into  a  sort  of  a  pinted  shape,  and  good  laud ! 
the  incorporation  let  him  right  in,  and  never  said  a 
word." 

I  contended  that  these  things  wuzn't  so,  but  I 
found  it  wuz  the  prevail! n'  opinion.  For  when  I 
went  to  see  the  dressmaker  about  makin'  me  a  dress 
for  the  occasion,  I  see  she  felt  just  like  the  rest  about 


,&  AGAST  AT   THE  WEE. 

it.  My  dress  wuz  a  good  black  alpacky.  I  thought 
I  would  have  it  begun  along  in  the  edge  of  the 
winter,  when  she  didn't  have  so  much  to  do,  and  also 
to  have  it  done  on  time.  We  laid  out  to  start  on  the 
follerin'  July,  and  I  felt  that  I  wanted  everything 
ready. 

I  bought  the  dress  the  7th  day  of  November  early 
in  the  forenoon,  the  next  day  after  my  pardner  con 
sented  to  go,  and  give  65  cents  a  yard  for  it,  double 
wedth.  I  thought  I  could  get  it  done  on  time,  dress 
makers  are  drove  a  good  deal.  But  I  felt  that  a 
dressmaker  could  commence  a  dress  in  November  and 
get  it  done  the  follerin'  July,  without  no  great  strain 
bein'  put  onto  her ;  and  I  am  fur  from  beiu'  the  one 
to  put  strains  onto  wimmen,  and  hurry  ;em  beyend 
their  strength.  But  I  felt  Alminy  had  time  to  make 
it  on  honor  and  with  good  button-holes. 

"  Well,"  she  sez,  the  first  thing  after  she  had  un 
rolled  the  alpacky,  and  held  it  up  to  the  light  to  see 
if  it  was  firm — sez  she  : 

"  I  s'pose  you  are  goin'  to  have  it  made  with  a  long 
train,  and  low  neck  and  short  sleeves,  and  the  waist 
all  girted  down  to  a  taper  ?" 

I  wuz  agast  at  the  idee,  and  to  think  Ahniny 
should  broach  it  to  me,  and  I  give  her  a  piece  of  my 
mind  that  must  have  lasted  her  for  days  and  days. 
It  wuz  a  long  piece,  and  firm  as  iron.  But  she  is  a 
woman  who  likes  to  have  the  last  word  and  carry  out 
her  own  idees,  and  she  insisted  that  nobody  was 


•  He  says  to  me,  « Saratoga  is  a  beautiful  spah.'  -     page  19. 


24  AS  PER    THE    WAISTS. 

allowed  in  Saratoga — that  they  wuz  outlawed,  and 
laughed  at — if  they  didn't  have  trains  and  low  necks, 
and  little  mites  of  waists  no  bigger  than  pipe-stems. 

Sez  I,  "  Alminy  Hagidone,  do  you  s'pose  that  I,  a 
woman  of  my  age,  and  a  member  of  the  meetin* 
house,  am  a  goin'  to  wear  a  low-necked  dress?  " 

"  Why  not  ?  "  sez  she,  "  it  is  all  the  fashion  and 
wimmen  as  old  agin  as  you  be  wear  'em." 

Well,  sez  I,  "  It  is  a  shame  and  a  disgrace  if  they 
do,  to  say  nothin'  of  the  wickedness  of  it.  Who  do 
you  s'pose  wants  to  see  their  old  skin  and  bones  ?  It 
haint  nothin'  pretty  anyway.  And  as  fer  the  waists 
bein'  all  girted  up  and  drawed  in,  that  is  nothin'  but 
crushed  bones  and  flesh  and  vitals,  that  is  just 
crowdin'  down  your  insides  into  a  state  o*  disease  and 
deformity,  torturin'  your  heart  down  so's  the  blood 
can't  circulate,  and  your  lungs  so's  you  can't  breathe, 
it  is  nothin'  but  slow  murder  anyway,  and  if  I  ever 
take  it  into  my  head  to  kill  myself,  Alminy  Hagidone, 
I  haint  a  goin'  to  do  it  in  a  way  of  perfect  torture 
and  torment  to  me,  I'd  ruther  be  drownded." 

She  quailed,  and  I  sez,  "  I  am  one  that  is  goin'  to 
take  good  long  breaths  to  the  very  last."  She  see  I 
wuz  like  iron  aginst  the  idee  of  bein'  drawed  in,  and 
tapered,  and  she  desisted.  I  s'pose  I  did  look  skair- 
ful.  But  she  seemed  still  to  cling  to  the  idee  of  low 
necks  and  trains,  and  she  sez  sort  a  rebukingly  : 

"  You  ortn't  to  go  to  Saratoga  if  you  haint  willin* 
to  do  as  the  rest  do.  I  s'pose,"  sez  she  dreamily, 


THE  DRESS  COMPLETED.  25 

"the  streets  are  full  of  wimmen  a  walkin'  up  and 
down  with  long  trains  a  hangin'  down  and  sweepin' 
the  streets,  and  ev'ry  one  on  'em  with  low  necks  and 
short  sleeves,  and  all  on  'em  a  flirting  with  some 
man." 

"  Truly,"  sez  I,  "  if  that  is  so,  that  is  why  the  idee 
come  to  me.  I  am  needed  there.  I  have  a  high 
mission  to  perform  about.  But  I  don't  believe  it  is 
so." 

"  Then  you  won't  have  it  made  with  a  long  train  ?" 
sez  she,  a  holdin*  up  a  breadth  of  the  alpacky  in  front 
of  me,  to  measure  the  skirt. 

"  No  mom  ! "  sez  I,  and  there  wuz  both  dignity  and 
deep  resolve  in  that  "mom."  It  wuz  as  firm  and 
stern  principled  a  "  mom "  as  I  ever  see,  though  I 
say  it  that  shouldn't.  And  I  see  it  skairt  her.  She 
measured  off  the  breadths  kinder  trembly,  and  seemed 
so  anxious  to  pacify  me  that  she  got  it  a  leetle  shorter 
in  the  back  than  it  wuz  in  the  front.  And  (for  the 
same  reason)  it  fairly  choked  me  in  the  neck  it  wuz 
so  high,  and  the  sleeves  wuz  that  long  that  I  told 
Josiah  Allen  (in  confidence)  I  was  tempted  to  knit 
,some  loops  across  the  bottom  of  'em  and  wear  'em  for 
mits. 

But  I  didn't,  and  I  didn't  change  the  dress 
neither.  Thinkses  I,  mebby  it  will  have  a  good 
moral  effect  on  them  other  old  wimmen  there. 
Thinkses  I,  when  they  see  another  woman  melted  and 


26  SOOTHING  A   PARDNER. 

shortened  and  choked  fur  principle's  sake,  mebby  they 
will  pause  in  their  wild  careers. 

Wall,  this  wuz  in  November,  and  I  wuz  to  have 
the  dress,  if  it  wuz  a  possible  thing,  by  the  middle  of 
April,  so's  to  get  it  home  in  time  to  sew  some  lace 
in  the  neck.  And  so  havin'  everything  settled  about 
goin'  I  wuz  calm  in  my  frame  most  all  the  time,  and 
so  wuz  my  pardner. 

And  right  here,  let  me  insert  this  one  word  of  wis 
dom  for  the  special  comfort  of  my  sect  and  yet  it  is 
one  that  may  well  be  laid  to  heart  by  the  more  oppo 
site  one.  If  your  pardner  gets  restless  and  oneasv 
and  middlin'  cross,  as  pardners  will  be  anon,  or  even 
oftener — start  them  off  on  a  tower.  A  tower  will  in 
9  cases  out  of  10  lift  'em  out  of  their  oneasiness, 
their  restlessness  and  their  crossness. 

Why  this  is  so  I  cannot  tell,  no  more  than  I  can 
explain  other  mysteries  of  creation,  but  I  know  it  is 
so.  I  know  they  will  come  home  more  placider,  more 
serener,  and  more  settled-downer.  Why  I  have  known 
a  short  tower  to  Slab  City  or  Loontown  act  like  a 
charm  on  my  pardner,  when  crossness  wuz  in  his  mean 
and  snappishness  wuz  present  with  him.  I  have 
known  him  to  set  off  with  the  mean  of  a  lion  and 
come  back  with  the  liniment  of  a  lamb.  Curious, 
haint  it  ? 

And  jest  the  prospect  of  a  tower  ahead  is  a  great 
help  to  a  woman  in  rulin'  and  keepin'  a  pardner 
straight  and  right  in  his  liniments  and  his  acts.  Some* 


QUELLING  A   PARDENER. 


27 


how  jest  the  thought  of  a  tower  sort  a  lifts  him  up  in 
mind,  and  happifys  him,  and  makes  him  easier  to 
quell,  and  pardners  must  be  quelled  at  times,  else 
there  would  be  no  livin'  with  'em.  This  is  known 
to  all  wimmen  companions  and  and  men  too.  Great 
great  is  the  mystery  of  parduers. 


B. 

TUTT  AND   HER  MOTHER. 

to  resoom  and  continue  on.  I  was  a  settin1 
one  day,  after  it  wuz  all  decided,  and  plans  laid  on ; 
I  wuz  a  settin'  by  the  fire  a  mendin'  one  of  Josiah's 
aocks.  Jl  wuz  a  settin'  there,  as  soft  and  pliable  in  my 
temper  as  tjie  woosted  I  wuz  a  darnin'  'em  with,  my 
Josiah,  at  £he  same  time  a  peacefelly  sawin*  wood  in  the 
wood-house,  when  I  heard  a  rap  at  the  door  and  I  riz 
up  and  opened  it,  and  there  stood  two  perfect  stran 
gers,  females.  I,t  with  a  perfect  dignity  and  grace  (and 
with  the  sock  still  in  my  left  hand)  asked  'em  to  set 
down,  and  consequently  they  sot.  Then  ensued  a 
slight  pause  durin'  which  my  two  gray  eyes  roamed 
over  the  females  before  me. 

The  oldest  one  wuz  very  sharp  in  her  face  and  had 
a  pair  of  small  round  eyes  that  seemed  when  they  were 
sot  onto  you  to  sort  a  bore  into  you  like  two  gimlets. 
Her  nose  was  very  sharp  and  defient,  as  if  it  wuz  con 
stantly  sayin'  to  itself,  "  I  am  a  nose  to  be  looked  up 
to,  I  am  a  nose  to  be  respected,  and  feared  if  neces 
sary."  Her  chin  said  the  same  thing,  and  her  lips 
26 


A  HARD   SIGHT.  29 

which  wuz  very  thin,  and  her  elboes,  which  wuz  vary 
sharp. 

Her  dress  was  a  stiff  sort  of  a  shinin'  poplin,  mad* 
tight  acrost  the  chest  and  elboes.  And  her  hat  had 
some  stiff  feathers  in  it  that  stood  up  straight  and  sort 
a  sharp  lookin\  She  had  a  long  sharp  breast-pin  sort 
a  stabbed  in  through  the  front  of  her  stiff  standin' 
collar,  and  her  knuckles  sot  out  through  her  firm  lisle 
thread  gloves,  her  umberell  wuz  long  and  wound  up 
hard,  to  that  extent  I  have  never  seen  before  nor 
sense.  She  wuz,  take  it  all  in  all,  a  hard  sight,  and 
skairful. 

The  other  one  wuzn't  no  more  like  her  in  looks  than 
a  soft  fat  young  cabbage  head  is  like  the  sharp  bean 
pole  that  it  grows  up  by  the  side  on,  in  the  same  garden. 
She  wuz  soft  in  her  complexion,  her  lips,  her  cheeks, 
her  hands,  and  as  I  mistrusted  at  that  first  minute, 
and  found  out  afterwards,  soft  in  her  head  too.  Her 
dress  wuz  a  loose-wove  parmetty,  full  in  the  waist  and 
sort  a  drabbly  round  the  bottom.  Her  hat  wuz  drab- 
colored  felt  with  some  loose  ribbon  bows  a  hangin 
down  on  it,  and  some  soft  ostridge  tips.  She  had  silk 
mits  on  and  her  hands  wuz  fat  and  kinder  moist 
lookin'.  Her  eyes  wuz  very  large  and  round,  and 
blue,  and  looked  sort  o'  dreamy  and  wanderin'  and 
there  wuz  a  kind  of  a  wrapped  smile  on  her  face  alL 
the  time.  She  had  a  roll  of  paper  in  her  hand  and  I 
didn't  dislike  her  looks  a  mite. 

Finally  the  oldest  female  opened  her  lips,  some  as 
3 


30  A   BAGFULL    OF  POEMS, 

a  steel  trap  would  opeu  sudden  and  kinder  sharp, 
and  sez  she:  "I  am  Miss  Deacon  Tutt,  of  Tuttville, 
and  this  is  my  second  daughter  Ardelia.  Cordelia  is 
my  oldest,  and  I  have  4  younger  than  Ardelia." 

I  bowed  real  polite  and  said,  "  I  wuz  glad  to  make 
the  acquaintance  of  the  hull  7  on  'em."  I  can  be 
very  genteel  when  I  set  out,  almost  stylish. 

"  I  s'pose,"  says  she,  "  I  am  talkin'  to  Josiah  Al 
len's  wife  ?  " 

I  gin  her  to  understand  that  that  wuz  my  name 
and  my  station,  and  she  went  on,  and  sez  she:  "I 
have  hearn  on  you  through  my  husband's  2d  cousin, 
Cephas  Tutt.0' 

"  Cephas,"  sez  she,  "  bein'  wrote  to  by  me  on  the 
subject  of  Ardelia,  the  same  letter  containin'  seven 
poems  of  hern,  and  on  bein'  asked  to  point  out  the 
quickest  way  to  make  ner  name  and  fame  known  to 
the  world  at  large,  wrote  back  that  he  havin'  always 
dealt  in  butter  and  lard,  wuzn't  up  to  the  market  price 
in  poetry,  and  that  you  would  be  a  good  one  to  go  to 
for  advice.  And  so,"  sez  she  a  pointin'  to  a  bag  she 
carried  on  her  arm  (a  hard  lookin'  bag  made  of  crash 
with  little  bullets  and  knobs  of  embroidery  on  it),  "and 
so  we  took  this  bag  full  of  Ardelia's  poetry  and  come 
on  the  mornin'  train,  Cephas'es  letter  havin'  reached 
us  at  nine  o'clock  last  night.  I  am  a  woman  of  busi 
ness.  " 

The  bag  would  hold  about  4  quarts  and  it  wuz  full. 
I  looked  at  it  and  sithed. 


A  SOARIN^    GENIUS.  31 

"  I  see,"  sez  she,  "  that  you  are  sorry  that  we  didn't 
bring  more  poetry  with  us.  But  we  thought  that  this 
little  batch  would  give  you  a  idee  of  what  a  mind 
she  has,  what  a  glorious,  soarin'»genus  wuz  in  front 
of  you,  and  we  could  bring  more  the  next  time  we 
come." 

I  sithed  agin,  three  times,  but  Miss  Tutt  didn't; 
notice  'em  a  mite  no  more'n  they'd  been  giggles  or 
titters.  She  wouldn't  have  took  no  notice  of 
them.  She  wuz  firm  and  decided  doin'  her  own  er- 
rent,  and  not  payin'  no  attention  to  anything,  nor 
anybody  else. 

"Ardelia,  read  the  poem  you  have  got  under  your 
arm  to  Miss  Allen  !  The  bag  wuz  full  of  her  longer 
ones,"  sez  she,  "  but  I  felt  that  I  must  let  you  hear 
her  poem  on  spring.  It  is  a  gem.  I  felt  it  would 
be  wrongin'  you,  not  to  give  you  that  treat.  Read  it 
Ardelia." 

I  see  Ardelia  wuz  used  to  obeyin'  her  ma.  She 
opened  the  sheet  to  once,  and  begun. 

Jest  the  minute  Ardelia  stopped  readin'  Miss  Tutt 
says  proudly :  "  There !  haint  that  a  remarkable 
poem  ?  " 

Sez  I,  calmly,  "  Yes  it  is  a  remarkable  one." 

"  Did  you  ever  hear  anything  like  it  ?  "  says  she, 
triti  mphly. 

"  No,"  sez  I  honestly,  "  I  never  did." 

"Ardelia,  read  the  poem  on   Little  Ardelia  Cor- 


JOY  AND   BUSINESS.  33 

delia ;  give  Miss  Allen  the  treat  of  hearin'  that  beau 
tiful  thing." 

I  sort  a  sithed  low  to  myself;  it  wuz  more  of  a 
groan  than  a  common  sithe,  but  Miss  Tutt  didn't 
heed  it,  she  kep'  right  on — 

"  I  have  always  brought  up  my  children  to  make 
other  folks  happy,  all  they  can,  and  in  rehearsin'  this 
lovely  and  remarkable  poem,  Ardelia  will  be  not  only 
makin'  you  perfectly  happy,  givin'  you  a  rich  in 
tellectual  feast,  that  you  can't  often  have,  way  out  here 
in  the  country,  fur  from  Tuttville  ;  but  she  will  also 
be  attendin'  to  the  business  that  brought  us  here.  I 
have  always  fetched  my  children  up  to  combine  joy 
and  business ;  weld  'em  together  like  brass  and  steel. 
Ardelia,  begin  ! " 

So  Ardelia  commenced  agin'.  It  wuz  wrote  on  a 
big  sheet  of  paper  and  a  runnin'  vine  wuz  a  rtinnin' 
all  'round  the  edge  of  the  paper,  made  with  a  pen. 

Jest  as  soon  as  Ardelia  stopped  rehearsin'  the  verses, 
Miss  Tutt  sez  agin  to  me : 

"  Haint  that  a  most  remarkable  poem  ?  " 

And  agin  I  sez  calmly,  and  truthfully,  "  Yes,  it  is 
a  very  remarkable  one  ! " 

"And  now,"  sez  Miss  Tutt,  plungin'  her  hand  in 
the  bag,  and  drawin'  out  a  sheet  of  paper,  "  to  con 
vince  you  that  Ardelia  has  always  had  this  divine 
gift  of  poesy — that  it  is  not  all  the  effect  of  culture 
and  high  education — let  me  read  to  you  a  poem  sh» 


34  ^  POEM  OF  PASSlOtf. 

wrote  when  she  wuz  only  a  mere  child,"  and  Misa 
Tutt  read : 

"LINES  ON  A  CAT 

"WRITTEN  BY  AEDELIA  TOTT, 

u  At  the  age  of  fourteen  years,  two  months  and  eight  days. 

'*  Oh  Cat !  Sweet  Tabby  cat  of  mine ; 

6  months  of  age  has  passed  o'er  thee, 
And  I  would  not  resign,  resign 
The  pleasure  that  I  find  in  you. 
Dear  old  cat!  " 

"  Don't  you  think,"  sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  that  this  poem 
shows  a  fund  of  passion,  a  reserve  power  of  passion 
and  constancy,  remarkable  in  one  so  young  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  reasonably,  "  no  doubt  she  liked,  the 
cat !  And,"  sez  I,  wantin'  to  say  somethin'  pleas 
ant  and  agreeable  to  her,  "  no  doubt  it  was  a  likely 
cat." 

"Oh  the  cat  itself  is  of  miner  importance,"  sez 
Miss  Tutt.  "  We  will  fling  the  cat  to  the  winds. 
It's  of  my  daughter  I  would  speak.  I  simply  handled 
the  cat  to  show  the  rare  precocious  intellect.  Oh ! 
how  it  gushed  out  in  the  last  line  in  the  unconquera 
ble  burst  of  repressed  passion — '  Dear  old  cat ! ' 
Shakespeare  might  have  wrote  that  line,  do  you  not 
think  so?" 

"No  doubt  he  might,"  sez  I,  calmly,  "but  he 
didnV' 


PEGASUS.  35 

I  see  she  looked  mad  and  I  hastened  to  say  :  "  He 
wuzn't  -tquainted  with  the  cat." 

She  ..aoked  kinder  mollyfied  and  continued : 
"  Ardelia  dashes  off  things  with  a  speed  that  would 
astonish  a  mere  common  writer.  Why  she  dashed  off 
thirty-nine  verses  once  while  she  wuz  waitin'  for  the 
dish  water  to  bile,  and  sent  'em  right  off  to  the  printer, 
without  glancin'  at  'em  agin.' 

"  I  dare  say  so,"  sez  I,  "  I  should  judge  so  by  the 
sound  on  'em." 

"  Out  of  envy  and  jealousy,  the  rankest  envy,  and 
the  shearest  jealousy,  them  verses  wuz  sent  back  with 
the  infamous  request  that  she  should  use  'em  for  curl 
papers.  But  she  sot  right  down  and  wrote  forty- 
eight  verses  on  a  l  Cruel  Request,'  wrote  'em  inside  of 
eighteen  minutes.  She  throws  off  things,  A  rdelia  does, 
in  half  an  hour,  that  it  would  take  other  poets,  weeks 
and  weeks  to  write." 

"  I  persume  so,"  sez  I,  "  I  dare  persume  to  say,  they 
never  could  write  'em." 

"And  now,"  sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  the  question  is,  will 
you  put  Ardelia  on  the  back  of  that  horse  that  poets  ride 
to  glory  on  ?  Will  you  lift  her  onto  the  back  of  that 
horse,  and  do  it  at  once  f  I  require  nothin'  hard  of 
you,"  sez  she,  a  borin'  me  through  and  through  with  her 
eyes.  "  It  must  be  a  joy  to  you,  Josiah  Allen's  wife, 
a  rare  joy,  to  be  the  means  of  bringin'  this  rare  genius 
before  the  public.  I  ask  nothin'  hard  of  you,  I  only 
ask  that  you  demand,  demand  is  the  right  word,  not 


36  FAME  AND    WEALTH. 

ask;  that  would  be  grovelin'  trucklin'  folly,  but  demand 
that  the  public  that  has  long  ignored  my  daugther 
Ardelia's  claim  to  a  seat  amongst  the  immortal  poets, 
demand  them,  compel  them  to  pause,  to  listen,  and  then 
seat  her  there,  up,  up  on  the  highest,  most  perpendic- 
iler  pinnacle  of  fame's  pillow.  Will  you  do  this  ?  " 

I  sat  in  deep  dejection  and  my  rockin'  chair,  and 
knew  not  what  to  say — and  Mtss  Tutt  went  on  : 
"  We  demand  more  than  fame,  deathless,  immortal 
fame  for  'em.  We  want  money,  wealth  for  'em,  and 
want  it  at  once  !  We  want  it  for  extra  household  ex 
penses,  luxuries,  clothing,  jewelry,  charity,  etc.  If 
we  enrich  the  world  with  this  rare  genius,  the  world 
must  enrich  us  with  its  richest  emmolients.  Will  you 
see  that  we  have  it !  Will  you  at  onee  do  as  I  asked 
you  to  ?  Will  you  seat  her  immegately  where  I  want 
her  sot? 

Soz  I,  considering  "  I  can't  get  her  up  there  alone,  I 
haint  strong  enough."  Sez  I,  sort  a  mekanikly,  "  I 
have  got  the  rheumatez." 

"  So  you  scoff  me  do  you  ?  I  came  to  you  to  get 
bread,  am  I  to  get  worse  than  a  stun — a  scoff?  " 

"  I  haint  gin  you  no  scoff,"  sez  I,  a  spunkin'  up  a 
little,  "I  haint  thought  on  it.  I  like  Ardelia  and 
wish  her  well,  but  I  can't  do  merikles,  I  can't  compel 
the  public  to  like  things  if  they  don't." 

Sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  You  are  jealous  of  her,  you  hate 
her." 

"  No,  I  don't,"  sez  I,  "  I  haiut  jealous  of  her,  and 


35  HENS  AND  DOVES. 

I  like  Ue<  ooks  first-rate.  I  love  a  pretty  young 
girl/'  sez  j.  candidly,  "jest  as  I  love  a  fresh  posy  with 
the  dew  still  on  it,  a  dainty  rose-bud  with  the  sweet 
fragrance  layin'  on  its  half-folded  heart.  I  love  'em/' 
sez  I,  a  beginnin'  to  eppisode  a  little  unbeknown  to 
me,  "I  love  'em  jest  as  I  love  the  soft  unbroken 
silence  of  the  early  spring  morniu',  the  sun  all  palely 
tinted  with  rose  and  blue,  and  the  earth  alayin'  calm 
and  unwoke-up,  fresh  and  fair.  I  love  such  a  mornin' 
and  such  a  life,  for  itself  and  for  the  unwritten 
prophecis  in  it.  And  when  I  see  genius  in  such  a 
sweet,  young  life,  why  it  makes  me  feel  as  it  duz  to 
see  through  all  the  tender  prophetic  beauty  of  the 
mornin'  skies,  a  big  white  dove  a  soarin'  up  through 
the  blue  heavens." 

Sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  You  see  that  in  Ardelia,  but  you 
wont  own  it,  you  know  you  do." 

"  No  ! "  sez  I,  "  I  would  love  to  tell  you  that  I 
see  it  in  Ardelia ;  I  would  honest,  but  I  can't  look 
into  them  mornin'  skies  and  say  I  see  a  white  dove 
there,  when  I  don't  see  nothin'  more  than  a  plump 
pullet,  a  jumpin'  down  from  the  fence  or  a  pickin 
round  calmly  in  the  back  door-yard.  Jest  as  likely 
the  hen  is,  as  the  white  dove,  jest  as  honerable,  but 
you  mustn't  confound  the  two  together." 

"  A  hen"  sez  Miss  Tutt  bitterly.  "  To  confound  my 
Ardelia  with  a  hen  !  And  I  don't  think  there  wuz 
ever  a  more  ironicler  '  hen'  than  that  wuz,  or  a  scorn- 
fuller  one." 


CAPACITY  FOR  SOARIN1  £9 

"  Why/'  sez  I  reasonably.  "  Hens  are  necessary 
and  useful  in  any  position,  .both  walkin',  and  settin', 
and  layin'.  You  can't  get  'em  in  any  position  hardly, 
but  what  they  are  useful  and  respectable,  only  jest 
flyin'.  Hens  can't  fly.  Their  wings  haint  shaped 
for  it.  They  look  some  like  a  dove's  wings  on  the 
outside,  the  same  feathers,  the  same  way  of  stretchin' 
'em  out.  But  there  is  sunthin  lackin'  in  'em,  some 
heaven-given  capacity  for  soarin'  an  for  flight  that 
the  hens  don't  have.  And  it  makes  trouble,  sights 
and  sights  of  trouble  when  hens  try  to  fly,  try  to,  and 
can't! 

"  At  the  same  time  it  is  hard  for  a  dove  to  settle 
down  in  a  back  yard  and  stay  there,  hard  and  tegus. 
She  can  and  duz  sometimes,  but  never  till  after  her 
wings  have  been  clipped  in  some  way.  Poor  little 
dove !  I  am  always  sorry  for  'em  to  see  'em  a 
walkin'  round  there,  a  wantin'  to  fly — a  not  forgettin' 
how  it  seemed  to  have  their  wings  soarin'  up  through 
the  clear  sky,  and  the  rush  of  the  pure  liquid  wind- 
waves  a  sweepin'  aginst  'em,  as  they  riz  up,  up,  in  free 
dom,  and  happiness,  and  glory.  Poor  little  creeters. 

"Yes,  but  doves  can,  if  you  clip  their  wings, 
settle  down  and  walk,  but  hens  CAN'T  fly,  not  for  any 
length  of  time  they  can't.  No  amount  of  stimulatin' 
poultices  applied  to  the  ends  of  their  tail  feathers  and 
wings  can  ever  make  'em  fly.  They  can't ;  it  haint 
their  nater.  They  can  make  nests,  and  fill  them 
with  pretty  downy  chicks,  they  can  be  happy  and 


40  TUFF  SIGHTS. 

beautiful  in  life  and  mean  ;  they  can  spend  their  lives 
in  jest  as  honerable  and  worthy  a  way  as  if  they  wuz 
a  flyin'  round,  and  make  a  good  honerable  appearance 
from  day  to  day,  till  they  begin  to  flop  their  wings, 
and  fly — then  their  mean  is  not  beautiful  and  in- 
spirin' ;  no,  it  is  fur  from  it.  It  is  tuff  to  see  Vin, 
tuff  to  see  the  floppin',  tuff  to  see  their  vain  efforts  to 
soar  through  the  air,  tuff  to  see  'em  fall  percepitously 
down  onto  the  ground  agin.  For  they  must  come 
there  in  the  end ;  they  are  morally  certain  to. 

"  Now  Ardelia  is  a  sweet  pretty  lookin'  girl,  she 
can  set  down  in  a  cushioned  arm-chair  by  a  happy  fire 
side,  with  pretty  baby  faces  a  clusterin'  around  her 
and  some  man's  face  like  the  sun  a  reflectin'  back  the 
light  of  her  happy  heart.  But  she  can't  sit  up  on 
the  pinnacle  of  fame's  pillow.  I  don't  believe  she 
can  ever  get  up  there,  I  don't.  Honestly  speak  in',  I 
don't." 

"Envy  !"sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  glarin',  shameless  envy! 
5fou  don't  want  Ardelia  to  rise !  You  don't  want 
her  to  mount  that  horse  I  spoke  of;  you  don't  want 
to  own  that  you  see  genius  in  her.  But  you  do,  Jo- 
siah  Allen's  wife,  you  know  you  do — " 

"  No,"  sez  I,  tc  I  don't  see  it.  I  see  the  sweetness  of 
pretty  girlhood,  the  beauty  and  charm  of  openin'  life, 
but  I  don't  see  nothin'  else,  I  don't,  honest.  I  don't 
believe  she  has  got  genius,"  sez  I,  "seein'  you  put  the 
question  straight  to  me  and  depend  a  answer ;  seein' 
her  future  career  depends  on  her  choice  now,  I  must 


SAMANTHA   SPEAKS  HER  MIND.  4J 

tell  you  that  I  believe  she  would  succeed  better  in . 
the  millionary  trade  or  the  mantilly  maker's  than  she 
will  in  tryin'  to  mount  the  horse  you  speak  on. 

"  Why,"  sez  I,  candidly,  "  some  folks  can't  get  up 
on  that  horse,  their  legs  haint  strong  enough.  And 
if  they  do  manage  to  get  on,  it  throws  'em,  and  they 
lay  under  the  heels  for  life.  I  don't  want  to  see  Ar- 
delia  there,  I  don't  want  to  see  her  maimed  and  lamed 
and  stunted  so  early  in  the  mornin'  of  life,  by  a  kick 
from  that  animal,  for  she  can't  ride  it,"  sez  I,  "  hon 
estly  she  can't. 

"  There  is  nothin'  so  useless  in  life,  and  so  sort  a 
wearin'  as  to  be  a  lookin'  for  sunthin'  that  haint  there. 
And  when  you  pretend  it  is  there  when  it  haint,  you 
are  addin'  iniquity  to  uselessness ;  so  if  you'll  take 
my  advice,  the  advice  of  a  well-wisher,  you  will  stop 
lookin',  for  I  tell  you  plain  that  it  haint  there." 

Sez  Miss  Tutt,  "  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  you  have  for 
reasens  best  known  to  your  conscience  baulked  my 
hopes  of  a  speedy  immortality.  You  have  willfully 
tried  to  break  down  my  hopes  of  an  immense,  imme 
diate  income  to  flow  out  of  them  poems  for  luxuries, 
jewelry,  charity,  etc.  But  I  can  at  least  claim  this 
at  your  hands,  I  demand  honesty.  Tell  me  honestly 
what  you  yourself  think  of  them  poems." 

Sez  I  (gettin'  up  sort  a  quick  and  goin'  into  the 
buttery,  and  bringin'  out  a  little  basket),  "  Here  are 
some  beautiftil  sweet  apples,  won't  you  have  one  ?  " 

"  Apples,  at  such  a  time  as  this  ! "  sez  Miss  Tutt 


42  A  FEARFUL  SEEN. 

<f  When  the  slumberin'  world  trembles  before  the  ad- 
vancin'  tread  of  a  new  poet — When  the  heavens  are 
listenin'  intently  to  ketch  the  whispers  of  an  Arde- 
lia's  fate — Sweet  apples  !  in  such  a  time  as  this  ! " 
sez  she.  But  she  took  two. 

" I  demand  the  truth"  sez  she.  " And  you  are  a 
base,  trucklin'  coward,  if  you  give  it  not." 

Sez  I,  tryin'  to  carry  off  the  subject  and  the  apples 
into  the  buttery;  "Poetry  ort  to  have  pains  took 
with  it." 

"  Jealousy  ! "  sez  Miss  Tutt.  "  Jealousy  might  well 
whisper  this.  Envy,  rank  envy  might  breathe  the 
suspicion  that  Ardelia  haint  been  took  pains  with. 
But  I  can  see  through  it,"  sez  she.  "  I  can  see 
through  it." 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  wore  out,  "  if  they  belonged  to  me, 
and  if  she  wuz  my  girl,  I  would  throw  the  verses 
into  the  fire,  and  set  her  to  a  trade." 

She  stood  for  a  minute  and  bored  me  through  and 
through  with  them  eyes.  Why  it  seemed  as  if  there 
wuz  two  holes  clear  through  my  very  spirit,  and  sole ; 
she  partly  lifted  that  fearful  lookin'  umberell  as  if  to 
pierce  me  through  and  through ;  it  wuz  a  fearful 
seen. 

At  last  she  turned,  and  flung  the  apple  she  wuz  a 
holdin'  onto  the  floor  at  my  feet — and  sez  she,  "  I 
scorn  'em,  and  you  too."  And  she  kinder  stomped 
her  feet  and  sez,  "  I  fling  off  the  dust  I  have  geth« 
ered  here,  at  your  feet." 


ENOUGH  OF  TROUBLES.  43 

Now  my  floor  wuz  clean  and  looked  like  yeller 
glass,  almost,  it  wuz  so  shinin'  and  spotless,  and  I 
resented  the  idee  of  her  sayin'  that  she  collected  dust 
off  from  it.  But  I  didn't  say  nothin'  back.  She 
had  the  bag  of  poetry  on  her  arm,  and  I  didn't  feel 
like  addin'  any  more  to  her  troubles. 

But  Ardelia,  after  her  mother  had  swept  out  ahead, 
turned  round  and  held  out  her  hand,  and  smiled  a 
sweet  but  ruther  of  a  despondent  and  sorrowful  smile, 
and  I  kissed  her  warmly.  I  like  Ardelia.  And 
what  I  said,  I  said  for  her  good,  and  she  knew  it.  I 
like  Ardelia. 

Well,  Miss  Tutt  and  Ardelia  went  from  our  house 
to  Eben  Pixley's.  They  are  distant  relatives  of  hern, 
and  live  about  3  quarters  of  a  mile  from  us.  The 
Pixleys  think  everything  of  Ardelia  but  they  can't 
bear  her  mother.  There  has  been  difficulties  in  the 
family. 

But  Ardelia  stayed  there  mor'n  two  weeks  right 
along.  She  haint  very  happy  to  home  I  believe. 
And  before  she  went  back  home  it  wuz  arranged  that 
she  should  teach  the  winter's  school  and  board  to 
Miss  Pixley's.  But  Miss  Pixley  wuz  took  sick  with 
the  tyfus  before  she  had  been  there  two  weeks — and, 
for  all  the  world,  if  the  deestrict  didn't  want  us  to 
board  her.  Josiah  hadn't  much  to  do,  so  he  could 
carry  her  back  and  forth  in  stormy  weather,  and  it 
wuz  her  wish  to  come.  And  it  wuz  Josiah's  wish 


44 


THE  NEW   TEACHER. 


too,  for  the  pay  wuz  good,  aiid  the  work  light — for 
him.     And  so  I  consented  after  a  parlay. 

But  I  didn't  regret  it.  She  is  a  good  little  creeter, 
and  no  more  like  her  mother  than  a  feather  bed  is 
like  a  darnin'  needle.  I  like  Ardelia :  so  does  Jo« 
wah. 


m. 

THE  CHERITY  OF  THE  JONESVILLIAN8. 

We  have  been  havin'  a  pound  party  here  in  Jones- 
ville.  There  wuz  a  lot  of  children  left  without  an* 
father  or  mother,  nobody  only  an  old  grandma  to  take 
care  of  'em,  and  she  wuz  half  bent  with  the  rheuma- 
tiz,  and  had  a  swelled  neck,  and  lumbago  and  fits. 

They  lived  in  an  old  tumble-down  house  jest  out 
side  of  Jonesville.  The  father  wuz,  I  couldn't  deny? 
a  shiftless  sort  of  a  chap,  good-natured,  always  ready 
to  obleege  a  neighbor,  but  he  hadn'nt  no  faculty.  And 
I  don't  know,  come  to  think  of  it,  as  anybody  is  any 
more  to  blame  if  they  are  born  without  a  faculty, 
than  if  they  are  born  with  only  one  eye.  Faculty  is 
one  of  the  things  that  you  can't  buy. 

He  loved  to  hunt.  That  is,  he  loved  to  hunt  some 
kinds  of  things.  He  never  loved  to  hunt  stiddy, 
hard  work,  and  foller  on  the  trail  of  it  till  he  ever- 
took  success  and  captured  it.  No,  he  druther  hunt 
after  catamounts  and  painters,  in  woods  where  cata 
mounts  haint  mounted,  and  painters  haint  painted 
eence  he  wuz  born. 

He  generally  killed  nothin'  bigger  than  red  squirrels 
4  45 


jtfl  A   STRANGE  PROVIDENCE. 

and  chipmunks.  The  biggest  game  he  ever  brought 
down  wuz  himself.  He  shot  himself  one  cold  day  in 
the  fall  of  the  year.  He  wuz  gettin'  over  a  brush 
fence,  they  s'posed  the  gun  hit  against  somethin'  and 
went  off,  for  they  found  him  a  layin'  dead  at  the 
bottom  of  the  fence. 

I  always  s'posed  that  the  shock  of  his  death  comin* 
SO  awful  sudden  unto  her,  killed  his  wife.  She  had 
been  sick  for  a  long  spell,  she  had  consumption  and 
dropsy,  and  so  forth,  and  so  forth,  for  a  long  time, 
and  after  he  wuz  brought  in  dead,  she  didn't  live  a 
week.  She  thought  her  eyes  of  him,  for  no  earthly 
reason  as  I  could  ever  see.  How  strange,  how 
strange  a  dispensation  of  Providence  it  duz  seem, 
that  some  women  love  some  men,  and  vicy  versey  and 
the  same. 

But  she  did  jest  about  worship  him,  and  she  died 
whisperin'  his  name,  and  reachin'  out  her  hands  as  if 
she  see  him  jest  ahead  of  her.  And  I  told  Josiah 
I  didn't  know  but  she  did.  I  shouldn't  wonder  a 
mite  if  she  did  see  him,  for  there  is  only  the  veil  of 
mystery  between  us  and  the  other  world  at  any  time, 
and  she  had  got  so  nigh  to  it,  that  I  s'pose  it  got  so. 
thin  that  she  could  see  through  it. 

Just  as  you  can  see  through  the  blue  haze  that 
lays  before  our  forest  in  Injun  summer.  Come  nigh 
up  to  it  and  you  can  see  the  silvery  trunks  of  the 
maples  and  the  red  sumac  leaves,  and  the  bright 
evergreens,  and  the  forms  of  the  happy  hunters  a 


A  BEREAVED   HOUSEHOLD.  47 

passin'  along  under  the  glint  of  the  sunbeams  and 
the  soft  shadows. 

They  died  in  Injun  summer.  I  made  a  wreath 
myself  of  the  bright-colored  leaves  to  lay  on  their 
coffins.  Dead  leaves,  dead  to  all  use  and  purpose 
here,  and  yet  with  the  bright  mysterious  glow  upon 
them  that  put  me  in  mind  of  some  immortal  destiny 
and  blossoming  beyond  our  poor  dim  vision.  Jane 
Smedley  wuz  a  good  woman,  and  so  wuz  Jim,  good 
but  shiftless. 

But  I  made  the  same  wreath  for  her  and  Jim,  and 
the  strange  mellow  light  lay  on  both  of  'em,  makin' 
me  think  in  spite  of  myself  of  some  happy  sunrisin' 
that  haply  may  dawn  on  some  future  huntin'  ground, 
where  poor  Jim  Smedley  even,  may  strike  the  trail 
of  success  and  happiness,  hid  now  from  the  sight  of 
Samantha,  hid  from  Josiah. 

Wall,  they  died  within  a  week's  time  of  each 
other,  and  left  nine  children,  the  oldest  one  of  'em 
not  quite  fifteen.  She,  the  oldest  one,  wuz  a  goou 
girl,  only  she  had  the  rickets  so  that  when  she 
walked,  she  seemed  to  walk  off  all  over  the  house 
backwards,  and  sideways,  and  every  way,  but  when 
she  sot  down,  she  wuz  a  good  stiddy  girl,  and  faith 
ful  ;  she  took  after  her  mother,  and  her  mother  took 
after  her  grandmother,  so  there  wuz  three  takin'  after 
each  other,  one  right  after  the  other. 

Jane  wuz  a  good,  faithful,  hard-workin'  creeter 
when  she  wuz  well,  brought  up  her  children  good  aa 


48  HARD   TIMES. 

she  could,  learnt  'em  the  catechism,  and  took  in  all 
kinds  of  work  to  earn  a  little  somethiu'  towards 
gettin'  a  home  for  'em  ;  she  and  her  mother  both  did, 
her  mother  lived  with  'em,  and  wuz  a  smart  old 
woman,  too,  for  one  that  wuz  pretty  nigh  ninety. 
And  she  wuzn't  worrysome  much,  only  about  one 
thing — she  wanted  a  home,  wanted  a  home  dretfully. 
Some  wimmen  are  so ;  she  had  moved  round  so  much, 
from  one  poor  old  place  to  another,  that  she  sort  o' 
hankered  after  bein'  settled  down  into  a  stiddy  home. 

Wall,  there  wuz  eight  children  younger  thau 
Marvilla,  that  wuz  the  oldest  young  girl's  name. 
Eight  of  'em,  countin'  eacli  pair  of  twins  as  two,  as 
I  s'pose  they  ort.  The  Town  buried  the  father 
and  mother,  which  wuz  likely  and  clever  in  it,  but 
after  that  it  wouldn't  give  only  jest  so  much  a  week, 
which  wuz  very  little,  because  it  said,  Town  did,  that 
they  could  go  to  the  poor-house,  they  could  be  sup 
ported  easier  there. 

I  don't  know  as  the  Town  could  really  be  blamed 
for  savin'  it,  and  yet  it  seemed  kinder  mean  in  it,  the 
Town  wuz  so  big,  and  the  children,  most  of  'em,  wuz 
so  little. 

But  any  way,  it  wuz  jest  sot  on  it,  and  there  wuz 
the  end  of  it,  for  you  might  jest  as  well  dispute  the 
wind  as  to  dispute  the  Town  when  it  gets  sot. 

Wall,  the  old  grandma  said  she  would  die  in  the 
streets  before  she  would  go  to  the  poor-house.  She 
had  come  from  a  good  family  in  the  first  place, 


WANTING  A   HOME.  49 

They  say  she  run  away  and  left  a  good  home  and  got 
married,  and  did  dretful  poor  in  the  married  state. 
He  waz  shiftless  and  didn't  have  nothin'  and  didn't 
lay  up  any.  And  she  didn't  keep  any  of  her  old 
possessions  only  jest  her  pride.  She  kept  that,  or 
enough  of  it  to  say  that  she  would  die  on  the  road 
before  she  would  go  to  the  poor-house.  And  once  I 
see  her  cry  she  wanted  a  home  so  bad. 

And  lots  of  folks  blamed  her  for  it,  blamed  the 
old  woman  awfully.  They  said  pride  wuz  so  wricked. 
Wimmen  who  would  run  like  deers  if  company  came 
when  they  wuzn't  dressed  up  slick,  they  would  say 
the  minute  they  got  back  into  the  room,  all  out  of 
breath  with  hurryin'  into  their  best  clothes,  they'd 
say  a  pantin'  "  That  old  woman  ought  to  be  made  to 
go  to  the  poor-house,  to  take  the  pride  out  of  her, 
pride  wuz  so  awfully,  dretfully  wicked,  and  it  wuz  a 
shame  that  she  wuz  so  ongrateful  as  to  want  a  home 
of  her  own."  And  then  they  would  set  down  and  rest. 

"Wall,  the  family  wuz  in  a  suiferin'  state.  The 
Town  allowed  'em  one  dollar  a  week.  But  how  wuz 
ten  human  beings  to  live  on  a  dollar  a  week.  The 
children  worked  every  chance  they  got,  but  they 
couldn't  earn  enough  to  keep  'em  in  shoes,  let  alone 
other  clothin'  and  vittles.  And  the  old  house  wuz  too 
cold  for  'em  to  stay  in  durin'  the  cold  weather,  it  wuz 
for  Grandma  Smedley,  anyway,  if  the  children  could 
stand  it  she  couldn't.  And  what  wuz  to  be  done.  A 
cold  winter  wuz  a  comin'  on,  and  it  wouldn't  delay  a 


50  A   POUND  PARTY  PROPOSED. 

minute  because  Jim  Smedley  had  got  shot,  and  his 
wife  had  follered  him,  into,  let  us  hope,  a  happier 
huntin'  ground  than  he  had  ever  found  in  earthly 
forests. 

Wall,  I  proposed  to  have  a  pound  party  for  'emu 
I  said  they  might  have  it  to  our  house  if  they  wanted 
it,  but  if  they  thought  they  wanted  it  in  a  more 
central  place  (our  house  wuz  quite  a  little  to  one  side), 
why  we  could  have  it  to  the  school-house. 

I  proposed  to  Josiah  the  first  one.  He  wuz  a  set- 
tin'  by  the  fire  relapsed  into  silence.  It  wuz  a  cold 
night  outride,  but  the  red  curtains  wuz  down  at  our 
sitting-room  winders,  shettin'  out  the  cold  drizzlin' 
storm  of  hail  and  snow  that  wuz  a  descendin'  onto 
the  earth.  The  fire  burned  up  warm  and  bright,  and 
we  sot  there  in  our  comfortable  home,  with  the  tea 
kettle  singin'  on  the  stove,  and  the  tea-table  set  out 
cosy  and  cheerful,  for  Josiah  had  been  away  and  I 
had  waited  supper  for  him. 

As  I  sot  there  waitin'  for  the  tea-kettle  to  bile  (and 
when  I  say  bile,  I  mean  bile,  I  don't  mean  simmer) 
the  thought  of  the  Smedleys  would  come  in.  The 
warm  red  curtains  would  keep  the  storm  out,  but 
they  couldn't  keep  the  thought  of  the  children,  and 
the  feeble  old  grandmother  out  of  the  room.  They 
come  right  in,  through  the  curtains,  and  the  fire 
light,  and  everything,  and  sot  right  down  by  me  and 
hanted  me. 

And  what  curious  creeters  thoughts  be,  haint  they  ? 


CURIOUS  CREETERS.  51 

and  oncertain,  too.  You  may  make  all  your  plans 
to  get  away  from  'em.  You  may  shet  up  your  doors 
and  winders,  and  set  with  a  veil  on  and  an  umbrell 
up — but  good  land  !  how  easy  they  jest  ontackle  the 
doors  and  windows,  with  no  sounds  of  ontacklin'  and 
come  right  in  by  you. 

First  you  know  there  they  be  right  by  the  side  ot 
you,  under  your  umbrell,  under  your  veil,  under  your 
spectacles,  a  lookin'  right  down  into  your  soul,  and  a 
hantin'  you. 

And  then  agin,  when  you  expect  to  be  hanted  by 
'em,  lay  out  to,  why,  they'll  jest  stand  off  somewhere 
else,  and  don't  come  nigh  you.  Don't  want  to.  On- 
certain  creeters,  thoughts  be,  and  curious,  curious 
where  they  come  from,  and  how. 

Why,  I  got  to  thinkin'  about  it  the  other  day,  and 
I  got  lost,  some  like  children  settin'  on  a  log  over  a 
creek  a  ridin' ;  there  they  be,  and  there  the  log  is, 
but  they  don/t  seem  to  be  there,  they  seem  to  be 
a  floatin'  down  the  water. 

And  there  I  wuz,  a  settin'  in  my  rockin*  chaii, 
and  I  seemed  to  be  a  floatin'  down  deep  water,  very 
deep.  A  thinkin'  and  a  wonderin'.  A  thinkin'  how 
all  through  the  ages  what  secrets  God  had  told  to  man 
when  the  time  had  come,  and  the  reverent  soul  below 
was  ready  to  hear  the  low  words  whispered  to  his  soul, 
and  a  wonderin'  what  strange  revelation  God  held 
now,  ready  to  reveal  when  the  soul  below  had  fitted 
itself  to  hear,  and  comprehend  it. 


32  GLOWING  SECRETS, 

Ah  !  such  mysteries  as  He  will  reveal  to  us  if  we 
will  listen.  If  we  wait  for  God's  voice.  If  we  did 
not  heed  so  much  the  confusing  clamor  of  the  world's 
voices  about  us.  Emulation,  envy,  anger,  strife, 
jealousy ;  if  we  turned  our  heads  away  from  these  dis 
cords,  and  in  the  silence  which  is  God's  temple,  lis 
tened,  listened, — who  knows  the  secrets  He  would 
make  known  to  us? 

Secrets  of  the  day,  secrets  of  the  night,  the  sun 
shine,  the  lightning,  the  storm.  The  white  glow  of 
that  wonderful  light  that  is  not  like  the  glow  of  the 
sun  or  of  the  moon,  but  yet  lighteth  the  world.  That 
strange  light  that  has  a  soul — that  reads  our  thoughts, 
translates  our  wishes,  overleaps  distance,  carrying  our 
whispered  words  after  holding  our  thoughts  for  ages, 
and  then  unfoldin'  'em  at  will.  What  other  won 
drous  mysteries  lie  concealed,  wrapped  around  by  that 
soft  pure  flame,  mysteries  that  shall  lie  hidden  until 
some  inspired  eye  shall  be  waiting,  looking  upward 
at  the  moment  when  God's  hand  shall  draw  back  the 
shining  veil  for  an  instant,  and  let  him  read  the 
glowing  secret. 

Secrets  of  language!  shall  some  simple  power, 
some  symbol  be  revealed,  and  the  nations  speak 
together  ? 

Secrets  of  song !  shall  some  serene,  harmonious 
8oul  catch  the  note  to  celestial  melodies  ? 

Secrets  of  sight !  shall  the  eyes  too  dim  now,  see 


THE  LISTENING    SOUL.  53 

the  faces  of  the  silent  throngs  that  surround  them, 
"  the  great  cloud  of  witnesses  "  ? 

Secrets  of  the  green  pathways  that  lead  up  through 
the  blue  silent  fields  of  space — shall  we  float  from 
star  to  star  ? 

Secrets  of  holiness !  shall  earthly  faces  wear  the 
pure  light  of  the  immortals? 

But  oh !  who  shall  be  the  happy  soul  that  shall  be 
listening  when  the  time  has  fully  come  and  He  shall 
reveal  His  great  secret  ?  The  happy  soul  listening  so 
intently  that  it  shall  catch  the  low,  clear  whisper. 

Listening,  maybe,  through  the  sweet  twilight 
shadows  for  the  wonderful  secret,  while  the  silver 
shallop  of  the  moon  is  becalmed  over  the  high  north 
ern  mountains,  as  if  a  fleet  of  heavenly  guests  had 
floated  down  through  the  clear  ocean  waves  of  the 
sky  to  listen  too — to  hear  the  wonderful  heavenly  se 
cret  revealed  to  man — and  a  clear  star  looks  out  over 
the  glowing  rose  of  the  western  heavens,  looking 
down  like  God's  eye,  searching  his  soul,  searching  if 
it  be  worthy  of  the  great  trust. 

Maybe  it  will  be  in  the  fresh  dawning  of  the  day, 
that  the  great  secret  will  grow  bright  and  clear  and 
luminous,  as  the  dawning  of  the  light. 

Maybe  it  will  be  in  the  midst  of  the  storm — a 
mighty  voice  borne  along  by  the  breath  of  the  wind 
and  the  thunder,  clamoring  and  demanding  the  hearer 
to  listen. 

Oh  \  if  we  were  only  good  enough,  only  pure 
enough,  what  might  not  our  rapt  vision  discern? 


§4  JOSIAH  SURPRISED. 

Bat  we  know  not  where  or  when  the  time  shall  be 
fully  come,  but  who,  who,  shall  be  the  happy  soul 
that  shall,  at  the  time,  be  listening? 

Oh !  how  deep,  how  strange  the  waters  wuz,  and 
how  I  floated  away  on  'em,  and  how  I  didn't.  For 
there  I  wuz  a  settin  in  my  own  rockin'  chair  and 
there  opposite  me  sot  my  own  Josiah  a  whittling  for 
the  World  hadn't  come,  and  he  wuz  restless  and  ill  at 
ease,  and  time  hung  heavy  on  his  hands. 

There  I  sot  the  same  Samantha — and  the  thought 
of  the  Smedleys,  the  same  old  Smedleys,  was  a 
hantin'  of  me,  the  same  old  hant,  and  I  says  to  my 
Josiah,  says  I :  "  Josiah,  I  can't  help  thinkin'  about 
the  Smedleys,"  says  I.  "  What  do  you  think  about 
havin'  a  pound  party  for  'em,  and  will  you  take  holt, 
and  do  your  part  ?  " 

"  Good  land,  Samantha !  Are  you  crazy  ?  Crazy 
as  a  loon  ?  What  under  the  sun  do  you  want  to 
pound  the  Smedleys  for?  I  should  think  they  had 
trouble  enough  without  poundin'  'em.  Why,"  says 
he,  "the  old  woman  couldn't  stand  any  poundin'  at 
all,  without  killin'  her  right  out  and  out,  and  the 
childern  haint  over  tough  any  of  'em.  Why,  what 
has  got  into  you  ?  I  never  knew  you  to  propose  any 
thing  of  that  wicked  kind  before.  I  sha'n't  have 
anything  to  do  with  it.  If  you  want  'em  pounded 
you  must  get  your  own  club  and  do  your  own 
poundin'." 

Says  I,  "  I  don't  mean  poundin'  'em  with  a  club, 


THE  CLEVER   CREETER.  55 

but  let  folks  buy  a  pound  of  different  things  to  eat 
and  drink  and  carry  it  to  'em,  and  we  can  try  and 
raise  a  little  money  to  get  a  warmer  house  for  'em  to 
stay  in  the  coldest  of  the  weather." 

"  Oh  ! "  says  he,  with  a  relieved  look.  "  That's  a 
different  thing.  I  am  willin'  to  do  that.  I  don't 
jfcnow  about  givin'  'em  any  money  towards  gettin'  'em 
a  home,  but  I'll  carry  'em  a  pound  of  crackers  or  a 
pound  of  flour,  and  help  it  along  all  I  can." 

Josiah  is  a  clever  creeter  (though  close),  and  he 
never  made  no  more  objections  towards  havin'  it. 

"Wall,  the  next  day  I  put  on  my  shawl  and  hood 
(a  new  brown  hood  knit  out  of  zephyr  worsted,  very 
nice,  a  present  from  our  daughter  Maggie,  our  son 
Thomas  Jefferson's  wife),  and  sallied  out  to  see  what 
the  neighbor's  thought  about  it. 

The  first  woman  I  called  on  wuz  Miss  Beazley,  a 
new  neighbor  who  had  just  moved  into  the  neighbor 
hood.  They  are  rich  as  they  can  be,  and  I  expected 
at  least  to  get  a  pound  of  tea  out  of  her. 

She  said  it  wuz  a  worthy  object,  and  she  would  love 
to  help  it  along,  but  they  had  so  many  expenses  of  their 
own  to  grapple  with,  that  she  didn't  see  her  way 
clear  to  promise  to  do  anything.  She  said  the  girls 
had  got  to  have  some  new  velvet  suits,  and  some  seal 
skin  sacques  this  winter,  and  they  had  got  to  new 
furnish  the  parlors,  and  send  their  oldest  boy  to  college, 
and  the  girls  wanted  to  have  some  diamond  lockets, 
and  ought  to  have  'em  but  she  didn't  know  whether 


5g  AT  MISS  HESS'ES 

they  could  manage  to  get  them  or  not,  if  they  did, 
they  had  got  to  scrimp  along  every  way  they  could. 
And  then  they  wuz  goin'  to  have  company  from  a 
distance,  and  had  got  to  get  another  girl  to  wait  on 
?em.  And  though  she  wished  the  poor  well,  she  felt 
that  she  could  not  dare  to  promise  a  cent  to  'em.  She 
wished  the  Smedley  family  well — dretful  well — and 
hoped  I  would  get  lots  of  things  for  'em.  But  she 
didn't  really  feel  as  if  it  would  be  safe  for  her  to 
promise  'em  a  pound  of  anything,  though  mebby  she 
might,  by  a  great  effort,  raise  a  pound  of  flour  for  'em, 
or  meal. 

Says  I  dryly  (dry  as  meal  ever  wuz  in  its  dryest 
times),  "I  wouldn't  give  too  much.  Though,"  says 
I,  "A  pound  of  flour  would  go  a  good  ways  if  it  is 
used  right."  And  I  thought  to  myself  that  she  had 
better  keep  it  to  make  a  paste  to  smooth  over  things. 

Wall,  I  went  from  that  to  Miss  Jacob  Hess'es, 
and  Miss  Jacob  Hess  wouldn't  give  anything  because 
the  old  lady  wuz  disagreeable,  old  Grandma  Smedley, 
and  I  said  to  Miss  Jacob  Hess  that  if  the  Lord  didn't 
send  His  rain  and  dew  onto  anybody  only  the  per 
fectly  agreeable,  I  guessed  there  would  be  pretty  dry 
times.  It  wuz  my  opinion  there  would  be  consider 
able  of  a  drouth. 

There  wuz  a  woman  there  a  visitin'  Miss  Hess — 
she  wuz  a  stranger  to  me  and  I  didn't  ask  her  for 
anything,  but  she  spoke  up  of  her  own  accord  and 
said  she  would  give,  and  give  liberal,  only  she  wuz 


AT  EBIN  GARVEN'SES.  57 

hampered.  She  didn't  say  why,  or  who,  or  when,  but 
she  only  sez  this  that  "  she  wuz  hampered,"  and  I 
don't  know  to  this  day  what  her  hamper  wuz,  or  who 
hampered  her. 

And  then  I  went  to  Ebin  Garven'ses,  and  Miss 
Ebin  Garven  wouldn't  help  any  because  she  said 
"Joe  Smedley  had  been  right  down  lazy,  and  she 
couldn't  call  him  anything  else." 

But,  says  I,  "Joe  is  dead,  and  why  should  his 
children  starve  because  their  pa  wasn't  over  and  above 
smart  when  he  wuz  alive  ?  "  But  she  wouldn't  give. 

Wall,  Miss  Whymper  said  she  didn't  approve  of 
the  manner  of  giving.  Her  face  wuz  all  drawed 
down  into  a  curious  sort  of  a  long  expression  that 
she  called  religus  and  I  called  somethiu'  that  begins 
with  "  h-y-p-o  " — and  I  don't  mean  hypoey,  either. 

No,  she  couldn't  give,  she  said,  because  she  always 
made  a  practise  of  not  lettin'  her  right  hand  know 
what  her  left  hand  give. 

And  I  said,  for  I  wuz  kinder  took  aback,  and 
didn't  think,  I  said  to  her,  a  glancin'  at  her  hands 
which  wuz  crossed  in  front  of  her,  that  I  didn't  see 
how  she  managed  it,  unless  she  give  when  her  right 
hand  was  asleep. 

And  she  said  she  always  gave  secret. 

And  I  said,  "So  I  have  always  s'posed — very 
secret." 

I  s'pose  my  tone  was  some  sarcastic,  for  she  say% 
*  Don't  the  Scripter  command  us  to  do  so  ?  " 


68  AT  MISS  BOMBUS'ES. 

Says  I  firmly,  "  I  don't  believe  the  Scripter  means 
to  have  us  stand  round  talkin'  Bible,  and  let  the 
Smedleys  starve,"  says  I.  "  I  s'pose  it  means  not  to 
boast  of  our  good  deeds." 

Says  she,  "  I  believe  in  takin'  the  Scripter  literal, 
and  if  I  can't  git  my  stuff  there  entirely  unbeknown 
to  my  right  hand  I  sha'n't  give." 

"  Wall,"  says  I,  gettin'  up  and  movin'  towards 
the  door,  "  you  must  do  as  you're  a  mind  to  with  fear 
and  tremblin'. " 

I  said  it  pretty  impressive,  for  I  thought  I  would  let 
her  see  I  could  quote  Scripter  as  well  as  she  could,  if 
I  sot  out. 

But  good  land  !  I  knew  it  wuz  a  excuse.  I  knew 
she  wouldn't  give  nothin'  not  if  her  right  hand  had 
the  num  palsy,  and  you  could  stick  a  pin  into  it — no, 
she  wouldn't  give,  not  if  her  right  hand  was  cut  off 
and  throwed  away. 

Wall,  Miss  Bombus,  old  Dr.  Bombus'es  widow, 
wouldn't  give — and  for  all  the  world — I  went  right 
there  from  Miss  Whymper'ses.  Miss  Bombus  wouldn't 
give  because  I  didn't  put  the  names  in  the  Jonesville 
Augur  or  Gimlet,  for  she  said,  "  Let  your  good  deeds 
so  shine.', 

"  Why,"  says  I,  "  Miss  Whymper  wouldn't  give 
because  she  wanted  to  give  secreter,  and  you  won't 
give  because  you  want  to  give  publicker,  and  you 
both  quote  Scripter,  but  it  don't  seem  to  help  the 
Smedleys  much." 


QUOTING   SCRIPTURE.  59 

She  said  "that  probably  Miss  Whymper  was 
wrestin'  the  Scripter  to  her  own  destruction." 

"  Wall,"  says  I,  "  while  you  and  Miss  Whymper 
are  a  wrestin'  the  Scripter,  what  will  become  of  the 
Smedleys  ?  It  don't  seem  right  to  let  them  freeze  to 
death,  and  starve  to  death,  while  we  are  a  debatin'  on 
the  ways  of  Providence." 

But  she  didn't  tell,  and  she  wouldn't  give. 

A  woman  wuz  there  a  visitin',  Miss  Bombus'es 
aunt,  I  think,  and  she  spoke  up  and  said  that  she  fully 
approved  of  her  niece  Bombus'es  decision.  And  she 
said,  "As  for  herself,  she  never  give  to  any  subject 
that  she  hadn't,  thoroughly  canvassed." 

Says  I,  "  There  they  all  are  in  that  little  hut,  you 
can  canvass  them  at  any  time.  Though,"  says  I, 
thoughtfully,  "  Marvilla  might  give  you  some 
trouble."  And  she  asked  why. 

And  I  told  her  she  had  the  rickets  so  she  couldn't 
stand  still  to  be  canvassed,  but  she  could  probably 
follow  her  up  and  canvass  her,  if  she  tried  hard 
enough.  And  says  I,  "There  is  old  Grandma  Smed- 
ley,  over  eighty,  and  five  children  under  eight,  you 
can  canvass  them  easy." 

Says  she,  "  The  Bible  says,  '  Search  the  Sperits.'  '* 

And  I  was  so  wore  out  a  seem'  how  place  after 
place,  for  three  times  a  runnin',  the  Bible  was  lifted 
up  and  held  as  a  shield  before  stingy  creeters,  to  ward 
off  the  criticism  of  the  world  and  their  own  souls, 
that  I  says  to  myself — loud  enough  so  they  could 


60  MISS  FETING  ILL. 

hear  me,  mebbe,  "Why  is  it  that  when  anybody 
wants  to  do  a  mean,  ungenerous  act,  they  will  try  to 
quote  a  verse  of  Scripter  to  uphold  'em,  jest  as  a  wol/ 
will  pull  a  lock  of  pure  white  wool  over  his  wolfish 
foretop,  and  try  to  look  innocent  and  sheepish." 

I  don't  care  if  they  did  hear  me,  I  wuz  on  the  step 
mostly  when  I  thought  it,  pretty  loud. 

Wall,  from  Miss  Bombus'es  I  went  to  Miss  Petin- 
gill's. 

Miss  Petingill  is  a  awful  high-headed  creeter. 
She  come  to  the  door  herself  and  she  said,  I  must  ex 
cuse  her  for  answerin'  the  door  herself.  (I  never 
heard  the  door  say  anything  and  don't  believe  she  did, 
it  was  jest  one  of  her  ways.)  But  she  said  I  must  ex 
cuse  her  as  her  girl  wuz  busy  at  the  time. 

She  never  mistrusted  that  I  knew  her  hired  girl 
had  left,  and  she  wuz  doin' .  her  work  herself.  She 
had  ketched  off  her  apron  I  knew,  as  she  come 
through  the  hall,  for  I  see  it  a  layin'  behind  the  door, 
all  covered  with  flour.  And  after  she  had  took  me  into 
the  parlor,  and  we  had  set  down,  she  discovered  some 
spots  of  flour  on  her  dress,  and  she  said  she  "  had 
been  pastin'  some  flowers  into  a  scrap  book  to  pass 
away  the  time."  But  I  knew  she  had  been  bakin', 
•for  she  looked  tired,  tired  to  death  almost,  and  it  wuz 
her  bakin'  day.  But  she  would  sooner  have  had  her 
head  took  right  off  than  to  own  up  that  she  had  been 
doin'  housework — why,  they  say  that  once  when  she 
wuz  doin'  hear  work  herself,  and  was  ketched  lookin1 


THE  PETINGILLS  AND  B1BBINSES.  61 

awful,  by  a  strange  minister,  that  she  passed  herself 
off  for  a  hired  girl  and  said,  "  Miss  Petingill  wasn't 
to  home,  and  when  pressed  hard  she  said  she  hadn't 
"  the  least  idee  where  Miss  Petingill  wuz." 

Jest  think  on  't  once — and  there  she  wuz  herself. 
The  idee ! 

Wall,  the  minute  I  sot  down  before  I  begun  my 
business  or  anything,  Miss  Petingill  took  me  to  do 
about  puttin'  in  Miss  Bibbins  President  of  our  Mis 
sionary  Society  for  the  Relief  of  Indignent  Heathens. 

Tbe  Bibbins'es  are  good,  very  good,  but  poor. 

Sa/s  Miss  Petingill :  "  It  seems  to  me  as  if  there 
migi  t  be  some  other  woman  put  in,  that  would  have 
had  more  influence  on  the  Church." 

S'Ays  I,  "  Haint  Miss  Bibbins  a  good  Christian  sis 
ter,  und  a  great  worker  ?  " 

*  Why  yes,  she  wuz  good,  good  in  her  place.  But," 
sht  said,  "  the  Petingills  hadn't  never  associated  with 
tin  Bibbins'es." 

And  I  asked  her  if  she  s'posed  that  would  make 
any  difference  with  the  heathen  ;  if  the  heathen  would 
be  apt  to  think  less  of  Miss  Bibbins  because  she 
hadn't  associated  with  the  Petingills  ? 

And  she  said,  she  didn't  s'pose  "  the  heathens  would 
ever  know  it ;  it  might  make  some  difference  to  'em, 
if  they  did,"  she  thought,  "  for  it  couldn't  be  denied," 
she  said,  "  that  Miss  Bibbins  did  not  move  in  the  first 
circles  of  Jonesville." 

It  had  been  my  doin's  a  puttin'  Miss  Bibbins  in, 


62  PRIDE    WUZ  SO    WICKED. 

and  I  took  it  right  to  home,  she  meant  to  have 
and  I  asked  her  if  she  thought  the  Lord  would 
condemn  Miss  Bibbins  on  the  last  day,  because  she 
hadn't  moved  in  the  first  circles  of  Jonesville  ? 

And  Miss  Petingill  tested  her  head  a  little,  but 
had  to  own  up,  that  she  thought  "  He  wouldn't." 

"  Wall,  then,"  sez  I,  "  do  you  s'pose  the  Lord  has 
any  objections  to  her  working  for  Him  now  ?  " 

"  Why  no,  I  don't  know  as  the  Lord  would  ob 
ject" 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  we  call  this  work  the  Lord's 
work,  and  if  He  is  satisfied  with  Miss  Bibbins,  we 
ort  to  be." 

But  she  kinder  nestled  round,  and  I  see  she  wuzn't 
satisfied,  but  I  couldn't  stop  to  argue,  and  I  tackled 
her  then  and  there  about  the  Smedleys.  I  asked  her 
to  give  a  pound,  or  pounds,  as  she  felt  disposed. 

But  she  answered  me  firmly  that  she  could't  give 
one  cent  to  the  Smedleys,  she  wuz  principled  against  it. 

And  I  asked  her,  "Why?" 

And  she  said,  because  the  old  lady  wuz  proud  and 
wanted  a  home,  and  she  thought  that  pride  wuz  so 
wicked,  that  it  ort  to  be  put  down. 

Wall,  Miss  Huff,  Miss  Cephas  Huff,  wouldn't  give 
anything  because  one  of  the  little  Smedleys  had  lied 
to  her.  She  wouldn't  encourage  lyin'. 

And  I  told  her  I  didn't  believe  she  would  be  half 
so  apt  to  reform  him  on  an  empty  stomach,  as  aftef 
be  wuz  fed  up.  But  she  wouldn'  t  yield. 


GABRIEL   BOYCOTTED.  63 

Wall,  Miss  Daggett  said  she  would  give,  and  give 
abundant,  only  she  didn't  consider  it  a  worthy  object. 

But  it  wuzn't  nothin'  only  a  excuse,  for  the  object 
has  never  been  found  yet  that  she  thought  wuz  a 
worthy  one.  Why,  she  wouldn't  give  a  cent  towards 
painting  the  Methodist  steeple,  and  if  that  haint  a 
high  and  worthy  object,  I  don't  know  what  is.  Why. 
our  steeple  is  over  seventy  feet  from  the  ground. 
But  she  wouldn't  help  us  a  mite — not  a  single  cent. 

Take  such  folks  as  them  and  the  object  never  suits 
rem.  They  won't  come  right  out  and  tell  the  truth 
that  they  are  too  stingy  and  mean  to  give  away  a 
cent,  but  they  will  always  put  the  excuse  onto  the 
object — the  object  don't  suit  'em. 

Why,  I  do  believe  it  is  the  livin'  truth  that  if  the 
angel  Gabriel  wuz  the  object,  if  he  wuz  in  need  and 
we  wuz  gittin'  up  a  pound  party  for  him — she  would 
find  fault  with  Gabriel,  and  wouldn't  give  him  a 
ounce  of  provisions. 

Yes,  I  believe  it — I  believe  they  would  tost  their 
heads  and  say,  they  always  had  had  their  thoughts 
about  anybody  that  tooted  so  loud — it  might  be  all  right 
but  it  didn't  look  well,  and  would  be  apt  to  make  talk 
Or  they  would  say  that  he  wuz  shiftless  and  extrava 
gant  a  loafin'  round  in  the  clouds,  when  he  might  go 
to  work — or  that  he  might  raise  the  money  himself  by 
selling  the  feathers  offen  his  wings  for  down  pillers — 
or  some  of  the  rest  of  the  Gabriel  family  might  help 
him — or  something,  or  other — anyway  they  would 


*  She  passed  herself  off  for  a  hired  girl."     page  6l. 


MISS  MOONEYES  IDEAS.  65 

propose  some  way  of  gittin'  out  of  givin'  a  cent  to 
Gabriel.  I  believe  it  as  much  as  I  believe  I  live  and 
breathe ;  and  so  does  Josiah. 

Wall,  Miss  Mooney  wouldn't  give  anything  because 
she  thought  Jane  Smedley  wuzn't  so  sick  as  she 
thought  she  wuz  ;  she  said  "  she  was  spleeny." 

And  I  told  Miss  Mooney  that  when  a  woman  was 
sick  enough  to  die,  I  thought  she  ort  to  be  called  sick. 

But  Miss  Mooney  wouldn't  give  up,  and  insisted 
to  the  very  last  that  Miss  Smedley  wuz  hypoey  and 
spleeny — and  thought  she  wuz  sicker  than  she  really 
wuz.  And  she  held  her  head  and  her  nose  up  in  a 
very  disagreeable  and  haughty  way,  and  said  as  I  left, 
that  she  never  could  bear  to  help  spleeny  people. 

Wall,  all  that  forenoon  did  I  traipse  through  the 
street  and  not  one  cent  did  I  get  for  the  Smedleys, 
only  Miss  Gowdey  said  she  would  bring  a  cabbage — 
and  Miss  Deacon  Peedick  and  Miss  Ingledue  partly 
promised  a  squash  apiece.  And  I  mistrusted  that 
they  give  'em  more  to  please  me  than  anything  else. 

Wall,  I  wuz  clean  discouraged  and  beat  out,  and  so 
I  told  Josiah.  But  he  encouraged  me  some  by  sayin': 

"  Wall,  I  could  have  told  you  jest  how  it  would 
be,"  and,  "  You  would  have  done  better,  Samantha, 
to  have  been  to  home  a  cookin'  for  your  own  famishin' 
family."  And  several  more  jest  such  inspirin* 
remarks  as  men  will  give  ta  the  females  of  theif 
families  when  they  are  engaged  in  charitable  enter" 
prises. 


66  SPLENDID  SUCCESS. 

But  I  got  a  good,  a  very  good  dinner,  and  it  made 
me  feel  some  better,  and  then  I  haint  one  to  give  up 
to  discouragements,  anyway. 

So  I  put  on  a  little  better  dress  for  afternoon,  and 
my  best  bonnet  and  shawl,  and  set  sail  again  after 
dinner. 

And  if  I  ever  had  a  lesson  in  not  givin'  up  to 
discouragements  in  the  first  place  I  had  it  then.  For 
whether  it  wuz  on  account  of  the  more  dressy  look  of 
my  bonnet  and  shawl — or  whether  it  wuz  that  folks 
felt  cleverer  in  the  afternoon — or  whether  it  wuz  that  I 
had  gone  to  the  more  discouragin'  places  in  the  fore 
noon,  and  the  better  ones  in  the  afternoon — or  whether 
it  wuz  that  I  tackled  on  the  subject  in  a  better  way 
than  I  had  tackled  'em — whether  it  wuz  for  any  of 
these  reasons,  or  all  of  'em  or  somethin' — anyway 
my  luck  turned  at  noon,  12  M.,  and  all  that  afternoon 
I  had  one  triumph  after  another — place  after  place 
did  I  collect  pound  or  pounds  as  the  case  may  be  (or 
collected  the  promises  of  'em,  I  mean).  I  did  splen~ 
did,  and  wuz  prospered  perfectly  amazin' — and  I 
went  home  feelin'  as  happy  and  proud  as  a  king  or  a 
zar. 

And  the  next  Tuesday  evenin'  we  had  the  pound 
party.  They  concluded  to  have  it  to  our  house. 
And  Thomas  Jefferson  and  Maggie,  and  Tirzah  Ana 
and  Whitefield  came  home  early  in  the  afternoon  to 
help  trim  the  parlor  and  setin'  room  with  evergreens 
and  everlastin'  posies,  and  fern  leaves. 


THE  POUND  PARTY.  67 

They  made  the  room  look  perfectly  beautiful. 
And  they  each  of  'em,  the  two  childern  and  their 
companions,  brought  home  a  motto  framed  in  nice 
plush  and  gilt  frames,  which  they  put  up  on  each  side 
of  the  settin'  room,  and  left  them  there  as  a  present 
to  their  pa  and  me.  They  think  a  sight  of  us,  the 
childern  do — and  visey  versey,  and  the  same. 

One  of  'em  wuz  worked  in  gold  letters  on  a  red 
back-ground — "Bear  Ye  One  Another's  Burdens." 
And  the  other  wuz  "  Feed  my  Lambs." 

They  think  a  sight  on  us,  the  childern  do — they 
knew  them  mottoes  would  highly  tickle  their  pa  and 
me.  And  they  did  seem  to  kinder  invigorate  up  all 
the  folks  that  come  to  the  party. 

And  they  wuz  seemingly  legions.  Why,  they 
come,  and  they  kept  a  comin'.  And  it  did  seem  as 
if  every  one  of  'em  had  tried  to  see  who  could  bring 
the  most.  Why,  they  brought  enough  to  keep  the 
Smedleys  comfortable  all  winter  long.  It  wuz  a 
sight  to  see  'em. 

It  wuz  a  curious  sight,  too,  to  set  and  watch  what 
some  of  the  folks  said  and  done  as  they  brought  their 
pounds  in. 

I  had  to  be  to  the  table  all  the  time  a'most,  for  1 
wuz  appointed  a  committee,  or  a  board —  I  s'pose  it 
would  be  more  propei*  to  call  myself  a  board,  more 
business  like.  Wall,  I  wuz  the  board  appointed  to 
lay  the  things  on — to  see  that  they  wuz  all  took  care 


63  QUEER    VISITORS. 

of,  and  put  where  they  couldn't  get  eat  up,  or  anj 
other  casuality  happen  to  'em. 

And  I  declare  if  some  of  the  queerest  lookin' 
creeters  didn't  come  up  to  the  table  and  talk  to  me. 
There  wuz  lots  of  'em  there  that  I  didn't  know,  folks 
that  come  from  Zoar,  Jim  Smedley's  old  neighbor 
hood. 

There  wuz  a  long  table  stretched  acrost  one  end  of 
the  settin'  room,  and  I  stood  behind  it  some  as  if  I 
wuz  a  dry  goods  merchant  or  grocery,  and  some  like 
a  preacher. 

And  the  women  would  come  up  to  me  and  talk. 
There  wuz  one  woman  who  got  real  talkative  to  me 
before  the  evenin'  wuz  out.  She  said  her  home  wuz 
over  two  miles  beyond  Zoar. 

She  had  a  young  babe  with  her,  a  dark  complex- 
ioned  babe,  with  a  little  round  black  head,  that  looked 
some  like  a  cannon  ball.  She  said  she  had  shingled 
the  child  that  day  about  eight  o'clock  in  the  forenoon  : 
she  talked  real  confidential  to  me. 

She  said  the  babe  had  sights  of  hair,  and  she  told 
her  husband  that  day  that  if  he  would  shingle  the 
babe  she  would  come  to  the  party  and  if  he  wouldn't 
shingle  it  she  wouldn't  come.  It  seemed  they  had 
had  a  altercation  on  the  subject ;  she  wanted  it 
shingled  and  he  didn't.  But  it  seemed  that  ruther 
than  stay  away  from  the  party — he  consented,  and 
shingled  it.  So  they  come. 

They  brought  a  eight  pound  loaf  of  maple 


?r    «v 


70  GENEROUS  GIFTS. 

and  two  dozen  eggs.  They  did  well.  Then  there 
wuz  another  woman  who  would  walk  her  little  girl 
into  the  bedroom  every  few  minutes,  and  wet  her  hair, 
and  comb  it  over,  and  curl  it  on  her  fingers.  The 
child  had  a  little  blue  flannel  dress  on,  with  a  long 
plain  waist,  and  a  long  skirt  gethered  on  full  all 
round.  Her  hair  lay  jest  as  smooth  and  slick  as 
glass  all  the  time,  but  five  times  did  she  walk  her 
off,  and  go  through  with  that  performance.  She 
brought  ten  yards  of  factory  cloth,  and  a  good  woollen 
petticoat  for  the  old  grandma.  She  did  first-rate. 

And  then  there  wuz  another  woman  who  stayed 
by  the  table  most  all  the  evenin'.  She  would  gently 
but  firmly  ask  everybody  who  brought  anything,  what 
the  price  of  the  article  wuz — and  then  she  would 
tackle  the  different  women  who  come  up  to  the  table 
for  patterns.  I  do  believe  she  got  the  pattern  of 
every  bask  waist  there  wuz  there,  and  every  mantilly. 

And  Abram  Gee  brought  twenty-five  loaves  of 
bread — of  different  sizes,  but  all  on  'em  good.  And 
he  looked  at  Ardelia  Tutt  every  minute  of  the  time. 
And  Ardelia  brought  a  lot  of  verses, — "  Stanzas  on  a 
Grandmother."  I  didn't  think  they  would  do  Grand 
ma  Smedley  much  good,  and  then  on  the  other  hand 
I  didn't  s'pose  they  would  hurt  her  any. 

But  we  had  a  splendid  good  time  after  the  things 
wuz  all  brought  in — of  course,  bein'  a  board  the  fore 
part  of  the  evenin'  I  naturally  had  a  harder  time  than 
I  did  the  latter  part,  after  I  had  got  over  it. 


OFF  TO    THE  SMED LEY'S.  71 

The  children,  Thomas  J.,  and  Tirzah  Ann,  and 
Ardelia  Tutt,  and  Abram  Gee,  and  some  of  the  rest 
of  the  young  folks  sung  and  played  some  beautiful 
pieces,  and  they  had  four  tablows,  which  wuz  per- 
i'ectly  beautiful. 

And  then  we  passed  good  nice  light  biscuit  and 
butter,  and  hot  coffee,  and  pop  corn  and  apples.  And 
it  did  seem,  and  all  the  neighbors  said  so,  that  it  wuz 
the  very  best  party  they  had  ever  attended  to. 

And  before  they  went  away  they  made  a  motion 
some  of  the  responsable  men  did — some  made  the 
motions  and  some  seconded  'em — that  they  would  ad 
journ  till  jest  one  year  from  that  night,  when  if  the 
Smedleys  was  still  alive  and  in  need — we  would  have 
jest  such  a  party  ag'in. 

And  at  the  last  on't  Elder  Minkley  made  a  prayer 
— a  very  thankful  and  good  prayer,  but  short.  And 
then  they  went  home. 

Wall,  the  next  mornin'  we  started  to  carry  the 
things  to  the  Smedleys.  It  wuz  very  early,  for  Jo- 
siah  had  got  to  go  clear  to  Loontown  on  business,  and 
I  wuz  goin'  to  stay  with  the  childern  till  he  got  back. 

It  wuz  a  very  cold  mornin'.  We  hadn't  heard 
from  the  Smedleys  for  two  or  three  days,  because  we 
wanted  to  surprise  'em,  so  we  didn't  want  to  give  'em 
a  hint  beforehand  of  what  we  wuz  a  doin'.  So,  as  I 
say,  it  wuz  a  number  of  days  sense  we  had  heard 
from  'em,  and  the  weather  wuz  cold. 

When  we  got  to  the  door  it  seemed  to  be  dretful 


A  SORRY  SIGHT.  73 

still  there  inside.  And  there  wuz  some  white  frost 
on  the  latch  jest  as  if  a  icy,  white  hand  had  onlatched 
the  door,  and  had  laid  on  it  last. 

We  rapped,  but  nobody  answered.  And  then  we 
opened  the  door  and  went  in,  and  there  they  all  lay 
asleep.  The  children  waked  up.  But  old  Grandma 
didn't. 

There  wuzn't  any  fire  in  the  room,  and  you  could 
eee  by  the  freezing  coldness  of  the  air  that  there  hadn't 
been  any  for  a  day  or  two. 

Grandma  Smedley  had  took  the  poor  old  coverin's 
all  off  from  herself,  and  put  'em  round  the  youngest 
baby,  little  Jim.  And  he  lay  there  all  huddled  up 
tight  to  his  Grandma,  with  his  red  cheek  close  to  her 
white  one,  for  he  loved  her. 

Josiah  cried  and  wept,  and  wept  and  cried  onto  his 
bandana — but  I  didn't. 

The  tears  run  down  my  face  some,  to  see  the  chil- 
dern  feel  so  bad  when  Grandma  couldn't  speak  to 
'em. 

But  I  knew  that  the  childern  would  be  took  care 
of  now,  I  knew  the  Jonesvillians  would  be  all  rousted 
up  and  sorry  enough  for  'em,  and  would  be  willin'  to 
do  anything  now,  when  it  wuz  some  too  late. 

And  I  felt  that  I  couldn't  cry  nor  weep  (and  told 
Josiah  so),  the  tears  jest  dripped  down  my  face  in  a 
stream,  but  I  wouldn't  weep — for  as  I  said  to  my 
self: 

"  While  the  Jonesvillians  had  been  a  disputin'  back 


74 


GRANDMA  SMEDLEY'S  RELEASE. 


and  forth,  and  wrestin'  Scripter,  and  the  meanin'  of 
Providence  in  regard  to  helpin'  Grandma  Smedley 
and  gittin'  her  a  comfortable  place  to  stay  in,  and 
somethin'  to  eat,  the  Lord  himself  had  took  the  case 
in  hand  and  had  gin  her  a  home  and  the  bread  that 
satisfies." 


IV. 

ARDELIA  AND  ABEAM  GEE. 

WALL,  I  don't  s'pose  there  had  been  a  teacher  in 
our  deestrict  for  years  and  years  that  gin'  better  sat 
isfaction  than  Ardelia  Tutt.  Good  soft  little  creeter, 
the  scholars  any  one  of  'em  felt  above  hurtin'  on  her 
or  plagin'  her  any  way.  She  sort  a  made  'em  feel 
they  had  to  take  care  on  her,  she  wuz  so  sort  a 
helpless  actin',  and  good  natured,  and  yet  her  learnin' 
wuz  good,  fust-rate. 

Yes,  Ardelia  was  thought  a  sight  on  in  Jonesville 
by  scholars  and  parents  and  some  that  wuzn't  parents. 
One  young  chap  in  perticiler,  Abram  Gee  by  name, 
who  had  just  started  a  baker's  shop  in  Jonesville,  he 
fell  so  deep  in  love  with  her  from  the  very  start  that 
I  pitied  him  from  about  the  bottom  of  my  heart.  It 
wuz  at  our  house  that  he  fell. 

The  young  folks  of  our  meetin'-house  had  a  sort 
of  a  evenin'  meetin'  there  to  see  about  raisin'  some 
money  for  the  help  of  the  steeple — repairin'  of  it. 
Abram  is  a  member,  and  so  is  Ardelia,  and  I  see  the 
hull  thing.  I  see  him  totter  and  I  see  him  fall.  And 

prostrate  he  wuz,  from  that  first  night.     Never  was 

75 


76  ARDELIA"S  HOPE. 

there  a  feller  that  fell  in  love  deeper,  or  lay  more 
helpless.  And  Ardelia  liked  him,  that  wuz  plain  to 
see ;  at  fust  as  I  watched  and  see  him  totter,  I  thought 
she  wuz  a  sort  o'  wobbliu'  too,  and  when  he  fell  deep, 
deep  in  love,  I  looked  to  see  her  a  follerin^  on.  But 
Ardelia,  as  soft  as  she  wuz,  had  an  element  of  strength. 
She  wuz  ambitious.  She  liked  Abram,  but  she  had 
read  novels  a  good  deal,  and  she  had  for  years  been 
lookin'  for  a  prince  to  come  a  ridin'  up  to  their  door- 
yard  in  disguise  with  a  crown  on  under  his  hat,  and 
woo  her  to  be  his  bride. 

And  so  she  braced  herself  against  the  sweet  influ 
ence  of  love  and  it  wuz  tuff — I  could  see  for  myeelf 
that  it  wuz,  when  she  had  laid  out  to  set  on  a  throne 
by  the  side  of  a  prince,  he  a  holdin'  his  father's  scep 
ter  in  his  hand — to  descend  from  that  elevation  and 
wed  a  husband  who  wuz  a  moulder  of  bread,  with  a 
rollin'  pin  in  his  hand.  It  wuz  tuff  for  Ardelia ;  I 
could  see  right  through  her  mind  (it  wuzn't  a  great 
distance  to  see),  and  I  could  see  jest  how  a  conflict 
wuz  a  goin'  on  between  love  and  ambition. 

But  Abram  had  my  best  wishes,  for  he  wuz  a  boy 
I  had  always  liked.  The  Gees  had  lived  neighbor 
to  us  for  years.  He  wuz  a  good  creeter  and  his  brea^ 
wuz  delicious  (milk  emptin's).  He  wuz  a  sort  of  a 
hard,  sound  lookin'  chap,  and  she,  bein'  so  oncommon 
soft,  the  contrast  kinder  sot  each  other  off  and  made 
'em  look  well  together. 

He  had  a  house  and  lot  all  paid  for,  with  no  in- 


78  LOVE  RECIPROCATED. 

cumbrances  only  a  mortgage  of  150  dollars  and  a 
lame  mother.  But  he  laid  out  to  clear  off  the  mort 
gage  this  year,  and  I  wuz  told  that  mother  Gee  wuz 
a  goin'  to  live  with  her  daughter  Susan,  who  had  jest 
come  into  a  big  property — as  much  as  700  dollars 
worth  of  land,  besides  cows,  2  heads  of  cow,  and  one 
head  of  a  calf. 

I  knew  Mother  Gee  and  she  wuz  goin'  to  stay  with 
Abram  till  he  got  married  and  then  she  wuz  goin'  to 
live  with  Susan.  And  I  s'pose  it  is  so.  She  is  a 
likely  old  woman  with  a  milk  leg. 

Wall,  Abram  paid  Ardelia  lots  of  attention,  sech 
as  walkin'  home  with  her  from  protracted  meetings 
nights,  and  lookin'  at  her  durin'  the  meetin's  more 
protracted  than  the  meetin's  wuz  fur.  And  3  times 
he  sent  her  a  plate  of  riz  biscuit  sweetened,  sweetened 
too  sweet  almost,  he  went  too  fur  in  this  and  I  see  it. 

Yes,  he  done  his  part  as  well  as  his  condition 
would  let  him,  paralyzed  by  his  feelin's, — but  she 
acted  kinder  offish,  and  I  see  that  sonthin'  wuz  in  the 
way.  I  mistrusted  at  first,  it  might  be  Abram's 
incumbrance,  but  durin'  a  conversation  I  had  with 
her,  I  see  I  wuz  in  the  wrong  on't.  And  I  could  see 
plain,  though  some  couldn't,  that  she  liked  Abram  as 
she  did  her  eyes.  Somebody  run  him  down  a  little 
one  day  before  me  and  she  sprouted  right  up  and 
took  his  part  voyalent.  I  could  see  her  feelin's 
towards  him  though  she  wouldn't  own  up  to  'em. 
But  one  day  she  came  out  plain  to  me  and  lamented 


FIGHTING   SHY.  79 

his  condition  in  life.  Somebody  had  attact  her  that 
day  before  me  about  marryin'  of  him — and  she 
owned  up  to  me,  that  she  had  laid  out  to  marry  some* 
body  to  elevate  her.  Some  one  with  a  grand  pure 
mission  in  life. 

And  I  spoke  right  up  and  sez,  "  Why  bread  is  jest 
as  pure  and  innocent  as  anything  can  be,  you  won't 
find  anything  wicked  about  good  yeast  bread,  nor," 
sez  I,  cordially,  "  in  milk  risin',  if  it  is  made  proper." 

But  she  said  she  preferred  a  occupation  that  wuz 
risin',  and  noble,  and  that  made  a  man  necessary  and 
helpful  to  the  masses. 

And  I  sez  agin — "  Good  land  !  the  masses  have 
got  to  eat.  And  I  guess  you  starve  the  masses  a 
spell  and  they'll  think  that  good  bread  is  as  necessary 
and  helpful  to  'em  as  anything  can  be.  And  as  fer 
its  bein'  a  risin'  occupation,  why,"  sez  I,  "  it  is  stiddy 
risin', — risin'  in  the  mornin,'  and  risin'  at  night,  and 
all  night,  both  hop  and  milk  emptin's.  Why,"  sez 
I,  "  I  never  see  a  occupation  so  risin'  as  his'n  is, 
both  milk  and  hop."  But  she  wouldn't  seem  to  give 
in  and  encourage  him  much  only  by  spells. 

And  then  Abram  didn't  take  the  right  way  with 
her.  I  see  he  wuz  agoin'  just  the  wrong  way  to  win 
a  woman's  love.  For  his  love,  his  great  honest  love 
for  her  made  him  abject,  he  groveled  at  her  feet,  loved 
to  grovel. 

I  told  him,  for  he  confided  in  me  from  the  first  on't 
and  bewailed  her  coldness  to  me,  I  told  him  to  sprout 


80  ABRAM'S  HUMILITY. 

up  and  act  as  if  he  had  some  will  of  his  own  and  some 
independent  life  of  his  own.  Sez  I,  "  Any  woman 
that  sees  a  man  a  layin'  around  under  her  feet  will  be 
tempted  to  step  on  him,"  sez  I.  "  I  don't  see  how 
she  can  help  it,  if  she  calcerlates  to  get  round  any,  and 
walk."  Sez  I,  "  Sprout  up  and  be  somebody.  She 
is  a  good  little  creeter,  but  no  better  than  you  are, 
Abram ;  be  a  man." 

And  he  would  try  to  be.  I  could  see  him  try.  But 
one  of  her  soft  little  glances,  specially  if  it  wuz  kind 
and  tender  to  him,  es  it  wuz  a  good  deal  of  the  time, 
why  it  would  just  overthrow  him  agi'n.  He  would 
collapse  and  become  nothin'  ag'in,  before  her.  Why  I 
have  hearn  him  sing  that  old  him,  a  lookin'  right  at 
Ardelia  stiddy : 

"  Oh  to  be  nothin',  nothin' ! " 

And  thinks  I  to  myself,  "  if  this  keeps  on,  jou  are 
in  a  fair  way  to  git  your  wish." 

He  wuz  a  good  singer,  a  beartone,  and  she  a  secent. 
They  loved  to  sing  together.  They  needed  some  air, 
but  then  they  got  along  without  it ;  and  it  sounded 
quite  well,  though  rather  low  and  deep. 

Wall,  it  run  along  for  weeks  and  weeks,  he  with 
his  hopes  a  risin'  up  sometimes  like  his  yeast  and  then 
bein'  pounded  down  ag'in  like  his  bread,  under  the  hard 
knuckles  of  a  woman's  capricious  cruelty.  For  I  must 
say  that  she  did,  for  sech  a  soft  littte  creeter,  have  cold 
and  cruel  ways  to  Abratn.  (But  I  s'pose  it  wuz  whe» 


ARDELIA'S 

she  got  to  thinkin'  about  the  Prince,  ot*  some  other 
genteel  lover.) 

But  her  real  feelin's  would  break  out  once  in  a 
while,  and  lift  him  up  to  the  3d  heaven  of  happiness 
and  then  he'd  have  to  totter  and  fall  down  ag'in. 
Abram  Gee  had  a  hard  time  on't.  I  pitied  him  from 
nearly  the  bottom  of  my  heart.  But  I  still  kep'  a 
thinkin'  it  would  turn  out  well  in  the  end.  For  it 
wuz  jest  about  this  time  that  I  happened  to  find  this 
poetry  in  a  book  where  she  had,  I  s'posed,  left  it. 
And  I  read  'em,  almost  entirely  unbeknown  to  my 
self! 

It  wuz  wrote  in  a  dreatful  blind  way  but  I  recog 
nized  it  at  once.  I  looked  right  through  it,  and  see 
what  she  wuz  a  writin'  about  though  many  wouldn't. 
it  WUB  wrote  in  sech  a  deep  style. 

"STANZAS  ON  BREAD; 
"or 

*'  A  LAY  OP  A  BROKEN  HEART. 

**  Oh  Bread,  dear  Bread,  that  seemest  to  us  so  cold, 
Oft' times  concealed  thee  within,  may  be  a  stingr! 

Sweet  buried  hopes  may  in  thy  crust  be  rolled ; 
A  sad,  burnt  crust  of  deepest  suffering. 

'*  There  are  some  griefs  the  female  soul  don't  tell, 
And  she  may  weep,  and  she  may  wretched  be ; 

Though  she  may  like  the  name  of  Abram  well 
And  she  may  not  like  dislike  the  name  of 


•She  is  a  good  little  creeter,  but  no  better  thao  you  are, 
Abram;  be  a  man."     page  80. 


MORE  POEMS.  83 

**  Oh  Fel  Ambition,  how  thou  lurest  us  on, 
How  by  thy  high,  bold  torch  we're  stridin'  led ; 

Thou  lurest  us  up,  cold  mountain  top  upon, 
And  seated  by  us  there,  thou  scoffest  at  bread. 

"  Thou  lookest  down,  Ambition,  on  the  ovens  brim; 

Thou  brookest  not  a  word  of  him  save  with  conturnalee '- 
And  yet,  wert  thou  afar,  how  sweet  to  set  by  him 

And  cut  low  slices  of  sweet  joy  with  G — . 

**  Oh  !  Fel  Ambition,  wert  but  thou  away, 
Could  we  thy  hauntin'  form  no  more,  nor  see ; 

How  sweet  'twould  be  to  linger  on  with  A , 

How  sweet  'twould  be  to  dwell  for  aye  with  Gr— ." 

Wall,  as  I  say,  she  gin  good  satisfaction  in  the 
deestrict  and  I  declare  for  it,  I  got  to  likin'  her  dret- 
ful  well  before  the  winter  wuz  over.  Softer  she  wuz, 
and  had  to  be,  than  any  fuz  that  was  ever  on  any 
cotton  flannel  fur  or  near.  And  more  verses  she  wrote 
than  wuz  good  for  her,  or  for  anybody  else. — Why  she 
would  write  "  Lines  on  the  Tongs,"  or  "  Stanzas  on 
the  Salt  Suller,"  if  she  couldn't  do  any  better ;  it  beats 
all  1  And  then  she  would  read  'em  to  me  to  get  my 
idees  on  'em,  Why  I  had  to  call  on  every  martyr  m 
the  hull  string  of  martyrs  sometimes  to  keep  myself 
from  tellin'  her  my  full  mind  about  'em  unbeknown 
to  me.  For,  if  I  had,  it  would  have  skairt  the  soft 
little  creeter  out  of  what  little  wit  she  had. 

So  I  kep*  middlin'  still,  and  see  it  go  on.  For  she 
•wuz  a  good  little  soul,  affectionate  and  kinder  helpful 
A  good  creeter  now  to  find  your  speks.  Why  she 


84  JOSIAH  AND    THE    GIRLS. 

found  'em  for  me  times  out  of  number,  and  I  got  real 
attached  to  her  and  visey  versey.  And  when  she  came 
a  visitin'  me  in  the  spring  (at  my  request),  and  I  hap 
pened  to  mention  that  Josiah  and  me  laid  out  to  go  to 
Saratoga  for  the  summer,  what  did  the  soft  little  cree- 
ter  want  to  do  but  to  go  too.  Her  father  was  well  off 
and  wuz  able  to  send  her,  and  she  had  relatives  there 
on  her  own  side,  some  of  the  Pixleys,  so  her  board 
wouldn't  cost  nothin'.  So  it  didn't  look  nothin'  on- 
reasonable,  though  whether  I  could  get  her  there  and 
back  without  her  mashin'  all  down  on  my  hands,  like 
a  over  ripe  peach,  she  wuz  f  that  soft,  wuz  a  question 
that  hanted  me,  and  so  I  told  Josiah. 

But  Josiah  kinder  likes  young  girls  (nothin'  light ; 
a  calm  meetin' -house  affection),  it  is  kinder  nater  that 
he  should,  and  he  sez  :  "  Better  let  her  go,  she  won't 
make  much  trouble." 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  not  to  you,  but  if  you  had  to  set 
for  hours  and  kours  and  hear  her  verses  read  to  you  on 
every  subject — on  heaven,  and  earth,  and  the  seas,  and 
see  her  a  measurin'  of  it  with  a  stick  to  get  the  lines 
the  right  length ;  if  you  had  to  go  through  all  this, 
mebby  you  would  meditate  on  the  subject  before  you 
took  it  for  a  summer's  job." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  mebby  she  won't  write  so  much 
when  she  gets  started;  she  will  be  kinder  jogged 
round  and  stirred  up  in  body  and  mebby  her  feelins' 
will  kinder  rest.  I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite  if  they 
did,"  sez  he.  "And  then  she  can  take  a  good  many 


86  STARTING  FOR  SARATOGA. 

steps  for  you,  and  I  love  to  see  you  favored,"  sea 
he. 

He  wanted  her  to  go,  I  fee  that,  and  I  see  that  it 
wuz  natur  that  he  should,  and  so  I  consented  in  my 
mind — after  a  parlay. 

She  found  his  specks  a  sight  and  his  hat.  Nothin' 
seemed  to  please  her  better  than  to  be  gropin'  round 
after  things  to  please  somebody ;  her  disposition  wuz 
such.  So  it  wuz  settled  that  she  should  accompany 
and  go  with  us.  And  the  mornin'  we  started  she  met 
us  at  the  Jonesville  Depot  in  good  sperits  and  a  barege 
delaine  dress,  cream  color,  and  a  hat  of  the  same. 

I  hadn't  seen  her  for  some  weeks,  and  she  seemed 
softly  tickled  to  see  Josiah  and  me,  and  asked  a  good 
many  questions  about  Jonesville,  kinder  turnin'  the 
conversation  gradually  round  onto  bread,  as  I  could 
see.  So  I  branched  right  out,  knowin'  what  ^ie 
wanted  of  me,  and  told  her  plain,  that  "Abram  Gee 
wuz  a  lookin'  kinder  mauger.  But  doin'  his  duty 
stiddy"  sez  I,  lookin'  keenly  at  her,  "a  doin'  his  duty 
by  everybody,  and  beloved  by  everybody,  him  and 
his  bread  too." 

She  turned  her  head  away  and  kinder  sithed,  and  I 
guess  it  wuz  as  much  as  a  quarter  of  a  hour  after 
that,  that  I  see  her  take  out  a  pencil  and  a  piece  of 
paper  out  of  her  portmonny,  and  a  little  stick,  and 
she  went  to  makin'  some  verses,  a  measurin'  'em 
careful  as  she  wrote  'em,  and  when  she  handed  'em  to 
me  they  wuz  named 


BAD  WEATHER  FOR  POETRY.       g? 
"A  LAY  ON  A  CAR; 

"or 

'l THE  LESSON  OF  A  LOCOMOTIVE." 

After  I  had  read  it  and  handed  it  back  to  her,  she 
sez,  "  Don't  you  think  I  improve  on  the  melody  and 
rhythm  of  my  poetry  ?  I  take  this  little  stick  with 
me  now  wherever  I  go,  and  measure  my  lines  by  it. 
They  are  jest  of  a  length,  I  am  very  particular ;  you 
know  you  advised  me  to  be." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  mechanikly,  "  but  I  didn't  mean  jest 
that."  Sez  I,  "  the  poetry  I  wuz  a  thinkin'  on,  is 
measured  by  the  soul,  the  enraptured  throb  of 
heart  and  brain ;  it  don't  need  takin'  a  stick  to  it. 
Howsurnever,"  sez  I,  for  I  see  she  looked  sort  a  dis- 
apinted,  "howsumever,  if  you  have  measured  'em, 
they  are  probable  about  the  same  length ;  it  is  a  good 
sound  stick,  I  haiut  no  doubt,"  and  I  kinder  sithed. 

And  she  sez,  "  What  do  you  think  of  the  first 
verse?  Haint  that  verse  as  true  as  fate,  or  sadness, 
or  anything  else  you  know  of?  " 

"  Oh  yes,"  sez  I  candidly,  "  yes ;  if  the  cars  run 
backwards  we  shouldn't  go  on  ;  that  is  true  as  any 
thing  can  be.  But  if  I  wuz  in  your  place,  Ardelia," 
sez  I,  "  I  wouldn't  write  any  more  to-day.  It  is  a 
kind  of  muggy  damp  day.  It  is  a  awfully  bad  day 
for  poetry  to-day.  And,"  sez  I,  to  get  her  mind 
offen  it,  "  Have  you  seen  anything  of  my  compan« 
ion's  specks  ?  " 


88 


THE  SPECKS  FOUND. 


And  that  took  her  mind  offen  poetry  and  she  went 
a  huntin'  for  'em,  on  the  seat  and  under  the  seat. 
She  hunted  truly  high  and  low  and  at  last  she  found 
Jem  on  my  pardner's  foretop,  the  last  place  any  of  us 
thought  of*  lookin'.  And  she  never  said  another 
word  about  poetry,  or  any  other  trouble,  nor  I  nuther. 


V. 

WE  ARRIVE    AT  SARATOGA. 

WE  arrived  at  Saratoga  jest  as  sunset  with  a  mid- 
dim'  gorgeous  dress  on  wuz  a  walkin'  down  the  west 
and  a  biddin'  us  and  the  earth  good-bye.  There  wuz 
every  color  you  could  think  on  almost,  in  her  gown 
and  some  stars  a  shinin'  through  the  floatiu'  drapery 
and  a  half  moon  restin  up  on  her  cloudy  foretop 
like  a  beautiful  orniinent. 

(I  s'pose  mebby  it  is  proper  to  describe  sunset  in 
this  way  on  goin'  to  such  a  dressy  place,  though  it 
haint  my  style  to  do  so,  I  don't  love  to  describe  sun 
set  as  a  female  and  don't,  much  of  the  time,  but  I 
love  to  see  things  correspoud.) 

Wall,  we  descended  from  the  cars  and  went  to  the 
boardin'  place  provided  for  us  beforehand  by  the  look 
out  of  friends.  It  wuz  a  good  place,  there  haint  no 
doubt  of  that,  good  folks ;  good  fare  and  clean. 

Ardelia  parted  away  from  us  at  the  depo.  She 
wuz  a  goin'  to  board  to  a  smaller  boardin'  house  kep* 
by  a  second  cousin  of  her  father's  brother's  wife's 
aunt.  It  wuz  her  father's  request  that  she  should 
get  her  board  there  on  account  of  its  bein'  in  the 

89 


AT  SARATOGA.  91 

tamily.  He  loved  "  to  see  relations  hang  together ; " 
so  he  said,  and  "get  their  boards  of  each  other." 
But  I  thought  then,  and  I  think  now,  that  it  wuz  be 
cause  they  asked  less  for  the  board.  Deacon  Tutt  is 
close.  But  howsumever  Ardelia  went  there,  and  my 
companion  and  me  arrove  at  the  abode  where  we  wuz 
to  abide,  with  no  eppisode  only  the  triflin'  one  of  the 
driver  bein'  dretful  mistook  as  to  the  price  he  asked 
to  take  us  there. 

I  thought,  and  Josiah  thought,  that  50  cents  wuz 
the  outlay  of  expendatur  he  required  to  carry  us  where 
we  would  be ;  it  wuz  but  a  short  distance.  But  no  ! 
He  said  that  5  dollars  wuz  what  he  said,  that  is,  if 
we  heard  anything  about  a  5.  But  he  thought  we 
wuz  deef,  and  dident  hear  him.  He  thought  he 
spoke  plain,  and  said  4  dollars  for  the  trip. 

And  on  that  price  he  sot  down  immovible.  They 
arged,  and  Josiah  Allen  even  went  so  far  as  to  use 
language  that  grated  on  my  nerve,  it  wuz  so  voyalent 
and  vergin'  on  the  profane.  But  there  the  man  sot, 
right  onto  that  price,  and  he  had  to  me  the  appeer- 
ance  of  one  who  wuz  goin'  to  sot  there  on  it  all  night. 
And  so  rather  than  to  spend  the  night  out  doors,  in 
conversation  with  him,  he  a  settin'  on  that  price,  and 
Josiah  a  shakin'  his  fist  at  it,  and  a  jawin'  at  it,  I  told 
Josiah  that  he  had  better  pay  it.  And  finally  he  did, 
with  groanin's  that  could  hardly  be  uttered. 

Wall,  after  supper  (a  good  supper  and  enough  on't), 
Josiah  proposed  that  we  should  take  a  short  walk,  we 


92  AN  EVENING  RAMBLE. 

two  alone,  for  Ardelia  wuz  afar  from  us,  most  to  the 
other  end  of  the  village,  either  asleep  or  a  writin' 
poetry,  I  didn't  know  which,  but  I  knew  it  wuz  one 
or  the  other  of  'em.  And  I  wuz  tired  enough  my 
self  to  lay  my  head  down  and  repose  in  the  arms  of 
sleep,  and  told  my  companion  so,  but  he  said  : 

"  Oh  shaw  !  Let  old  Morpheus  wait  for  us  till  we 
get  back,  there'll  be  time  enough  to  rest  then." 

Josiah  felt  so  neat,  that  he  wuz  fairly  beginnin'  to 
talk  high  learnt,  and  classical.  But  I  didn't  say 
nothin'  to  break  it  up,  and  tied  on  my  bonnet  with 
calmness  (and  a  double  bow  knot)  and  we  sallied  out. 

Soon,  or  mebby  a  little  after,  for  we  didn't  walk 
fast  on  account  of  my  deep  tucker,  we  stood  in  front 
of  what  seemed  to  be  one  hull  side  of  a  long  street,  all 
full  of  orniments  and  open  work,  and  pillows,  and  flow 
ers,  and  carvin's,  and  scallops,  and  down  between  every 
scollop  hung  a  big  basket  full  of  posys,  of  every  beau 
tiful  color  under  the  heavens.  And  over  all,  and  way 
back  as  fur  as  we  could  see,  wuz  innumerable  lights 
of  every  color,  gorgeousness  a  shinin'  down  on  gor- 
geousness,  glory  above,  a  shinin'  down  on  glory  below. 
And  sweet  strains  of  music  wuz  a  floatin,  out  from 
somewhere,  a  shinin'  somewhere,  renderin'  the  seen 
fur  more  beautiful  to  all  4  of  our  wraptured  ears. 

And  Josiah  sez,  as  we  stood  there  nearly  rooted  to 
the  place  by  our  motions,  and  a  picket  fence,  sez  he 
dreamily, 

"  I  almost  feel  as  if  we  had  made  a  mistake,  and 


BEULER  LAND.  93 

that  this  is  the  land  of  Beuler."     And  he  murmured 
to  himself  some  words  of  the  old  him  : 

"  Oh  Beuler  land  !    Sweet  Beuler  land !  " 

And  I  whispered  back  to  him  and  sez — "  Hush ! 
they  don't  have  brass  bands  in  Beulah  land." 

And  he  sez,  "  How  do  you  know  what  they  have 
in  Beuler?" 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  'taint  likely  they  do." 

But  I  don't  know  as  I  felt  like  blamin'  him,  for  it 
did  seem  to  me  to  be  the  most  beautiful  place  that  I 
ever  sot  my  eyes  on.  And  it  did  seem  fairly  as  if 
them  long  glitterin'  chains  and  links  of  colored 
lights,  a  stretchin'  fur  back  into  the  distance  sort  a 
begoned  for  us  to  enter  into  a  land  of  perfect  beauty 
and  Pure  Delight. 

And  then  them  glitterin'  chains  of  light  would  jine 
onto  other  golden,  and  crimson,  and  orange,  and  pink, 
and  blue,  and  amber  links  of  glory  and  hang  there 
all  drippin'  with  radiance,  and  way  back  as  fur  as  we 
could  see.  And  away  down  under  the  shinin'  lanes 
the  white  statues  stood,  beautiful  snow-white  females, 
a  lookin'  as  if  they  enjoyed  it  all.  And  the  lake 
mirrowed  back  all  of  the  beauty. 

Right  out  onto  the  lake  stood  a  fairy-like  structure 
all  glowin'  with  big  drops  of  light  and  every  glitterin' 
drop  reflected  down  in  the  water  and  the  fountain  a 
sprayin'  up  on  each  side.  Why  it  sprayed  up  floods 
of  diamonds,  and  rubys,  and  sapphires,  and  topazzes, 


94  A    CHARMING  SOLOIST. 

and  turkeys,  and  pearls,  and  opals,  and  sparklin'  'em 
right  back  into  the  water  agin. 

And  right  while  we  stood  there,  neerly  rooted  to 
the  spot  and  gazin'  through  extacy  and  2  pickets,  the 
band  gin  a  loud  burst  of  melody  and  then  stopped, 
and  after  a  minute  of  silence,  we  hearn  a  voice  angel- 
sweet  a  risin'  up,  up,  like  a  lark,  a  tender-hearted, 
golden-throated  lark. 

High,  high  above  all  the  throngs  of  human  folks 
who  wuz  cheerin'  her  down  below — up  above  the  sea 
of  glitterin'  light — up  above  the  bendin'  trees  that 
clasped  their  hands  together  in  silent  applaudin'  above 
her,  up,  up,  into  the  clear  heavens,  rose  that  glorious 
voice  a  singin'  some  song  about  love,  love  that  wuz 
deathless,  eternal. 

Why  it  seemed  as  if  the  very  clouds  wuz  full  of 
shadowy  faces  a  bendin'  down  to  hear  it,  and  the  new 
moon,  shaped  just  like  a  boat,  had  glided  down,  down 
the  sky  to  listen. 

If  the  man  of  the  moon  was  there  he  wuz  a  layin' 
in  the  bottom  of  the  boat,  he  wuzn't  in  sight.  But 
if  he  heard  that  music  I'll  bet  he  would  say  he  wuzn't 
in  the  practice  of  hearin'  any  better.  And  Josiah 
stood  stun  still  till  she  had  got  done,  and  then  he  sort 
a  sithed  out : 

"  Oh,  it  seems  as  if  it  must  be  Beuler  land  !  Do 
you  s'pose,  Samantha,  Beuler  land  is  any  more  beau 
tiful?" 

And  I  aez,  "  I  haint  a  thinkin'  about  Beulah."     I 


"  Way  up  over  all  our  heads  stood  a  big  straight  soldier 
volunteerin'  to  see  the  hull  crew  of  'em  below-"     p.  96. 


96  AMID    THE   CROWDS. 

sez  it  pretty  middlin'  tart,  partly  to  hide  my  own 
feelin's,  which  wuz  perfectly  rousted  up,  and  partly 
from  principle,  and  sez  I,  "  Don't  for  mercy's  sake 
call  it  Beuler." 

Josiah  always  will  call  it  so.  I've  got  a  4th  cousin, 
Beulah  Smith  (my  own  age  and  unmarried  up  to 
date),  and  he  always  did  and  would  call  her  Beuler. 
Truly  in  some  things  a  pardner's  influence  and  en 
couragement  fails  to  accomplish  the  ends  aimed  at. 

Wall,  it  wuz  after  some  words  that  I  drew  Josiah 
away  from  that  seen  of  enchantment — or  he  me,  I 
don't  exactly  know  which  way  it  wuz — and  we  wended 
onwards  in  our  walk. 

The  hull  broad  streets  wuz  full  of  folks,  full  as 
they  could  be,  all  on  'em  perfect  strangers  to  us  and 
who  knew  what  motives  or  weapons  they  wuz  a  car- 
ryin'  with  'em ;  but  we  knew  we  wuz  safe,  Josiah 
and  me  did,  for  way  up  over  all  our  heads,  stood  a 
big  straight  soldier,  a  volunteer  volunteerin'  to  see 
to  the  hull  crew  on  'em  below,  a  seein'  that  they  be 
haved  themselves.  His  age  wuz  seventy-seven  as 
near  as  I  could  make  out,  but  he  didn't  look  more'n 
half  that.  He  had  kep'  his  age  remarkable. 

Wall,  it  wuz,  if  I  remember  right,  jest  about  now 
that  we  see  a  glitterin'  high  up  over  our  heads  some 
writen'  in  flame.  I  never  see  such  brilliant  writin* 
before  nor  don't  know  as  I  ever  shall  ag'in. 

And  Josiah  stopped  stun  still,  and  stood  a  lookin' 


LETTERS   OF  FLAME.  97 

perfectly  dumfoundered  at  it.  And  finally  he  sez, 
"  I'd  give  a  dollar  bill  if  I  could  write  like  that.0 

I  see  he  wuz  deeply  rousted  up  for  2  cents  is  as 
high  as  he  usually  goes  in  bettin'.  I  see  he  felt  deep 
and  I  didn't  blame  him.  Why,"  sez  he,  "jest  im 
agine,  Samantha,  a  hull  letter  wrote  like  that !  how 
I'd  love  to  send  one  back  to  Uncle  Nate  Gowdey. 

How  Uncle  Nate's  eyes  would  open,  and  he  wouldn't 
want  no  spectacles  nor  nothin'  to  read  it  with,  would 
he  ?  I  wonder  if  I  could  do  it,"  sez  he,  a  beginnin' 
to  be  all  rousted  up. 

But  I  sez,  "Be  calm,"  for  so  deep  is  my  mind 
that  I  grasped  the  difficuties  of  the  undertakin'  at 
once.  "  How  could  you  send  it,  Josiah  Allen  ?  Where 
would  you  get  a  envelop  ?  How  could  you  get  it 
into  the  mail  bag  ?"  Sez  I,  "  When  anybody  would 
send  a  letter  wrote  like  that,  they  would  want  to  write 
it  on  sheets  of  lightnin',  and  fold  it  up  in  the  envel- 
opin'  clouds  of  the  skies,  and  it  should  be  received  by 
a  kneelin'  and  reverent  soul.  Who  is  Uncle  Nate 
that  he  should  get  it  ?  He  has  not  a  reverent  soul 
and  he  has  also  rheumatiz  in  his  legs." 

And  then  I  thought,  so  quick  and  active  is  my 
mind  when  it  gets  to  startin'  off  on  a  tower,  I  thought 
of  what  I  had  hearn  a  few  days  before,  of  how  the 
secret  had  been  learnt  by  somebody  who  lived  right 
therl  in  the  village,  of  floatin'  letters  up  at  sea  from 
one  ship  to  another,  sigualin'  out  in  letters  of  flame— 


98  BUSY  THOUGHTS. 

"  Help  !  I'm  a  sinkin'!"  or  "  Danger  ahead  !  Look 
out !" 

And  I  thought  what  it  must  be  to  stand  on  a  dusky 
night  on  a  lone  deck  and  see  up  on  the  broad,  dark, 
lonesome  sky  above,  a  sudden  message,  a  flash  of 
vivid  lightnin',  takin'  to  itself  the  form  of  language. 
And  I  wondered  to  myself  if  in  the  future  we  should 
use  the  great  pages  of  the  night-sky  to  write  messages 
from  one  city  to  another,  or  from  sea  to  land,  of  dan 
ger  and  warning  and  then  I  thought  to  myself,  if 
souls  clog-bound  to  earth  are  able  to  accomplish  so 
much,  who  knows  but  the  freed  soul  goin'  outward 
and  onward  from  height  to  height  of  wisdom  may 
yet  be  able  to  signal  down  from  the  Safe  Land  mes 
sages  of  help  and  warnin'  to  the  souls  it  loved  below. 

The  souls  a  sailin'  and  a  driftin'  through  the  dark 
night  of  despair — a  dashin'  along  through  fog  and 
mist  and  darkness  aginst  rocks.  What  it  would  be 
to  one  kneelin'  in  the  lonesome  night  watches  by  a 
grave,  if  the  dark  sky  could  grow  luminous  and  he 
could  read, — "  Do  not  despair  !  I  am  alive  !  I  love 
you !" 

Or,  in  the  hour  of  the  blackest  temptation  and  dread, 
when  the  earth  is  hollow  and  the  sky  a  black  vault, 
and  the  only  way  of  happiness  on  God's  earth  seems 
down  the  dangerous,  beautiful  way,  God-forbidden, 
what  would  it  be  to  have  the  empty  vault  lit  up  with 
"  Danger  ahead !  We  will  help  you  !  be  patient  a  little 
longer ! " 


FOLLOWING   THE  LIGHT.  99 

Oh  how  fur  my  thoughts  wuz  a  travelling  and  at 
what  a  good  jog,  but  not  one  trace  did  ray  companion 
see  on  my  forwerd  of  these  thoughts  that  wuz  a 
passin'  through  my  foretop :  and  at  that  very  min 
ute,  we  came  up  nigh  enough  to  see  that  right  back 
of  the  glitterin'  language  overhead,  went  a  long  line 
of  big,  glowin'  stars  of  glory  way  up  over  our  heads, 
and  leadin'  down  a  gentle  declivity — and  Josiah  sez, 
"  Let's  foller  on,  and  see  what  it  will  lead  us  to,  Sa- 
mantha." 

"  Wall,'"'  sez  I,  "  light  is  pretty  generally  safe  to 
foller,  Josiah  Allen."  And  so  we  meandered  along, 
keepin'  our  2  heads  as  nigh  as  we  could  under  that 
long  glitterin'  chain  of  golden  drops  that  wuz  high 
overhead.  And  on,  and  on,  we  follered  it  dilligently; 
till  for  the  land's  sake  !  if  it  didn't  lead  us  to  another 
one  of  them  openwork  buildin's,  fixed  off  beautiful, 
and  we  could  see  inside  2  big  wells  like,  with  acres 
of  floor  seemin'ly  on  each  side  on  -'em,  and  crowds  of 
folks  a  walkin'  about  and  settin'  at  little  tables  and 
most  all  of  'em  a  drinkin'. 

The  water  they  drinked  we  could  see  wuz  a  bub- 
blin'  up  and  a  runnin'  over  all  the  time,  in  big  round 
crystal  globes.  And  up,  up  on  a  slender  pole  way 
up  over  one  of  the  wells  hung  another  one  of  them 
crystal  bowls,  a  bubblin'  over  with  the  water  and 
sparklin'. 

And  ag'in  Josiah  asked  me  if  I  thought  Beulei 
land  could  compare  with  it? 


100 


TIRED   OUT. 


And  I  told  him  ag'in  kinder  sharp,  That  I  wuzn't 
a  thinkin'  about  Beuler,  I  didn't  know  any  sech  a 
place  or  name.  I  wish  he  would  call  things  right. 

Wall,  he  wuz  so  dead  tired  by  this  time,  that  we 
sot  sail  homewards  ;  that  is,  my  feet  wuz  tired,  and 
my  bones,  but  my  mind  seemed  more  rousted  up  than 
common. 


VL 

SARATOGA   BY  DAYLIGHT. 

,  the  next  mornin'  Josiah  and  me  sallied  out 
middlin'  early  to  explore  still  further  the  beauties  and 
grandness  of  Saratoga.  I  had  on  a  black  straw 
bonnet,  a  green  vail,  and  a  umberell.  I  also  have 
my  black  alpacky,  that  good  moral  dress. 

My  dress  bein'  such  a  high  mission  one  choked  me. 
It  wuz  so  high  in  the  neck  it  held  my  chin  up  in  a 
most  uncomfortable  position,  but  sort  a  grand  and 
lofty  lookin'.  My  sleeves  wuz  so  long  that  more'n 
half  the  time  my  hand  wuz  covered  up  by  'em  and  I 
wuz  too  honerable  to  wear  'em  for  mits ;  no,  in  the 
iame  of  principle  I  wore  'em  for  sleeves,  good  long 
Beeves,  a  pattern  to  other  grandmas  that  I  might 
meet. 

I  felt  that  when  they  see  me  and  see  what  I  wuz  a 
doin'  and  endurin'  for  the  cause  of  female  dressin' 
they  would  pause  in  their  wild  career,  and  cover  up 
their  necks  and  pull  their  sleeves  down. 

Wall,  it  haint  to  be  expected  that  I  could  walk 
along  carryin'  such  hefty  emotions  as  I  wuz  a  carryin*. 
and  havin'  my  neck  held  high  and  stiddy  both  bj 

101 


J02  "THEM  DUMB  SIDEWALKS:1 

principle  and  alpacky,  and  see  to  every  step  I  wuz  a 
takin'.  And,  first  I  knew,  right  while  I  was  enjoyin' 
the  loftiest  of  these  emotions,  I  ketched  my  foot  in 
sunthin*,  and  most  fell  down.  Instinctively  (such 
is  the  power  of  love)  I  put  out  my  hand  and  clutched 
at  the  arm  of  my  pardner.  But  he  too  wuz  nearly 
fallin'  at  the  same  time.  It  wuz  a  narrow  chance 
that  we  wuz  a  runnin'  from  having  our  prostrate 
forms  a  layin'  there  outstretched  on  the  highway. 

Instinctively  I  sez,  "  Good  land  ! "  and  Josiah  sez 
— wall,  it  is  fur  from  me  to  tell  what  he  said,  but  it 
ended  up  with  these  words,  "Dumb  them  dumb  side 
walks  anyway ; "  and  sez  he,  "  I  should  think  it 
would  pay  to  have  a  little  less  gilt  paint  and  spangles 
and  orniments  overhead  and  a  few  more  solid  bricks 
unless  they  want  more  funerals  here,  dumb  'em ! " 

Sez  I,  "Be  calm!  who  be  you  a  talkin' about? 
who  do  you  want  to  bring  down  your  fearful  curses 
on,  Josiah  Allen  ?  " 

"  Why,  onto  the  dumb  bricks,"  sez  he. 

He  wuz  agitated  and  I  said  no  more.  But  four 
times  in  that  first  walk,  did  I  descend  almost  precipi 
tously  into  declivities  amongst  the  bricks,  risin'  si 
multaneously  on  similar  elevations. 

It  wuz  a  fearful  ordeel  and  I  felt  it  so,  but  upheld 
by  principle  and  Josiah,  I  moved  onwards,  through 
what  seemed  to  be  5  great  throngs  and  masses  of 
people,  3  on  the  ground  and  2  histed  up  above  us  OB 
tall  pillows. 


A  PARASOL   SHOW.  JQ3 

Them  immense  places  overhead  long  as  the  streets, 
Wuz  kinder  scalloped  out  and  trimmed  off  handsum 
with  railin's,  etc.  And  on  it — oh !  what  a  vast 
congregation  of  heads  of  all  sorts  and  sizes  and 
colors.  And  oh !  what  a  immense  display  of  par 
asols  ;  why  no  parasol  store  in  the  land  could  begin 
with  what  I  see  there. 

I  can  truly  say  that  I  thought  I  knew  somethin* 
about  parasols ;  havin'  owned  3  different  ones  in  the 
course  of  my  life,  and  havin'  one  covered  over.  I 
thought  I  knew  somethin'  of  their  nater  and  habits, 
which  is  a  good  deal,  so  I  had  always  s'posed,  like  a 
umberell's.  But  good  land !  I  gin  up  that  I  knew 
them  not,  nor  never  had. 

Why  anybody  could  learn  more  on  'em  through 
one  jerney  down  that  street,  than  from  a  hull  lifetime 
in  Jonesville.  Truly  travel  is  very  upliftin'  and 
openin'  and  spread  in'  out  to  the  mind,  both  in  para 
sols  and  human  nater. 

Wall,  them  2  masses  over  our  heads  wuz  2,  then 
the  one  in  which  we  wuz  a  strugglin'  and  the  one 
opposite  to  it  made  4.  For  anybody  with  any 
pretence  to  learnin'>  knows  that  twice  2  is  4.  A*nd 
then  in  the  middle  of  the  broad  street  was  a  bigger 
mass  of  chariots  and  horsemen,  and  carts  and  car 
riages,  and  great  buggies  and  little  ones,  and  big 
loads  of  barrels,  and  big  loads  of  ladies,  and  then  a 
load  of  wood,  and  then  a  load  of  hay,  and  then  a  pair 
of  young  folks  pretty  as  a  picture.  And  then  came 


104  STRANGE  DISPLAYS. 

some  high  big  coaches  as  big  as  our  spare  bed  room, 
and  as  high  as  the  roof  on  our  horse  barn,  with  six 
horses  hitched  to  'em,  all  runnin'  over  on  top  with  men, 
and  wimmen,  and  children,  and  parasols,  and  giggles, 
and  ha  ha's.  And  a  man  wuz  up  behind  a  soundin' 
out  on  a  trumpet,  a  dretful  sort  of  a  high,  sweet  note, 
not  dwindlin'  down  to  the  end  as  some  music  duz, 
but  kinder  crinklin'  round  and  endin'  up  in  the  air 
every  time. 

Josiah  wuz  dretful  took  with  it  and  he  told  me  in 
confidence  that  he  laid  out  when  he  got  home  to  buy 
a  trumpet  and  blow  out  jest  them  strains  every  time 
he  went  into  Jonesville  or  out  of  it.  He  said  it 
would  sound  so  sort  a  warlike  and  impressive. 

I  expostulated  aginst  the  idee.  But  sez  he,  "  You'll 
enjoy  it  when  you  get  used  to  it." 

"  Never ! "  sez  I. 

"  Yes  you  will,"  sez  he,  "  and  while  I  live  I  lay 
out  that  you  shall  have  advantages,  and  shall  enjoy 
things  new  and  uneek." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I  feelin'ly,  "  I  expect  to,  Josiah  Allen, 
as  long  as  I  live  with  you."  And  I  sithed.  But  I 
had  little  time  to  enjoy  even  sithin',  for  oh  !  the  crowd 
that  wuz  a  pressin'  onto  us  and  surroundin'  us  on 
every  side,  some  on  'em  curius  and  strange  lookin' 
some  on  'em  beautiful  and  grand.  Pretty  young  girls 
lookin'  sweet  enough  to  kiss,  and  right  behind  'em  a 
Chinese  man  with  a  long  dress,  and  wooden  shoes, 
and  his  hair  in  a  long  braid  behind,  and  his  eyes  set 


BLACK  MA'S  105 

in  sideways.  And  then  would  come  on  a  hull  lot  of 
wimmen  in  dresses  ev'ry  color  of  the  rainbow,  and 
some  men.  Then  a  few  childern,  lookin'  sweet  as 
roses,  with  their  mothers  a  pushin'  the  little  carts 
ahead  on  'em.  And  if  you'll  believe  it,  I  don't 
s'pose  you  will,  but  it  is  true,  that  lots  of  black  ma's 
had  child ern  jest  as  white  as  snow,  and  pretty  as 
rosebuds,  took  after  their  fathers  I  s'pose.  But  I 
don't  believe  in  a  mixin'  of  the  races.  And  when  I 
see  'em  a  kissin'  the  pretty  babys,  I  begun  to  muse  a 
very  little  on  the  feelin's  of  the  indignent  South,  at 
haviri'  a  colered  girl  set  in  the  same  car  with  'em,  or 
on  a  bench  in  the  same  school  room. 

I  mewsed  on  how  they  held  the  white  forms  clost 
to  their  black  breasts  at  birth,  and  in  the  hour  of 
death — the  black  lips  pressed  to  the  white  cheeks  and 
lips,  in  both  cases.  And  all  the  way  between  life  and 
death  they  mingle  clost  as  they  can,  some  in  some  cases 
like  the  hill  of  knowledge.  Then  the  contact  is  too 
clost,  when  they  sot  out  to  climb  up  by  'em.  Truly 
there  are  deep  conundrums  and  strange  ones,  all  along 
through  life ;  though  the  white  man  may  be,  and  is, 
cleer  up  out  of  his  way,  on  the  sunshiny  brow  of  the 
hill,  and  the  black  man  at  the  foot,  way  down  amongst 
the  shadows  and  darkness  of  the  low  grounds.  They 
don't  come  very  nigh  each  other.  But  the  arms  that 
have  felt  the  clasp  and  the  lips  that  have  felt  the  kisses 
of  that  very  same  black  climber  all  through  life,  moves 
'em  and  shouts  'em  to  "go  down,"  to  "go  back." 


106  MIXED  MULTITUDES. 

"  The  contact  is  getting  too  clost,  danger  is  ahead." 
Curious,  haint  it  ?  Jest  as  if  any  danger  is  so  dan 
gerous  as  ignorance  and  brutality.  Curious,  haint  it  ? 
But  I  am  a  eppisodin',  and  to  resoom. 

"Wall,  right  after  the  babies  we'd  meet  a  Catholic 
priest  with  a  calm  and  fur  away  look  on  his  face,  a 
lookin'  at  the  crowd  as  if  he  wuz  in  it,  but  not  of  it. 
And  then  a  burgler,  mebby,  anyway  a  mean  lookin' 
creeter,  ragged  and  humble.  And  then  2  or  3  men 
foreign  lookin',  jabberin'  in  a  tongue  I  know  nothin' 
of,  nor  Josiah  either.  And  then  some  more  childern, 
and  wimmen,  and  dogs,  and  parasols,  and  men,  and 
babies,  and  Injuns,  and  Frenchmen,  and  old  young 
wimmen,  and  young  old  ones,  and  handsome  ones, 
and  hombly  ones,  and  parasols,  and  some  sweet  young 
<*irls  ag'irx,  and  some  black  men,  and  some  white  men, 
tmd  some  more  wimmen,  and  parasols,  and  silk,  and 
velvet,  and  lace,  and  puckers,  and  ruffles,  and  gethers, 
and  gores,  and  flowers,  and  feathers,  and  fringes,  and 
frizzles,  and  then  some  men,  some  Southerners  from 
the  South,  some  Westerners  from  the  West,  some 
Easterners  from  the  East,  and  some  Cubebs  from 
Cuba,  and  some  Chinamen  from  China. 

Oh  !  what  a  seen  !  What  a  seem  !  back  and  forth, 
passin'  and  repassin',  to  and  fro,  parasols,  and  dogs, 
and  wimmen,  and  men,  and  babies,  and  parasols,  to 
and  fro,  to  and  fro.  Why,  if  I  stood  there  long  so 
crazed  would  I  have  become  at  the  seen,  that  I  should 


JO  SI  AH  SCOOPED  IN.  107 

have  felt  that  Josiah  wuz  a  To  and  I  wuz  a  Fro,  or 
I  wuz  a  parasol  and  he  wuz  a  dog. 

And  to  prevent  that  fearful  catastrophe,  I  sez,  "  If 
we  ever  get  beyond  this  side  of  the  village  that  seems 
all  run  together,  if  we  ever  do  get  beyond  it,  which 
seems  doubtful,  le's  go  and  sit  down,  in  some  quiet 
spot,  and  try  to  collect  our  scattered  minds."  Sez  I, 
"I  feel  curius,  Josiah  Allen  !"  and  sez  I,  "How  do 
you  feel?" 

His  answer  I  will  not  translate;  it  was  neither 
Biblical  nor  even  moral.  And  I  sez  agin,  "  Hain't  it 
strange  that  they  have  the  village  all  run  together  with 
no  streets  turnin'  off  of  it."  Sez  I,  "  It  makes  me  feel 
queer,  Josiah  Allen,  and  I  am  a  goin'  to  enquire  into 
it."  So  we  wended  our  way  some  further  on  amongst 
the  dense  crowd  I  have  spoken  of,  only  more  crowded 
and  more  denser,  and  anon,  if  not  oftener,  Josiah's 
head  would  be  scooped  in  by  passin'  parasols,  and  then 
in  low,  deep  tones,  Josiah  would  use  words  that  I 
wouldn't  repeat  for  a  dollar  bill,  till  at  last  I  asked  a 
bystander  a  standin'  by,  and  sez  I,  "Is  this  village 
all  built  together — don't  you  have  no  streets  a  turnin' 
off  of  it?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  you'll  find  a  street  jest  as  soon  as 
you  get  by  this  hotel." 

I  stopped  right  in  my  tracts ;  I  wuz  dumbfoundered. 
Sez  I,  "  Do  you  mean  to  say  that  this  hull  side  of 
the  street  that  we  have  been  a  traversin'  anon,  at 


STILL   PRESSING    ON.  1Q9 

long  before  anon, — do  you  say  that  this  is  all  one 
buildin'?" 

"  Yes  mom,"  sez  he. 

Sez  I,  in  faint  axents,  "  When  shall  we  get  to  the 
end  on  it  ?  " 

Sez  he,  "  You  have  come  jest  about  half  way." 

Josiah  gin  a  deep  groan  and  turned  him  round  in 
his  tracts  and  sez,  "  Le's  go  back  this  minute." 

I  k>o  thought  of  the  quiet  haven  from  whence  we 
had  set  out,  with  a  deep  longin',  but  sech  is  the  force 
and  strength  of  my  mind  that  I  grasped  holt  of  the 
situation  and  held  it  there  tight.  If  we  wuz  half  way 
across  it  wouldn't  be  no  further  to  go  on  than  it  would 
to  go  back.  Such  wuz  my  intellect  that  I  see  it  to 
once,  but  Josiah's  mind  couldn't  grasp  it,  and  with 
words  murmured  in  my  ears  which  I  will  never  repeat 
to  a  livin'  soul  he  wended  on  by  my  side  through  the 
same  old  crowd — parasols,  and  wimmen,  and  dogs, 
and  babies,  and  men,  and  parasols,  and  Injuns,  and 
Spanards,  and  Creoles,  and  pretty  girls,  and  old  wim 
men,  and  puckers,  and  gethers,  and  bracelets,  and  dia 
monds,  and  lace,  and  parasols.  .Several  times,  if  not 
more,  wuz  Josiah  Allen  scooped  in  by  a  parasol  held 
by  a  female,  and  I  felt  he  wuz  liable  to  be  torn  from 
me.  His  weight  is  but  small.  3  times  his  hat  fell 
off  in  the  operation  and  wuz  reskued  with  difficulty, 
and  he  spoke  words  I  blush  to  recall  as  havin'  passed 
my  pardner's  lips. 

Wall,  in  the  fullness  of  time,  or  a  little  after,  for 
8 


THE   ESCAPE. 

truly  I  wuz  not  in  a  condition  to  sense  things  much, 
we  arrove  at  a  street  and  we  gladly  turned  our  2  frames 
into  it,  and  wended  our  way  on  it,  goin'  at  a  pretty 
good  jog.  The  crowd  a  growin'  less  and  less  and  we 
kep  a  goin',  and  kep  a  goin',  till  Josiah  sez  in  weary 
axents : 

"  Where  be  you  a  goin',  Samantha  ?  Haint  you 
never  goin'  to  stop  ?  I  am  fairly  tuckered  out." 

And  I  sez  in  faint  axents,  "  I  would  fain  reach  a 
land  where  parasols  and  puckers  are  not  and  dogs  and 
diamonds  are  no  more." 

I  wuz  middlin'  incoherent  from  my  agitation. 
But  I  meant  well.  I  wuz  truly  in  hopes  I  would 
reach  some  quiet  place  where  Josiah  and  me  could  set 
down  alone.  Where  I  could  look  in  quiet  and  re 
pose  upon  that  dear  bald  head,  and  recooperate  my 
strength. 

We  went  by  beautiful  places,  grand  houses  of  dif 
ferent  colors  but  every  one  on  'em  good  lookin'  ones, 
?  settin'  back  amongst  their  green  trees,  with  shady ^ 
grass-covered  yards,  and  fountains  and  flower  beds  in 
front  of  'em,  and  more  grand  handsome  houses,  and 
more  big  beautiful  yards,  green  velvet  grass  and  beau 
tiful  flowers  and  fountains,  and  birds  and  beauty  on 
every  side  on  us. 

And  though  I  felt  and  knew  that  in  them  big  car 
riages  that  was  a  passin'  2  and  fro  all  the  time,  though 
I  felt  that  parasols,  and  puckers,  and  laces,  and  dogs, 
and  diamonds,  wuz  a  bein'  borne  past  me  all  thf  time. 


NICE   CREETERS.  \\\ 

yet  sech  is  the  force  of  my  mind  that  I  could  withdraw 
my  specks  from  'em,  and  look  at  the  beautiful  works 
of  nater  (assisted  by  man)  that  wuz  about  me  on  every 
hand. 

Finally  my  long  search  wuz  rewarded,  we  came  to 
a  big  open  gateway  that  seemed  to  lead  into  a  large, 
quiet  delightful  forest.  And  in  that  lovely,  lonesome 
place,  Josiah  and  me  sot  down  to  recooperate  our  2 
energies. 

Josiah  looked  good  to  me.  Men  are  nice  creeters, 
but  you  don't  want  to  see  too  meny  of  'em  to  once, 
likeways  with  wimmen.  Josiah  looked  to  me  at  that 
moment  some  like  a  calico  dress  that  you  have  picked 
out  of  a  dense  quantity  of  patterns  of  calico  at  a  store, 
it  looks  better  to  you  when  you  get  it  away  from  the 
rest.  Josiah  Allen  looked  good  to  me. 

But  anon,  after  I  had  bathed  my  distracdet  eyes 
(as  you  may  say)  in  the  liniment  of  my  pardner,  I 
began  to  take  in  the  rare  beauty  of  the  seen  laid  out 
before  me  and  we  arose  and  wended  our  way  on 
wards  peaceful  and  serene,  as  2  childern  led  on  by  their 
mother. 

Dear  Mother  Nature  !  how  dost  thou  rest  and  soothe 
thy  destracted  childern  when  too  hardly  used  by  the 
grindin',  oppressive  hands  of  fashion  and  the  weeri- 
some  elements  of  a  too  civilized  life.  Maybe  thou  art 
a  heathen  mother,  oneducated  and  ignorant  in  all  but 
the  wisdom  of  love,  but  thy  bosom  is  soft  and  restful, 
and  thy  arms  lovin'  and  tender.  And,  heathen  if  thou 


112  JOSIAWS   WILD   COMMOTION. 

art,  we  love  thee  first  and  at  last.  We  are  glad  to 
slip  out  of  all  the  vain  and  gilded  supports  that  have 
held  us  weerily  up,  and  lay  down  our  tired  heads  on 
thy  kindly  and  unquestionin'  bosom  and  rest. 

As  we  rose  from  the  soft  turf,  on  which  we  had 
been  a  restin',  and  meandered  on  through  that  beau 
tiful  park,  (so  tenderly  had  nature  used  him,)  not  one 
trace  of  the  wild  commotion  that  had  almost  rent 
Josiah  Allen's  breast,  could  be  seen  save  one  expirin' 
threeoh  of  agony.  As  we  started  out  ag'in,  he  looked 
down  onto  my  faithful  umberell,  that  had  stiddied 
me  on  so  many  towers  of  principle,  and  sez  he,  in  low 
concentrated  axents  of  skern  and  bitterness,  "  If  that 
wuz  a  dumb  parasol,  Samantha,  I  would  crush  it  to 
the  earth  and  grind  it  to  atoms." 

Truly  he  could  not  forget  how  his  bald  head  had 
been  gethered  in  like  a  ripe  sheaf,  by  7  females, 
during  that  very  walk,  hombly  ones  too,  so  it  had 
happened.  But  I  sez  nothin'  in  reply  to  this  expirin' 
note  of  the  crysis  he  had  passed  through,  knowin' 
this  was  not  the  time  for  silver  speech  but  for  golden 
sileuce,  and  so  we  meandered  onwards. 

And  it  wuz  anon  that  we  see  in  the  distance  a  fair 
white  female  a  standin'  kinder  still  in  the  edge  of  the 
woods,  and  Josiah  spoke  in  a  seemin'ly  careless  way, 
and  sez  he,  "  She  don't  seem  to  have  many  clothes  on, 
Samantha." 

Se7  I,  "  Hush,  Josiah !  she  has  probably  over 
slept  herself,  and  come  out  in  a  hurry,  mebby  to  look 


114  ONLY  A  STATUE. 

for  some  herbs  or  sunthin'.  I  persoom  one  of  her 
childern  are  sick,  and  she  sprung  right  up  out  of  bed, 
and  come  out  to  get  some  wether-wort,  or  catnip,  or 
sunthin'." 

And  as  I  spoke  I  drawed  Josiah  down  a  side  path 
away  from  her.  But  he  stopped  stun  still  and  sez 
he,  "  Mebby  I  ought  to  go  and  help  Pier  Samantha." 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  sense  I  lived  with  you,  I 
don't  think  I  have  been  shamder  of  you ; "  sez  I, 
"  it  would  mortify  her  to  death  if  she  should  mistrust 
you  had  seen  her  in  that  condition." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  still  a  hangin'  back,  "  if  the  child 
is  very  sick,  and  I  can  be  any  help  to  her,  it  is  my 
duty  to  go." 

His  eye  had  been  on  her  nearly  every  moment  of 
the  time,  in  spite  of  my  almost  voyalent  protests,  and 
sez  he,  kinder  excited  like,  "  She  is  standin'  stun  still, 
as  if  she  is  skairt ;  mebby  there  is  a  snake  in  front 
of  her  or  sunthin',  or  mebby  she  is  took  paralysed, 
I'd  better  go  and  see." 

Sez  I,  in  low,  deep  axents,  "  You  stay  where  you 
be,  Josiah  Allen,  and  I  will  go  forward,  bein'  2  females 
together,  it  is  what  it  is  right  to  do  and  if  we  need 
your  help  I  will  holler." 

And  finally  he  consented  after  a  parlay. 

Wall,  as  I  got  up  to  her  I  see  she  wuzn't  a  live, 
meat  woman,  but  a  statute  and  so  I  hastened  back  to 
my  Josiah  and  told  him  "  there  wuzn't  no  need  of  his 
help  and  he  wuz  in  the  right  on't — she  wuz  stun  still." 


ENDING   THE    WALK. 


115 


He  said  he  guessed  we'd  better  go  that  way. 
And  I  sez,  "  No,  Josiah,  I  want  to  go  round  by  the 
other  road." 

Wall,  we  got  back  to  our  abode  perfectly  tuckered 
out,  but  perfectly  happy.  And  we  concluded  that 
after  dinner  we  would  set  out  and  see  the  different 
springs  and  partake  of  'em.  Had  it  not  been  for  our 
almost  frenzied  haste  to  get  away  from  parasols  and 
dogs  and  destraction  into  a  place  of  rest  we  should 
have  beheld  them  sooner.  And  our  afternoon's 
adventures  I  will  relate  in  another  epistol. 


vn. 

SEEING   THE   DIFFERENT  SPRINGS. 

IMMEGEATLY  after  dinner  (a  good  one)  Josiah 
Allen,  Ardelia  Tutt  and  me  sot  out  to  view  and  look 
at  the  different  springs  and  to  partake  of  the  same. 
We  hadn't  drinked  a  drop  of  it  as  yet.  Ardelia  had 
come  over  to  go  with  us.  She  had  on  a  kind  of 
a  yellowish  drab  dress  and  a  hat  made  of  the  same, 
with  some  drab  and  blue  bows  of  ribbon  and  some 
pink  holly-hawks  in  it,  and  she  had  some  mits  on 
(her  hands  prespired  dretfully,  and  she  sweat  easy). 
As  I  have  said,  she  is  a  good  lookin'  girl  but  soft. 
And  most  any  dress  she  puts  on  kinder  falls  into  the 
same  looks.  It  may  be  quite  a  hard  lookin'  dress 
before  she  puts  it  on,  but  before  she  has  wore  it  half  a 
hour  it  will  kinder  crease  down  into  the  softest  lookin' 
thing  you  ever  see.  And  so  with  her  bonnets,  and 
mantillys,  and  everything. 

The  down  onto  a  goslin's  breast  never  looked  softer 
than  every  rag  she  had  on  this  very  afternoon,  and  no 
tender  goslin'  itself  wuz  ever  softer  than  she  wna 
on  the  inside  on't.  But  that  didn't  hinder  my  likin' 
her. 

116 


AN  OPEN  HOUSE.  H7 

Wall,  anon,  or  a  little  before,  we  came  to  that  long, 
long  buildin',  beautiful  and  dretful  ornimental,  but  I 
could  see  plain  by  daylight  what  I  had  mistrusted 
before,  that  it  wuzn't  built  for  warmth.  It  must  be 
dretful  cold  in  the  winter,  and  I  don't  see  how  the 
wimmen  folks  of  the  home  could  stand  it,  unless 
they  hang  up  bed  quilts  and  blankets  round  the  side, 
and  then,  I  should  think  they  would  freeze.  They 
couldn't  keep  their  house  plants  over  winter  any  way 
— and  I  see  they  had  sights  of  'em — unless  they  kep' 
'em  down  suller. 

But  howsumever,  that  is  none  of  my  lookout.  If 
they  want  to  be  so  fashionable,  as  to  try  to  lite  out 
doors  and  in  the  house  too,  that  is  none  of  my  busi 
ness.  And  of  course  it  looked  dretful  ornimental  and 
pretty.  But  I  will  say  this,  it  haint  bein'  mejum.  I 
should  rather  live  either  out  doors,  or  in  the  house, 
one  of  the  2.  But  I  am  a  eppisodin'.  And  to  resoom. 

Josiah  Allen  paid  the  money  demanded  of  him 
and  we  went  in  and  advanced  onwards  to  where  a 
boy  wuz  a  pullin'  up  the  water  and  handin'  of  it 
round. 

It  looked  dretful  bubblin'  and  sparklin'.  Why 
sunthin'  seemed  to  be  a  sparklin'  up  all  the  time  in 
the  water  and  I  thought  to  myself  mebby  it  wuz 
water  thoughts,  mebby  it  wanted  to  tell  sunthin', 
mebby  it  has  all  through  these  years  been  a  tryin'  to 
bubble  up  and  sparkle  out  in  wisdom  but  haint  found 


*'  Immegeately  after  dinner  (a  good  one)  Josiah  Allen,  Ardelia 
Tutt  and  me  sot  out  to  view  and  look  at  the  different  springs  and 
to  partake  of  the  same.  We  hadn't  drinked  a  drop  of  it  as  yet." 
page  116. 


WATER    THOUGHTS.  H9 

any  one  yet  who  could  understand  its  liquid  language. 
Who  knows  now? 

I  took  my  glass  and  looked  close — sparkle,  sparkle, 
up  came  the  tiny  thought  sparks !  But  1  wuzn't 
wise  enough  to  read  the  glitterin'  language.  No  I 
wuzn't  deep  enough.  It  would  take  a  deep  mind, 
mebby  thousands  of  feet  deep,  to  understand  the 
great  glowin'  secret  that  it  has  been  a  tryin'  to  reveal 
and  couldn't.  Mebby  it  has  been  a  tryin'  to  tell  of 
big  diamond  mines  that  it  has  passed  through — great 
cliffs  and  crags  of  gold  sot  deep  with  the  crystalized 
dew  of  diamonds. 

But  no,  I  didn't  believe  that  wuz  it.  That 
wouldn't  help  the  world,  only  to  make  it  happier,  and 
these  seemed  to  me  to  be  dretful  inspiring  upliftin' 
thoughts.  No,  mebby  it  is  a  tryin'  to  tell  a  cold 
world  about  a  way  to  heat  it.  Mebby  it  has  been  a 
runnin'  over  and  is  sparklin'  with  bright  thoughts 
about  how  deep  underneath  the  earth  lay  a  big  fire 
place,  that  all  the  cold  beggars  of  mortality  could  set 
round  and  warm  their  frozen  fingers  by, — a  tryin'  to 
tell  how  the  heat  of  that  fire  that  escapes  now  up  the 
chimbleys  of  volcanoes,  and  sometimes  in  sudden 
drafts  blows  out  sideways  into  earthquakes,  etc.,  could 
be  utilized  by  conveyin'  it  up  on  top  of  the  ground, 
and  have  it  carried  into  the  houses  like  Croton  water. 
Who  knows  now  ?  Mebby  that  is  it ! 

Oh !  I  felt  that  it  would  be  a  happy  hour  for 
Samantha  when  she  could  bile  her  potatoes  by  the 


120          SPECULATIONS   ON  THE  FUTURE. 

heat  of  that  large  noble  fire-place.  And  more  than 
that,  far  more  wuz  the  thought  that  heat  might  become, 
in  the  future,  as  cheap  as  cold.  That  the  little  cold 
hands  that  freeze  every  winter  in  the  big  cities,  could 
be  stretched  out  before  the  big  generous  warmth  of 
that  noble  fire-place.  And  who  built  that  fire  in  the 
first  place  ?  Who  laid  the  first  sticks  on  the  hand- 
irons,  and  put  the  match  to  it  ?  Who  wuz  it  that  did 
it,  and  how  did  he  look,  and  when  wuz  he  born,  and 
why,  and  where? 

These,  and  many  other  thoughts  of  similar  size  and 
shape,  filled  my  brane  almost  full  enough  to  lift  up 
the  bunnet,  that  reposed  gracefully  on  my  foretop,  as 
I  stood  and  held  the  sparklin'  glass  in  my  hands. 

Sparkle!  sparkle!  sparkle!  what  wuz  it,  it  wuz 
a  tryin'  to  say  to  me  and  couldn't  ?  Good  land  !  I 
couldn't  tell,  and  Josiah  couldn't,  1  knew  instinct 
ively  he  couldn't,  though  I  didn't  ask  him. 

No,  I  turned  and  looked  at  that  beloved  man,  for 
truly  I  had  for  the  time  bein'  been  by  the  side  of 
myself,  and  I  see  that  he  wuz  a  drinkin'  lavishly  of  the 
noble  water.  I  see  that  he  wuz  a  drinkin'  more  than  wuz 
for  his  good,  his  linement  showed  it,  and  sez  I,  for  he 
wuz  a  liftin'  another  tumbler  full  onto  his  lips,  sez  I. 
"  Pause,  Josiah  Allen,  and  don't  imbibe  too  much." 

"  Why,"  he  whispered,  "  you  can  drink  all  you  are 
a  mind  to  for  5  cents.  I  am  bound  for  once,  Saman- 
tha  Allen,  to  get  the  worth  of  my  money." 

And  he  drinked  the  tumbler   full  down  at  one 


**  I  see  that  he  wuz  a  drinkin'  more  than  wuz  for  his  good." 

p.  120. 


122  GETTING   THE  MONEY'S    WORTH. 

swoller  almost,  and  turned  to  the  weary  boy  for  an 
other.  He  looked  bad,  and  eager,  and  sez  I,  "  How 
many  have  you  drinked?" 

Sez  he,  in  a  eager,  animated  whisper,  "  9."  And 
he  whispered  in  the  same  axents,  "  5  times  9  is  45 ; 
if  it  had  been  to  a  fair,  or  Fourth  of  July,  or  anything, 
it  would  have  cost  me  45  cents,  and  if  it  had  been  to 
a  church  soicul — lemme  see — 9  times  10  is  90.  Ife 
would  have  cost  me  a  dollar  bill !  And  here  I  am  a 
havin'  it  all  for  5  cents.  Why,"  sez  he,  "  I  never  see 
the  beat  on't  in  my  life." 

And  ag'in  he  drinked  a  tumbler  full  down,  and 
motioned  to  the  frightened  boy  for  another. 

But  I  took  him  by  the  vest  and  whispered  to  him, 
sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  do  you  want  to  die,  because  you 
can  die  cheap  ?  Why,"  sez  I,  "  it  will  kill  you  to 
drink  so  much." 

"  But  think  of  the  cheapness  on't  Samantha  !  The 
chance  I  have  of  getting  the  worth  of  my  money." 

But  I  whispered  back  to  him  in  anxus  axents  and 
told  him,  that  I  guessed  if  funeral  expenses  wuz  added 
to  that  5  cents  it  wouldn't  come  so  cheap,  and  sez  I, 
"  you  wont  live  through  many  more  glasses,  and  you'll 
see  you  wont.  Why,"  sez  I,  "you  are  a  drowndin' 
•ut  your  insides." 

He  wuz  fairly  a  gettin'  white  round  the  mouth,  and 
I  finally  got  him  to  withdraw,  though  he  looked  back, 
longingly  at  the  tumblers  and  murmured  even  after  I 
toad  got  him  to  the  door,  that  it  wuz  a  dumb  pity  whea 


JOSIAH' S  SENSATION.  123 

anybody  got  a  chance  to  get  the  worth  of  their  money, 
which  wuzn't  often,  to  think  they  couldn't  take  advan 
tage  on  it. 

And  I  sez  back  to  him  in  low  deep  axents,  "  There 
is  such  a  thing  as  bein'  too  graspin',  Josiah  Allen." 
Sez  I,  "  The  children  of  Israel  used  to  want  to  lay 
up  more  manny  than  they  wanted  or  needed,  and  it 
spilte  on  their  hands."  And  sez  I,  "you  see  if  it 
haint  jest  so  with  you ;  you  have  been  in  too  great 
haste  to  enrich  yourself,  and  you'll  be  sorry  for  it,  you 
see  if  you  haint." 

And  he  was.  Though  he  uttered  language  I  wouldn't 
wish  to  repeat,  about  the  children  of  Israel  and  about 
me  for  bringin'  of  'em  up.  But  the  man  wuz  dethly 
sick.  Why  he  had  drinked  11  tumblers  full,  and  I 
trembled  to  think  what  would  have  follered  on,  and 
ensued,  if  I  hadn't  interfered.  As  it  wuz,  he  wuz 
confined  to  our  abode  for  the  rest  of  the  day. 

But  I  wouldn't  have  Josiah  Allen  blamed  more 
than  is  due  for  this  little  incedent,  for  it  only  illus 
trates  a  pervailin'  trait  in  men's  nater,  and  sometimes 
wimmen's — a  too  great  desire  to  amass  sudden  riches, 
and  when  opportunity  offers,  burden  themselves  with 
useless  and  wearysome  and  oft-times  painful  gear. 

They  don't  need  it  but  seeing  they  have  a  chance 
to  get  it  cheap,  "  dog  cheap "  as  the  poet  observes, 
why  they  weight  themselves  down  with  it,  and  then 
groan  under  the  burden  of  unnecessary  and  wearin* 
wealth.  This  is  a  deep  subject,  deep  as  the  well  from 


124  THE  RACE  FOR  RICHES. 

which  my  companion  drinked,  and  nearly  drinked 
himself  into  a  untimely  grave. 

Men  heap  up  more  riches  than  they  can  enjoy  and 
then  groan  and  rithe  under  the  taxes,  the  charity 
given,  the  envy,  the  noteriety,  the  glare,  and  the  glitter, 
the  crowd  of  fortune-hunters  and  greedy  hangers-on, 
and  the  care  and  anxiety.  They  orniment  the  high 
front  of  their  houses  with  the  paint,  the  gildin',  the 
fashion,  and  the  show  of  enormous  wealth,  and  while 
the  crowd  of  fashion-seekers  and  fortune-hunters  pour 
in  and  out  of  the  lofty  doorway  they  set  out  on  the 
back  stoop  a  groanin'  and  a  sithin'  at  the  cares  and 
sleepless  anxietes  of  their  big  wealth,  and  then  they 
git  up  and  go  down  street  and  try  their  best  to  heap 
up  more  treasure  to  groan  over. 

And  wimmen  now,  when  wuz  there  ever  a  woman 
who  could  resist  a  good  bargain  ?  Her  upper  beauro 
draws  may  be  a  runnin'  over  with  laces  and  ribbons, 
but  let  her  see  a  great  bargain  sold  for  nothin'  almost, 
and  where  is  the  female  woman  that  can  resist  addin' 
to  that  already  too  filled  up  beauro  draw. 

A  baby,  be  he  a  male,  or  be  he  a  female  child, 
when  he  has  got  a  appel  in  both  hands,  will  try  to 
lay  holt  of  another,  if  you  hold  it  out  to  him.  It  is 
human  nater.  Josiah  must  not  be  considered  as  one 
alone  in  layin'  up  more  riches  than  he  needed.  He 
Buffered,  and  I  also,  for  sech  is  the  divine  law  of  love, 
that  if  one  member  of  the  family  suffers,  the  other 
members  suffer  also,  specially  when  the  sufferin'  mem- 


SAMANTHA    UNJUSTLY  ACCUSED.          125 

ber  is  impatient  and  voyalent  is  his  distress,  and 
talks  loud  and  angry  at  them  who  truly  are  not  to 
blame. 

Now  I  didn't  make  the  springs  nor  I  wuzn't  to 
blame  for  their  bein'  discovered  in  the  first  place. 
But  Josiah  laid  it  to  me.  And  though  I  tried  to 
make  him  know  that  it  wuz  a  Injun  that  discovered 
?em  first,  he  wouldn't  gin  in  and  seemed  to  think  they 
wouldn't  have  been  there  if  it  hadn't  been  for  me. 

I  hated  to  hear  him  go  on  so.  And  in  the  cause 
of  Duty,  I  brung  up  Sir  William  Johnson  and  others. 
But  he  lay  there  on  the  lounge,  and  kep'  his  face 
turned  resolute  towards  the  wall,  in  a  dretful  oncom- 
fertable  position  (sech  wuz  his  temper  of  mind),  and 
said,  he  never  had  heard  of  them,  nor  the  springs 
nuther,  and  shouldn't  if  it  hadn't  been  for  me. 

Why,  sez  I,  "  A  Injun  brought  Sir  William  John 
son  here  on  his  back." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  cross  as  a  bear,  "  that  is  the  way 
you'll  have  to  take  me  back,  if  you  go  on  in  this  way 
much  longer." 

"  In  what  way,  Josiah  ?  "  sez  I. 

"  Why  a  findin'  springs  and  draggin'  a  man  off  to 
'em,  and  makin'  him  drink." 

"  Why,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  "  I  told  you  not  to 
drink — don't  you  remember  ?  " 

"  No  !  I  don't  remember  nuthin',  nor  don't  want 
3p,  I  want  to  go  to  sleep  ! "  sez  he,  snappish  as  any 
thing,  so  I  went  out  and  let  him  think  if  he  wanted 


126  JOSIAH  CONVALESCENT. 

to,  that  I  made  the  Springs,  and  the  Minerals,  and 
the  Gysers,  and  the  Spoutin'  Rock,  and  everything. 
Good  land  !  I  knew  I  didn't ;  but  I  had  to  rest  under 
the  unkind  insinuation.  Such  is  some  of  the  trials 
of  pardners. 

But  Josiah  waked  up  real  clever.  And  I  brung 
him  up  some  delicate  warm  toast  and  some  fragrant 
tea,  and  his  smile  on  me  wuz  dretful  good-natured, 
almost  warm.  And  I  forgot  all  his  former  petulence 
and  basked  in  the  rays  of  love  and  happiness  that 
beamed  on  me  out  of  the  blue  sky  of  my  companion's 
eyes.  The  clear  blue  sky  that  held  two  stars,  to  which 
my  heart  turned. 

Such  is  some  of  the  joys  of  pardners  with  which 
the  world  don't  meddle  with,  nor  can't  destroy. 

But  to  resoom.  Ardelia  sot  down  awhile  in  our 
room  before  she  went  back  to  her  boardin'  house.  I 
see  she  wuz  a  writin'  for  she  had  a  long  lead  pencil 
in  her  right  hand  and  occasionally  she  would  lean  her 
forrerd  down  upon  it,  in  deep  thought,  and  before  she 
went,  she  slipped  the  verses  into  my  hand. 

Sez  I,  a  lookin'  over  my  specks  at  Ardeiia  after  1 
had  finished  readin'  the  verses :  "  What  does  '  ron ' 
mean  ?  I  never  heerd  of  that  word  before,  nor  knew 
there  wuz  sech  a  one.  " 

Sez  she,  "  I  meant  ran,  but  I  s'pose  it  is  a  poetical 
license  to  say  '  ron,'  don't  you  think  so  ?  " 

"  Oh,  yes,"  sez  I,  "  Is'pose  so,  I  kon't  know  much 
about  licenses,  nor  don't  want  to,  they  are  suthin'  J 


A   RESKY  THING. 


127 


aever  believed  in.  But,"  sez  I,  for  I  see  she  looked 
red  and  overcasted  by  my  remarks,  "  I  don't  s'pose 
it  will  make  any  difference  in  a  100  years  whether 
you  say  ran  or  ron." 

But  sez  I,  "  Ardelia,  it  is  a  hot  day,  and  I  wouldn't 
write  any  more  if  I  wuz  in  your  place.  If  you  should 
heat  your  bra — ,  the  upper  part  of  your  head,  you 
might  not  get  over  it  for  some  time." 

"  But,"  sez  she,  "  you  have  told  me  sometimes  to 
stop  on  account  of  cold  weather." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  most  any  kind  of  weather  is  hard 
on  some  kinds  of  poetry."  Sez  I,  "  Poetry  is  sun- 
thin'  that  takes  particular  kinds  of  folks  and  weather 
to  be  successful."  Sez  I,  "  It  is  sunthin'  that  can't 
be  tampered  with  with  impunity  by  Christians  or 
world's  people.  It  is  a  kind  of  a  resky  thing  to  do, 
and  I  wouldn't  write  any  more  to-day,  Ardelia." 

And  she  heard  to  me  and  after  a  settin'  a  while 
with  us,  she  went  back  to  Mr.  Pixley's. 


I 


VIIL 

JOSIAH   AND   3AMANTHA   TAKE   A   LONG   WALK. 

WALL,  we  hadn't  been  to  Saratoga  long  before 
Aunt  Polly  Pixley  came  over  to  see  us,  for  Aunt  Polly 
had  been  as  good  as  her  word  and  had  come  to  Sara 
toga,  to  her  2d  cousins,  the  Mr.  Pixley'ses,  where 
Ardelia  wuz  a  stopping.  Ardelia  herself  is  a  distant 
relation  to  Aunt  Polly,  quite  distant,  about  40  or  50 
miles  distant  when  they  are  both  to  home. 

Wall,  the  change  in  Aunt  Polly  is  wonderful,  per 
fectly  wonderful.  She  don't  look  like  the  same  woman. 

She  took  her  knittin'  work  and  come  in  the  fore 
noon,  for  a  all  day's  visit,  jest  as  she  wuz  used  to  in 
the  country,  good  old  soul — and  I  took  her  right  to 
my  room  and  done  well  by  her,  and  we  talked  con 
siderable  about  other  wimmen,  not  runnin'  talk,  but 
good  plain  talk. 

She  thinks  a  sight  of  the  Saratoga  water,  and  well 
she  may,  if  that  is  what  has  brung  her  up,  for  she 
wuz  always  sick  in  Jonesville,  kinder  bedrid.  And 
when  she  sot  out  for  Saratoga  she  had  to  have  a  piller 
to  put  on  the  seat  behind  her  to  sort  a  prop  her  up 
(hen's  feather). 
128 


AUNT  POLLY  LIKES    THE    WATERS.         129 

And  now,  she  told  me  she  got  up  early  every 
mornin'  and  walked  down  to  the  spring  for  a  drink 
of  the  water — walked  afoot.  And  she  sez,  "  It  is 
astonishin'  how  much  good  that  water  is  a  doin'  me ; 
for,"  sez  she,  "  when  I  am  to  home  I  don't  stir  out 
of  the  house  from  one  day's  end  to  the  other ;  and 
here,"  sez  she,  "  I  set  out  doors  all  day  a'most,  a  lis- 
tenin'  to  the  music  in  the  park  mornin'  and  evenin'; 
I  hear  every  strain  on't." 

Aunt  Polly  is  the  greatest  one  for  music  I  ever  see, 
or  hearn  on.  And  I  sez  to  her,  "  Don't  you  believe 
that  one  great  thing  thai,  is  helpin'you,  is  bein'  where 
you  are  kep'  gay  and  cheerful,  by  music  and  good 
company  ;  and  bein'  out  so  much  in  the  sunshine  and 
pure  air."  (Better  air  than  Saratoga  has  got  never 
wuz  made;  that  is  my  opinion  and  Josiah's  too.) 
And  sez  I,  "  I  lay  a  good  deal  to  that  air." 

"  No,"  she  said,  "  it  wuz  the  water." 

Sez  I,  "  The  water  is  good,  I  don't  make  no  doubts 
on't."  But  I  continued  calmly — for  though  I  never 
dispute,  I  do  most  always  maintain  my  opinion — and 
I  sez  again  calmly,  "  There  has  been  a  great  change 
in  you  for  the  better,  sense  you  come  here,  Miss  Pix- 
ley.  But  some  on't  I  lay  to  your  bein'  where  things 
are  so  much  more  cheerful  and  happy fy in'.  You 
say  you  haint  heerd  a  strain  of  music  except  a  base 
viol  for  over  14  years  before  you  come  here.  And 
though  base  viols  if  played  right  may  be  melodious, 
yet  Sam  Pixley's  base  viol  wuz  a  old  one,  and  sort  a 


130  THE  LAST   WORD. 

cracked  and  grumbly  in  tone,  and  he  wuzn't  much 
of  a  player  anyway,  and  to  me,  base  viols  always 
sounded  kinder  base  anyway." 

And  aez  I,  "  Don't  you  believe  a  gettin'  out  of  your 
little  low  dark  rooms,  shaded  by  Pollard  willers  and 
grave  stuns,  and  gettin'  out  onto  a  place  where  you 
can  heer  sweet  music  from  moruin'  till  night,  a  liftin' 
you  up  and  makin'  you  happier — don't  you  believe 
that  has  sunthin'  to  do  with  your  feelin'  so  much  bet 
ter — that  and  the  pure  sweet  air  of  the  mountains 
comin'  down  and  bein'  softened  and  enriched  by  the 
breath  of  the  valley,  and  the  minerals,  makin'  a  balmy 
atmosphere  most  full  of  balm — I  lay  a  good  deal  to 
that." 

"  Oh  no,"  sez  she,  "  it  is  the  water." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  in  a  very  polite  way, — I  will  be  po 
lite, — "  the  water  is  good,  first  rate." 

But  at  that  very  minute,  word  come  to  her  that  she 
had  company,  and  she  sot  sail  homewards  immegetly, 
and  to  once. 

And  now  I  don't  care  anything  for  the  last  word, 
some  wimmen  do,  but  I  don't.  But  I  sez  to  her,  as 
I  watched  her  a  goin'  down  the  stairway,  steppin' 
out  like  a  girl  almost,  sez  I,  "How  well  you  do 
seem,  Aunt  Polly;  and  I  lay  a  good  deal  on't  to  that 
air." 

Now  who  would  have  thought  she  would  speak  out 
from  the  bottom  of  the  stairway  and  say,  "  No,  it  is 
the  water?" 


SEPARATENESS   OF   THE    WATER. 

Wall,  the  water  is  good,  there  haint  no  doubt,  and 
anyway,  through  the  water  and  the  air,  and  bein'  took 
out  of  her  home  cares,  and  old  surround  in's  onto  a 
brght  happy  place,  the  change  in  Polly  Pixley  is  sun- 
thin'  to  be  wondered  at. 

Yes,  the  water  is  good.  And  it  is  dretful  smart, 
knowin'  water  too.  Why,  wouldn't  anybody  think 
that  when  it  all  comes  from  the  same  place,  or  pretty 
nigh  the  same  place  anyway,  that  they  would  get  kin 
der  flustrated  and  mixed  up  once  in  a  while  ? 

But  they  don't.  These  hundreds  and  thousands  of 
years,  and  I  don't  know  how  much  longer,  they  have 
kep'  themselves  separate  from  each  other,  livin'  nigh 
neighbors  there  down  under  the  ground,  but  never 
neighborin'  with  each  other,  or  intermarryin'  in  each 
other's  families.  No,  they  have  kep'  themselves 
apart,  livin'  exclosive  down  below  and  bubblin'  up 
exclosive. 

They  know  how  to  make  each  other  keep  their 
proper  distance,  and  I  s'pose  through  all  the  centuries 
to  come  they  will  bubble  up,  right  side  by  side,  en 
tirely  different  from  each  other. 

Curius,  hain't  it?  Dretful  smart,  knowin'  waters 
they  be,  fairly  sparklin'  and  flashin'  with  light  and 
brightness,  and  intelligence.  They  are  for  the  healiu' 
and  refreshin'  of  the  nations,  and  the  nations  are  all 
here  this  summer,  a  bein'  healed  by  'em.  But  still  I 
lay  a  good  deal  to  that  air. 

Amongst  the  things  that  Aunt  Polly  told  me  about 


132  THE  NEW  BEAU. 

wimmen  that  day,  wuz  this,  that  Ardelia  Tntt  had  got 
a  new  Bo,  Bial  Flamburg,  by  name. 

She  said  Mr.  Flamburg  had  asked  Ardelia's  3d 
cousin  to  introduce  him  to  her,  and  from  that  time  his 
attentions  to  her  had  been  unremittent,  voyalent,  and 
close.  She  said  that  to  all  human  appearance  he  wuz 
in  love  with  her  from  his  hat  band  down  to  his  boots 
and  she  didn't  know  what  the  result  would  be,  though 
she  felt  that  the  situation  wuz  dangerus,  and  more'n 
probable  Abram  Gee  had  more  trouble  ahead  on  him. 
(Aunt  Polly  jest  worships  Abram  Gee,  jest  as  every 
body  duz  that  gets  to  know  him  well.)  And  I  too, 
felt  that  the  situation  wuz  dubersome.  For  Ardelia 
I  knew  wuz  one  of  the  soft  little  wimmen  that  has 
got  to  have  men  a  trailin'  round  after  'em ;  and  her 
6ein'  so  uncommon  tender  hearted,  and  Mr.  Flamburg 
so  deep  in  love,  I  feared  the  result. 

Wall,  I  wuz  jest  a  thinkin'  of  this  that  day  after 
dinner  when  Josiah  proposed  a  walk,  so  we  sot  out. 
He  proposed  we  should  walk  through  the  park,  so  we 
did.  The  air  wuz  heavenly  sweet  and  that  park  is 
one  of  the  most  restful  and  beautiful  places  this  side 
of  Heaven,  or  so  it  seemed  to  us  that  pleasant  after 
noon.  The  music  was  very  soft  and  sweet  that  day, 
sweet  with  a  undertone  of  sadness,  some  like  a  great 
sorrowful  soul  in  a  beautiful  body. 

The  balmy  south  wind  whispered  through  the 
branches  of  the  bendin'  trees  on  the  hill  where  we  sot. 
The  light  was  a  shinin'  and  2,  siftin'  down  through  the 


A    WALK  IN  THE  PARK.  133 

green  leaves,  in  a  soft  golden  haze,  and  the  music 
seemed  to  go  right  up  into  them  shadowy,  shinin'  path 
ways  of  golden  misty  light,  a  climbin'  up  on  them 
shadowy  steps  of  mist  and  gold,  and  amber,  up,  up 
into  the  soft  depths  of  the  blue  overhead — up  to  the 
abode  of  melody  and  love. 

Down  the  hill  in  the  beautiful  little  valley,  all 
amongst  the  fountains  and  windin'  walks  and  white 
statutes,  and  green,  green,  grass,  little  children  wuz  a 
playin'.  Sweet  little  toddlers,  jest  able  to  walk  about, 
and  bolder  spirits,  though  small,  a  trudgin'  about  with 
little  canes,  and  jumpin'  round,  and  havin'  a  good 
time. 

Little  boys  and  little  girls  (beautiful  creeters,  the 
hull  on  'em),  for  if  their  faces,  every  one  on  'em, 
wuzn't  jest  perfect !  They  all  had  the  beauty  of  child 
hood  and  happiness.  And  crowds  of  older  folks  wuz 
there.  And  some  happy  young  couples,  youths  and 
maidens,  wuz  a  settin'  round,  and  a  wanderin'  off'  by 
themselves,  and  amongst  them  we  ^ee  the  form  of 
Ardelia,  and  a  young  man  by  her  side. 

She  wuz  a  leanin'  on  the  stun  railin'  that  fences  in 
the  trout  pond.  She  wuz  evidently  a  lookin'  down 
pensively  at  the  shinin'  dartin'  figures  of  the  trout,  a 
movin'  round  down  in  the  cool  waters. 

I  wuzn't  nigh  enough  to  'em  to  see  really  how  hep 
companion  looked,  but  even  at  that  distance  I  recog 
nized  a  certain  air  and  atmosphere  a  surroundin'  Ar 
delia  that  I  knew  meant  poetry. 


•My  pardner  seized  me  by  the  arms."     page  138. 


BY  THE    TROUT  POND.  135 

And  Josiah  recognized  it  too,  and  he  sez  to  me, 
*  We  may  as  well  go  round  the  hill  and  out  to  the 
road  that  way,"  sez  he,  (a  pointin'  to  the  way  furthest 
from  Ardelia)  "  and  we  may  as  well  be  a  goin'." 

That  man  abhors  poetry. 

Wall,  we  wandered  down  into  the  high  way  and 
havin'  most  the  hull  afternoon  before  us,  we  kinder 
sauntered  round  amongst  the  stores  that  wuz  pretty 
nigh  to  where  we  wuz.  There  is  some  likely  good 
lookin'  stores  kep'  by  the  natives,  as  they  call  the 
stiddy  dwellers  in  Saratoga.  Good  lookin'  respectable 
stores  full  of  comfort  ar^  consolation,  for  the  outer  or 
inner  man  or  woman,  [I  speak  it  in  a  mortal  sense), 

But  with  the  hundred  thousand  summer  dwellers, 
who  flock  here  with  the  summer  birds,  and  go  out 
before  the  s wallers  go  south,  there  comes  lots  of  sum 
mer  stores,  and  summer  shops,  and  picture  studios, 
etc.,  etc.  Like  big  summer  bird's-nests,  all  full  and 
a  runnin*  over  with  summer  wealth,  to  be  blowed 
down  by  the  autumn  winds.  These  shops  are  full  of 
everything  elegant  and  beautiful  and  useful.  The 
most  gorgeous  vases  and  plaks  and  chiiier  ware  of 
every  description  and  color,  and  books,  and  jewelry, 
and  rugs,  and  fans,  and  parasols,  and  embroideries, 
«ud  laces,  and  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

And  one  shop  seemed  to  be  jest  full  of  drops  of 
light,  light  and  sunshine,  crystalized  in  golden,  clear, 
tinted  amber.  There  wuz  a  young  female  statute  a 
staudiu'  up  in  the  winder  of  that  store  with  her  hands 


136  CHOICE  PICTURES. 

outstretched  and  jest  a  drippin'  with  the  great  glowin* 
amber  drops.  Some  wuz  a  hangin'  over  her  wings 
for  she  was  a  young  fly  in'  female.  And  I  thought 
to  myself  it  must  be  she  would  fly  better  with  all  tha* 
golden  light  a  drippin'  about  her. 

Josiah  liked  her  looks  first  rate.  And  he  liked  the 
looks  of  some  of  the  pictures  extremely.  There  wuz 
lots  of  places  all  full  of  pictures.  A  big  collection 
of  water  colors,  though  as  Josiah  said  and  well  said, 
How  they  could  get  so  many  colors  out  of  water  wuz 
a  mystery  to  him. 

But  my  choice  out  of  all  the  pictures  I  see,  wuz  a 
little  one  called  "  The  Sands  of  Dee."  It  wuz  "  Mary 
a  callin'  the  cattle  home."  The  cruel  treacherus  water 
wuz  a  risin'  about  her  round  bare  ankles  as-  she  stood 
there  amongst  the  rushes  with  her  little  milk-bucket 
on  her  arm. 

Her  pretty  innocent  face  wuz  a  lookin'  off  into  the 
shadows,  and  the  last  ray  of  sunset  was  a  fall  in'  on 
her.  Maybe  it  wuz  the  pity  on't  that  struck  so  hard 
as  I  looked  at  it,  to  know  that  the  "cruel,  crawl i'n 
foam  "  wuz  so  soon  to  creep  over  the  sweet  young  face 
and  round  limbs.  And  there  seemed  to  be  a  shadow 
of  the  comin'  fate,  a  sweepin'  in  on  the  gray  mist  be 
hind  her. 

I  stood  for  some  time,  and  I  don't  know  but  longer, 
a  lookin'  at  it,  my  Josiah  a  standin'  placidly  behind 
me,  a  lookin'  over  my  shoulder  and  enjoyin'  of  it  too, 
till  the  price  wuz  mentioned.  But  at  that  fearful  mo« 


A  HASTY  RETREAT.  137 

raent,  my  pardner  seized  me  by  the  arm,  and  walked 
me  so  voyalently  out  of  that  store  and  down  the  walk 
that  I  did  not  find  and  recover  myself  till  we  stood 
at  the  entrance  to  Philey  street. 

And  I  wuz  so  out  of  breath,  by  his  powerful  speed, 
tiiat  she  didn't  look  nateral  to  me,  I  hardly  recognized 
Philey.  But  Josiah  hurried  me  down  Philey  and 
wanted  to  get  my  mind  oifen  Mary  Dee  I  knew,  for 
he  says  as  we  come  under  a  sign  hangin'  down  over 
the  road,  "  Horse  Exchange,"  sez  he,  "  What  do  you 
say,  Samantha,  do  you  s'pose  I  could  change  off  the 
old  mair,  for  a  camel  or  sunthin'  ?  How  would  you 
like  a  camel  to  ride  ?  " 

I  looked  at  him  in  speechless  witherin'  silence,  and 
he  went  on  hurridly,  "  It  would,  make  a  great  show 
in  Jonesville,  wouldn't  it,  to  see  us  comin'  to  meetin* 
on  a  camel,  or  to  see  us  ridin'  in  a  cutter  drawed  by 
one.  I  guess  I'll  see  about  it,  some  other  time." 

And  he  went  on  hurridly,  and  almost  incoherently 
as  we  see  another  sign,  over  the  road — oh  !  how  vol- 
Jubly  he  did  talk — u  Quick,  Livery.'* 

"I  hate  to  see  folks  so  dumb  conceeted  !     Now  I' 
don't  s'pose  that  man  has  got  any  bosses  much  faster 
than  the  old  mair." 

" l  Wing's ! '  Shaw !  I  don't  believe  no  such  thing 
— a  livery  on  wings.  I  don't  believe  a  word  on't. 
And  you  wouldn't  ketch  me  on  one  on  'em,  if  they 
had!" 

" '  Yet  Sing ! ' "  sez  he,  a  lookin'  acrost  the  street 


138  SAM  A  NTH  A   NEEDS  PRAYER. 

into  a  laundry  house.  "  What  do  I  care  if  you  do 
sing?  'Taint  of  much  account  if  you  do  any  way. 
/sing  sometimes,  I  yd  sing,"  says  he. 

"Sing"  sez  I  in  neerly  witherin'  tones.  " I'd  love 
to  hear  you  sing,  I  haint  yet  and  I've  lived  with  you 
agoin'  on  30  years." 

"  Wall,  if  you  haint  heerd  me,  it  is  because  you  are 
deef,"  sez  he. 

But  that  is  jest  the  way  he  kep'  on,  a  hurryin'  me 
along,  and  a  talkin'  fast  to  try  to  get  the  price  of  that 
picture  out  of  my  head.  Anon,  and  sometimes  oftener, 
we  would  come  to  the  word  in  big  letters  on  signs,  or 
on  the  fence,  or  the  sides  of  barns,  "  Pray."  And 
sometimes  it  would  read,  "  Pray  for  my  wife  ! "  And 
Josiah  every  time  he  came  to  the  words  would  stop 
and  reflect  on  'em. 

"  '  Pray ! '  AVhat  business  is  it  of  yourn,  whether 
I  pray  or  not  ?  '  Pray  for  my  wife ! '  That  haint  none 
of  your  business." 

Sez  he,  a  shakin'  his  fist  at  the  fence,  "'Taint 
likely  I  should  have  a  wife  without  prayin'  for  her. 
She  needs  it  bad  enough,"  sez  he  once,  as  he  stood 
lookin'  at  it. 

I  gin  him  a  strange  look,  and  he  sez,  "You 
wouldn't  like  it,  would  you,  if  I  didn't  pray  for 
you?" 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  and  truly  as  you  say,  the  woman 
who  is  your  wife  needs  prayer,  she  needs  help,  mor'n 
half  the  time  she  duz." 


STILL    Ofr  THE  GO.  139 

• 

He  looked  kinder  dissatisfied  at  the  way  I  turned 
it,  but  anon  he  sez,  "  '  Plumbin'  done  here ! ' " 

"  I'd  love  to  know  where  they  are  goin'  to  plum. 
I  don't  see  no  sign  of  plum  trees,  nor  no  stick  to 
knock  'em  off  with."  And  agin  he  sez,  "You  would 
make  a  great  fuss,  Samantha,  if  I  should  say  what 
is  painted  up  right  there  on  that  cross  piece.  You 
would  say  I  wuz  a  swearin'." 

Sez  I  coldly,  (or  as  cold  as  I  could  with  my  blood 
heated  by  the  voyalence  and  rapidity  of  the  walk  he 
had  been  a  leadin'  me,)  "  There  is  a  Van  in  front  of 
it.  Van  Dam  haint  swearin'." 

"  You  would  say  it  wuz  if  J  used  it,"  sez  he 
reproachfully.  "  If  I  should  fall  down  on  the  ice, 
or  stub  my  toe,  and  trip  up  on  the  meetin'  houae 
steps,  and  I  should  happen  to  mention  the  name  of 
that  street  about  the  same  time,  you  would  say  I  wuz 
a  swearin'/' 

I  did  not  reply  to  him ;  I  wouldn't.  And  ag'in 
he  hurried  me  on'ards  by  some  good  lookin'  bildin's, 
and  trees,  and  tavrens,  and  cottages,  and  etc.,  etc.,  and 
we  come  to  Caroline  street,  and  Jane,  and  Matilda,, 
and  lots  of  wimmen's  names. 

And  Josiah  sez,  "I'll  bet  the  man  that  named  them 
streets  wuz  love  sick  ! " 

But  he  wuzn't  no  such  thing.  It  was  a  father  that 
owned  the  land,  and  laid  out  the  streets,  and  named 
'em  for  his  daughters.  Good  old  creeter !  I  wuzn't 


140  THE  HAUNTED  HOUSE. 

goin'  to  have  him  run  at  this  late  day,  and  run  down 
his  own  streets  too. 

But  ag'in  Josiah  hurried  me  on'ards.  And  bimeby 
we  found  ourselves  a  standin'  in  front  of  a  kind  of  a 
lonesome  lookin'  house,  big  and  square,  with  tall 
pillows  in  front.  It  wuz  a  standin'  back  as  if  it  wuz 
a  kinder  a  drawin'  back  from  company,  in  a  square 
yard  all  dark  and  shady  with  tall  trees.  And  it  all 
looked  kinder  dusky,  and  solemn  like.  And  a 
bystander  a  standin'  by  told  us  that  it  wuz  "ha'nted." 

Josiah  pawed  at  it,  and  shawed  at  the  idee  of  a 
gost. 

But  I  sez,  "  There !  that  is  the  only  thing  Saratoga 
lacked  to  make  her  perfectly  interestin',  and  that  is  a 
gost ! " 

But  ag'in  Josiah  pawed  at  the  idee,  and  sez,  "  There 
never  wuz  such  a  thing  as  a  gost !  and  never  will  be.'' 
And  sez  he,  "  what  an  extraordenary  idiot  anybody 
must  be  to  believe  in  any  sech  thing."  And  ag'in  he 
looked  very  skernful  and  high-headed,  and  once  ag'in 
he  shawed. 

And  I  kep'  pretty  middlin'  calm  and  serene  and 
asked  the  bystander,  when  the  gost  ha'nted,  and 
where  ? 

And  he  said,  it  opened  doors  and  blowed  out  lights 
mostly,  and  trampled  up  stairs. 

"Openin',   and   blowin'.   and   tramplin',"    sez    I 

OJiQSJXU.lv 

'Yes,"  sez  the  man,  "that's  what  it  duz." 


"A  by-stander  &  standin'  by  told  us  it  war  hn'nted."    page 
10 


142  WHY  TEETH  CHATTER. 

And  agin  Josiah  shawed  loud.  And  agin  I  kep' 
calm,  and  sez  I,  u  I'd  give  a  cent  to  see  it."  And  sez 
I,  "  Do  you  suppose  it  would  blow  out  and  trample 
if  we  should  go  in  " 

But  Josiah  grasped  holt  of  my  arm  and  sez, 
" '  Taint  safe  !  my  dear  Samantlia  !  don't  le's  go  near 
the  house." 

"Why?"  sez  I  coldly,  "you  say  there  haint  no 
seen  thing  as  a  gost,  what  are  you  afraid  on  ?  " 

His  teeth  wuz  fairly  chatterin'.  "  Oh !  there  might 
be  spiders  there,  or  mice,  it  haint  best  to  go." 

I  turned  silently  round  and  started  on,  for  my 
companion's  looks  was  pitiful  in  the  extreme.  But 
I  merely  observed  this,  as  we  wended  onwards,  "  I 
have  always  noticed  this,  Josiah  Allen,  that  them  that 
shaw  the  most  at  sech  things,  are  the  ones  whose  teeth 
chatter  when  they  come  a  nigh  'em,  showin'  plain  that 
the  shawers  are  really  the  ones  that  believe  in  'em." 

"  My  teeth  chattered,"  sez  he,  "  because  my  gooms 
ache." 

"  Well,"  sez  I,  "  the  leest  said  the  soonest  mended." 
And  we  went  on  fast  ag'in  by  big  houses  and  little, 
and  boardin'  houses,  and  boardin'  houses,  and  boardin' 
houses,  and  tavrens,  and  tavrens,  and  he  kept  me  a 
walkin'  till  my  feet  wuz  most  blistered. 

I  see  what  his  aim  wuz ;  I  had  recognized  it  all  the 
hull  time. 

But  as  we  went  up  the  stairway  into  our  room, 
perfectly  tuckered  out,  both  on  us,  I  sez  to  him,  in 


POWER  IN  A    GROAN.  143 

weary  axents,  "  That  picture  wuz  cheap  enough  for 
the  money,  wuzn't  it  ?  " 

He  groaned  aloud.  And  sech  is  my  love  for  that 
man,  that  the  minute  I  heard  that  groan  I  immegetly 
added,  "Though  I  hadn't  no  idee  of  buyin'  it, 
Josiah." 

Immegetly  he  smiled  warmly,  and  wuz  very  affec 
tionate  in  his  demeener  to  me  for  as  much  as  two 
hours  and  a  half.  Sech  is  the  might  of  human  love. 

His  hurryin'  me  over  them  swelterin'  and  blisterm* 
streets,  and  showin'  me  all  the  beauty  and  glory  of 
the  world,  and  his  conversation  had  no  effect,  skercely 
on  my  mind.  But  what  them  hours  of  frenzied  effert 
could  not  accomplish,  that  one  still,  small  groan  did. 
I  love  that  man.  I  almost  workiiip  him,  and  he  me, 
vise  versey,  and  the  same. 

We  found  that  Ardelia  Tutt  had  been  to  see  us 
in  our  absence.  She  had  been  into  our  room  I  see, 
for  she  had  dropped  one  of  her  mits  there.  And  the 
chambermaid  said  she  had  been  in  and  waited  for 
us  quite  a  spell — the  young  man  a  waitin'  below  on 
the  piazza,  so  I  s'posed. 

I  expect  Ardelia  wanted  to  show  him  off  to  us  and 
I  myself  wuz  quite  anxus  to  see  him,  feelin'  worried 
and  oncomfertable  about  Abram  Gee  and  wantin'  to 
see  if  this  young  chap  wuz  anywhere  nigh  as  good 
as  Abram. 

Well  about  a  hour  after  we  came  back,  Josiah 
.missed  his  glasses  he  reads  with.  And  we  looked  all 


THE    GLASSES  'FOUND. 

over  the  house  for  'em,  and  under  the  bed,  and  on  the 
ceilin',  and  through  our  trunks  and  bandboxes,  and 
all  our  pockets,  and  in  the  Bible,  and  Josiah's  boots, 
and  everywhere.  And  finely,  after  givin'  'em  up  as 
lost,  the  idee  come  to  us  that  they  might  possibly 
have  ketched  on  the  fringe  of  Ardelia's  shawl,  and  so 
rode  home  with  her  on  it. 

So  we  sent  one  of  the  office-boys  home  with  her 
mit  and  asked  her  if  she  had  seen  Josiah's  glasses. 
And  word  come  back  by  the  boy  that  she  hadn't  seen 
'em ,  and  she  sent  word  to  me  to  look  on  my  pard- 
ner's  head  for  'em,  and  sure  enough  there  we  found 
'em,  right  on  his  foretop,  to  both  of  our  surprises. 

She  sent  also  by  the  boy  a  poem  she  had  wrote  that 
afternoon,  and  sent  word  how  sorry  she  wuz  I  wuzn't 
to  home  to  see  Mr.  Flamburg.  But  I  see  him  only 
a  day  or  two  after  that,  and  I  didn't  like  his  looks  a 
mite., 

But  he  said,  and  stuck  to  it,  that  his  father  owned 
a  large  bank,  that  he  wuz  a  banker,  and  a  doin'  a 
heavy  business. 

Wall,  that  raised  him  dretfully  in  Ardelia's  eyes  • 
she  owned  up  to  me  that  it  did.  She  owned  to  me 
that  she  had  always  thought  she  would  love  to  be  a 
Banker's  Bride.  She  thought  it  sounded  rich.  She 
said,  "  banker  sounded  so  different  from  baker." 

I  sez  to  her  coolly,  that  "  it  wuz  only  a  difference 
of  one  letter,  and  I  never  wuz  much  of  a  one  to  put 
the  letter  N  above  any  of  the  others,  or  to  be  haughty 


BIAL'S  PERSONAL   HABITS.  145 

on    havin'    it    added    to,  or  diminished    from   my 
name." 

But  she  kep'  on  a  goin'  with  him.  She  told  me  it 
wuz  real  romanticle  the  way  he  got  aquanted  with 
her.  He  see  her  onbeknown  to  her  one  day,  when 
she  wuz  a  writin'  a  poem  on  one  of  the  benches  in  the 
park. 

"  A  Poem  on  a  Bench  ! " 

She  wuz  a  settin'  on  the  bench,  and  a  writin'  about 
it,  she  was  a  writin'  on  the  bench  in  two  different 
ways.  Curius,  haint  it? 

But  to  resoom.  He  immegetly  fell  in  love  with 
her.  And  he  got  a  feller  who  wuz  a  boardin'  to  his 
boardin'  place  to  interduce  him  to  Ardelia's  relative, 
Mr.  Pixley,  and  Mr.  Pixley  interduced  him  to  Ar- 
delia.  He  told  Ardelia's  relatives  the  same  story — 
That  his  father  wuz  a  banker,  that  he  owned  a  bank 
amd  wuz  doin'  a  heavy  business. 

Wall,  I  watched  that  young  chap,  and  watched  him 
close,  and  I  see  there  wuz  one  thing  about  him  that 
could  be  depended  on,  he  wuz  truthful. 

He  seemed  almost  morbid  on  the  subject,  and 
would  dispute  himself  half  a  hour,  to  get  a  thing  or  a 
story  he  wuz  tellin' jest  exactly  right.  But  he  drinked ; 
that  I  know  for  I  know  the  symptoms.  Coffee  can't 
blind  the  eyes  of  her  that  wuz  once  Smith,  nor  pepper 
mint  cast  a  mist  before  'em.  My  nose  could  have 
took  its  oath,  if  noses  wuz  ever  put  onto  a  bar  of  Jus* 


H6  KEEPING  AN  EYE   ON  BIAL. 

tice — my  nose  would  have  gin  its  firm  testimony 
that  Bial  Flamburg  drinked. 

And  there  wuz  that  sort  of  air  about  him,  that 
I  can't  describe  exactly — a  sort  of  a  half  offish, 
half  familier  and  wholly  disagreeable  mean, 
that  can  be  onderstood  but  not  described.  No, 
you  can't  picture  that  liniment,  but  you  can 
be  affected  by  it.  Wall,  Bial  had  it. 

And  I  kep'  on  a  not  likin'  him,  and  kep' 
stiddy  onwards  a  likin'  Abram  Gee.  I  couldn'  t 
help  it,  nor  did'nt  want  to.  And  I  looked  out 
constant  to  ketch  him  in  some  big  story  that 
would  break  him  right  down  in  Ardelia's  eyes, 
for  I  knew  if  she  had  been  brought  up  on  any 
one  commandment  more'n  another,  it  wuz  the 
one  ag'inst  lyin  .  She  hated  lyin' . 

She  had  been  brought  up  on  the  hull  of  the 
commandments  but  on  that  one  in  particeler ; 
she  wuz  brung  up  sharp  but  good.  And  he 
stuck  to  it,  that  his  father  wuz  a  banker  and 
doin'  a  heavy  business. 

Wall,it  kep'  on,  shea  goin'  with  him  through 
ambition,  for  I  see  plain,  by  signs  I  knoo,  that 
she  didn't  love  him  so  well  as  she  did  Abram. 
And  I  felt  bad,  dretful  bad,  to  set  still  and  see 
Ambition  ondoin'  of  her.  For  she  often  spoke 
of  Bial's  father's  bank  and  its  big  business. 

And  I  got  so  worked  up  in  my  mind  that  I  gin 
a  sly  hint  to  Abram  Gee,  that  if  he  ever  wanted 


A  HINT  TO  ASK  AM.  147 

to  get  ArdeL'a  Tutt,  he  had  better  make  a  summer 
trip  to  Saratoga.  I  never  told  Ardelia  what  I  had 
done,  but  trusted  to  a  overrulin'  destiny,  that  seems 
to  enrap  babys,  and  lunatiks,  and  soft  little  wiramen, 
when  their  heads  get  kinder  turned  by  a  man,  and 
to  Abram's  honest  face  when  she  should  compare  it 
with  Bial  Flamburg's,  and  to  Abram's  pure,  sweet 
breath  with  that  mixture  of  stale  cigars,  tobacco,  beer, 
and  peppermint. 

But  Abram  wrote  back  to  me  that  his  mother  wuz 
a  lyin'  at  the  p'int  of  death  with  a  fever — that  his 
sister  Susan  wuz  sick  a  bed  with  the  same  fever  and 
couldn't  come  a  nigh  her  and  he  couldn't  leave  what 
might  be  his  mother's  death-bed.  And  he  sez,  if 
Ardelia  had  forgot  him  in  so  short  a,  time,  mebby  it 
wuz  the  best  thing  he  could  do,  to  try  and  forget  her. 
Anyway,  he  wouldn't  leave  his  dying  mother  for  any 
thing  or  anybody. 

That  wuz  Abram  Gee  all  over,  a  doin'  his  duty 
every  time  by  bread  and  humanity.  But  he  added 
a  postscript  and  it  wuz  wrote  in  a  agitated  hand — that 
jest  as  soon  as  his  mother  got  so  he  could  leave  her, 
he  should  come  to  Saratoga. 


EL 

JOSIAH'S  FLIRTATIONS. 

say  there  is  a  sight  of  flirtin'  done  at  Sam* 
toga.  I  didn't  hear  so  much  about  it  as  Josiah  did, 
naturally  there  are  things  that  are  talked  of  more 
amongst  men  than  women.  Night  after  night  he 
wo^y  come  home  and  tell  me  how  fashionable  it  wuz, 
and  pretty  soon  I  could  see  that  he  kinder  wanted  to 
follow  the  fashion. 

I  told  him  from  the  first  on't  that  he'd  better  let  it 
entirely  alone.  Says  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  you  wouldn't 
never  carry  it  through  successful  if  you  should  under 
take  it — and  then  think  of  the  wickedness  on't." 

But  he  seemed  sot.  He  said  "  it  wuz  more  fash 
ionable  amongst  married  men  and  wimmen,  than  the 
more  single  ones,"  he  said  "  it  wuz  dretful  fashionable 
amongst  pardners." 

"  Wall,"  says  I,  "  I  shall  have  nothin'  to  do  with 
it,  and  I  advise  you,  if  you  know  when  you  are  well 
off,  to  let  it  entirely  alone." 

"Of  course,"  says  he,  fiercely,  "  You  needn't  have 
nothin'  to  do  with  it.  It  is  nothin'  you  would  want 
to  foller  up.  And  I  would  ruther  see  you  sunk  inta 
148 


FLIRTATION  DISCUSSED.  149 

the  ground,  or  be  sunk  myself,  than  to  see  you  goin' 
into  it.  Why,"  says  he,  savagely,  "  I  would  tear  a 
man  lim  from  lim,  if  I  see  him  a  tryin'  to  flirt  with 
you."  (Josiah  Allen  worships  me.)  "But,"  says 
he,  more  placider  like,  "  men  have  to  do  things  some 
times,  that  they  know  is  too  hard  for  their  pardners 
to  do — men  sometimes  feel  called  upon  to  do  things 
that  their  pardners  don't  care  about — that  they  haint 
strong  enough  to  tackle.  Wimmen  are  fragile  creeters 
anyway." 

"  Oh,  the  fallacy  of  them  arguments — and  the  weak 
ness  of  'em.  • 

But  I  didn't  say  nothin'  only  to  reiterate  my  utter 
ance,  that  "  if  he  went  into  it,  he  would  have  to  foller 
it  up  alone,  that  he  musn't  expect  any  help  from  me." 

"  Oh  no  ! "  says  he.     "  Oh  !  certainly  not." 

His  tone  wuz  very  genteel,  but  there  seemed  to  be 
sumthin'  strange  in  it.  And  I  looked  at  him  pity- 
in'ly  over  my  specks.  The  hull  idea  on  it  wuz  ex 
tremely  distasteful  to  me,  this  talk  about  flirtm',  and 
etc.,  at  our  ages,  and  with  our  stations  in  the  Jones- 
ville  meetin'  house,  and  with  our  grandchildren. 

But  I  see  from  day  to  day  that  he  wuz  a  hankerin' 
after  it,  and  I  almost  made  up  my  mind  that  I  should 
have  to  let  him  make  a  trial,  knowin'  that  experience 
wuz  the  best  teacher,  and  knowin'  that  his  morals 
wuz  sound,  and  he  wuz  devoted  to  me,  and  only  went 
into  the  enterprize  because  he  thought  it  wuz  fashion 
able. 


"7  would  tear  a  man  lim'  from  lim'  if  I  see  him  a  tryin*  to 
flirt  with  you."     p.  149. 


THE  ENGLISH  GIRL. 

There  wuz  a  young  English  girl  a  boardin'  to  the 
game  place  we  did.  She  dressed  some  like  a  young 
man,  carried  a  cane,  etc.  But  she  wuz  one  of  the 
upper  10,  and  wuz  as  pretty  as  a  picture,  and  I  see 
Josiah  had  kinder  sot  his  eyes  on  her  as  bein'  a  good 
one  to  try  his  experiment  with.  He  thought  she  wuz 
beautiful.  But  good  land  !  I  didn't  care.  I  liked 
her  myself.  But  I  could  see,»though  he  couldn't  see 
it,  that  she  wuz  one  of  the  girls  who  would  flirt  with 
the  town  pump,  or  the  meetin'  house  steeple,  if  she 
couldn't  get  nobody  else  to  flirt  with.  She  wuz  born 
so,  but  I  suppose  entirely  unbeknown  to  her  when 
she  wuz  born. 

Wall,  Josiah  Allen  would  set  and  look  at  her  by 
the  hour — dretful  admirin'.  But  good  land  !  I  didn't 
care.  I  loved  to  look  at  her  myself.  And  then  too 
I  had  this  feelin'  that  his  morals  wuz  sound.  But 
after  awhile,  I  could  see,  and  couldn't  help  seein', 
that  he  wuz  a  tryin'  in  his  feeble  way  to  flirt  with 
her.  And  I  told  him  kindly,  but  firmly,  "that  it 
wuz  somethin'  that  I  hated  to  see  a  goin'  on." 

But  he  says,  "Well,  dumb  it  all,  Samantha,  if  any 
body  goes  to  a  fashionable  place,  they  ort  to  try  to  be 
fashionable.  'Taint  nothin'  I  want  to  do,  and  you 
ort  to  know  it. 

And  I  says  in  pityin'  axents  but  firm,  "  If  you  don't 
want  to,  Josiah,  I  wouldn't,  fashion  or  no  fashion." 

But  I  see  I  couldn't  convince  him,  and  there  hap 
pened  to  be  a  skercity  of  men  jest  then — and  he  kep' 


152  DRAWING  HIM  ON. 

it  up,  and  it  kep'  me  on  the  key  veav,  as  Maggie  says, 
when  she  is  on  the  tenter  hooks  of  suspense. 

I  felt  bad  to  see  it  go  on,  not  that  I  wuz  jealous, 
oo,  my  foretop  lay  smooth  from  day  to  day,  not  a 
jealous  hair  in  it,  not  one — but  I  felt  sorry  for  my 
companion.  I  see  that  while  the  endurin'  of  it  wuz 
hard  and  tejus  for  him  (for  truly  he  was  not  a  addep 
at  the  business ;  it  come  tuff,  feerful  tuff  on  him),  the 
endin'  wuz  sure  to  be  harder.  And  I  tried  to  con 
vince  him,  from  a  sense  of  duty,  that  she  wuz  makin' 
fun  of  him — he  had  told  me  lots  of  the  pretty  things 
she  had  said  to  him — and  out  of  principle  I  told  him 
that  she  didn't  mean  one  word  of  'em.  But  I  couldn't 
convince  him,  and  as  is  the  way  of  pardners,  after  I 
had  sot  the  reasen  and  the  sense  before  him,  and  he 
wouldn't  hear  to  me,  why  then  I  had  to  set  down  and 
bear  it.  Such  is  some  of  the  trials  of  pardners  ! 

Wall,  it  kep'  agoin'  on,  and  a  goin'  on,  and  I  kep' 
a  hatin'  to  see  it,  for  if  anybody  has  got  to  flirt,  which 
I  am  far  from  approvin'  of,  but  if  I  have  got  to  see  it 
a  goin'  on,  I  would  fain  see  it  well  done,  and  Josiah's 
efforts  to  flirt  wuz  like  an  effort  of  our  old  m air  to 
play  a  tune  on  the  melodian,  no  grace  in  it,  no  system, 
nor  comfort  to  him,  nor  me. 

I  s'pose  the  girl  got  some  fun  out  of  it ;  I  hope  she 
did,  for  if  she  didn't  it  wuz  a  wearisome  job  all  round. 

Wall,  a  week  or  so  rolled  on,  and  it  wuz  still  in 
progress.  And  one  day  an  old  friend  of  ours,  Miss 
Ezra  Balch,  from  the  east  part  of  Jonesville,  come  to 


MISS  BALCH  ARRIVES.  153 

see  me.  She  come  to  Saratoga  for  the  rheumatiz,  and 
wuz  gettin'  well  fast,  and  Ezra  was  gettin'  entirely 
cured  of  biles,  for  which  he  had  come,  carbunkles. 

Wall,  she  invited  Josiah  and  me  to  take  a  ride  with 
?em,  and  we  both  accepted  of  it,  and  at  the  appointed 
time  I  wuz  ready  to  the  minute,  down  on  the  piazza, 
with  my  brown  cotton  gloves  on,  and  my  mantilly 
hung  gracefully  over  my  arm.  But  at  the  last  minute, 
Josiah  Allen  said  "  he  couldn't  go." 

I  says  "  Why  can't  you  go  ?  " 

"  Oh,"  he  says,  kinder  drawin'  up  his  collar,  and 
smoothin'  down  his  vest,  "  Oh,  I  have  got  another 
engagement." 

He  looked  real  high-headed,  and  I  says  to  him  : 

"  Josiah  Allen  didn't  you  promise  Druzilla  Balch 
that  you  would  go  with  her  and  Ezra  to-day  ?  " 

"  Wall  yes,"  says  he,  "  but  I  can't." 

"Why  not?  "says  I. 

"  Wall,  Samantha,  though  they  are  well  meanin', 
good  people,  they  haint  what  you  may  call  fashionable, 
they  haint  the  upper  10." 

Says  I,  "Josiah  Allen  you  have  fell  over  15  cents 
in  my  estimation,  sense  we  have  begun  talkin',  you 
won't  go  with  'em  because  they  haint  fashionable. 
They  are  good,  honest  Christian  Methodists,  and  have 
stood  by  you  and  me  many  a  time,  in  times  of  trouble, 
and  now,"  says  I,  "  you  turn  against  'em  because  they 
haint  fashionable."  Says  I,  "  Josiah  Allen  where  d« 
you  think  you'll  go  to?" 


154  NOT  JEALOUS 

"  Oh,  probable  down  through  Congress  Park,  and 
we  may  walk  up  as  fur  as  the  Indian  Encampment. 
I  feel  kinder  mauger  to-day,  and  my  corns  ache  feer- 
ful."  (His  boots  wuz  that  small  that  they  wuz  sights 
to  behold,  sights !)  "  We  probably  shan't  walk  fur," 
says  he. 

I  see  how  7twuz  in  a  minute.  That  English  girl 
had  asked  him  to  walk  with  her,  and  my  pardner  had 
broken  a  solemn  engagement  with  Ezra  and  Druzilla 
Balch  to  go  a  walkin'  with  her.  I  see  how  'twuz, 
but  I  sot  in  silence  and  one  of  the  big  rockin'  chairs, 
and  didn't  say  nothin'. 

Finally  he  says,  with  a  sort  of  a  anxious  look  onto 
his  foreward : 

"You  don't  feel  bad,  do  you  Samantha?  You 
Jiaint  jealous,  are  you  ?  " 

"  Jealous  ! "  says  I,  a  lookin'  him  calmly  over  from 
h«ad  to  feet — it  wuz  a  witherin1  look,  and  yet  pitiful, 
that  took  in  the  hull  body  and  soul,  and  weighed  'em 
in  the  balances  of  common  sense,  and  pity,  and  jus 
tice.  It  wuz  a  look  that  seemed  to  envelop  him  all 
to  one  time,  and  took  him  all  in,  his  bald  head,  his 
vest,  and  his  boots,  and  his  mind  (what  he  had),  and 
his  efforts  to  be  fashionable,  and  his  trials  and  tribu 
lations  at  it,  and — and  everything.  I  give  him  that 
one  long  look,  and  then  I  says : 

"  Jealous  ?    No,  I  haint  jealous." 

Then  silence  rained  again  about  us,  and  Josiab 


*Josiah  Allen  would  set  and  look  at  her  by  the  hour — dretfid 
admirin'."     page  153. 


156  THE    UPPER    TEN. 

Bpoke  out  (his  conscience  was  a  troublin'  him),  and 
he  says : 

"You  know  in  fashionable  life,  Samantha,  you 
have  to  do  things  which  seem  unkind,  and  Ezra, 
though  a  good,  worthy  man,  can't  understand  these 
things  as  I  do." 

Says  I :  "  Josiah  Allen,  you'll  see  the  day  that 
you'll  be  sorry  for  your  treatment  of  Druzilla  Balch, 
and  Ezra." 

"  Oh  wall,"  says  he,  pullin'  up  his  collar,  "  I'm 
bound  to  be  fashionable.  While  I  can  go  with  the 
upper  10,  it  is  my  duty  and  my  privilege  to  go  with 
'em,  and  not  mingle  in  the  lower  classes  like  the 
Balches." 

Says  I  firmly,  "  You  look  out,  or  some  of  them  10 
will  be  the  death  of  you,  and  you  may  see  the  day  that 
you  will  be  glad  to  leave  'em,  the  hull  10  of  em,  and 
go  back  to  Druzilla  and  Ezra  Balch." 

But  what  more  words  might  have  passed  between 
us,  wuz  cut  short  by  the  arrival  of  Ezra  and  Druzilla 
in  a  good  big  carriage,  with  Miss  Balch  on  the  back 
seat,  and  Ezra  aerost  from  her,  and  a  man  up  in  front 
a  drivin'.  It  wuz  a  good  lookin'  sight,  and  I  has 
tened  down  the  steps,  Josiah  disappearin'  inside  jest 
as  quick  as  he  ketched  sight  of  their  heads. 

They  asked  me  anxiously  "  where  Josiah  wuz  and 
why  he  didn't  come  ?  "  And  I  told  'em,  "  that  Josiah 
had  told  me  that  mornin'  that  he  felt  mauger,  and  h« 
had  some  corns  that  wuz  a  achin'. " 


DEACON  BALCH  OF  CHICAGO.  157 

So  much  wuz  truth,  and  I  told  it,  and  then  moved 
off  the  subject,  and  they  seein'  my  looks,  didn't  pur 
sue  it  any  further.  They  proposed  to  go  back  to 
their  boardin'  place,  and  take  in  Deacon  Balch,  Ezra's 
brother  from  Chicago,  who  wuz  stayin'  there  a  few 
days  to  recooperate  his  energies,  and  get  help  for 
tizick.  So  they  did.  He  wuz  a  widowed  man. 
Yes,  he  was  the  widower  of  Cornelia  Balch  who  I 
used  to  know  well,  a  good  lookin'  and  a  good  actin* 
man.  And  he  seemed  to  like  my  appeerance  pretty 
well,  though  I  am  fur  from  bein'  the  one  that  ort 
to  say  it. 

And  as  we  rolled  on  over  the  broad  beautiful  road 
towards  Saratoga  Lake,  I  begun  to  feel  better  in  my 
mind. 

The  Deacon  wuz  edifyin'  in  conversation,  and  he 
thought,  and  said,  "  that  my  mind  was  the  heftiest 
one  that  he  had  ever  met,  and  he  had  met  hundreds 
and  hundreds  of  'em."  He  meant  it,  you  could  see 
that,  he  meant  every  word  he  said.  And  it  wuz  kind 
of  comfortin'  to  hear  the  Deacon  say  so,  for  I  re 
spected  the  Deacon,  and  I  knew  he  meant  just  what 
he  said. 

He  said,  and  believed,  though  it  haint  so,  but  the 
Deacon  believed  it,  "  that  I  looked  younger  than  I 
did  the  day  I  wuz  married." 

I  told  him  "  I  didn't  feel  so  young." 

"  Wall,"  he  said,  "  then  my  looks  deceived  me,  for 
I  looked  as  young,  if  i\ot  younger." 
11 


158  EDIFYIN'    CONVERSATION. 

Deacon  Balch  is  a  good,  kind,  Christian  man. 

His  conversation  was  very  edifyin',  and  he  looked 
kinder  good,  and  warm-hearted  at  me  out  of  his  eyes, 
which  wuz  blue,  some  the  color  of  my  Josiah's.  But 
alas !  I  felt  that  though  some  comforted  and  edified 
by  his  talk,  still,  my  heart  was  not  there,  not  there 
in  that  double  buggy  with  2  seats,  but  wuz  afur  off 
with  my  pardner.  I  felt  that  Josiah  Allen  wuz  a 
carryin'  my  heart  with  him  wherever  he  wuz  a  goin'. 
Curious,  haint  it  ?  Now  you  may  set  and  smile,  and 
talk,  and  seem  to  be  enjoyin'  yourself  first-rate,  with 
agreeable  personages  all  around  you,  and  you  do  en 
joy  yourself  with  that  part  of  your  nater.  But  with 
it  all,  down  deep  under  the  laughs,  and  the  bright 
words,  the  comfort  you  get  out  of  the  answerin'  laughs, 
the  gay  talk,  under  it  all  v^  the  steady  consciousness 
that  the  real  self  is  fur  away,  the  heart,  the  soul  is  fur 
away,  held  by  some  creeter  whether  he  be  high,  or 
whether  he  be  low,  it  don't  matter — there  your  heart 
is,  a  goin'  towards  happiness,  or  a  travellin'  towards 
pain  as  the  case  may  be — curious,  haint  it? 

Wall,  Ezra  and  Druzilla  wanted  to  go  to  the  Sul 
phur  Springs  way  beyend  Saratoga  Lake,  and  as  the 
Deacon  wuz  agreeable,  and  I  also,  we  sot  out  for  it, 
though,  as  we  all  said,  it  wuz  goin'  to  be  a  pretty  long 
and  tegus  journey  for  a  hot  day.  But  we  went  along 
the  broad,  beautiful  highway,  by  the  high,  handsome 
gates  of  the  Racing  Park,  down,  down,  by  handsome 
houses  and  shady  woods,  atid  fields  of  bright-colored 


BEAUTIFUL   SCENES  159 

wild  flowers  on  each  side  of  the  road,  down  to  the 
beautiful  lake,  acrost  it  over  the  long  bridge,  and  then 
into  the  long,  cool  shadows  of  the  bendin'  trees  that 
bend  over  the  road  on  each  side,  while  through  the 
green  boughs,  jest  at  our  side  we  could  ketch  a  sight 
of  the  blue,  peaceful  waters,  a  lyin'  calm  and  beautiful 
jest  by  the  side  of  us — on,  on,  through  the  long, 
sheltered  pathway,  out  into  the  sunshine  for  a  spell, 
with  peaceful  fields  a  layin'  about  us,  and  peaceful  cat 
tle  a  wanderin'  over  'em,  and  then  into  the  shade 
agin,  till  at  last  we  see  a  beautiful  mountin',  with  its 
head  held  kinder  high,  crowned  with  ferns  and  hem 
locks,  and  its  feet  washed  by  the  cool  water  of  the 
beautiful  lake. 

The  shadows  of  this  mountin',  tree  crowned,  lay  on 
the  smooth,  placid  wave,  and  a  white  sail  boat  wuz  a 
comin'  round  the  side  on't,  and  floatin'  over  the  green, 
crystal  branches,  and  golden  shadows.  It  wuz  a  fair 
seen,  seen  for  a  moment,  and  then  away  we  went  into 
the  green  shadows  of  the  woods  again,  round  a  corner, 
and  here  we  wuz,  at  the  Sulphur  Springs. 

It  wuz  a  quiet  peaceful  spot.  The  house  looked 
pleasant,  and  so  did  the  Landlord,  and  Landlady,  and 
we  dismounted  and  walked  through  a  long  clean  hall, 
and  went  out  onto  a  back  piazza  and  sot  down.  And 
I  thought  as  I  sot  there,  that  I  would  be  glad  enough 
to  set  there,  for  some  time.  Everything  looked  so  quiet 
and  serene.  The  paths  leadin'  up  the  hills  in  different 
directions,  out.into  the  green  woods,  looked  quiet ;  the 


|60  LEMONADE    WITH  STRA  WS. 

pretty,  grassy  backyard  leadin'  down  to  the  water  side 
looked  green  and  peaceable,  and  around  all,  and  be 
yond  all,  wuz  the  glory  of  the  waters.  They  lay 
stretched  out  beautiful  and  in  heavenly  calm,  and  the 
sun,  which  wuz  low  in  the  West,  made  a  gold  path 
acrost  'em,  where  it  seemed  as  if  one  could  walk  over 
only  a  little  ways,  into  Perfect  Repose.  The  Lake 
somehow  looked  like  a  glowin'  pavement,  it  didn't  look 
like  water,  but  it  seemed  like  broad  fields  of  azure  and 
palest  lavender,  and  pinky  grey,  and  pearly  white, 
and  every  soft  and  delicate  color  that  water  could  be 
crystalized  into.  And  over  all  lay  the  glowin',  tender 
sunset  skies — it  wuz  a  fair  seen.  And  even  as  I 
looked  on  in  a  almost  rapped  way,  the  sun  come  out 
from  behind  a  soft  cloud,  and  lay  on  the  water  like  a 
of  fire — -jest  as  I  dream  that  pillow  did,  that 
ahead  of  my  old  4  fathers. 
The  rest  on  'em  seemed  to  be  more  intent  on  the 
lemonade  with  2  straws  in  'em.  I  didn't  make  no 
fuss.  They  are  nice,  clean  folks,  I  make  no  doubt. 
I  wouldn't  make  no  fuss  and  tell  on  the  hired  man — 
women  of  the  house  have  enough  to  worry  'em  any 
way.  But  he  had  dropped  some  straws  into  our  tum 
blers,  every  one  on  'em,  I  dare  presume  to  say  thoy 
had  been  a  fillin'  straw  ticks.  I  jest  took  mine  out 
in  a  quiet  way,  and  throwed  'em  to  one  side.  The 
rest  on  'em,  I  see,  and  it  wuz  real  good  in  'em,  drinked 
through  'em,  as  we  used  to  at  school.  It  wuz  real 
good  in  Druzilla,  and  Ezra,  and  also  in  the  .Deacon.  It 


FAEJK    THINKERS'   CONVENTION.      '    161 

kinder  endeared  the  hull  on  'em  to  me.  I  hope  this 
won't  be  told  of,  it  orto  be  kep — for  he  wuz  a  good- 
natured  lookin'  hired  man,  black,  but  not  to  blame 
for  that — and  good  land  !  what  is  a  straw  ? — anyway 
they  wuz  clean. 

There  wuz  some  tents  sot  up  there  in  the  back  yard, 
lookin'  some  as  I  s'pose  our  old  4  fathers  tents  did,  in 
the  pleasant  summer  times  of  old.  And  I  asked  a 
bystander  a  standin'  by,  whose  tents  they  wuz,  and  he 
said  they  wuz  Free  Thinkers  havin'  a  convention. 

And  I  says,  "  How  free  ?  " 

And  he  said  "  they  wuz  great  cases  to  doubt  every 
thing,  they  doubted  whether  they  wuz  or  not,  and  if 
they  wuz  or  when,  and  if  so,  why  ?  " 

And  he  says,  "  won't  you  stay  to-night  over  and 
attend  the  meetin'  ?  " 

And  I  says,  "What  are  they  goin*  to  teach  to 
night?" 

And  he  says,  "The  Whyness  of  the  What." 

I  says,  "  I  guess  that  is  too  deep  a  subject  for  me  to 
tackle,"  and  says  I,  "  Don't  they  believe  anything 
easier  than  that  ?  " 

And  he  says,  "  They  don't  believe  anything.  That 
is  their  belief — to  believe  nothin'." 

"  Nothin' !  "  says  I. 

"Yes,"  says  he,  "Nothin'."  And,  says  he, 
"  to-morrer  they  are  goin'  to  prove  beyond  any  ques 
tion,  that  there  haint  any  God,  nor  anything,  and 
never  wuz  anything." 


162  BETTER    THOUGHTS. 

!     "  Be  they  ?  "  sez  I. 

"  Yes,"  says  he,  "  and  won't  you  come  and  be  con^ 
vinced?" 

I  looked  off  onto  the  peaceful  waters,  onto  the 
hills  that  lay  as  the  mountains  did  about  Jerusalem, 
onto  the  pillow  of  fire  that  seemed  to  hold  in  it  the 
flames  of  that  light  that  had  lighted  the  old  world 
onto  th«  mornin'  of  the  new  day, — and  one  star  had 
come  out,  and  stood  tremblin'  over  the  brow  of  the 
mountain  and  I  thought  of  that  star  that  had  riz  so 
long  time  ago,  and  had  guided  the  three  wise  men, 
guided  'em  jest  alike  from  their  three  different  homes, 
entirely  unbeknown  to  e*ch  other,  guidin'  'em  to  the 
cradle  where  lay  the  infant  Redeemer  of  the  world, 
so  long  foretold  by  bard  and  prophet.  I  looked  out 
onto  the  heavenly  glory  of  the  day,  and  then  inside 
into  my  heart,  that  held  a^faith  jest  as  bright  and 
undyin'  as  the  light  of  that  star — and  1  says,  "No, 
I  guess  I  won't  go  and  be  convinced." 

Wall,  we  riz  up  to  go  most  immediately  after- 
werds,  and  the  Deacon  (he  is  very  smart)  observed : 
"  How  highly  tickled  and  even  highlarious  the  man 
seemed  in  talkin'  about  there  not  bein'  any  future." 
And  he  says, "  It  wuz  a  good  deal  like  a  man  laughin' 
and  clappin'  his  hands  to  see  his  house  burn  down." 

And  I  sez,  "  it  wuz  far  wurse,  for  his  home  wouldn't 
stand  more'n  a  100  years  or  so,  and  this  home  he  wuz 
a  try  in'  to  destroy,  wuz  one  that  would  last  through 
eternity."  "  But,"  says  I,  "  it  hain't  built  by  hands, 


BESIDE    THE  DEACON.  163 

and  I  guess  their  hands  hain't  strong  enough  to  tear 
it  down,  nor  high  enough  to  set  fire  to  it. 

And  the  Deacon  says,  "  Jest  so,  Miss  Allen,  you 
spoke  truthfully,  and  eloquent."  (The  Deacon  is 
very  smart.) 

When  we  got  into  the  buggy  to  start,  the  Deacon 
says,  "  I  would  like  to  resoom  the  conversation  with 
you,  Josiah  Allen's  wife,  a  goin'  back." 

And  Druzilla  spoke  right  out  and  says,  "  I  will  set 
on  the  front  seat  by  Ezra."  I  says,  "Oh  no,  Druzilla, 
I  can  hear  the  Deacon  from  where  I  sot  before." 

But  the  Deacon  says,  Talkin'  loud  towards  night 
always  effected  his  voice  onpieasantly,  mebby  Druzilla 
and  he  had  better  change  seats. 

Again  I  demurred.  And  then  Druzilla  said  she 
must  set  by  Ezra,  she  wanted  to  tell  him  sumthin'  in 
confidence. 

And  so  it  wuz  arraig'ried,  for  I  felt  that  I  wuz  not 
the  one  to  come  between  pardners,  no  indeed.  The 
road  laid  peacefuller  and  beautifuller  than  ever,  or  so 
It  seemed  under  the  sunset  glory  that  sort  o'  hung 
round  it.  Jest  about  half  way  through  the  woods  we 
met  the  English  girl,  a  stridin'  along  alone,  each  step 
more'n  3  feet  long,  or  so  it  seemed  to  me.  There  wuz 
a  look  of  health,  and  happy  determination  on  her 
forwerd  as  she  strided  rapidly  by. 

I  would  have  fain  questioned  her  concernin'  my 
pardner,  as  she  strode  by,  but  before  I  could  call  ouf, 
or  begon  to  her  she  wuz  far  in  the  rearwerd,  and  goin' 


164  WHERE   WUZ  MY  PARDNER? 

in  a  full  pressure  and  in  a  knot  of  several  miles  an 
hour. 

Wall,  from  that  minute  I  felt  strange  and  curious. 
And  though  Druzilla  and  Ezra  was  agreeable  and 
the  Deacon  edifyin',  I  didn't  seem  to  feel  edified,  and 
the  most  warm-hearted  looks  didn't  seem  to  warm  my 
heart  none,  it  wuz  oppressed  with  gloomy  forebodings 
o£  Where  wuz  my  pardner  ?  They  had  laid  out  to 
set  out  together.  Had  they  sot?  This  question 
was  a  goverin'  me,  and  the  follerin'  one :  If 
they  had  sot  out  together,  where  wuz  my  pardner, 
Josiah  Allen,  now?  As  I  thought  these  feerful 
thoughts,  instinctively  I  turned  around  to  see  if  I 
could  see  a  trace  of  his  companion  in  the  distance. 
Yes,  I  could  ketch  a  faint  glimpse  of  her  as  she  wuz 
mountin'  a  diclevity,  and  stood  for  an  instant  in  sight, 
but  long  before  even,  she  disopeered  agin,  for  her  gait 
wuz  tremendous,  and  at  a  rate  of  a  good  many  knots 
she  wuz  a  goin',  that  I  knew.  And  the  fearful 
thought  would  rise,  Josiah  Allen  could  not  go  more 
than  half  a  knot,  if  he  could  that.  He  wuz  a  slow 
predestinatur  any  way,  and  then  his  corns  was  feerful, 
and  never  could  be  told — ana  his  boots  had  in  'em 
the  elements  of  feerful  sufferin'.  It  wuz  all  he  could 
do  when  he  had  'em  on  to  hobble  down  to  the  spring, 
and  post-office.  Where  ?  where  wuz  he  ?  And  siie 
a  goin'  at  the  rate  of  so  many  knots. 

Oh  !  the  agony  of  them  several  minutes,  while  these 
thoughts  wuz  rampasiu  through  my  destracted  brain, 


THE  END  OF  FLIRTATIONS. 

Oh !  if  pardners  only  knew  the  agony  they  bring 
onto  their  devoted  companions,  by  their  onguarded 
and  thoughtless  acts,  and  attentions  to  other  females, 
gin  without  proper  reseerch  and  precautions,  it  would 
draw  their  liniments  down  into  expressions  of  shame 
and  remorse.  Josiah  wouldn't  have  gone  with  her 
*,f  he  had  known  the  number  of  knots  she  wuz  a  goin', 
no,  not  one  step — then  why  couldn't  he  have  found 
out  the  number  of  them  knots — why  couldn't  he? 
Why  can't  pardners  look  ahead  and  see  to  where  their 
gay  attentions,  their  flirtations  that  they  call  mild  and 
innercent,  will  lead  'em  to  ?  Why  can't  they  realize 
that  it  haint  only  themselves  they  are  injurin',  but 
them  that  are  bound  to  'em  by  the  most  sacred  ties 
that  folks  can  be  twisted  up  in?  Why  can't  they 
realize  that  a  end  must  come  to  it,  and  it  may  be  a 
fearful  and  a  shameful  one,  and  if  it  is  a  happiness 
that  stops,  it  will  leave  in  the  heart  when  happiness 
gets  out,  a  emptiness,  a  holler  place,  where  like  as  not 
onhappiness  will  get  in,  and  mebby  stay  there  for 
some  time,  gaulin'  and  heart-breakin'  to  the  opposite 
pardner  to  see  it  go  on  ? 

If  it  is  indiiference,  or  fashion,  or  anything  of  that 
sort,  why  it  don't  pay  none  of  the  time,  it  don't  seem 
to  me  it  duz,  and  the  end  will  be  emptier  and  hol- 
lerer  then  the  beginning  a 

In  the  case  of  my  pardner  it  wuz  fashion,  nothing 
but  the  butterfly  of  fashion  he  wuz  after,  to  act  in  a 
high-toned,  fashionable  manner,  like  other  fashionable 


166  CHASING   THE  BUTTERFLY. 

men.  And  jest  see  the  end  on't  why  he  had  brought 
sufferin'  of  the  deepest  dye  onto  his  companion,  and 
what,  what  hed  he  brought  onto  himself — onto  his  feet  ? 

Oh!  the  agony  of  them  several  moments  while 
them  thoughts  was  a  rackin'  at  me.  The  moments 
gwelled  out  into  a  half  hour,  it  must  have  been  a 
long  half  hour,  before  I  see  far  ahead,  for  the  eyes  of 
love  is  keen — a  form  a  settin'  on  the  grass  by  the 
wayside,  that  I  recognized  as  the  form  of  my  pard- 
ner.  As  we  drew  nearer  we  all  recognized  the  figure 
— but  Josiah  Allen  didn't  seem  to  notice  us.  His 
boots  was  off,  and  his  stockin's,  and  even  in  that  first 
look  I  could  see  the  agony  that  was  a  rendin'  them 
toes  almost  to  burstin'.  Oh,  how  sorry  I  felt  for 
them  toes  !  He  was  a  restin'  in  a  most  dejected  and 
melancholy  manner  on  his  hand,  as  if  it  wuz  more 
than  sufferin'  that  ailed  him — he  looked  a  sufferer 
from  remorse,  and  regret,  and  also  had  the  air  of  one 
whom  mortification  has  stricken. 

He  never  seemed  to  sense  a  thing  that  wuz  passin' 
by  him,  till  the  driver  pulled  up  his  horses  clost  by 
him,  and  then  he  looked  up  and  see  us.  And  far  be 
it  from  me  to  describe  the  way  he  looked  in  his 
lowly  place  on  the  grass.  There  wuz  a  good  stun  by 
him  on  which  he  might  have  sot,  but  no,  he  seemed 
to  feel  too  mean  to  get  up  onto  that  stun ;  grass, 
lowly,  unassumin'  grass,  wuz  what  seemed  to  suit 
him  best,  and  on  it  he  sot  with  one  pf  his  feet 
stretched  out  in  front  of  him. 


JOSIAH  IN  DISTRESS.  167 

Oh !  the  pitifulness  of  that  look  he  gin  us,  oh  ! 
the  meakinness  of  it.  And  even,  when  his  eye  fell 
on  the  Deacon  a  settiu'  by  my  side,  oh !  the  wild 
gleam  of  hatred,  and  sullen  anger  that  glowed  within 
his  orb,  and  revenge  !  He  looked  at  the  Deacon,  and 
then  at  his  boots,  and  I  see  the  wild  thought  wuz  a 
enterin'  his  sole,  to  throw  that  boot  at  him.  But  I 
says  out  of  that  buggy  the  very  first  thing  the  words 
I  have  so  oft  spoke  to  him  in  hours  of  danger: 
"  Josiah,  be  calm  !" 

His  eye  fell  onto  the  peaceful  grass  agin,  and  he 
says :  "  Who  hain't  a  bein'  calm  ?  I  should  say  I 
wuz  calm  enough,  if  that  is  what  you  want." 

But,  oh,  the  sullenness  of  that  love. 

Says  Ezra,  good  man — he  see  right  through  it  all 
in  a  minute,  and  so  did  Druzilla  and  the  Deacon — 
says  Ezra,  "  Get  up  on  the  seat  with  the  driver,  Jo 
siah  Allen,  and  drive  back  with  us." 

"  No,"  says  Josiah,  "  I  have  no  occasion,  I  am  a 
settin'  here,"  (looking  round  in  perfect  agony)  "I 
am  a  settin'  here  to  admire  the  scenery." 

Then  I  leaned  over  »the  side  of  the  buggy,  and 
says  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  do  you  get  in  and  ride,  it  will 
kill  you  to  walk  back ;  put  on  your  boots  if  you  can, 
and  ride,  seein'  Ezra  is  so  perlite  as  to  ask  you." 

"  Yes,  I  see  he  is  very  perlite,  I  see  you  have  set 
amongst  very  perlite  folks,  Samantha,"  says  he,  a 
glarin'  at  Deacon  Balch  as  if  he  would  rend  him 
from  lim  to  lim.  "  But  as  I  said,  I  have  no  occasion 


l(Jg  JO  SI  AITS  EXCUSES. 

to  ride,  I  took  off  my  boots  and  stockin's  merely — 
merely  to  pass  away  time.  You  know  at  fashionable 
resorts,"  says  he,  "  it  is  sometimes  hard  for  men  to 
pass  away  time." 

Says  I  in  low,  deep  accents,  "  Do  put  on  your 
stockin's,  and  your  boots,  if  you  can  get  'em  on, 
which  I  doubt,  but  put  your  stockin's  on  this  min 
ute,  and  get  in,  and  ride." 

"  Yes,"  says  Ezra,  "  hurry  up  and  get  in,  Joshh 
Allen,  it  must  be  dretful  oncomfortabe  a  settin'  down 
there  in  the  grass." 

"  Oh,  no  ! "  says  Josiah,  and  he  kinder  whistled  a 
few  bars  of  no  tune  that  wuz  ever  heard  on,  or  ever 
will  be  heard  on  agin,  so  wild  and  meloncholy  it 
wuz — "  I  sot  down  here  kind  o'  careless.  I  thought 
seein'  I  hadn't  much  on  hand  to  do  at  this  time  o' 
year,  I  thought  I  would  like  to  look  at  my  fee." — we 
hain't  got  a  very  big  lookin'  glass  in  our  room," 

Oh,  how  incoherent  and  over-crazed  he  was  a  be- 
comin' !  Who  ever  heard  of  seein'  anybody's  feet  in 
a  lookin'  glass — of  dependin'  on  a  lookin'  glass  for  a 
sight  on  'em?  Oh,  how  I  pitied  that  man  !  and  I 
bent  down  and  says  to  him  in  soothin'  axents  :  "  Jo 
siah  Allen,  to  please  your  pardner  you  put  on  your 
stockin's  and  get  into  this  buggy.  Take  your  boots 
in  your  hand,  Josiah,  I  know  you  can't  get  'em  on, 
you  have  walked  too  far  for  them  corns.  Corns  that 
are  trampled  on,  Josiah  Allen,  rise  up  and  rend;;  you, 
or  me,  or  anybody  else  who  owns  'em  or  trampies  on 


JOSIAH  RIDES.  169 


'em.     It  hain't  your  fault,  nobody  blames  you. 
get  right  in." 

"  Yes,  do,"  says  the  Deacon. 

Oh  !  the  look  that  Josiah  Allen  gin  him.  I  see  the 
voyolence  oi  that  look,  that  rested  first  on  the  Iharon, 
and  then  on  that  boot. 

And  agin  I  says,  "  Josiah  Allen."  And  agin  the 
thought  of  his  own  feerful  acts,  and  my  warnin's  came 
over  him,  and  again  mortification  seemed  to  envelop 
him  like  a  mantilly,  the  tabs  goin'  down  and  coveriu' 
his  lims  —  and  agin  he  didn't  throw  that  boot.  Agin 
Deacon  Balch  escaped  oninjured,  saved  by  my  voice, 
and  Josiah's  inward  conscience,  inside  of  him. 

Wall,  suffice  it  to  say,  that  after  a  long  parley, 
Josiah  Allen  wuz  a  settin'  on  the  high  seat  with  the 
driver,  a  holdin'  his  boots  in  his  hand,  for  truly  no 
power  on  earth  could  have  placed  them  boots  on  Josiah 
Allen's  feet  in  the  condition  they  then  wuz. 

And  so  he  rode  on  howewards,  occasionally  a  lookin* 
down  on  the  Deacon  with  looks  that  I  hope  the  re- 
cordin'  angel  didn't  photograph,  so  dire,  and  sc  re 
vengeful,  and  jealous,  and  —  and  everything,  they  wuz. 
And  ever,  after  ketchin'  the  look  in  my  eye,  the  look 
in  his'n  would  change  to  a  heart-rendin'  one  of  re 
morse,  and  sorrow,  and  shame  for  what  he  had  done. 
And  the  Deacon,  wantin'  to  be  dretful  perlite  to  him, 
would  ask  him  questions,  and  I  could  see  the  side  of 
Josiah's  face,  all  glarin'  like  a  hyena  at-  the  sound  of 
his  voice,  and  then  he  would  turn  round  and  oseume 


AN  IGNOMINIOUS  END.  \"l\ 

a  perlite  genteel  look  as  he  answered  him,  and  then 
he  glare  at  me  in  a  mad  way  every  time  I  spoke  to 
the  Deacon,  and  then  his  mad  look  would  change, 
even  to  one  of  shame  and  meakinness.  And  he  in 
his  stockin'  feet,  and  a  pertendin'  that  he  didn't  put 
his  boots  on,  because  it  wuzn't  wuth  while  to  put  'em 
on  agin  so  near  bed-time.  And  he  that  sot  out  that 
afternoon  a  feelin'  so  haughty,  and  lookin'  down  on 
Ezra  and  Druzilla,  and  bein'  brung  back  by  'em,  in 
that  condition — and  bein'  goured  all  the  time  by 
thoughts  of  the  ignominious  way  his  flirtin'  had  ended, 
by  her  droppin'  him  by  the  side  of  the  road,  like  a 
weed  she  had  trampled  on  too  hardly.  And  a  bein' 
gourded  deeper  than  all  the  rest  of  his  agonies,  by  a 
senseless  jealousy  of  Deacon  Balch — and  a  thinkin' 
for  the  first  time  in  his  life,  what  it  would  be,  if  her 
affections,  that  had  been  like  a  divine  beacon  to  him 
all  his  life,  if  that  flame  should  ever  go  out,  or  ever 
flicker  in  its  earthly  socket — oh,  those  thoughts  that 
he  had  seemed  to  consider  in  his  own  mad  race  for 
fashion — oh,  how  that  sass  that  had  seemed  sweet  to 
him  as  a  gander,  oh  how  bitter  and  poisonous  it  wuz 
to  partake  of  as  a  goose. 

Oh !  the  agony  of  that  ride.  We  went  middlin' 
slow  back — and  before  we  got  co  Saratoga  the  Eng 
lish  girl  went  past  us,  she  had  been  to  the  Sulphur 
Springs  and  back  agin.  She  didn't  pay  no  attention 
to  us,  for  she  wuz  alayin'  on  a  plan  in  her  own  mind, 


172 


A    CHANGED  MAN, 


for  a  moonlight  pedestrian  excursion  on  foot,  that 
evening  out  to  the  old  battle  ground  of  Saratoga. 

Josiah  never  looked  to  the  right  hand  nor  the  left, 
as  she  passed  him,  at  many,  many  a  knot  an  hour. 
And  I  felt  that  my  pardner's  sufferin'  from  that 
cause  was  over,  and  mine  too,  but  oh  !  by  what  agony 
wuz  it  gained.  For  3  days  and  3  nights  he  never 
stood  on  any  of  his  feet  for  a  consecutive  minute  and 
a  half,  and  I  bathed  him  with  anarky,  and  bathed 
bis  very  soul  with  many  a  sweet  moral  lesson  at  the 
same  time.  And  when  at  last  Josiah  Allen  emerged 
from  that  chamber,  he  wuz  a  changed  man  in  his  de 
meanor  and  liniment,  such  is  the  power  of  love  and 
womanly  devotion. 

He  never  looked  at  a  woman  durin'  our  hull  stay 
at  Saratoga,  save  with  the  eye  of  a  philosopher  and  a 
Methodist 


MISS   G.   WASHINGTON   FLA  MM. 

Miss  G.  WASHINGTON  FLAMM  is  a  very  fashion* 
able  woman.  Thomas  Jefferson  carried  her  through 
a  law-suit,  and  carried  her  stiddy  and  safe.  (She  wuz 
in  the  right  on't,  there  haint  no  doubt  of  that.) 

She  had  come  to  Jones ville  for  the  summer  to  board, 
her  husband  bein'  to  home  at  the  time  in  New  York 
village,  down  on  Wall  street.  He  had  to  stay  there, 
so  she  said.  I  don't  know  why,  but  s'pose  suiithin* 
wuz  the  matter  with  the  wall ;  anyway  he  couldn't 
leave  it.  And  she  went  round  to  different  places  a 
good  deal  for  her  health.  There  didn't  seem  to  be 
much  health  round  where  her  husband  wuz,  so  she 
had  to  go  away  after  it,  go  a  huntin'  for  it,  way  over 
to  Europe  and  back  ag'in ;  and  away  off  to  California, 
and  Colorado,  and  Long  Branch,  and  Newport,  and 
Saratoga,  and  into  the  Country.  It  made  it  real  bad 
for  Miss  Flamm. 

Now  I  always  found  it  healthier  where  Josiah  wuz 
than  in  any  other  place.  Difference  in  folks  I  s'pose. 
But  they  say  there  is  sights  and  sights  of  husbands 

and  wives  jest  like  Miss  Flamm,     Can't  find  a  mite 
174 


PORTRAIT  OF  MISS  FLAMM.  175 

of  health  anywhere  near  where  their  families  is,  and 
have  to  poke  off  alone  after  it.  It  makes  it  real  bad 
for  'em. 

But  anyway  she  came  to  Jonesville  for  her  health. 
And  she  hearn  of  Thomas  Jefferson  and  employed 
him.  It  wuz  money  that  fell  onto  her  from  her  father, 
or  that  should  have  fell,  that  she  wuz  a  tryin'  to  git  it 
to  fall.  And  he  won  the  case.  It  fell.  She  wuz  rich 
as  a  Jew  before  she  got  this  money,  but  she  acted  as 
tickled  over  it  as  if  she  wuzn't  worth  a  cent.  (Human 
nater.)  She  paid  Thomas  J.  well  and  she  and  Maggie 
and  he  got  to  be  quite  good  friends. 

She  is  a  well-meanin',  fat  little  creeter,  what  there 
is  of  her.  I  have  seen  folks  smaller  than  she  is,  and 
then  ag'in  we  seen  them  that  wuzn't  so  small.  She  is 
middlin'  good  looking  not  old  by  any  means,  but  there 
is  a  deep  wrinkle  plowed  right  into  her  forward,  and 
down  each  side  of  her  mouth.  They  are  plowed 
deep.  And  I  have  always  wondered  to  myself  who 
held  the  plow. 

It  wuz'nt  age,  for  she  haint  old  enough.  Wuz  it 
Worry  ?  That  will  do  as  good  a  day's  work  a  plowin' 
as  any  creeter  I  ever  see,  and  work  as  stiddy  after  it 
gits  to  doin'  day's  works  in  a  female's  face. 

Waz  it  Dissatisfaction  and  Disappointment  ?  They, 
too,  will  plow  deep  furrows  and  a  sight  of  'em.  I 
don't  know  what  it  wuz.  Mebby  it  wuz  her  waist 
and  sleeves.  Her  sleeves  wuz  so  tight  that  they  kep' 
ier  hands  lookin'  a  kinder  bloated  and  swelled  all  the 


176  DOG    WORRIMENT. 

time,  and  must  have  been  dretful  painful.  And  her 
waist — it  wuz  drawed  in  eo  at  the  bottom,  that  to  tell 
the  liviu'  truth  it  wuzn't  much  bigger'n  a  pipe's  tail. 
It  beat  all  to  see  the  size  immegatly  above  and  below, 
why  it  looked  perfectly  meraculous.  She  couldn't  get 
her  hands  up  to  her  head  to  save  her  life ;  if  she  felt 
her  head  a  tottlin'  off  her  shoulders  she  couldn't 
have  lifted  her  hands  to  have  stiddied  it,  and,  of 
course,  she  couldn't  get  a  long  breath,  or  short  ones 
with  any  comfort. 

Mebby  that  worried  her,  and  then  ag'in,  mebby  it 
wuz  dogs.  I  know  it  would  wear  me  out  to  take  such 
stiddy  care  on  one,  day  and  night.  I  never  seemed 
to  feel  no  drawin's  to  take  care  of  animals,  wash  'em, 
and  bathe  'em,  and  exercise  'em,  etc.,  etc.,  never  havin* 
been  in  the  menagery  line  and  Josiah  always  keepin' 
a  boy  to  take  care  of  the  animals  when  he  wuzn't 
well.  Mebby  it  wuz  dogs.  Anyway  she  took  splen 
did  care  of  hern,  jest  wore  herself  out  a  doin'  for  it 
stiddy  day  and  night  and  bein'  trampled  on,  and 
barked  at  almost  all  the  time  she  wuz  a  bringin'  on 
it  up. 

Yes,  she  took  perfectly  wonderful  care  on't,  for  a 
woman  in  her  health.  She  never  had  been  able  to 
take  any  care  of  her  children,  bein'  very  delicate. 
Never  had  been  well  enough  to  have  any  of  'em  in 
the  room  with  her '  nights,  or  in  the  day  time  either. 
They  tired  her  so,  and  she  wuz  one  of  the  wimmeii 
who  felt  it  wuz  her  duty  to  preserve  her  heaZth  for 


NEGLECT  OF  CHILDREN'.  177 

her  family's  sake.  Though  when  they  wuz  a  goin'  to 
get  the  benefit  of  her  health  I  don't  know. 

But  howsumever  she  never  could  take  a  mite  of 
care  of  her  children,  they  wuz  brought  up  on  wet 
nurses,  and  bottles,  etc.,  etc.,  and  wuz  rather  weakly, 
some  on  'em.  The  nurses,  wet  and  dry  ones  both, 
used  to  gin  'em  things  to  make  'em  sleep,  and  kinder 
yank  'em  round  and  scare  'em  nights  to  keep  'em  in. 
the  bed,  and  neglect  'em  a  good  deal,  and  keep  'em 
out  in  the  brilin'  sun  when  they  wanted  to  see  their 
bows ;  and  for  the  same  reeson  keepin'  'em  out  in  their 
little  thin  dresses  in  the  cold,  and  pinch  their  little 
arms  black  and  blue  if  they  went  to  tell  any  of  their 
tricks.  And  they  learnt  the  older  ones  to  be  deceitful 
and  sly  and  cowerdly.  Learnt  'em  to  use  jest  the 
same  slang  phrases  and  low  language  that  they  did ; 
tell  the  same  lies,  and  so  they  wuz  a  spilin'  'em  in 
every  way ;  spilin'  their  brains  with  narcotics,  their 
bodies  by  neglect  and  bad  usage,  and  their  miads  and 
morals  by  evil  examples. 

You  see  some  nurses  are  dretful  good.  But  Miss 
Flamm's  health  bein'  so  poor  and  her  mind  bein'  so 
took  up  with  fashion,  dogs,  etc.,  that  she  couldn't 
take  the  trouble  to  find  out  about  their  characters  and 
they  wuz  dretful  poor  unbeknown  to  her.  She  had 
dretful  bad  luck  with  'em,  and  the  last  one  driuked, 
so  I  have  been  told. 

Yes,  it  made  it  dretful  bad  for  Miss  Flamm  that  her 
health  was  so  poor,  and  her  fashionable  engagements 


178  THE   SCIENCE    OF  DOGS. 

so  many  and  arduous  that  she  didn't  have  the  time 
to  take  a  little  care  of  her  children  and  the  dog  too. 
For  you  could  see  plain,  by  the  care  that  she  took  of 
that  dog,  what  a  splendid  hand  she  would  be  with 
the  children,  if  she  only  had  the  time  and  health. 

Why,  I  don't  believe  there  wuz  another  dog 
in  America,  either  the  upper  or  lower  continent, 
that  had  more  lovin',  anxus,  intelligent,  devoted 
attention  than  that  dog  had,  day  and  night,  from 
Miss  Flamm.  She  took  2  dog  papers,  so  they  say, 
to  get  the  latest  information  on  the  subject;  she 
compared  notes  with  other  dog  wimmen,  I  don't  say 
it  in  a  ruunin'  way  at  all.  I  mean  wimmen  who 
have  gin  their  hull  minds  to  dog,  havin',  some  on  'em, 
renounced  husbands,  and  mothers,  and  children  for 
dog  sake. 

You  know  there  are  sich  wimmen,  and  Miss 
Flamm  read  up  and  studied  with  constant  and 
absorbed  attention  all  the  latest  things  on  dog. 
Their  habits,  their  diet,  their  baths,  their  robes,  their 
ribbons,  and  bells,  and  collars,  their  barks — uothin' 
escaped  her ;  she  put  the  best  things  she  learned  into 
practice,  and  studied  out  new  ones  for  herself.  She 
said  she  had  reduced  the  subject  to  a  science,  and  she 
boasted  proudly  that  her  dog,  the  last  one  she  had, 
went  ahead  of  any  dog  in  the  country.  And  I  don't 
know  but  it  did.  I  knew  it  had  a  good  healthy  bark. 
A  loud  strong  bark  that  must  have  made  it  bad  for 
her  in  the  night.  It  always  slept  with  her,  for  she 


DOG-  WORSHIP.  179 

didn't  dast  to  trust  it  out  of  her  sight  nights.  It  had 
had  some  spells  in  die  night,  kinder  chills,  or  spuzzums 
like,  and  she  didn't  dast  to  be  away  from  it  for  a 
minute. 

She  wouldn't  let  the  wet  nurse  tech  it,  for  her 
youngest  child,  little  G.  Washington  Flamm,  Jr., 
wuzn't  very  healthy,  and  Miss  Flamm  thought  that 
mebby  the  dog  might  ketch  his  weakness  if  the  nurse 
handled  it  right  after  she  had  been  nursin'  the  baby. 
And  then  she  objected  to  the  nurse,  so  I  hearn,  on 
account  of  her  bein'  wet.  She  wanted  to  keep  the  dog 
dry.  I  hearn  this ;  I  don't  know  as  it  wuz  so.  But 
I  hearn  these  things  long  enough  before  I  ever  see  her. 
And  when  I  did  see  her  I  see  that  they  didn't  tell 
me  no  lies  about  her  devotion  to  the  dog,  for  she  jest 
worshiped  it,  that  was  plain  to  be  seen. 

Wall,  she  has  got  a  splendid  place  at  Saratoga;  a 
cottage  she  calls  it.  I,  myself,  should  call  it  a  house, 
for  it  is  big  as  our  house  and  Deacon  Peddick'ses 
and  Mr.  Bobbett'ses  all  put  together,  and  I  don't  know 
but  bigger. 

Wall,  she  invited  Josiah  and  me  to  drive  with  her, 
and  so  her  dog  and  she  stopped  for  us.  (I  put  the 
dog  first,  for  truly  she  seemed  to  put  him  forward  on 
every  occasion  in  front  of  herself,  and  so  did  her  high- 
toned  relatives,  who  wuz  with  her.) 

Or  I  s'pose  they  wuz  her  relatives  for  they  sot  up 
straight,  and  wuz  dretful  dressed  up,  and  acted  awful 
big-feelin'  and  never  took  no  notice  of  Josiah  and 


180  A  PLEASURE  RIDE. 

me,  no  more  than  if  we  hadn't  been  there.  But  good 
land  !  I  didn't  care  for  that.  What  if  they  didn't 
pay  any  attention  to  us  ?  But  Josiah,  on  account  of 
his  tryin'  to  be  so  fashionable,  felt  it  deeply,  and  he 
sez  to  me  while  Miss  Flamm  wuz  a  bendin'  down 
over  the  dog,  a  talkin'  to  him,  for  truly  it  wuz  tired 
completely  out  a  barkin'  at  Josiah,  it  had  barked  at 
him  every  single  minute  sense  we  had  started,  and 
she  wuz  a  talkin'  earnest  to  it  a  tryin'  to  soothe  it, 
and  Josiah  whispered  to  me,  "  I'll  tell  you,  Samau- 
tha,  why  them  fellers  feel  above  me ;  it  is  because  I 
haint  dressed  up  in  sech  a  dressy  fashion.  Let  me 
once  have  on  a  suit  like  their'n,  white  legs  and  yellow 
trimmin's,  and  big  shinin'  buttons  sot  on  in  rows,  and 
white  gloves,  and  rosettes  in  my  hat — why  I  could 
appear  in  jest  as  good  company  as  they  go  in." 

Sez  I,  "  You  are  too  old  to  be  dressed  up  so  gay, 
Josiah  Allen.  There  is  a  time  for  all  things.  Gay 
buttons  and  rosettes  look  well  with  brown  hair 
and  sound  teeth,  but  they  ort  to  gently  pass  away 
when  they  do.  Don't  talk  any  more  about  it,  Josiah, 
for  I  tell  you  plain,  you  are  too  old  to  dress  like  them, 
they  are  young  men." 

"  Wall,"  he  whispered,  in  deep  resolve,  "  I  willhave 
a  white  rosette  in  my  hat,  Samantha.  I  will  go  so 
far,  old  or  not  old.  What  a  sensation  it  will  create 
in  the  Jonesville  meetin'-house  to  see  me  come  a 
walkin'  proudly  in,  with  a  white  rosette  in  my  hat." 


ASPIRATIONS  IN  DRESS.  181 

"  You  are  goin'  to  walk  into  meetin'  with  your  hat 
On,  are  you  ?  "  sez  I  coldly. 

"  Oh,  ketch  a  feller  up.  You  know  what  I  mean. 
And  don't  you  think  I'll  make  a  show  ?  Won't  it 
create  a  sensation  in  Jonesville  ?  " 

Sez  I :  "  Most  probable  it  would.  But  you  haint 
a  goin'  to  wear  no  bows  on  your  hat  at  your  age,  not 
if  I  can  break  it  up,"  sez  I. 

He  looked  almost  black  at  me,  and  sez  he,  "  Don't 
go  too  fur,  Samantha  !  I'll  own  you've  been  a  good 
wife  and  mother  and  all  that,  but  there  is  a  line  that 
you  must  stop  at.  You  mustn't  go  too  fur.  There  ia 
some  things  in  which  a  man  must  be  foot-loose,  and 
that  is  in  the  matter  of  dress.  I  shall  have  a  white 
rosette  on  my  hat,  and  some  big  white  buttons  up  and 
down  the  back  of  my  overcoat !  That  is  my  aim, 
Samantha,  and  I  shall  reach  it  if  I  walk  through 
goar." 

He  uttered  them  fearful  words  in  a  loud  fierce 
whisper  which  made  the  dog  bark  at  him  for  more'n 
ten  minutes  stiddy,  at  the  top  of  its  voice,  and  in 
quick  short  yelps. 

If  it  had  been  her  young  child  that  wuz  yellin'  at 
a  visitor  in  that  way  and  ketchin'  holt  of  him,  and 
tearin'  at  his  clothes,  the  child  would  have  been  con 
signed  to  banishment  out  of  the  room,  and  mebby 
punishment.  But  it  wuzn't  her  babe  and  so  it  re 
mained,  and  it  dug  its  feet  iown  into  the  satin  and 


A    SWEET  LITTLE  ANGEL.  183 

laces  and  beads  of  Miss  FJamm's  dress,   and 
barked  so  we  couldn't  hear  ourselves  think. 

And  she  called  it  "sweet  little  angel,"  and 
told  it  it  might  "  bark  its  little  cuimin'  bark." 
The  idee  of  a  angel  barkin';  jest  think  on't. 
And  we  endured  it  as  best  we  could  with 
shakin'  nerves  and  achin'  earpans. 

It  wuz  a  curius  time.  The  dog  harrowin'  our 
nerve,  and  snappin'  at  Josiah  anon,  if  not 
oftener,  and  she  a  callin'  it  a  angel;  and  Josiah 
a  lookin'  so  voyalent  at  it,  that  it  seemed 
almost  as  if  that  glance  could  stun  it. 

It  wuz  a  curius  seen.  But  truly  worse  wuz 
to  come,  for  Miss  Flamm  in  an  interval  of 
silence,  sez,  "We  will  go  first  to  the  Gizer 
Spring,  and  then,  afterwards,  to  the  Moon." 

Or,  that  is  what  I  understand  her  to  saj 
And  though  I  kep'  still,  I  wuz  determined  to 
keep  my  eyes  out,  and  if  I  see  her  goin'  into 
anything  dangerus,  I  wuz  goin'  to  reject  her 
overtures  to  take  us.  But  thinkses  I  to  myself, 
"We  always  said  I  believe  we  should  travel  to 
the  stars  some  time,  but  I  little  thought  it  would 
be  to-day,  or  that  I  should  go  in  a  buggy." 

Josiah  shared  my  feelin's  and  whispered, 
"  Don' tie's  go,  Samantha,  it  must  be  dangerus!" 

But  I  whispered  back,  "Le's  wait,  Josiah, 
and  see.  We  won' t  do  no  thin'  percipitate,  but," 
sez  I,  "this  is  a  chance  we  won't  have  ag'iD 


184  A   GREAT  UNDERTAKING 

Don't  le's  be  hasty."  We  talked  these  things  in  se 
cret,  while  Miss  Flamm  wuz  a  bendin'  over,  and  con- 
versin'  with  the  dog.  For  Josiah  would  rather  have 
died  than  not  be  s'pozed  to  be  "  Oh  Fay,"  as  Maggie 
would  say,  in  everything  fashionable.  And  it  has 
always  been  my  way  to  wait  and  see,  and  count  10, 
or  even  20,  before  speakin'. 

And  then  Miss  Flamm  sez  sunthin'  about  what 
beautiful  fried  potatoes  you  could  get  there  in  the 
moon,  and  you  could  always  get  them,  any  time  you 
wanted  'em. 

And  the  very  next  time  she  went  to  kissin'  the  dog 
v  voyalently  as  not  to  notice  us,  my  Josiah  whispered 
w  me  and  sez,  "  Did  you  have  any  idee  that  wuz  what 
the  old  man  wuz  a  doin'?  I  knew  he  wuz  always  a 
settin'  up  there  in  the  moon,  but  it  never  passed  my 
mind  that  he  wuz  a  fryin'  potatoes." 

But  I  sez,  "  Keep  still,  Josiah.  It  is  a  deep  sub 
ject,  a  great  undertaking  and  it  requires  caution  and 
deliberation." 

But  he  sez,  "  I  haint  a  goin',  Samantha  !  Nor  I  haint 
a  goin'  to  let  you  go.  It  is  dangerus." 

But  I  kinder  nudged  him,  for  she  had  the  dog  down 
on  her  lap,  and  was  ready  to  resoom  conversation. 
And  about  that  time  we  got  to  the  entrance  of  the 
spring,  and  one  of  her  relatives  got  down  and  opened 
the  carriage  door. 

I  wondered  ag'in  that  she  didn't  introduce  us.  But 
I  didn't  care  if  she  didn't.  I  felt  that  I  wuz  jest  as 


AT  THE  SPKIXG.  185 

good  as  they  wuz,  if  they  wuz  so  haughty.  But 
Josiah  wantin'  to  make  himself  agreeable  to  'em  (he 
hankers  after  gettin'  into  high  society),  he  took  off  his 
hat  and  bowed  low  to  'em,  before  he  got  out,  and  sez 
he,  "  I  am  proud  to  knew  you,  sir,"  and  tried  to  shake 
hands  with  him.  But  the  man  rejected  his  overtoors 
and  looked  perfectly  wooden,  and  oninterested.  A 
big-feelin',  high-headed  creeter.  Josiah  Allen  is  as 
good  as  he  is  any  day.  And  I  whispered  to  him  and 
eez,  "  Don't  demean  yourself  by  tryin'  to  force  your 
company  onto  them  any  more." 

"  Wall,"  he  whispered  back,  "  I  do  love  to  move  in 
high  circles." 

Sez  I,  "  Then  I  shouldn't  think  you  would  be  so 
afraid  of  the  undertakin'  ahead  on  us.  If  neighborin' 
with  the  old  man  in  the  moon,  and  eatin'  supper  with 
him,  haint  movin'  in  high  circles,  then  I  don't  know 
what  is." 

"  But  I  don't  want  to  go  into  anything  dangerus," 
eez  he. 

But  jest  then  Miss  Flamm  spoke  to  me,  and  I  moved 
forward  by  her  side  and  into  a  middlin'  big  room,  and 
in  the  middle  wuz  a  great  sort  of  a  well  like,  with  the 
water  a  bubblin'  up  into  a  clear  crystal  globe,  and  a 
sprayin'  up  out  of  it,  in  a  slender  misty  sparklin'  spray. 
It  wuz  a  pretty  sight.  And  we  drinked  a  glass  full 
of  it  a  piece,  and  then  we  wandered  out  of  the  back 
door- way,  and  wer.t  down  into  the  pretty;  old-fashioned 
garden  back  of  the  house 


NATURE'S  CHOICE  ABODE. 

Josiah  and  me  and  Miss  Flamm  went.  The  dog 
and  the  two  relatives  didn't  seem  to  want  to  go.  The 
relatives  sot  up  there  straight  as  two  sticks,  one  of 
'em  holdin'  the  dog,  and  they  didn't  even  look  round 
at  us. 

"  Felt  too  big  to  go  with  us,"  sez  Josiah,  bitterly, 
as  we  went  down  the  steps.  "  They  won't  associate 
with  me." 

"Wall,  I  wouldn't  care  if  I  wuz  in  your  place, 
Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  "  you  are  jest  as  good  as  they  be, 
and  I  know  it." 

"You  couldn't  make  'em  think  so,  dumb  'em," 
sez  he. 

I  liked  the  looks  of  it  down  there.  It  seems  some 
times  as  if  Happiness  gets  kinder  homesick,  in  the  big 
dusty  fashionable  places,  and  so  goes  back  to  the  wild, 
green  wood,  and  kinder  wanders  off,  and  loafs  round, 
amongst  the  pine  trees,  and  cool  sparklin'  brooks  and 
wild  flowers  and  long  shinin'  grasses  and  slate  stuns, 
and  etc. ,  etc. 

I  don't  believe  she  likes  it  half  so  well  up  in  the 
big  hotel  gardens  or  Courtin'  yards,  as  she  does  down 
there.  You  see  it  seems.as  if  Happiness  would  have 
to  be  more  dressed  up,  up  there,  and  girted  down,  and 
stiff  actin',  and  on  her  good  behavior,  and  afraid  of 
actin'  or  lookin*  onfashionable.  But  down  here  by 
the  side  of  the  quiet  little  brook,  amongst  the  cool, 
green  grasses,  fur  away  from  diamonds,  and  satins,  and 
big  words,  and  dogs,  and  parasols,  and  so  many,  many 


JOSIAH  DISGUSTED.  187 

that  are  a  chasin'  of  her  and  a  follerin'  of  her  up,  it 
seemed  more  as  if  she  loved  to  get  away  from  it  all, 
and  get  where  she  could  take  her  crown  off,  lay  down 
her  septer,  onhook  her  corset,  and  put  on  a  long  loose 
gown,  and  lounge  round  and  enjoy  herself  (metafor). 

We  had  a  happy  time  there.  We  went  over  the 
little  rustick  bridges  which  would  have  been  spilte  in 
my  eyes  if  they  had  been  rounded  off  on  the  edges,  or 
a  mite  of  paint  on  'em  Truly,  I  felt  that  I  had  seen 
enough  of  paint  and  gildin'  to  last  me  through  a  long 
life,  and  it  did  seem  such  a  treat  to  me  to  see  a  board 
ag'in,  jest  a  plain  rough  bass-wood  board,  and  some 
stuns  a  lyin'  in  the  road,  and  some  deep  tall  grass  that 
you  had  to  sort  a  wade  through. 

Miss  Flamm  seemed  to  enjoy  it  some  down  there, 
though  she  spoke  of  the  dog,  which  she  had  left  up 
with  her  relatives. 

"  3  big-feelin'  ones  together,"  I  whispered  to  Josiah. 

And  he  sez,  "  Yes,  that  dog  is  a  big-feelin'  little 
cuss-tomer.  And  if  I  wuz  a  chipmunk  he  couldn't 
bark  at  me  no  more  than  he  duz." 

And  I  looked  severe  at  Josiah  and  sez  I,  "  If  you 
don't  jine  your  syllables  closer  together  you  will  see 
trouble,  Josiah  Allen.  You'll  find  yourself  swearin* 
before  you  know  it." 

"Oh  shaw,"  sez  he,  "customer  haint  a  swearin' 
word  ;  ministers  use  it.  I've  hearn  'em  many  a  ti»e." 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  but  they  don't  draw  it  out  as  you 
did,  Josiah  Allen." 


Jgg  A   CRsSIS  IMPENDING. 

"  Oh !  wall !  Folks  can't  always  speak  up  pert  and 
quick  when  they  are  off  on  pleasure  exertions  and 
have  been  barked  at  as  long  as  I  have  been.  But 
now  I've  got  a  minutes  chance,"  sez  he,  "  let  me  tell 
you  ag'in,  don't  you  make  no  arraingments  to  go  to 
the  Moon.  It  is  dangerus,  and  I  won't  go  myself, 
nor  let  you  go." 

"Let,"  sez  I  to  myself.  "That  is  rather  of  a 
gaulin'  word  to  me.  Won't  let  me  go."  But  then  I 
thought  ag'in,  and  thought  how  love  and  tenderness 
wuz  a  dictatin'  the  term,  and  I  thought  to  myself,  it 
has  a  good  sound  to  me,  I  like  the  word.  I  love  to 
hear  him  say  he  won't  let  me  go. 

And  truly  to  me  it  looked  hazerdus.  But  Miss 
Flanim  seemed  ready  to  go  on,  and  onwillin'ly  I  fol 
lowed  on  after  her  footsteps.  But  I  looked  'round, 
and  said  "  Good-bye  "  in  my  heart,  to  the  fine  trees, 
and  cleer,  brown  waters  of  the  brook,  the  grass,  and 
the  wild  flowers,  and  the  sweet  peace  that  wuz  over 
all. 

"Good-bye,"  sez  I.  "If  I  don't  see  you  ag'in, 
you'll  find  some  other  lover  that  will  appreciate  you, 
though  I  am  fur  away." 

They  didn't  answer  me  back,  none  on  'em,  but  I 
felt  that  they  understood  me.  The  pines  whispered 
sunthin'  to  each  other,  and  the  brook  put  its  moist 
lips  up  to  the  pebbly  shore  and  whispered  sunthin'  to 
the  grasses  that  bent  down  to  hear  it.  I  don't  know 
exactly  what  it  wuz,  but  it  wuz  sunthiu'  friendly  I 


A   DEFECTIVE  GODDESS.  189 

know,  for  I  felt  it  speak  right  through  the  soft,  sum 
mer  sunshine  into  my  heart.  They  couldn't  exactly 
tell  what  they  felt  towards  me,  and  I  couldn't  exactly 
tell  what  I  felt  towards  them,  yet  we  understood  each 
other ;  curi'us,  haint  it  ? 

Wall,  we  got  into  the  carriage  ag'in,  one  of  her 
relatives  gettin'  down  to  open  the  door.  They  knew 
what  good  manners  is ;  I'll  say  that  for  'em.  And 
Miss  Flamm  took  her  dog  into  her  arms  seemin'ly 
glad  to  get  holt  of  him  ag'in,  and  kissed  it  several 
times  with  a  deep  love  and  devotedness.  She  takes 
good  care  of  that  dog.  And  what  makes  it  harder 
for  her  to  handle  him  is,  her  dress  is  so  tight,  and 
her  sleeves.  I  s'pose  that  is  why  she  can't  breathe 
any  better,  and  what  makes  her  face  and  hands  red, 
and  kinder  swelled  up.  She  can't  get  her  hands  to 
her  head  to  save  her,  and  if  a  assassin  should  strike 
her,  she  couldn't  raise  her  arm  to  ward  off  the  blow 
if  he  killed  her.  I  s'pose  it  worrys  her. 

And  she  has  to  put  her  bunnet  on  jest  as  quick  as 
she  gets  her  petticoats  on,  for  she  can't  lift  he  arms 
to  save  her  life  after  she  gets  her  corsets  on.  She 
owned  up  to  me  once  that  it  made  her  feel  queer  to 
be  a  walkin'  'round  her  room  with  not  much  on  only 
her  bunnet  all  trimmed  off  with  high  feathers  and 
artificial  flowers. 

But  she  said  she  wuz  willing  to  do  anythin'  neces 
sary,  and  she  felt  that  she  must  have  her  waist  taper, 
no  matter  what  stood  in  the  way  ou't.     She  loves  the 
13 


190  MRS-   FLAMM'S  IDEAL  GODDESS. 

looks  of  a  waist  that  tapers.  That  wuz  all  the  fault 
she  found  with  the  Goddus  of  Liberty  enlightenin'  the 
world  in  New  York  Harber.  We  got  to  talkin'  about 
ft  and  she  said,  "  If  that  Goddus  only  had  corsets  on, 
and  sleeves  that  wuz  skin  tight,  and  her  overskirt 
looped  back  over  a  bustle,  it  would  be  perfect ! " 

But  I  told  her  I  liked  her,  looks  as  well  ag'in  as 
ghe  wuz.  "  Why,"  sez  I,  "  How  could  she  lift  her 
torch  above  her  head  ?  And  how  could  she  ever  en 
lighten  the  world,  if  she  wuz  so  held  down  by  her 
corsets  and  sleeves  that  she  couldn't  wave  her  torch  ?  " 

She  see  in  a  minute  that  it  couldn't  be  done.  She 
owned  up  that  she  couldn't  enlighten  the  world  in 
that  condition,  but  as  fur  as  looks  went,  it  would  be 
perfectly  beautiful. 

But  I  don't  think  so  at  all.  But,  as  I  say,  Miss 
Flamm  has  a  real  hard  time  on't,  all  bard  down  as 
she  is,  and  takin'  all  the  care  of  that  dog,  day  and 
night.  She  is  jest  devoted  to  it. 

Why  jest  before  we  started  a  little  lame  girl  with 
c,  shabby  dress,  but  a  face  angel  sweet,  came  to  the 
side  of  the  carriage  to  sell  some  water  lilies.  Her 
face  looked  patient,  and  wistful,  and  she  jest  held  out 
her  flowers  silently,  and  stood  with  her  bare  feet  on 
the  wet  ground  and  her  pretty  eyes  lookin'  pitifully 
into  our*n.  She  wanted  to  sell  'em  awfully,  I  could 
see.  And  I  should  have  bought  the  hull  of  'em  im- 
megitly,  my  feelin's  was  sech,  but  onfortionably  I 
had  left  my  port-money  in  my  other  pocket,  and  Jo- 


A T  THE    VICHY  SPRING. 

Biah  said  he  had  left  his  (mebby  he  had).  But  Miss 
Flamm  would  have  bought  'em  in  a  minute,  I  knew, 
the  child's  face  looked  so  mournful  and  appealin' ; 
she  would  have  bought  'em,  but  she  wuz  so  engrossed 
by  the  dog ;  she  wuz  a  holdin'  him  up  in  front  of  her 
a  admirin'  and  carressin'  of  him,  so's  she  never 
ketched  sight  of  the  lame  child. 

No  body,  not  the  best  natured  creeter  in  the  world, 
can  see  through  a  dog  when  it  is  held  clost  up  to  the 
eye,  closer  than  anything  else. 

Wall,  we  drove  down  to  what  they  called  Vichy 
Spring  and  there  on  a  pretty  pond  clost  to  the  spring- 
house,  we  see  a  boat  with  a  bycycle  on  it,  and  a  boy 
a  ridin'  it.  The  boat  wuz  rigged  out  to  look  like  a 
swan  with  its  wings  a  comin'  up  each  side  of  the  boy, 
And  down  on  the  water,  a  sailin'  along  closely  and 
silently  wuz  another  swan,  a  shadow  swan,  a  follerin' 
it  right  along.  It  wuz  a  fair  seen. 

And  Josiah  sez  to  me,  "  He  should  ride  that  boat 
before  he  left  Saratoga ;  he  said  that  wuz  a  under- 
takin'  that  a  man  might  be  proud  to  accomplish." 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  don't  you  do  anything  of  the 
kind." 

"  I  must,  Samantha,"  sez  he.  And  then  he  got  all 
animated  about  fixin'  up  a  boat  like  it  at  home.  S«z 
he,  "  Don't  you  think  it  would  be  splendid  to  have  one 
on  the  canal  jest  beyond  the  orchard  ?  "  And  sez  he, 
"  Mebby,  bein'  on  a  farm,  it  would  be  more  appropriate 


192  AN  APPROPRIATE  EMLEM. 

to  have  a  big  goose  sculptured  out  on  it ;  don't  you 
think  so?" 

Sez  I,  "  Yes,  it  would  be  fur  more  appropriate,  and 
a  goose  a  ridin'  on  it.  But,"  sez  I,  "  you  will  never 
go  into  that  undertakiu'  with  my  consent,  Josiah 
Allen." 

"  Why,"  sez  he,  "  it  would  be  a  beautiful  recrea 
tion  ;  so  uneek." 

But  at  that  minute  Miss  Flamm  gin  the  order  to 
turn  round  and  start  for  the  Moon,  or  that  is  how  I 
understood  her,  and  I  whispered  to  Josiah  and  sez, 
"  She  means  to  go  in  the  buggy,  for  the  land's  sake ! " 

And  Josiah  sez,  "  Wall,  I  haint  a  goin'  and  yeu 
haint.  I  won't  let  you  go  into  anythin'  so  dangerus. 
She  will  probably  drive  into  a  baloon  before  long, 
and  go  up  in  that  way,  but  jest  before  she  drives  in, 
you  and  I  will  get  out,  Samantha,  if  we  have  to  walk 
back." 

"  I  never  heard  of  anybody  goin'  up  in  a  baloon 
with  two  horses  and  a  buggy,"  sez  I. 

"  Wall,  new  things  are  a  happenin'  all  the  time, 
Samantha.  And  I  heard  a  feller  a  talkin'  about  it 
yesterday.  You  know  they  are  a  havin'  the  big 
political  convention  here,  and  he  said,  (he  wuz  a  real 
cute  chap  too,)  he  said,  '  if  the  wind  wasted  in  that 
convention  could  be  utilized  by  pipes  goin'  up  out  of 
the  ruff  of  that  buildin'  where  it  is  held,'  he  said.  '  it 
would  take  a  man  up  to  the  moon.'  I  heerd  him  say 
it.  And  now,  who  knows  but  they  have  got  it  all 


HEADY  TO  JUMP.  193 

fixed.  There  wuz  dretful  windy  speeches  there  this 
mornin'.  I  hearn  'em,  and  I'll  bet  that  is  her  idee, 
of  bein'  the  first  one  to  try  it ;  she  is  so  fashionable. 
But  I  haint  a  goin'  up  in  no  sech  a  way." 

"  No,"  sez  I.  "  Nor  I  nuther.  It  would  be  fur 
from  my  wishes  to  be  carried  up  to  the  skies  on  the 
wind  of  a  political  convention.  Though,"  sez  I 
reasonably,  "  I  haint  a  doubt  that  there  wuz  sights, 
and  sights  of  it  used  there." 

But  jest  at  this  minute  Miss  Flamm  got  through 
talkin'  with  her  relatives  about  the  road,  and  settled 
down  to  caressin'  the  dog  ag'in,  and  Josiah  hadn't 
time  to  remark  any  further,  only  to  say,  "  \y  atch  me, 
Samantha,  and  when  I  say  jump,  jump." 

And  then  we  sot  still  but  watchful.  And  Miss 
Flamm  kissed  the  dog  several  times  and  pressed  him 
to  her  heart  that  throbbed  full  of  such  a  boundless 
love  for  him.  And  he  lifted  his  head  and  snapped  at 
a  fly,  and  barked  at  my  companion  with  a  renewed 
energy,  and  showed  his  intellect  and  delightful 
qualities  in  sech  remarkable  ways,  that  filled  Miss 
Flamm's  soul  deep  with  a  proud  joy  in  him.  And 
then  he  went  to  sleep  a  layin,  down  in  her  lap,  a 
mashin'  down  the  delicate  lace  and  embroidery  and 
beads.  He  had  been  a  eating  the  beads,  I  see  him 
gnaw  off  more  than  two  dozen  of  'em,  and  I  called 
her  attention  to  it,  but  she  said,  "The  dear  little 
darlin'  had  to  have  some  such  recreation."  And  she 
let  him  go  on  with  it,  a  mowin'  'em  down,  as  long  as 


194  A   JCILLfN'    CARE. 

he  seemed  to  have  a  appetite  for  'em.  And  ag'in  she 
called  him  "  angel."  The  idee  of  a  angel  a  gnawin* 
off  beads  and  a  yelpin' ! 

And  1  asked  her,  and  I  couldn't  help  it.  How  her 
baby  wuz  that  afternoon,  and  if  she  ever  took  it  out 
to  drive? 

And  she  said  she  didn't  really  know  how  it  wuz 
this  afternoon  ;  it  wuzn't  very  well  in  the  mornin'. 
The  nurse  had  it  out  somewhere,  she  didn't  really 
know  just  where.  And  she  said,  no,  she  didn't  take 
it  out  with  her  at  all — fur  she  didn't  feel  equal  to  the 
care  of  it,  in  this  hot  weather. 

Miss  Flamm  haint  very  well  I  could  see  that.  The 
care  of  that  dog  is  jest  akillin'  her,  a  carryin'  it  round 
with  her  all  the  time  daytimes,  and  a  bein'  up  with  it 
so  much  nights.  She  said  it  had  a  dretful  chill  the 
night  before,  and  she  had  to  get  up  to  warm  blankets 
to  put  round  it ;  "  its  nerves  wuz  so  weak,"  she  said, 
"  and  it  wuz  so  sensative  that  she  could  not  trust  it  to 
a  nurse."  She  has  a  hard  time  of  it;  there  haint  a 
doubt  of  it. 

Wall,  it  wuz  anon,  or  jest  about  anon,  that  Miss 
Flamm  turned  to  me  and  sez,  "  Moon's  is  one  of  the 
pleasantest  places  on  the  lake.  I  want  you  to  see  it ; 
folks  drive  out  there  a  sight  from  Saratoga." 

And  then  I  looked  at  Josiah,  and  Josiah  looked  at 
me,  and  peace  and  happiness  settled  down  ag'in  onto 
our  hearts. 

Wall,  we  got  there  considerably  before  anon  and 


MOON'S.  195 

We  found  that  Moon's  insted  of  bein'  up  in  another 
planet  wuz  a  big,  long  sort  a  low  buildin'  settled  right 
down  onto  this  old  earth,  with  a  immense  piazza 
stretchin'  along  the  side  on't. 

And  Miss  Flamm  and  Josiah  and  me  disembarked 
from  the  carriage  right  onto  the  end  of  it.  But  the 
dog  and  her  relatives  stayed  back  in  the  buggy  and 
Josiah  spoke  bitterly  to  me  ag'in  but  low,  "They 
think  it  would  hurt  'em  to  associate  with  me  a  little, 
dumb  'm  ;  but  I  am  jest  as  good  as  they  be  any  day 
of  the  week,  if  I  haint  dressed  up  so  fancy." 

"  That's  so,"  sez  I,  whisperin'  back  to  him,  "  and 
don't  let  it  worry  you  a  mite.  Don't  try  to  act  like 
Haman,"  sez  I.  "  You  are  havin'  lots  of  the  good 
things  of  this  world,  and  are  goin'  to  have  some  fried 
potatoes.  Don't  let  them  two  Mordecais  at  the  gate, 
poison  all  your  happiness,  or  you  may  get  come  up 
with  jest  as  Haman  wuz." 

"  I'd  love  to  hang  'em,"  sez  he,  "  as  high  as  Hainan's 
gallows  would  let  'em  hang." 

"  Why,"  sez  I,  "  they  haint  injured  you  in  any  way 
They  seem  to  eat  like  perfect  gentlemen.     A  little  tr^ 
exclusive  and  aristocratic,  mebby,  but  they  haint  done 
nothin'  to  you." 

"No,"  sez  he,  "that  is  the  stick  on  it,  here  we  be, 
three  men  with  a  lot  of  wimmen.  And  they  can't 
associate  with  me  as  man  with  man,  but  set  off  by 
themselves  too  dumb  proud  to  say  a  word  to  me,  that 
is  the  dumb  of  it." 


196  AT  THE    TABLES. 

But  at  this  very  minute,  before  I  could  rebuke  him 
for  his  feerful  profanity,  Miss  Flamm  motioned  to  us 
to  come  and  take  a  seat  round  a  little  table,  and  con 
sequently  we  sot. 

It  was  a  long  broad  piazza  with  sights  and  sights 
of  folks  on  it  a  settin'  round  little  tables  like  our'n, 
and  all  a  lookin'  happy,  and  a  laughin',  and  a  talkin 
and  a  drinkin'  different  drinks,  sech  as  lemonade,  etc., 
and  eatin'  fried  potatoes  and  sech. 

And  out  in  the  road  by  which  we  had  come,  wuz 
sights  and  sights  of  vehicles  and  conveyances  of  all 
kinds  from  big  Tally  Ho  coaches  with  four  horses  on 
'em,  down  to  a  little  two  wheeled  buggy.  The  road 
wuz  full  on  'em. 

In  front  of  us,  down  at  the  bottom  of  a  steep  though 
beautiful  hill,  lay  stretched  out  the  clear  blue  waters 
of  the  lake.  Smooth  and  tranquil  it  looked  in  the 
light  of  that  pleasant  afternoon,  and  fur  off,  over  the 
shinin'  waves,  lay  the  island.  And  white-sailed  boats 
wuz  a  sailin'  slowly  by,  and  the  shadow  of  their  white 
sails  lay  down  in  the  water  a  floatin'  on  by  the  side 
of  the  boats,  lookin'  some  like  the  wings  of  that  white 
dove  that  used  to  watch  over  Lake  Saratoga. 

And  as  I  looked  down  on  the  peaceful  seen,  the 
feelin's  I  had  down  in  the  wild  wood,  back  of  the 
Gizer  Spring  come  back  to  me.  The  waves  rolled  in 
softly  from  fur  off,  fur  off,  bringin'  a  greetin'  to  me 
unbeknown  to  anybody,  unbeknown  to  me.  It  come 
into  my  heart  unbidden,  unsought,  from  afur,  afur 


198  FEARFUL   MEDITATIONS. 

Where  did  it  come  from  that  news  of  lands  more 
beautiful  than  any  that  lay  round  Mr.  Moons'es, 
beautiful  as  it  wuz. 

Echoes  of  music  sweeter  fur  than  wuz  a  soundin.' 
from  the  band  down  by  the  shore,  music  heard  by 
some  finer  sense  than  heard  that,  heavenly  sweet, 
heavenly  sad,  throbbin'  through  the  remoteness  of 
that  country,  through  the  nearness  of  it,  and  fillin* 
my  eyes  with  tears.  Not  sad  tears,  not  happy  ones, 
but  tears  that  come  only  to  them  that  shet  their  eyes 
and  behold  the  country,  and  love  it.  The  waves 
softly  lappin'  the  shore  brought  a  message  to  me  ;  my 
soul  hearn  it.  Who  sent  it  ?  And  where,  and  when, 
an^  why  ? 

Not  a  trace  of  these  emotions  could  be  read  on  my 
countenance  as  I  sot  there  calmly  a  eatin'  fried  pota 
toes.  And  they  did  go  beyond  anything  I  ever  see 
in  the  line  of  potatoes,  and  I  thought  I  could  fry  po 
tatoes  with  any  one.  Yes,  such  wuz  my  feelin's  when 
I  sot  out  for  Mr.  Moons'es.  But  I  went  back  a 
thinkin'  that  potatoes  had  never  been  fried  by  me, 
sech  is  the  power  of  a  grand  achievment  over  a  infe 
rior  one,  and  so  easy  is  the  sails  taken  down  out  of 
the  swellin'  barge  of  egotism. 

No,  them  potatoes  you  could  carry  in  your  pocket 
for  weeks  right  by  the  side  of  the  finest  lace,  and  the 
lace  would  be  improved  by  the  purity  of 'em.  Fried 
potatoes  in  that  condition,  you  could  eat  'em  with  the 
lightest  silk  gloves  on,  and  the  tips  of  the  fingers 


END   OF  THE  RIDE.  199 

would  be  improved  by   'em;  fried  potatoes, — jesJ 
think  on't ! 

Wall,  we  had  some  lemonade  too,  and  if  you'll  be 
lieve  it, — I  don't  s'pose  you  will  but  it  is  the  truth, 
— there  wuz  straws  in  them  glasses  too.  But  you 
may  as  well  believe  it  for  I  tell  the  truth  at  all  times? 
and  if  I  wuz  a  goin'  to  lie,  I  wouldn't  lie  about  lem 
ons.  And  then  I've  always  noticed  it,  that  if  things 
git  to  happenin'  to  you,  lots  of  things  jest  like  it  will 
happen.  That  made  twice  in  one  week  or  so,  that  I 
had  found  straws  in  my  tumbler.  But  then  I  have 
had  company  three  days  a  runnin',  rainy  days  too 
sometimes.  It  haint  nothin'  to  wonder  at  too  much. 
Any  way  it  is  the  truth. 

Wall,  we  drinked  our  lemonade,  I  a  quietly  takin7 
out  the  straws  and  droppin'  'em  on  the  floor  at  my 
side  in  a  quiet  ladylike  manner,  and  Josiah,  a  bein* 
wunk  at  by  me,  doin'  the  same  thing. 

And  anon,  our  carriage  drove  up  to  the  end  of  the 
piazza  agin  and  we  sot  sail  homewards.  And  the 
dog  barked  at  Josiah  almost  every  step  of  the  way 
back,  and  when  we  got  to  our  boardin'  place,  Miss 
Flamm  shook  hands  with  us  both,  and  her  relatives 
never  took  a  mite  of  notice  of  us,  further  than  to 
jump  down  and  open  the  carriage  door  for  us  as  we  got 
out.  (They  are  genteel  in  their  manners,  and  Josiah 
had  to  admit  that  they  wuz,  much  as  his  feelin's  wuz 
hurt  by  their  haughtiness  towards  him.) 

And  then  the  dog,  and  Miss  Flamm  and  Misf 
Flamm's  relatives  drove  off. 


XI. 

VISIT  TO  THE   INDIAN   ENCAMPMENT. 

IT  wuz  a  fair  sunshiny  raornin'  (and  it  duz  seem 
to  me  that  the  fairness  of  a  Saratoga  mornin'  seems 
fairer,  and  the  sunshine  more  sunshiny  than  it  duz 
anywhere  else),  that  Josiah  and  Ardelia  and  me  sot 
sail  for  the  Indian  Encampment,  which  wuz  en 
camped  on  a  little  rise  of  ground  to  the  eastward  of 
where  we  wuz. 

Ardelia  wuz  to  come  to  our  boardin'  place  at  half- 
past  9  A.  M.,  forenoon,  and  we  wuz  to  set  out  together 
from  there.  And  punctual  to  the  very  half  minute 
I  wuz  down  on  the  piazza,  with  my  mantilly  hung 
over  my  arm  and  my  umberel  in  my  left  hand.  Jo 
siah  Allen  was  on  the  right  side  on  me.  And  as 
Ardelia  hadn't  come  yet  we  sot  down  in  a  middlin* 
quiet  part  of  the  piazza,  and  waited  for  her.  And  as 
we  sot  there,  I  sez  to  Josiah,  as  I  looked  out  on  the 
fair  pleasant  mornin'  and  the  fair  pleasant  faces  envi- 
ronin'  of  us  round,  sez  I,  l(  Saratoga  is  a  good-natured 
place,  haint  it,  Josiah  ?" 

And  he  said  (I  mistrust  his  corns  ached  worse  than 
common,  or  sunthin'),  he  said,  he  didn't  see  as  it  wu> 
any  better-natured  than  Jonesville  or  Loontown. 

200 


JO  SI  AH  GETS  CROSS.  201 

And  I  sez,  "Yes  it  is,  Josiah  Allen."  Sez  I, 
"  folks  are  happier  here  and  more  generous,  the  rich 
ones  seem  inclined  to  help  them  that  need  help  to  a 
little  comfort  and  happiness.  Jest  as  I  have  always 
said,  Josiah  Allen.  When  folks  are  happy,  they  are 
more  inclined  to  do  good." 

"  Oh  shaw  ! "  sez  Josiah.  "  That  never  made  no 
difference  with  me." 

"What  didn't?"  sez  I. 

"  I'm  always  good,"  sez  he,  and  he  snapped  out  the 
words  real  snappish,  and  loud. 

And  I  sez  mildly,  "  Wall,  you  needn't  bring  the 
ruff  down  to  prove  your  goodness." 

And  he  went  'on :  "  I  don't  see  as  they  are  so  pesky 
good  here ;  I  haint  seen  nothin'  of  it." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  when  I  look  over  Yaddo,  and 
Hilton  Park,  it  makes  me  reconciled,  Josiah,  to  have 
men  get  rich ;  it  makes  me  willin',  Josiah." 

And  he  sez  (cross),  He  guessed  men  would  get  rich 
-whether  I  wuz  willin'  or  not;  he  guessed  they 
wouldn't  ask  me. 

"  Wall,  you  needn't  snap  my  head  off,  Josiah  Al 
ien,"  sez  I,  "because  I  love  to  see  xolks  use  their 
wealth  to  make  pleasant  places  for  poor  folks  to  wan 
der  round  in,  and  forget  their  own  narrow  rocky 
roads  for  a  spell.  It  is  a  noble  thing  to  do,  Josiah 
lllen  ;  they  might  have  built  high  walls  round  'em 
if  they  had  been  a  mind  to,  and  locked  the  gates  and 
jhet  out  all  the  poor  and  tired-out  ones.  But  they 


202  ENOUGH  SAID. 

didn't,  and  I  am  highly  tickled  at  the  thought  on*^ 
Josiah  Allen." 

"  Wall,  I  don't  shet  up  our  sugar  lot,  do  I  ?  and  I 
have  never  heerd  you  say  one  word  a  praisin'  me  up 
for  that." 

"That  is  far  different,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I,  "  there 
is  nothin'  there  that  can  git  hurt,  only  stumps.  And 
you  have  never  laid  out  a  cent  of  money  on  it.  And 
they  have  spent  thousands  and  thousands  of  dollars, 
and  the  poorest  little  child  in  Saratoga,  if  it  has  beauty- 
lovin'  eyes,  can  go  in  and  enjoy  these  places  jest  as 
much  as  the  owners  can.  And  it  is  a  sweet  thought 
to  me,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Oil  wall,"  sez  he,  "  you  have  probable  said  enough 
about  it." 

Now  I  never  care  for  thb  'ast  word,  some  wimmeu 
do,  but  I  never  do.  But  still  I  wuzn't  goin'  to  be 
shet  right  eff  from  talkin'  about  these  places,  and  I 
intimated  as  much  to  him,  and  he  said,  "  Dumb  it  all ! 
I  could  talk  about  'em  all  day,  if  I  wanted  to,  and 
about  Demorist's  Woods  too." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  that  is  another  place,  Josiah  Allen, 
that  is  a  likely  well-meanin'  spot.  Middlin'  curius  to 
look  at,"  se,'  I,  reesonably.  "  It  makes  one's  head 
feel  sort  a  strange  to  see  them  criss-cross,  curius  poles, 
and  floors  up  in  trees,  and  ladders,  and  teterin'  boards, 
and  springs,  etc.,  etc.,  etc.  But  it  is  a  well-meanin' 
spot,  Josiah  Allen.  And  it  highly  tickled  me  to  think 
that  the  little  fresh  air  children  wuz  brung  up  there 


CRAZY  DOIN'S.  203 

by  the  owner  of  the  woods  and  the  poor  little  creeters, 
out  of  their  dingy  dirty  homes,  and  filthy  air,  wan 
dered  round  for  one  happy  day  in  the  green  woods,  in 
the  fresh  air  and  sunshine.  That  wuz  a  likely  thing 
to  do,  Josiah  Allen,  and  it  raises  a  man  more  in  my 
estimation  when  he's  doin'  sech  things  as  that,  than  to 
set  up  in  a  political  high  chair,  and  have  a  lot  of  dirty 
hands  clapped,  and  beery  breaths  a  cheerin'  him  on 
»ap  the  political  arena." 

"  Oh  wall,"  sez  Josiah,  "  the  doin's  in  them  woods 
is  enough  to  make  anybody  a  dumb  lunatick.  The 
crazyest  lookin'  lot  of  stuff  I  ever  set  eyes  on." 

"  Wall,  anyway,"  sez  I,  "  it  is  a  good  crazy,  if  it  is, 
And  a  well-meanin'  one." 

"  Oh,  how  cross  Josiah  Allen  did  look  as  he  heered 
me  say  these  words.  That  man  can't  bear  to  hear  me 
say  one  word  a  praisin'  up  another  man,  and  it  grows 
on  him. 

But  good  land  !  I  am  a  goin'  to  speak  out  my  mind 
as  long  as  my  breath  is  spared.  And  I  said  quite  a 
number  of  words  more  about  the  deep  enjoyment  it 
gin'  me  to  see  these  broad,  pleasure  grounds  free  for 
all,  rich  and  poor,  bond  and  free,  hombly  and  hand 
some,  etc.,  etc. 

And  I  spoke  about  the  charitable  houses,  St.  Chris 
tiana's  home,  and  the  Home  for  Old  Female  Wim- 
men,  and  mentioned  the  fact  in  warm  tones  of  how  a 
good,  noble-hearted  woman  had  started  that  charity  va 
^he  first  on'*. 


204  HE  IS  MOLLIFIED. 

And  Josiah,  while  I  wuz  talkiu'  about  these  wim- 
men,  became  meak  as  a  lamb.  They  seemed  to  quiet 
him.  He  looked  real  mollyfied  by  the  time  Ardelia 
got  there,  which  wuz  anon.  And  then  we  sot  sail  for 
the  Encampment. 

The  Encampment  is  encamped  on  one  end  of  a  big, 
square,  wild-lookin'  lot  right  back  of  one  of  the  big 
gest  tarvens  in  Saratoga.  It  is  jest  as  wild  lookin' 
and  appeerin'  a  field  as  there  is  in  the  outskirts  of 
Loontown  or  Jonesville.  Why  Uncle  Grant  Hozzle- 
ton's  stunny  pasture  don't  look  no  more  sort  a  broke 
up  and  rural  than  that  duz.  I  wondered  some  why 
they  had  it  there,  and  then  I  thought  mebby  they  kep* 
it  to  remember  Nater  by,  old  Nater  herself,  that  runs 
a  pretty  small  chance  to  be  thought  on  in  sech  a  place 
as  this. 

You  know  there  is  *o  much  orniment  and  gildin* 
and  art  in  the  landscape  and  folks,  that  mebby  they 
might  forget  the  great  mother  of  us  all,  that  is,  right 
in  the  thickest  of  the  crowd  they  might,  but  they 
have  only  to  take  these  few  steps  and  they  will  see 
Ma  Nater  with  her  every-day  dress  on,  not  fixed  up 
a  mite.  And  I  s'pose  she  looks  good  to  'em. 

I  myself  think  that  Mother  Nater  might  smooth 
herself  out  a  little  there  with  no  hurt  to  herself  or 
her  children.  I  don't  believe  in  Mas  goin'  round 
with  their  dresses  onhooked,  and  slip-shod,  and  their 
hair  all  stragglin'  out  of  their  combs.  (I  say  this  in 
metafor.  I  don't  spose  Ma  Nater  ever  wore  a  back 


AT  THE  ENCAMPMENT.  205 

tomb  or  had  hooks  and  eyes  on  her  gowi* ;  I  say  it 
for  oritory,  and  would  wish  to  be  took  in  a  oritorius 
way.) 

And  I  don't  say  right  out,  that  the  reeson  I  have 
named  is  the  one  why  they  keep  that  place  a  lookin' 
so  like  furey,  I  said,  mebby.  But  I  will  say  this, 
that  it  is  a  wild-lookin'  spot,  and  hombly. 

Wall,  on  the  upper  end  on't,  standin'  up  on  the  top 
of  a  sort  of  a  hill,  the  Indian  Encampment  is  en 
camped.  There  is  a  hull  row  of  little  stores,  and  there 
is  swings,  and  public  diversions  of  different  kinds, 
krokay  grounds,  etc.,  etc.,  etc. 

Wall,  Ardelia  stopped  at  one  of  these  stores  kep'  by 
a  Injun,  not  a  West,  but  a  East  one.,  and  began  to 
price  some  wooden  bracelets,  and  try  'em  on,  and 
Josiah  and  me  wandered  on. 

And  anon,  we  came  to  a  tent  with  some  good  verses 
of  Scripter  on  it ;  good  solid  Bible  it  wuz ;  and  so  I 
see  it  wuz  a  good  creeter  in  there  anyway.  And  I 
asked  a  bystander  a  standin'  by,  Who  wuz  in  there, 
and  Why,  and  When  ? 

And  he  said  it  wuz  a  fortune-teller  who  would  look 
in  the  pamm  of  my  hand,  and  tell  me  all  my  fortune 
that  wuz  a  passin'  by.  And  I  said  I  guessed  I  would 
go  in,  for  I  would  love  to  know  how  the  children 
wuz  that  mornin'  and  whether  the  baby  had  got  over 
her  cold.  I  hadn't  heerd  from  'em  in  over  two  days. 

Josiah  kinder  hung  'round  outside  though  he  wua 
willin'  to  have  me  go  in.     He  jest  worships  the  chil* 
14 


206  vou   WILL    GET  HIM. 

dren  and  the  baby.  And  he  sees  the  texts  from  Job 
on  it,  with  his  own  eyes. 

So  I  bid  him  a  affectionate  farewell,  and  we  see  the 
woman  a  lookin'  out  of  the  tent  and  witnessin'  on't. 
But  I  didn't  care.  If  a  pair  of  companions  and  a 
pair  of  grandparents  can't  act  affectionate,  who  can  ? 
And  the  world  and  the  Social  Science  meetin'  might 
try  in  vain  to  bring  up  any  reeson  why  they  shouldn't. 

So  I  went  in,  with  my  mind  all  took  up  with  the 
grandchildern.  But  the  first  words  she  sez  to  me 
wuz,  as  she  looked  close  at  the  pamm  of  my  hand, 
"  Keep  up  good  spirits,  Mom :  you  will  get  him  in 
spite  of  all  opposition." 

"  Get  who  ?  "  sez  I,  "And  what  ?  " 

"A  man  you  want  to  marry.  A  small  bald- 
headed  man,  a  amiable-lookin',  slender  man.  His 
heart  is  sot  on  you.  And  all  the  efferts  of  the  light- 
complected  woman  in  the  blue  hat  will  be  in  vain  to 
break  it  up.  Keep  up  good  courage,  you  will  marry 
him  in  spite  of  all,"  sez  she,  porin'  over  my  pamm 
and  studyin'  it  as  if  it  wuz  a  jography. 

"  For  the  land's  sake  !  "  sez  I,  bein'  fairly  stunted 
with  the  idees  she  promulgated. 

"  Yes,  you  will  marry  him,  and  be  happy.  But 
you  have  had  a  sickness  in  the  past  and  your  line  of 
happiness  has  been  broken  once  or  twice." 

Sez  I,  "  I  should  think  as  much  ;  let  a  woman  live 
with  a  man,  the  best  man  in  the  world  for  20  years, 
and  if  her  line  of  happiness  haint  broke  more  than 


BROKEN  LINES.  207 

once  or  twice,  why  it  speaks  well  for  the  line,  that  is 
all.     It  is  a  good,  strong  line." 

"  Then  you  have  been  married  ?  "  says  she. 

«  Yes,  Mora,"  sez  I. 

"  Oh,  I  see,  down  in  the  corner  of  your  hand  is  a 
«offin,  you  are  a  widow,  you  have  seen  trouble.  But 
you  will  be  happy.  The  mild,  bald  gentleman  will 
make  you  happy.  He  will  lead  you  to  the  altar  in 
spite  of  the  light-complected  woman  with  the  blue 
hat  on." 

Ardelia  Tutt  had  on  a  blue  hat,  the  idee  !  But  I 
let  her  go  on.  Thinkses  I,  "  I  have  paid  my  money 
and  now  it  stands  me  in  hand  to  get  the  worth  on't." 
So  she  comferted  me  up  with  the  hope  of  gettin'  my 
Josiah  for  quite  a  spell. 

Gettin'  my  pardner  !  Gettin'  the  father  of  my 
childern,  and  the  grandparent  of  my  grandchildren! 
Jest  think  on't,  will  you  ? 

But  then  she  branched  off  and  told  me  things  that 
wuz  truly  wonderful.  Where  and  how  she  got  'em 
wuz  and  is  a  mistery  to  me.  True  things,  and 
strange. 

Why  it  seemed  same  as  if  them  tall  pines,  that  wuz 
a  whisperin'  together  over  the  Encampment  wuz  a 
peerin'  over  into  my  past,  and  a  whisperin'  it  down  to 
her.  Or,  in  some  way  or  other,  the  truth  wuz  a  bein* 
filtered  down  to  her  comprehension  through  some 
avenue  beyond  our  sense  or  sight. 

It  is  a  curious  thing,  so  I  think,  and  so  Josiab 


"  Keep  up  good  spirits,  Mom ;  you  will  get  him  in  spite  of 
all  opposition."  "  Get  Who  ?  "  sez  I.  "And  What?"  "A 
man  you  want  to  marry.  A  small  bald-headed  man,  a 
amiable  lookin'  slander  man.  His  heart  is  sot  on  you,  and 
all  'the  effects  of  the  light-complected  woman  in  the  blue  hat 
will  be  in  vain  to  break  it  up."  page  206. 


JOSIAH   ON  JIMSON  WEEDS.  209 

thinks.  We  talked  it  over  after  I  came  out,  and  we 
wuz  a  wanderin'  on  about  the  Encampment.  I  told 
him  some  of  the  wonderful  things  she  had  told  me  and 
he  didn't  believe  it.  "  For,"  sez  he,  "  I'll  be  hanged 
if  I  can  understand  and  I  won't  believe  anything 
that  I  can't  understand  ! " 

And  I  pointed  with  the  top  of  my  umberel  at  a 
weed  growin'  by  the  side  of  the  road,  and  sez  I, 
"  When  you  tell  me  jest  how  that  weed  draws  out  of 
the  back  ground  jest  the  ingredients  she  needs  to  make 
her  blue  foretop,  and  her  green  gown,  then  I'll  tell 
you  all  about  this  secret  that  Nater  holds  back 
from  us  a  spell,  but  will  reveel  to  us  when  the  time 
comes." 

"  Oh  shaw  ! "  sez  Josiah,  "  I  guess  I  know  all  about 
i  jimson  weed.  Why  they  grow  ;  that  is  all  there  is 
about  them.  They  grow,  dumb  'em.  I  guess  if  you'd 
broke  your  back  as  many  times  as  I  have  a  pullin'  'em 
up,  you  would  know  all  about  'em.  Dumb  their  dumb 
picters,"  sez  he,  a  scowlin'  at  'em. 

It  wuz  the  same  kind  of  weed  that  growed  in  our 
onion  beds.  I  recognized  it.  Them  and  white  daisies, 
our  garden  wuz  overrun  by  'em  both. 

But  I  sez,  "  Can  you  tell  how  the  little  seed  of  this 
weed  goes  down  into  the  earth  and  selects  jest  what  she 
wants  out  of  the  great  storehouse  below  ?  She  never 
comes  out  in  a  pink  head-dress  or  a  yellow  gown. 
No,  she  always  selects  what  will  make  the  blue.  It 
shows  that  it  has  life,  intelligence,  or  else  it  couldn'f 


210  A  STARTLING  SIGHT. 

think,  way  down  under  the  ground,  and  grope  in  the 
dark,  but  always  gropin'  jest  .right,  always  a  thinkin* 
the  right  thing,  never,  never  in  the  hundreds  and 
thousands  of  years  makin"  a  mistake.  Why,  you 
couldn't  do  it,  Josiah  Allen,  nor  I  couldn't. 

"  And  we  set  and  see  these  silent  mysteries  a  goin' 
on  right  at  our  door-step  day  by  day,  and  year  by  year, 
and  think  nothin'  of  it,  because  it  is  so  common.  But 
if  anything  else,  some  new  law,  some  new  wonder  we 
don't  understand  comes  in  our  way,  we  are  ready  to 
reject  it  and  say  it  is  a  lie.  But  you  know,  Josiah 
Allen,"  sez  I,  jest  ready  to  go  on  eloquent — 

But  I  wuz  interrupted  jest  here  by  my  companion 
hollerin'  up  in  a  loud  voice  to  a  boy,  "  Here !  you  stop 
that,  you  young  scamp  !  Don't  you  let  me  see  you  a 
doin'  that  agin  !" 

Sez  I,  "  What  is  it,  Josiah  Allen?  " 

"  Why  look  at  them  young  imps,  a  throwin'  sticks 
at  that  feeble  old  woman,  over  there." 

I  looked,  and  my  own  heart  wuz  rousted  up  with 
indignation.  I  stood  where  I  couldn't  see  her  face, 
but  I  see  she  wuz  old,  feeble,  and  bent,  a  withered  poor 
old  creeter,  and  they  had  marked  up  over  her,  her 
name,  Aunt  Sally. 

I  too  wuz  burnin'  indignant  to  see  a  lot  of  young 
creeters  a  throwin'  sticks  at  her,  and  I  cried  out  loud, 
"Do  you  let  Sarah  be." 

They  turned  round  and  laughed  in  our  faces,  and 
£  went  on :  "  I'd  be  ashamed  of  myself  if  I  wuz  in 


212  JOSIAH  PLUNGES  INTO  ACTION". 

your  places  to  be  a  throwin'  sticks  at  that  feeble  old 
woman.  Why  don't  you  spend  your  strengths  a  try- 
in'  to  do  sunthin'  for  her?  Git  her  a  home,  and 
sunthin'  to  eat,  and  a  better  dress.  Before  I'd  do  what 
you  are  a  doin'  now,  I'd  growvel  in  the  dust.  Why 
if  you  wuz  my  boys  I'd  give  you  as  good  a  spankin 
as  you  ever  had." 

But  they  jest  laughed  at  us,  the  impudent  creeters. 
And  one  of  the  boys  at  that  minute  took  up  a  stick 
and  threw  it,  and  hit  Sarah  right  on  her  poor  old 
head. 

Sez  Josiah,  "  Don't  you  hit  Sarah  agin." 

Sez  the  boys,  "  We  will,"  and  two  of  'em  hit  her  at 
one  time.  And  one  of  'em  knocked  the  pipe  right  out 
of  her  mouth.  She  wuz  a  smokin',  poor  old  creeter. 
I  s'pose  that  wuz  all  the  comfort  she  took.  But  did 
them  little  imps  care  ?  They  knocked  her  as  if  they 
hated  the  sight  of  her.  And  my  Josiah  (I  wuz  proud 
of  that  man)  jest  advanced  onto  'em,  and  took  'em 
one  in  each  hand,  and  gin  'em  sech  a  shakin',  that  I 
most  expected  to  see  their  bones  drop  out,  and  sez 
he  between  each  shake,  "  Will  you  let  Sarah  alone 
now  ?  " 

I  wuz  proud  of  my  Josiah,  but  fearful  of  the  effect 
of  so  much  voyalence  onto  his  constitution,  and  also 
onto  the  boys'  frames.  And  I  advanced  onto  the  seen 
of  carnage  and  besought  him  to  be  calm.  Sez  he,  "  I 
won't  be  calm  ! "  sez  he,  "  I  haint  the  man,  Samantha, 


SATISFACTOR  Y  EXPLANA TION.  213 

to  stand  by  and  see  one  of  your  sect  throwed  at,  as  I 
have  seen  Sarah  throwed  at,  without  avengin'  of  it." 

And  agin  he  shook  them  boys  with  a  vehemence. 
The  pennies  and  marbles  in  their  pockets  rattled  and 
their  bones  seemed  ready  to  part  asunder.  I  wuz 
proud  of  that  noble  man,  my  pardner.  But  still  I 
knew  that  if  their  bones  was  shattered  my  pardner 
would  be  avenged  upon  by  incensed  parents.  And  I 
sez,  "  I'd  let  'em  go  now,  Josiah.  I  don't  believe 
they'll  ever  harm  Sarah  agin."  Sez  I,  "  Boys,  you 
won't,  will  you  ever  strike  a  poor  feeble  old  woman 
agin  ?  "  Sez  I,  "  promise  me,  boys,  not  to  hurt  Sarah." 

I  don't  know  what  the  effect  of  my  words  would 
have  been,  but  a  man  came  up  just  then  and  explained 
to  me,  that  Aunt  Sally  wuz  a  image  that  they  throwed 
at  for  one  cent  apiece  to  see  if  they  could  break  her 
pipe. 

I  see  how  it  wuz,  and  cooled  right  down,  and  so 
did  Josiah.  And  he  gin  the  boys  five  cents  apiece, 
and  quiet  rained  down  on  the  Encampment. 

But  I  sez  to  the  man,  "  I  don't  like  the  idee  of 
havin'  my  sect  throwed  at  from  day  to  day,  and  week 
to  week."  Sez  I,  "  Why  didn't  you  have  a  man 
fixed  up  to  throw  at,  why  didn't  you  have  a  Uncle 
Sam  ?  "  Sez  I,  "  I  don't  over  and  above  like  it ;  it 
seems  to  be  a  sort  of  a  slight  onto  my  sect." 

Sez  the  man  winkin'  kind  a  sly  at  Josiah,  "It 
won't  do  to  make  fun  of  men,  men  have  the  power 


"And  agin  he  shook  them  boys  with  a  vehemence."     page  212. 


THE  MERMAID   OF  FANCY.  215 

in  their  hands  and  would  resent  it  mebby.  Uncle 
Sam  can't  be  used  jest  like  Aunt  Sally." 

Sez  I,  "  That  haint  the  right  spirit.  There  haint 
nothiu'  over  and  above  noble  in  that,  and  manly." 

I  wuz  kinder  rousted  up  about  it,  and  so  wuz  Jo- 
siah.  And  that  is  I  s'pose  the  reasun  of  his  bein'  so 
voyalent,  at  the  next  place  of  recreation  we  halted  at. 
Josiah  see  the  picture  of  the  mermaid  ;  that  beautiful 
female,  a  settin'  on  the  rock  and  conibiu'  her  long 
golden  hair.  And  he  proposed  that  we  should  go  in 
and  see  it. 

Sez  I,  "It  costs  ten  cents  apiece,  Josiah  Allen. 
Think  of  the  cost  before  it  is  too  late."  Sez  I,  "Your 
expenditure  of  money  to-day  has  been  unusial."  Sez 
I,  "  The  sum  of  ten  cents  has  jest  been  raised  by  you 
for  noble  principles,  and  I  honer  you  for  it.  But  still 
the  money  has  gone."  Sez  I,  "  Do  you  feel  able  to 
incur  the  entire  expense  ?  " 

Sez  he,  "All  my  life,  Samantha,  I  have  jest  han 
kered  after  seem'  a  mermaid.  Them  beautiful  creet- 
ers,  a  settin'  and  combin'  their  long  golden  tresses.  I 
feel  that  I  must  see  it.  I  fairly  long  to  see  one  of 
them  beautiful,  lovely  bein's  before  I  die." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  if  you  feel  like  that,  Josiah  Allen, 
it  is  not  fur  from  me  to  balk  you  in  your  search  for 
beauty.  I  too  admire  loveliness,  Josiah  Allen,  and 
seek  after  it."  And  sez  I,  "  I  \v  ill  faithfully  follow 
at  your  side,  and  together  we  will  bask  in  the  rays  of 


216  TOWERING    WRATH. 

beauty,  together  will  we  be  lifted  up  and  inspired  by 
the  immortal  spirit  of  loveliness." 

So  payin'  our  30  cents  we  advanced  up  the  steps,  I 
expectin'  soon  to  be  made  happy,  and  Josiah  held  up 
by  the  expectation  of  soon  havin'  his  eyes  blest  by 
that  vision  of  enchantin'  beauty,  he  had  so  long 
^dremp  of. 

He  advanced  onto  the  pen  first  and  before  I  even 
glanced  down  into  the  deep  where  as  I  s'posed  she 
set  on  a  rock  a  combin'  out  her  long  golden  hair,  a 
singin'  her  lurin'  and  enchanted  song,  to  distant  mari 
ners  she  had  known,  and  to  the  one  who  wuz  a  showin* 
of  her  off, — before  I  had  time  to  even  glance  at  her, 
the  maid,  I  was  dumbfounded  and  stood  aghast,  at  the 
mighty  change  that  came  over  my  pardner's  line- 
ment. 

He  towered  up  in  grandeur  and  in  wrath  before 
me.  He  seemed  almost  like  a  offended  male  fowl 
when  ravenin'  hawks  are  angerin'  of  it  beyond  its 
strength  to  endure.  I  don't  like  that  metafor;  I 
don't  love  to  compare  my  parduer  to  any  fowl,  wild 
or  tame ;  but  my  frenzied  haste  to  describe  the  fearful 
seen  must  be  my  excuse,  and  also  my  agitation  in  re- 
callin'  of  it. 

He  towered  up,  he  fluttered  so  to  speak  majestic 
ally,  and  he  says  in  loud  wild  axents  that  must  have 
struck  terror  to  the  soul  of  that  mariner,  "  Where  is 
the  hair-comb  ?  " 

And  then  he  shook  his  fist  in  the  face  of  that  mar' 


JOSIAff  R 'AGES.  217 

Iner,  and  cries  out  once  agin,  "  Where  is  them  long 
golden  tresses  ?  Bring  'em  on  this  instant !  Fetch 
on  that  hair-comb,  in  a  minute's  time,  or  I'll  prose 
cute  you,  and  sue  you,  and  take  the  law  to  you  ! " 

The  mariner  quailed  before  him  and  sez  I,  "  My 
dear  pardner,  be  calm !  Be  calm ! " 

"  I  won't  be  calm  ! " 

Sez  I  mildly,  but  firmly,  "  You  must,  Josiah  Allen  ; 
you  must !  or  you  will  break  open  your  own  chest. 
You  must  be  calm." 

"  And  I  tell  you  I  won't  be  calm.  And  I  tell  you," 
says  he,  a  turnin'  to  that  destracted  mariner  agin  "  I 
tell  you  to  bring  on  that  comb  and  that  long  hair, 
this  instant.  Do  you  s'pose  I'm  goin'  to  pay  out  my 
money  to  see  that  rack-a-bone  that  I  wouldn't  have  a 
layin'  out  in  my  barn-yard  for  fear  of  scerin'  the 
dumb  scere-crows  out  iii  the  lot,  Do  you  s'pose  I'm 
goiii'  to  pay  out  my  money  for  seein'  that  dried-up 
mummy  of  the  hombliest  thing  ever  made  on  earth, 
the  dumbdest,  hombliest ;  with  2  or  3  horse  hairs 
pasted  onto  its  yellow  old  shell !  Do  you  spose  I'm 
goin'  to  be  cheated  by  seein'  that,  into  thinkin'  it  is  a 
beautiful  creeter  a  playin'  and  combin'  her  hair? 
Bring  on  that  beautiful  creeter  a  combin'  out  her  long, 
golden  hair  this  instant,  and  bring  out  the  comb  and 
I'll  give  you  five  minutes  to  do  it  in." 

He  wuz  hoorse  with  emotion,  and  he  wuz  pale 
round  his  lips  as  anything  and  his  eyes  under  his  for' 
ward  looked  glassy.  I  wuz  fearful  of  the  result. 


218  THE  MERMAID    OF  REALITY. 

Thinkses  I,  I  will  look  and  see  what  has  wrecked  my 
pardner's  happiness  and  almost  reasen.  I  looked  in 
and  I  see  plain  that  his  agitation  was  nothin'  to  be 
wondered  at.  It  did  truly  seem  to  be  the  hombliest, 
frightfulest  lookin'  little  thing  that  wuz  ever  made  by 
a  benignant  Providence  or  a  taxy-dermis.  I  couldn't 
tell  which  made  it.  I  see  it  all,  but  I  see  also,  so  firm 
sot  is  my  reasun  onto  its  high  throne  on  my  heart,  I 
see  that  to  preserve  my  pardner's  sanity,  I  must  con 
trol  my  reasun  at  the  sight  that  had  tottered  my  pard 
ner's. 

I  turned  to  him,  and  tried  to  calm  the  seethin'  wa 
ters,  but  he  loudly  called  for  the  comb,  and  for  the 
tresses,  and  the  lookin'  glass.  And,  askin'  in  a  wild 
sarcastic  way  where  the  song  wuz  that  she  sung  to 
mariners?  And  hollerin'  for  him  to  bring  on  that 
rock  at  that  minute,  and  them  mariners,  and  ordered 
him  to  set  her  to  singin'. 

The  idee  !  of  that  little  skeletm  with  her  skinny 
lips  drawed  back  from  her  shinin'  fish  teeth,  a  singin'. 
The  idee  on't! 

But  truly,  he  wuz  destracted  and  knew  not  what  he 
did.  The  mariner  in  charge  looked  destracted.  And 
the  bystanders  a  standin'  by  wuz  amazed,  and 
horrowfied  by  the  spectacle  of  his  actin'  and  behavin'. 
And  I  knew  not  how  I  should  termonate  the  seen, 
and  withdraw  him  away  from  where  he  wuz. 

But  in  my  destraction  and  agony  of  sole,  I  be 
thought  me  of  one  meens  of  quietin'  him  and  as  it 


POETRY  APPEASES  HIM.  219 

were  terrifyin'  him  into  silence  and  be  the  meens  of 
gettin'  on  him  to  leave  the  seen.  I  begoned  to  Ardelia 
to  come  forward  and  I  sez  in  a  whisper  to  her,  "  Take 
out  your  pencil  and  a  piece  of  paper  and  stand  up  in 
tront  of  him  and  go  to  writin'  some  of  your  poetry," 

And  then  I  sez  agin  in  tender  axents,  "  Be  calm, 
Josiah." 

"  And  I  tell  you  that  I  won't  be  calm !  And  I 
tell  you,"  a  shakin'  his  fist  at  that  pale  mariner,  "  I 
tell  you  to  bring  out " 

At  that  very  minute  he  turned  his  eyes  onto 
Ardelia,  who  stood  with  a  kind  of  a  fur-away  look  in 
her  eyes  in  front  of  him  with  the  paper  in  her  hand, 
and  sez  he  to  me,  "  What  is  she  doin '  ?  " 

"She  is  composin'  some  poetry  onto  you,  Josiah 
Allen,"  sez  I,  in  tremblin'  axents ;  for  I  felt  that  if 
that  skeme  failed,  I  wuz  undone,  for  I  knew  I  had  no 
ingredients  there  to  get  him  a  extra  good  meal.  No, 
I  felt  that  my  tried  and  true  weepon  wuz  fur  away, 
and  this  wuz  my  last  hope. 

But  as  I  thought  these  thoughts  with  almost  a  heat- 
lightnin'  rapidety,  I  see  a  change  in  his  liniment.  It 
did  not  look  so  thick  and  dark ;  it  began  to  look  more 
natural  and  clear. 

And  sez  he  in  the  same  old  way  I  have  heerd  him 
say  it  so  many  times,  "  Dumb  it  all !  What  duz  she 
Want  to  write  poetry  on  me  for  ?  It  is  time  to  go 
home."  And  so  sayin',  he  almost  tore  us  from  the 
seen. 


220 


A   FORBIDDEN    WORD. 


I  gin  Ardelia  that  night  2  yards  of  lute-string 
ribbon,  a  light  pink,  and  didn't  begrech  it.  But  I 
have  never  dast,  not  in  his  most  placid  and  serene 
moments — I  have  never  dast,  to  say  the  word  "  Mer-» 
maid  '  to  him. 

Truly  there  is  something  that  the  boldest  female 
pardner  dassent  do.  Mermaids  is  one  of  the  things 
I  don'  dast  to  bring  up.  No  !  no,  fur  be  it  from  me 
to  say  "  Mermaid  "  to  Josiah  Allen. 


xn. 

'  A  DRIVE  TO  SARATOGA  LAKE. 

JosiAH  and  me  took  a  short  drive  this  afternoon, 
he  hirin'  a  buggy  for  the  occasion.  He  called  it 
"goin*  in  his  own  conveniance,"  and  I  didn't  say 
nothin'  aginst  his  callin'  it  so.  I  didn't  break  it  up 
for  this  reasun,  thinkses  I  it  is  a  conveniance  for  us 
to  ride  in  it,  for  us  2  tried  and  true  souls  to  get  off  for 
a  minute  by  ourselves. 

Wall,  Josiah  wuz  dretful  good  behaved  this  after 
noon.  He  helped  me  in  a  good  deal  politer  than 
usual  and  tucked  the  bright  lap-robe  almost  tenderly 
round  my  form. 

Men  do  have  sech  spells.  They  are  dretful  good 
actin'  at  times.  Why  they  act  better  and  more 
subdueder  and  mellerer  at  sometimes  than  at  others, 
is  a  deep  subject  which  we  mortals  cannot  as  yet  fully 
understand.  Also  visey  versey,  their  cross,  up  head- 
eder  times,  over  bearin'  and  actin'.  It  is  a  deep 
subject  and  one  freighted  with  a  great  deal  of  freight. 

But  Josiah's  goodness  on  thig  afternoon  almost 
reached  the  Scripteral  and  he  sez,  when  we  first  sot 
out,  and  I  see  that  the  horse's  head  wuz  turned  towards 
15  221 


222  RIDING   ON. 

the  Lake.  Sez  he,  "  I  guess  we'll  go  to  the  Lake* 
but  where  do  you  want  to  go,  Samantha  ?  I  will  go 
anywhere  you  want  to  go." 

And  he  still  drove  almost  recklessly  on  lakewards. 
And  sez  he,  "  We  had  better  go  straight  on,  but  say 
the  word,  and  you  can  go  jest  where  you  want  to." 
And  he  urged  the  horse  on  to  still  greater  speed. 
And  he  sez  agin,  "  Do  you  want  to  go  any  particular 
place,  Samantha  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  sez  I,  "  I  had  jest  as  leves  go  there  as  not." 

"  Wall,  I  knew  there  would  be  where  you  would 
want  to  go."  And  he  drove  on  at  a  good  jog.  But 
no  better  jog  than  we  had  been  a  goin'  on. 

Wall  the  weather  wuz  delightful.  It  wuz  soft  and 
balmy.  And  my  feelin's  towered  my  pardner  (owin' 
to  his  linement)  wuz  soft  and  balmy  as  the  air.  And 
so  we  moved  onwards,  past  the  home  of  one  who  wuz 
true  to  his  country,  when  all  round  him  wuz  false, 
who  governed  his  state  wisely  and  well,  held  the  lines 
firm,  when  she  wuz  balky,  and  would  have  been 
glad  to  take  the  lines  in  her  teeth  and  run  away  onto 
ruin  ;  past  the  big  grand  house  of  him  who  carried  a 
piece  of  our  American  justice  way  off  into  Egypt  and 
carried  it  firm  and  square  too  right  there  in  the  dark. 
I  s'pose  it  is  dark.  I  have  always  hearn  about 
its  bein'  as  dark  as  Egypt.  Wall,  anyway  he  is 
a  good  lookin'  man.  They  both  on  'em  are  and 
Josiah  admitted  it — after  some  words. 

Wall  anon,  or  perhaps  a  little  after,  we  came  to 


SARATOGA   LAKE.  223 

where  we  could  see  the  face  of  Beautiful  Saratoga 
Lake,  lay  in'  a  smilin'  up  into  the  skies.  A  little 
white  cloud  wuz  a  restin'  up  on  the  top  of  the  tree- 
covered  mountain  that  riz  up  on  one  side  of  the  lake, 
and  I  felt  that  it  might  be  the  shadow  form  of  the 
sacred  dove  Saderrosseros  a  broodin'  down  over-  the, 
waters  she  loved. 

That  she  loved  still,  though  another  race  wuz  a 
bath  in'  their  weary  forwards  in  the  tide.  And  I  won 
dered  as  I  looked  down  on  it,  whether  the  great  heart 
of  the  water  wuz  constant ;  if  it  ever  heaved  up  into 
deep  sithes  a  thiukin'  of  the  one  who  had  passed  away, 
of  them  who  once  rested  lightly  on  her  bosem,  bathed 
their  dark  forwards  and  read  the  meanin'  of  the 
heavens,  in  the  moon  and  stars  reflected  there. 

I  don't  know  as  she  remembered  'em,  and  Josiah 
don't.  But  I  know  as  we  stood  there,  a  lookin'  down 
on  her,  the  lake  seemed  to  give  a  sort  of  a  sithe  and 
a  shiver  kind  a  run  over  her,  not  a  cold  shiver  ex 
actly,  but  a  sort  of  a  shinin',  glorified  shiver.  I  see 
it  a  comin'  from  way  out  on  the  lake  and  it  swept  and 
sort  a  shivered  on  clean  to  the  shore  and  melted  away 
there  at  our  feet.  Mebby  it  wuz  a  sort  o'  sithe,  and 
mebby  agin  it  wuzn't. 

I  guess  it  felt  that  it  wuz  all  right,  that  a  fairer 
race  had  brought  fairer  customs  and  habits  of  thoughts, 
and  the  change  wuz  not  a  bad  one.  I  guess  she  looked 
forward  to  the  time  when  a  still  grander  race  should 
look  down  into  her  shinin'  face,  a  race  of  free  menf 


'224  A   "UNEEK"   BARN. 

and  free  wirnmen ;  sons  and  daughters  of  God,  who 
should  hold  their  birthright  so  grandly  and  nobly  that 
they  will  look  back  upon  the  people  of  to-day,  as  we 
look  back  upon  the  dark  sons  and  daughters  of  the 
forest,  in  pity  and  dolor. 

I  guess  she  thought  it  wuz  all  right.  Any  way 
she  acted  as  if  she  did.  She  looked  real  sort  o'  serene 
and  calm  as  we  left  her,  and  sort  o'  prophetic  too,  and 
glowin'. 

Wall,  we  went  by  a  long  first  rate  lookin5  sort  of  a 
tarven,  I  guess.  It  wuz  a  kind  of  a  dark  red  color, 
and  dretfully  flowered  off  in  wood — red  wood.  And 
there  we  see  standin'  near  the  house,  a  great  big  round 
sort  of  a  buildin',  and  my  Josiah  sez, 

"  There !  that  is  a  buildin'  I  like  the  looks  on, 
That  is  a  barn  I  like ;  built  perfectly  round.  That 
is  sunthin'  uneek.  I'll  have  a  barn  like  that  if  I  live. 
I  fairly  love  that  barn."  And  he  stopped  the  horse 
stun  still  to  look  at  it. 

And  I  sez  in  sort  o'  cool  tones,  not  entirely  cold, 
but  coolish  :  "  What  under  the  sun  do  you  want  with 
?.  round  barn  ?  And  you  don't  need  another  one." 

"  Wall,  I  don't  exactly  need  it,  Samantha,  but  it 
would  be  a  comfert  to  me  to  own  one.  I  should 
dearly  love  a  round  barn." 

And  he  went  on  pensively, — "  I  wonder  how  much 
it  would  cost.  I  wouldn't  have  it  quite  so  big  as  this 
is.  I'd  have  it  for  a  horse  barn,  Samantha.  It  would 
look  so  fashionable,  and  genteel.  Think  what  it  would 


THE  "OLD  HAIR'S  WAYS."  225 

"be,  Samantha,  to  keep  our  old  mair  in  a  round  barn, 
why  the  mair  would  renew  her  age." 

"She  wouldn't  pay  no  attention  to  it,"  sez  I. 
"She  knows  too  much."  And  I  added  in  cooler, 
more  dignifiede-r  tones,  but  dretful  meanin'  ones, 
"  The  old  mair,  Josiah  Allen,  don't  run  after  every 
new  fancy  she  hears  on.  She  don't  try  to  be  fash 
ionable,  and  she  haint  high-headed,  except,"  sez  I, 
reasenably,  "  when  you  check  her  up  too  much." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  I  am  bound  to  make  some  en 
quiries.  Hello  ! "  says  he  to  a  bystander  a  comin'  by. 
"  Have  you  any  idee  what  such  a  barn  as  that  would 
cost  ?  A  little  smaller  one,  I  don't  need  so  big  a  one. 
How  many  feet  of  lumber  do  you  s'pose  it  would 
take  for  it  ?  I  ask  you,"  sez  he,  "  as  between  man 
and  man." 

I  nudged  him  there,  for  as  I  have  said,  I  didn't 
believe  then,  and  I  don't  believe  now,  that  he  or  any 
other  man  ever  knew  or  mistrusted  what  they  meant 
by  that  term  "  as  between  man  and  man."  I  think 
it  sounds  kind  o'  flat,  and  I  always  oppose  Josiah's 
usin'  it ;  he  loves  it. 

Wall,  the  man  broke  out  a'  laughin'  and  sez  he, 
"  That  haint  a  barn,  that  is  a  tree." 

"A  tree ! "  sez  I,  a  sort  o'  cranin'  my  neck  forward 
in  deep  amaze.  And  what  exclamation  Josiah  Allen 
made,  I  will  not  be  coaxed  into  revealin';  no,  it  is 
better  not. 

But  suffice  it  to  say  that  after  a  long  explanation 


226  HE  FELT  MEACHIN'. 

my  companion  at  last  gin  in  that  the  man  wuz  a  tellin' 
the  truth,  and  it  wuz  the  lower  part  of  a  tree-trunk, 
that  growed  once  near  the  Yo  Semity  valley  of  Cali 
fornia. 

Good  land  !  good  land ! 

Josiah  drove  on  quick  after  the  man  explained  it, 
he  felt  meachin',  but  I  didn't  notice  his  linement  so 
much,  I  wuz  so  deep  in  thought,  and  a  wonderin* 
about  it ;  a  wonderin'  how  the  old  tree  felt  with  her 
feet  a  restin'  here  on  strange  soil — her  withered,  dry 
oJd  feet  a  standin'  here,  as  if  jest  ready  to  walk  away, 
restless  like  and  feverish,  a  wantin'  to  get  back  by 
the  rushin'  river  that  used  to  bathe  them  feet  in  the 
spring  overflow  of  the  pure  cold  mountain  water.  It 
seemed  to  me  she  felt  she  was  a  alien,  as  if  she  missed 
her  strong  sturdy  grand  old  body,  her  lofty  head  that 
used  to  peer  up  over  the  mountains,  and  as  if  some 
day  she  wuz  a  goin'  to  set  off  a  walkin'  back,  a  tryin' 
to  find  'em. 

I  thought  of  how  it  had  towered  up,  how  the  sun 
nad  kissed  its  branches,  how  the  birds  had  sung  and 
built  their  nests  against  her  green  heart,  hovered  in 
tier  great  outstretched  arms.  The  birds  of  a  century, 
the  birds  of  a  thousand  years.  How  the  storms  had 
beat  upon  her ;  the  first  autumn  rains  of  a  thousand 
years,  the  first  snow-flakes  that  had  wavered  down  in 
a  slantin'  line  and  touched  the  tips  of  her  outstretched 
fingers,  and  then  had  drifted  about  her  till  her  heart 
wuz  almost  frozen  and  she  would  clap  her  cold  hands 


228  WHA  T  MAV  HA  VE  BEEN. 

together  to  warm  'em,  and  wail  out  a  dretful  moanin1 
sound  of  desolation,  and  pain. 

But  the  first  warm  rain  drops  of  Spring  would 
come,  the  sunshine  warmed  her,  she  swung  out  her 
grand  arms  in  triumph  agin,  and  joined  the  majestic 
psalm  of  victory  and  rejoicing  with  all  her  grand 
sisterhood  of  psalmists.  The  stars  looked  down  on 
her,  the  sun  lit  her  lofty  forward,  the  suns  and  stars 
of  a  thousand  years.  Strange  animals,  that  mebby 
we  don't  know  anything  about  now,  roamed  about 
her  feet,  birds  of  a  different  plumage  and  song  sung 
to  her  (mebby). 

Strange  faces  of  men  and  women  looked  up  to 
her.  What  faces  had  looked  up  to  her  in  sorrow  and 
in  joy?  I'd  gin  a  good  deal  to  know.  I'd  have 
loved  to  see  them  strange  faces  touched  with  strange 
pains  and  hopes.  Tribulations  and  joys  of  a  thou 
sand  years  ago.  What  sort  of  tribulations  wuz  they, 
and  what  sort  of  joys?  Sunthin'  human,  sunthin* 
that  we  hold  in  common,  no  doubt.  The  same  pain 
that  pained  Eve  as  she  walked  down  cut  of  Eden, 
the  same  joy  that  Adam  enjoyed  while  they  and  the 
garden  wuz  prosperus,  wuz  in  their  faces  most  prob 
able  whether  their  forwards  wuz  pinted  or  broad,  their 
faces  black,  copper  colored  or  white. 

And  the  changes,  the  changes  of  a  thousand  years, 
all  these  the  old  tree  had  seen,  and  I  respected  her 
dry  dusty  old  feet  and  wuz  sorry  for  'em.  And  I 
reveryed  on  the  subject  more'n  half  the  way  home.  an4 


AMID    THE   CROWDS.  229 

couldn't  help  it.  Anyway  my  revery  lasted  till  jest 
before  we  got  to  the  big  gate  of  the  Race  Course. 
And  right  there,  right  in  front  of  them  big  ornamental 
doors,  we  see  Miss  G.  Washington  Flamm,  with  about 
a  thousand  other  carriages  and  wagons  and  Tally  ho's 
and  etcetry,  and  etcetry.  Josiah  thinks  there  wuz  a 
million  teams,  but  I  don't.  I  am  mejum ;  there 
wuzn't  j>robable  over  a  thousand  right  there  in  the 
road. 

Miss  Flamm  recognized  ns  and  asked  us  if  we 
didn't  want  to  go  in.  Wall,  Josiah  wuz  agreeable  to 
the  idee  and  said  so.  And  then  she  said  sunthin'  to 
the  man  that  tended  to  the  gate,  probably  sunthin'  in 
our  praise,  and  handed  him  sunthin'.  it  might  have 
been  a  ten  cent  piece,  for  all  I  know. 

But  anyway  he  wuz  dretful  polite  to  us,  and  let  us 
through.  And  my  land  !  if  it  wuzn't  a  sight  to  be 
hold  !  Of  all  the  big  roomy  places  I  ever  see  all 
filled  with  vehicles  of  all  shapes  and  sizes  and  folks 
on  foot  and  big  high  platforms,  all  filled  with  men 
and  wimmen  and  children  !  And  Josiah  sez  to  me, 
"  I  thought  the  hull  dumb  world  wuz  there  outside 
in  the  road,  and  here  there  is  ten  times  as  many  in 
here." 

And  I  sez,  "Yes,  Josiah,  be  careful  and  not  lose 
me,  for  I  feel  like  a  needle  in  a  hay  mow." 

He  looked  down  on  me  and  sort  a  smiled.  I  s'pose 
it  wuz  because  I  compared  myself  to  a  needle,  and  he 
8CZ,  "A  cambric  needle,  or  a  darnin'  needle  ?  n 


230  COIN*   LIKE  LIGHTNIW 

And  I  sez,  "  I  wouldn't  laugh  in  such  a  time  as 
this,  Josiah  Allen."  Sez  I,  "  Do  jest  look  over  there 
on  the  race  course." 

And  it  wuz  a  thrilliu'  seen.  It  wuz  a  place  big 
enough  for  all  the  horses  of  our  land  to  run  'round  in 
and  from  Phario's  horses  down  to  them  of  the  present 
time.  And  beautiful  broad  smooth  roads  cut  in  the 
green  velvet  of  the  grass,  and  horses  goin'  'round  jest 
like  lightnin',  with  little  light  buggys  hitched  to  'em, 
some  like  the  quiver  on  sheet  lightnin'  (only  different 
shap^ x  and  men  a  drivin'  'em. 

And  then  there  wuz  a  broad  beautiful  race  course 
with  little  clusters  of  trees  and  bushes,  every  little 
while  right  in  the  road,  and  if  you'll  believe  it,  I  don't 
s'posewyou  will,  but  it  is  the  livin'  truth,  when  them 
horses,  goin'  jest  like  a  flash  of  light,  with  little  boys 
all  dressed  in  gay  colors  a  ridin'  'em — when  them 
horses  came  to  them  trees  instid  of  goin'  'round  'em, 
or  pushin'  in  between  'em,  or  goin'  back  agin,  they 
jumped  right  over  'em.  I  don't  spose  this  will  be 
believed  by  lots  of  folks  in  Jonesville  and  Loontown, 
but  it  is  the  truth,  for  .1  see  it  with  both  my  eyes. 
Josiah  riz  right  up  in  the  buggy  and  cheered  jest  as 
the  rest  of  'em  did,  entirely  unbeknown  to  himself, 
so  he  said,  to  see  it  a  goin'  on. 

Why  he  got  nearly  rampant  with  excitement.  And 
so  did  I,  though  I  wouldn't  want  it  known  by  Tir- 
zah  Ann's  husband's  folks  and  others  in  Jonesville. 
They  call  it  "  steeple  chasin',"  so  if  they  should  heer 


A  STEEPLE   CHASE.  231 

on't,  it  wouldn't  sound  so  very  wicked  any  way.  I 
should  probable  tell  'em  if  they  said  too  much,  "That 
it  wuz  a  pity  if  folks  couldn't  get  interested  in  a  steeple 
and  chase  it  up."  But  between  you  and  me  I  didn't 
see  no  sign  of  a  steeple,  nor  meetin'  house  nor  nuthin*. 
t  s'pose  they  gin  it  that  name  to  make  it  seem  more 
.tighter  to  perfessors.  I  know  it  wuz  a  great  comfort 
to  me.  (But  I  don't  think  they  chased  a  steeple,  and 
Josiah  don't,  for  we  think  we  should  have  seen  it  if 
they  had.) 

Wall,  as  I  say,  we  wuz  both  dretfully  interested, 
excited,  and  wrought  up,  I  s'pose  I  ort  to  say,  when 
a  chap  accosted  me  and  says  to  me  sun  thin'  about 
buy  in'  a  pool.  And  I  shook  my  head  and  sez,  "  No, 
I  don't  want  to  buy  no  pool." 

But  he  kep'  on  a  talkin'  and  a  urgin',  and  sez, 
"  Won't  you  buy  a  French  pool,  mom,  you  can  make 
lots  of  money  out  of  it." 

"A  pool,"  sez  I  in  dignified  axents,  and  some  stern, 
for  I  wuz  weary  with  his  importunities.  "  What  do 
I  want  a  pool  for?  Don't  you  s'pose  there's  any 
pools  in  Jonesville,  and  I  never  thought  nothin'  on 
^em,  I  always  preferred  runnin'  water.  But  if  I  wuz 
a  goin'  to  buy  one,  what  under  the  sun  do  you  s'pose  I 
would  buy  one  way  off  here  for,  hundreds  of  miles 
from  Jonesville?" 

"  I  might  possibly,"  sez  I,  not  wantin'  to  hurt  his 
feelin's  and  tryin'  to  think  of  some  use  I  could  put 
it  to,  "  I  might  if  you  had  a  good  small  American 


;  We  see  Miss  G.  Washington  Flamm,  with  about  a  thousand 
other  carriages."     page  229. 


POOLS   OR   PONDS.  233 

pool,  that  wuz  a  sellin'  cheap,  and  I  could  have  it  set 
right  in  our  back  yard,  clost  to  the  horse  barn,  why  I 
might  possibly  try  to  make  a  dicker  with  you  for  it. 
I  might  use  it  for  raisin'  ducks  and  geese,  though  I'd 
rather  have  a  runnin'  stream  then.  But  how  under 
the  sun  you  think  I  could  take  a  pool  home  on  a  tower, 
how  I  could  pack  it,  or  transport  it,  or  drive  it  home 
is  a  mystery  to  me." 

Again  he  sez  mechinecally,  "  Lots  of  wimmen  do 
get  'em." 

"  Wall,  some  wimmen,"  sez  I  mildly,  for  I  see  he 
wuz  a  lookin'  at  me  perfect  dumbfoundered.  I  see 
I  wuz  fairly  stuntin'  him  with  my  eloquence.  "Some 
wimmen  will  buy  anything  if  it  has  a  French  name 
to  it.  But  I  prefer  my  own  country,  land  or  water. 
And  some  wimmen,"  sez  I,  "  will  buy  anything  if 
they  can  get  it  cheap,  things  they  don't  need,  and 
would  be  better  off  without,  from  a  eliphant  down  to 
a  magnificent  nothin'  to  call  husband.  They'll  buy 
any  worthless  and  troublesome  thing  jest  to  get  'em 
to  goin'.  Now  such  wimmen  would  jest  jump  at  that 
pool.  But  that  haint  my  way.  No,  I  don't  want  to 
purchase  your  pool." 

Sez  ho,  "  You  are  mistaken,  mom  ! " 

"  No  I  haint,"  sez  I  firmly  and  with  decesion*  "No 
I  haint.  I  don't  need  no  pool.  It  wouldn't  do  me 
no  good  to  keep  it  on  my  hands,  and  I  haint  no  no 
tion  of  settin'  up  in  the  pool  or  pond  business,  at  my 
age." 


234  HER  DIGNITY  AROUSED. 

"And  then,"  sez  I  reasonably,  "  the  canal  runs  jest 
down  below  our  orchard,  and  if  we  run  short,  we 
could  get  all  the  water  we  wanted  from  there.  And 
we  have  got  two  good  cisterns  and  a  well  on  the 
place." 

Sez  he,  "  What  I  mean  is,  bettin'  on  a  horse.  Do 
you  want  to  bet  on  which  horse  will  go  the  fastest, 
the  black  one  or  the  bay  one  ?  " 

"  No,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't  want  to  bet." 

But  he  kep'  on  a  urgin'  me,  and  thinkin*  I  had 
disappinted  him  in.sellm'  a  pool,  or  rather  pond,  I 
thought  it  wouldn't  hurt  me  to  kinder  gin  in  to  him 
in  this,  so  I  sez  mildly,  "  Bettin'  is  sunthin'  I  don't 
believe  in,  but  seein'  I  have  disappinted  you  in  sellin' 
your  water  power,  I  don't  know  as  it  would  be  wicked 
to  humor  you  in  this  and  say  it  to  please  you.  You  say 
the  bay  horse  is  the  best,  so  I'll  say  for  jest  this  once 
— There !  I'll  bet  the  bay  one  will  go  the  best." 

"  Where  is  your  money  ? "  sez  he.  "  It  is  five 
dollars  for  a  bet.  You  pay  five  dollars  and  you  have 
a  chance  to  get  back  mebby  100." 

I  riz  right  up  in  feerful  dignity,  and  the  buggy  and 
I  sez  that  one  feerful  word  to  him,  "  Gamblin' ! "  He 
eort  a  quailed.  But  sez  he,  "you  had  better  take 
a  five-dollar  chance  on  the  bay  horse." 

"  No,"  sez  I,  with  a  freezin*  coldness,  that  must 
have  made  his  ears  fairly  tingle  it  wuz  so  cold,  "  no 
I  shall  not  gamble,  neither  on  foot  nor  on  horse 
back." 


**  I  riz  right  up  in  feerful  dignity  and  I  sez  to  him,  Gam- 
blin'."     p.  234. 


236  TWO   SWEEPING    TIDES. 

Then  I  sot  down  and  I  sez  in  the  same  lofty  tones 
to  Josiah  Allen,  "  Drive  on,  Josiah,  instantly  and  to 
once." 

He  too  had  heerd  the  fearful  word  and  his  prince- 
pies  too  wuz  rousted  up.  He  driv  right  on  rapidly, 
out  of  the  gate  and  into  the  highway.  But  as  he 
druv  on  fast  and  almost  furius  I  heerd  him  murmur 
words  to  himself,  that  accounted  for  his  eager  looks 
while  the  man  wuz  dickerin'  about  the  pool.  He 
sez,  "  It  is  dumb  hard  work  pumpin'  water  for  so 
many  head  of  cattle."  He  thought  a  pool  would 
come  handy,  so  I  see.  But  it  wuz  all  done  and  I 
would  have  done  the  same  thing  if  it  was  to  do  over 
agin,  so  I  didn't  say  nuthin',  but  kep'  a  serene  silence, 
and  let  him  drive  along  in  quiet ;  and  anon,  I  see  the 
turbelence  of  his  feelin's  subsided  in  a  measure. 

It  wuz  a  gettin'  along  towards  sundown  and  the  air 
wuz  a  growiu'  cool  and  balmy,  as  if  it  wuz  a  blowin* 
over  some  balm  flowers,  and  we  begun  to  feel  quite 
well  in  our  minds,  though  the  crowd  in  the  road  wuz 
too  big  for  comfert.  The  crowd  of  carriages  and 
horses,  and  vehicles  of  all  kinds,  seemed  to  go  in  two 
big  full  rows  or  streams,  one  a  goin'  down  on  one  side 
of  the  road,  and  the  other  a  goin'  up  on  the  other. 
(So  the  2  tides  swept  past  each  other  constantly — but 
the  bubbles  on  the  tide  wuzn't  foam  but  feathers,  and 
bows,  and  laces,  and  parasols,  and  buttons,  and  dia 
monds,  and  etcetry,  etcetry,  etcetry. 

And  all  of  a  sudden  ocy  Josiah  jest  turned  into  a 


BEAUTIFUL   DRIVES.  237 

big  gate  that  wuz  a  standin'  wide  open  and  we  drove 
into  a  beautiful  quiet  road  that  went  a  windin'  in 
under  the  shadows  of  the  tall  grand  old  trees.  He 
did  it  without  askin'  my  advice  or  sayin'  a  word  to 
me.  But  I  wuzn't  sorry.  Fur  it  wuz  beautiful  in 
there.  It  seemed  as  if  we  had  left  small  cares  and 
vexations  and  worryments  out  there  in  the  road  and 
dust,  and  took  in  with  us  only  repose  and  calmness, 
and  peace,  and  they  wuz  a  journeyin'  along  with  us 
on  the  smooth  road  under  the  great  trees,  a  bendin' 
down  on  each  side  on  us.  And  pretty  soon  we  came 
to  a  beautiful  piece  of  water  crossed  by  a  rtistick 
bridge,  and  all  surrounded  by  green  trees  on  every 
side.  Then  up  on  the  broad  road  agin,  sweepin* 
round  a  curve  where  we  could  see  a  little  ways  off  a 
great  mansion  with  a  wall  built  high  round  it  as  if  to 
shet  in  the  repose  and  sweet  home-life  and  shet  out 
intrusion,  sort  a  protect  it  from  the  too  curius  glances 
of  a  curius  generation.  Some  as  I  hold  my  hand  up 
before  my  face  to  keep  off  the  too-scorchin'  rays  of 
the  sun,  when  I  am  a  lookin'  down  the  western  road 
for  my  Josiah. 

It  wuz  a  good  lookin'  spot  as  I  ever  want  to  see, 
sheltered,  quiet  and  lovely.  But  we  left  it  behind  us 
as  we  rode  onwards,  till  we  came  out  along  another 
broad  piece  of  the  water,  and  we  rode  along  by  the 
side  of  it  for  some  time. 

Beautiful  water  with  the  trees  growin'  up  on  every 
side  of  it,  and  their  shadows  reflected  so  clearly  in  the 
16 


238 


HOMEWARD   BOUND. 


shinin'  surface,  that  they  seemed  to  be  trees  a  growin* 
downwards,  tall  grand  trees,  waviu'  branches,  goin* 
down  into  the  water  and  livin'  agin  in  another  world, 
— -a  more  beautiful  one. 

The  sun  wuz  a  gettin'  low  and  piles  of  clouds  wuz 
in  the  west  and  all  their  light  wuz  reflected  in  the 
calm  water.  And  the  beautiful  soft  shadows  rested 
there  on  that  rosy  and  golden  light,  some  like  the 
shadow  of  a  beautiful  and  sorrowful  memory,  a 
restin'  down  and  reposin'  on  a  divine  hope,  an  infinite 
sweetness. 


XIII. 

VISITS  TO  NOTABLE  PLACES. 

IT  is  a  perfect  sight  to  behold,  to  set  on  the  piazzas 
at  Saratoga,  and  see  the  folks  a  goin'  past. 

Now  in  Jonesville,  when  there  wuz  a  4th  of  July, 
or  camp-meeting  or  sunthin'  of  that  kind  a  goin'  on, 
why,  I  thought  I  had  seen  the  streets  pretty  full. 
Why,  I  had  counted  as  many  as  seven  teams  in  the 
road  at  one  time,  and  I  had  thought  that  wuz  pretty 
lively  times.  But  good  land  ?  Good  land !  You 
would  have  gin  up  in  ten  minutes  time  here,  that  you 
had  never  seen  a  team  fas  it  were). 

Why  I  call  my  head  a  pretty  sound  one,  but  I  de 
clare,  it  did  fairly  make  my  head  swim  to  set  there 
kinder  late  in  the  afternoon,  and  see  the  drivin'  a  goin' 
on.  See  the  carriages  a  goin'  this  way,  and  a  goin' 
that  way ;  horses  of  all  colers,  and  men  and  wimmen 
of  all  colers,  and  parasols  of  all  colers,  and  hats,  and 
bonnets  and  parasols,  and  satins,  and  laces,  and  rib- 
bins,  and  buttons,  and  dogs,  and  flowers,  and  plumes, 
and  parasols.  And  horses  a  turnin'  out  to  go  by,  and 
horses  havin'  gone  by,  and  horses  that  hadn't  gone  by. 
And  big  carriages  with  folks  inside  all  dressed  up  in 
239 


240  ON   THE  PIAZZAS. 

every  coler  of  the  rain  beaux.  And  elligent  gentle 
men  dressed  perfectly  splendid,  a  settin'  up  straight 
behind.  With  thin  yellow  legs,  or  stripes  down  the 
side  on  'em,  and  their  hats  all  trimmed  off  with  orne- 
ments  and  buttons  up  and  down  their  backs. 

Haughty  creeters  they  wuz,  I  make  no  doubt. 
They  showed  it  in  their  looks.  But  I  never  loved  so 
much  dress  in  a  man.  And  I  would  jest  as  soon  have 
told  them  so,  as  to  tell  you.  I  hain't  one  to  say  things 
to  a  man's  back  that  I  won't  say  to  his  face,  whether 
it  be  a  plain  back  or  buttoned. 

Wall,  as  I  say,  it  wuz  a  dizzy  sight  to  set  there  on 
them  piazzas  and  see  the  seemiii'ly  endless  crowd  a 
goin'  by ;  back  and  forth,  back  and  forth  ;  to  and  fro, 
to  and  fro.  I  didn't  enjoy  it  so  much  as  some  did, 
though  for  a  few  minutes  at  a  time  I  looked  upon  it 
as  a  sort  of  a  recreation,  some  like  a  circus,  only  more 
wilder. 

But  some  folks  enjoyed  it  dretfully.  Yes,  they  set 
a  great  deal  on  piazzas  at  Saratoga.  And  when  I  say 
set  on  'em,  I  mean  they  set  a  great  store  on  'em,  and 
they  set  on  'em  a  great  deal.  Some  folks  set  on  'em 
so  much,  that  I  called  them  setters.  Real  likely 
creeters  they  are  too,  some  on  'em,  and  handsome  ;  some 
pious,  sober  ones,  some  sort  a  gay.  Some  not  married 
at  all,  and  some  married  a  good  deal,  and  when  I  say 
a  good  deal  I  meen,  they  have  had  various  companions 
and  lost  'em. 

Now  there  wuz  one  woman  that  I  liked  quite  well. 


MINGLED   RECOLLECTIONS.  241 

Sfee  had  had  4  husbands  countin'  in  the  present  one. 
She  wuz  a  good  lookin'  woman  and  had  seen  trouble. 
It  stands  to  reeson  she  had  with  4  husbands.  Good 
land! 

She  showed  me  one  day  a  ring  she  wore.  She  had 
took  the  weddin'  rings  of  her  4  pardners  and  had  'em 
all  run  together,  and  the  initials  of  their  first  names 
carved  inside  on  it.  Her  first  husband's  name  wuz 
Franklin,  her  next  two  wuz  Orville  and  Obed,  and 
her  last  and  livin'  one  Lyman.  Wall,  she  meant  well, 
but  she  never  see  what  would  be  the  end  on't  and  how 
it  would  read  till  she  had  got  their  initials  all  carved 
out  on  it. 

She  wuz  dretfully  worked  up  about  it,  but  I  see 
that  it  wuz  right.  For  nobody  but  a  fool  would  want 
to  run  all  these  recollections  and  memories  together, 
all  the  different  essociations  and  emotions,  that  must 
cluster  round  each  of  them  rings.  The  idee  of  run- 
nin'  'em  all  together  with  the  livin'  one  !  It  wuz 
ectin'  like  a  fool  and  it  seemed  fairly  providential  that 
their  names  run  in  jest  that  way. 

Why,  if  I  had  had  2  husbands,  or  even  4, 1  should 
want  to  keep  'em  apart — settin'  up  in  high  chairs  on 
different  sides  of  my  heart.  Why,  if  I'd  had  4,  I'd 
have  'em  to  the  different  pints  of  the  compass,  east, 
west,  north,  south,  as  far  apart  from  each  other  as  my 
heart  would  admit  of.  Ketch  me  a  lumpin'  in  all  the 
precious  memories  of  my  Josiah  with  them  of  any 
other  man,  bond  or  free,  Jew  or  Genteel;  no,  and 


242  BURY  THE  DEAD. 

I'd  refrain  from  tellin'  to  the  new  one  about  the  other 
ones. 

No,  when  a  pardner  dies  and  you  set  out  to  take 
another  one,  bury  the  one  that  has  gone  right  under 
his  own  high  chair  in  your  heart,  don't  keep  him  up 
ihere  a  rattlin'  his  bones  before  the  eyes  of  the  2d,  and 
angerin'  him,  and  agonizen'  your  own  heart.  Bury 
him  before  you  bring  a  new  one  into  the  same  room. 

And  never !  never !  even  in  moments  of  the  greatest 
anger,  dig  him  up  agin  or  even  weep  over  his  grave, 
before  the  new  pardner.  No ;  under  the  moonlight, 
and  the  stars,  before  God  only,  and  your  own  soul, 
you  may  lay  there  in  spirit  on  that  grave,  weep  over 
it,  keep  the  turf  green.  But  not  before  any  one  else. 
And  I  wouldn't  advise  you  to  go  there  alone  any  too 
often.  I  would  advise  you  to  spend  your  spare  time 
ornementin'  the  high  chair  where  the  new  one  sets, 
wreathin'  it  round  with  whatever  blossoms  and  trail- 
in'  vines  of  tenderness  and  romance  you  have  left  over 
from  the  first  great  romance  of  life. 

It  would  be  better  for  you  in  the  end. 

I  said  some  few  of  these  little  thoughts  to  the  female 
mentioned ;  and  I  s'pose  I  impressed  her  dretfully,  I 
s'pose  I  did.  But  I  couldn't  stay  to  see  the  full 
effects  on't,  for  another  female  setter  came  up  at  that 
minute  to  talk  with  her,  and  my  companion  came  up 
at  that  very  minute  to  ask  me  to  go  a  walkin'  with  him 
up  to  the  cemetery. 

That  is  a  very  favorite  place  for  Josiah  Allen.     He 


SOLEMN  AMUSEMENTS.  343 

often  used  to  tell  the  children  when  they  wuz  little, 
that  if  they  wuz  real  good  he  would  take  'em  out  on 
a  walk  to  the  gr.ave-yard. 

And  when  I  first  married  to  him,  if  I  hadn't  broke 
it  up,  that  would  have  been  the  only  place  of  resort 
that  he  would  have  took  me  to  Summers.  But  J 
broke  it  up  after  a  while.  Good  land  !  there  is  times 
to  go  any  where  and  times  to  stay  away.  I  didn't 
want  to  go  a  trailin'  up  there  every  day  or  two ;  jest 
married  too ! 

But  to-day  I  felt  willin'  to  go.  I  had  been  a  look- 
in'  so  long  at  the  crowd  a  fillin'  the  streets  full,  and 
every  one  on  'em  in  motion,  that  I  thought  it  would  be 
sort  a  restful  to  go  out  to  a  place  where  they  wuz  still. 
And  so  after  a  short  walk  we  came  to  the  village  that 
haint  stirred  by  any  commotion  or  alarm.  Where  the 
houses  are  roofed  with  green  grass  and  daisies,  and 
the  white  stun  doors  don't  open  to  let  in  trouble  or 
joy,  and  where  the  inhabitants  don't  ride  out  in  the 
afternoon. 

Wall,  if  I  should  tell  the  truth  which  I  am  fur 
from  not  wantin'  to  do,  I  should  say  that  at  first 
sight,  it  wuz  rather  of  a  bleak,  lonesome  lookin'  spot, 
kinder  wild  and  desolate  lookin'.  But  as  we  went 
further  along  in  it,  we  came  to  some  little  nooks  and 
sheltered  paths  and  spots,  that  seemed  more  collected 
together  and  pleasant.  There  wuz  seme  big  high 
atuns  and  monuments,  and  some  little  ones.  Imt  noil 


244  AN  ENGINEER'S  EPITAPH. 

one  so  low  that  it  hadn't  cast  a  high,  dark  shadow 
over  somebody's  life. 

There  wuz  one  in  the  shape  of  a  big  see  shell.  I 
s'pose  some  mariner  lay  under  that,  who  loved  the 
sea.  Or  mebby  it  wux  put  up  by  some  one  who  had 
the  odd  fancy  that  put  a  shell  to  your  ear  you  will 
hear  a  whisperin'  in  it  of  a  land  fur  away,  fur  away. 
Not  fur  from  this  wuz  a  stun  put  up  over  a  young  en 
gineer  who  had  been  killed  instantly  by  his  engine. 
There  wuz  a  picture  of  the  locomotive  scraped  out  on 
the  stun,  and  in  the  cab  of  the  engine  wuz  his  photo* 
graph,  and  these  lines  wuz  underneath  : 

My  engine  now  lies  still  and  cold, 
No  water  does  her  boiler  hold  ; 
The  wood  supplies  its  flames  no  more, 
My  days  of  usefulness  are  o'er. 

We  wended  our  way  in  and  out  of  the  silent  streets 
for  quite  a  -spell,  and  then  we  went  and  sot  down  on 
the  broad  piazza  of  the  sort  of  chapel  and  green-house 
that  stood  not  fur  from  the  entrance.  And  while  we 
sot  there  we  see  another  inhabitent  come  there  to  the 
village  to  stay. 

It  wuz  a  long  procession,  fur  it  wuz  a  good  man 
who  had  come.  And  many  of  his  friends  come  with 
him  jest  as  fur  as  they  could :  wife,  children,  and 
friend?  ^hey  come  with  him  jest  as  fur  as  they  could, 
and  then  he  had  to  leave  'em  and  go  on  alone. 
How  weak  love  is,  and  how  strong.  It  wuz  too  weak 


AMUSING  READING.  245 

to  hold  him  back,  or  go  with  him,  though  they  would 
fain  have  done  so.  But  it  wuz  strong  enough  to 
shadow  the  hull  world  with  its  blackness,  blot  out  the 
sun  and  the  stars,  and  scale  the  very  mounts  of 
heaven  with  its  wild  complaints  and  pleadin's.  A 
strange  thing  love  is,  haint  it  ? 

Wall,  we  sot  there  for  quite  a  spell  and  my  com 
panion  wantin',  I  s'pose,  to  make  me  happy,  took  out 
a  daily  paper  out  of  his  pocket  and  went  to  readin' 
the  deaths  to  me.  He  always  loves  to  read  the  deaths 
and  marriages  in  a  paper.  He  sez  that  is  the  litera 
ture  that  interests  him.  And  then  I  s'pose  he  thought 
at  such  a  time,  it  wuz  highly  appropriate.  So  I 
didn't  break  it  up  till  he  began  to  read  a  long  obituary 
piece  about  a  child's  death ;  about  its  being  cut  down 
like  a  flower  by  a  lightin*  stroke  out  of  a  cloudless 
sky,  and  about  what  a  mysterious  dispensation  of 
Providence  it  wuz,  etc.,  etc.  And  then  there  wuz  a 
hull  string  of  poetry  dedicated  to  the  heart-broken 
Another  bewailin'  the  mystery  on't,  and  wonderin*  why 
Providence  should  do  such  strange,  onlookedfor 
things,  etc.,  and  etcetery,  and  so  4th. 

And  I  spoke  right  up  and  sez,  "  That  is  a  slander 
onto  Providence  and  ort  to  be  took  as  such  by  every 
lover  of  justice." 

Josiah  wuz  real  horrified,  he  had  been  almost 
sheddin'  tears  he  wuz  so  affected  by  it ;  to  think  the 
little  creeter  should  be  torn  away  by  a  strange  chance 
of  Providence  from  a  mother  who  worshipped  her, 


246  FASHION'S  HIGH-FLYERS. 

and  whose  whole  life  and  every  thought  wuz  jest 
wrapped  up  in  the  child,  and  who  never  had  thought 
nor  cared  for  anything  else  only  just  the  well  bein'  of 
the  child  and  wardin7  trouble  off  of  her,  for  so  the 
piece  stated.  And  he  sez  in  wild  amaze,  "  What  do 
you  mean,  Samantha  ?  What  makes  you  talk  so  ?  n 

"  Because,"  sez  I,  "  I  know  it  is  the  truth.  I  know 
the  hull  story ; "  and  then  I  went  on  and  told  it  to 
him,  and  he  agreed  with  me  and  felt  jest  as  I  dio^ 

You  see,  the  mother  of  the  child  wuz  a  perfect 
high  flyer  of  fashion  and  she  always  wore  dresses  so 
tight,  that  she  couldn't  get  her  hands  up  to  her  head 
to  save  her  life,  after  her  corset  wuz  on.  Wall,  she 
wuz  out  a  walkin'  with  the  child  one  day,  or  rather 
toddlin'  along  with  it,  on  her  high-heeled  shoes. 
They  wuz  both  dressed  up  perfectly  beautiful,  and 
made  a  most  splendid  show.  Wall,  they  went  into 
a  store  on  their  way  to  the  park,  and  there  wuz  a 
big  crowd  there,  and  the  mother  and  the  little  girl  got 
into  the  very  middle  of  the  crowd.  They  say  there 
wuz  some  new  storks  for  sale  that  day,  and  some  cat 
tail  flags,  and  so  there  wuz  naturelly  a  big  crowd  of 
wimmen  a  buyin'  'em,  and  cranes.  And  some  way, 
while  they  stood  there  a  heavy  vase  that  stood  up 
over  the  child's  head  fell  down  and  fell  onto  it,  and 
hurt  the  child  so,  that  it  died  from  the  effects  of  it. 

The  mother  see  the  vase  when  it  first  begun  to 
move,  she  could  have  reached  up  her  hands  and  etid- 
died  it,  and  kep*  it  from  fallin',  if  she  could  ha^a  got 


A   NEEDLESS  CALAMITY.  247 

"em  up,  but  with  that  corset  on,  the  hull  American 
continent  might  have  tumbled  onto  the  child's  head 
and  she  couldn't  have  moved  her  arms  up  to  keep  it 
off;  couldn't  have  lifted  her  arms  up  over  the  child's 
head  to  save  her  life.  No,  she  couldn't  have  kep' 
one  of  the  States  off,  nor  nothin'.  And  then  talk 
about  her  ward  in'  trouble  offen  the  child,  why  she 
couldn't  ward  trouble  off,  nor  nothin'  else  with  that 
corset  on.  She  screemed,  as  she  see  it  a  comin'  down 
onto  the  head  of  her  beloved  little  child,  but  that  wuz 
all  she  could  do.  The  child  wuz  wedged  in  by  the 
throng  of  folks  and  couldn't  stir,  and  they  wuz  all 
engrossed  in  their  own  business  which  wuz  pressin', 
and  very  important,  a  buyin'  plates,  and  plaks,  with 
bull-rushes,  and  cranes,  and  storks  on  'em,  so  natu- 
relly,  they  didn't  mind  what  wuz  a  goin'  on  round 
'em.  And  down  it  come ! 

And  there  it  wuz  put  down  in  the  paper,  "  A  mys 
terious  dispensation  of  Providence."  Providence 
slandered  shamefully  and  I  will  say  so  with  my  last 
breath. 

What  are  mothers  made  for  if  it  haint  to  take  care 
of  the  little  ones  God  gives  'em.  What  right  have 
they  to  contoggle  themselves  up  in  a  way  that  they  can 
see  their  children  die  before  'em,  and  they  not  able  to 
put  out  a  hand  to  save  'em.  Why,  a  savage  mother 
is  better  than  this,  a  heathen  one.  And  if  I  had  my 
way,  there  would  be  a  hull  shipload  of  savages  and 
heathens  brought  over  here  to  teach  and  reform  our 


248  OFF   TO    THE    TOBOGGEN, 

too  civilized  wimmen.  I'd  bring  'em  over  this  very 
summer. 

Wall,  we  sot  there  on  the  stoop  for  quite  a  spell 
and  then  we  wended  our  way  down  to  the  highway, 
and  as  we  arrived  there  my  companion  proposed  that 
we  should  take  a  carriage  and  go  to  the  Tobop:gen 
glide.  Sez  I,  "  Not  after  where  we  have  been  to-day, 
Josiah  Allen." 

And  he  sez,  "Why  not?" 

And  I  sez,  "  It  wouldn't  look  well,  after  visitin* 
the  folks  we  have  jest  now." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  they  won't  speak  on't  to  anybody, 
if  that  is  what  you  are  afraid  on,  or  sense  it  them 
selves." 

And  I  see  in  a  minute,  he  had  some  sense  on  his 
side,  though  his  words  shocked  me  some  at  first, 
kinder  jarred  aginst  some  sensitive  spot  in  my  nater, 
jest  as  pardners  will  sometimes,  however  devoted  they 
may  be  to  each  other.  Yet  I  see  he  wuz  in  the  right 
on't. 

They  wouldn't  sense  anything  about  it.  And  as 
for  us,  we  wuz  in  the  world  of  the  livin'  still,  and  I 
still  owed  a  livin'  duty  to  my  companion,  to  make 
him  as  happy  as  possible.  And  so  I  sez,  mildly, 
"  Wall,  I  don't  know  as  there  is  anyth-ing  wrong  in 
slidin'  down  hill,  Josiah.  I  s'pose  I  can  go  with 
you." 

"No,"  sez  he,  "there  haint  nothin'  wrong  about 
slidin'  down  hill  unless  you  strike  too  hard,  or  tip 


THROUGH  SARATOGA.  249 

over,  or  sunthin'."  So  he  bagoned  to  a  carriage  that 
wuz  passing  and  we  got  into  it,  and  sot  sail  for  the 
Foboggen  slide. 

We  passed  through  the  village.  (Some  say  it  is  a 
<city,  but  if  it  is,  it  is  a  modest,  retirin'  one  as  I  ever 
«ee ;  perfectly  unassuming  and  don't  put  on  a  air,  not 
one.) 

But  howsumever,  we  passed  through  it,  through 
the  rows  and  rows  of  summer  tarvens  and  boardin* 
houses,  good-lookin'  ones  too  ;  past  some  good-lookin* 
private  houses — a  long  tarven  and  a  pretty  red  brick 
studio  and  rows  of  summer  stores,  little  nests  that  are 
filled  up  summers,  and  empty  winters,  then  by'some 
more  of  them  monster  big  tarvens  where  some  of  the 
200,000  summer  visitors  who  flock  here  summers,  find 
a  restin'  place ;  and  then  by  the  large  respectable 
good-lookin'  stores  and  shops  of  the  natives,  that 
stand  solid,  and  to  be  depended  on  summer  and  win 
ter  ;  by  churches  and  halls,  and  etc.,  and  good-lookin' 
houses  and  then  some  splendid-lookin'  houses  all 
staudin'  back  on  their  grassy  lawns  behind  some  trees, 
and  fountains,  and  flower  beds,  etc.,  etc. 

Better-lookm'  houses,  I  don't  want  to  see  nor 
broader,  handsomer  streets.  And  pretty  soon  fur 
away  to  the  east  you  could  see  through  the  trees  a 
glimpse  of  a  glorious  landscape,  a  broad  lovely  view 
of  hill  and  valley,  bounded  by  blue  mountain  tops. 
It  was  a  fair  seen — a  fair  seen.  To  be  perfectly  sur 
rounded  by  beauty  where  you  wuz,  and  a  lookin*  off 


250  CONVENT  WALLS. 

onto  more.  There  I  would  fain  have  lingered,  but 
time  and  wagons  roll  stidily  onward,  and  will  not 
brook  delay,  nor  pause  for  women  to  soar  over 
scenery. 

So  we  rolled  onwards  through  still  more  beautiful* 
and  quiet  pictures.  Pictures  of  quiet  woods  and 
bendin'  trees,  and  a  country  road  windin'  tranquilly 
beneath,  up  and  down  gentle  hills,  and  anon  a  longer 
one,  and  then  at  our  feet  stood  the  white  walls  of  a 
convent,  with  2  or  3  brothers,  a  strollin'  along  in 
their  ong  black  gowns,  and  ecrosses,  a  readin'  some 
books. 

I  don't  know  what  it  wuz,  what  they  wuz  a  readin' 
out  of  their  books,  or  a  readin'  out  of  their  hearts. 
Mebby  sunthin'  kinder  sad  and  serene.  Mebby  it 
wuz  sunthin'  about  the  gay  world  of  human  happi 
ness,  and  human  sorrows,  they  had  turned  backs  to 
forever.  Mebby  it  wuz  about  the  other  world  that 
they  had  sot  out  for  through  a  lonesome  way.  Mebby 
it  wuz  "  Never  "  they  wuz  a  readin'  about,  and  mebby 
it  wuz  "  Forever."  I  don't  know  what  it  wuz.  Bui 
we  went  by  'em,  and  anon,  yes  it  wuz  jest  anon,  for  it 
wuz  the  very  minute  that  I  lifted  my  eyes  from  the 
Father's  calm  and  rather  sad-lookin'  face,  that  I 
ketched  sight  on't,  that  I  see  a  comin'  down  from  the 
high  hills  to  the  left  on  us,  an  immense  sort  of  a 
trough,  or  so  it  looked,  a  comin'  right  down  through 
the  trees,  from  the  top  of  the  mountain  to  the  bottom. 
And  then  all  acrost  the  fields  as  fur,  as  fur  as  from 


•'IS  HE  A   INJUN?"  251 

our  house  way  over  to  Miss  Pixley's  wuz  a  sort  of  a 
road,  with  a  row  of  electric  lights  along  the  side  on't. 

We  drove  up  to  a  buildin'  that  stood  at  the  foot  of 
that  immense  slide,  or  so  they  called  it,  and  a  female 
woman  who  wuz  there  told  us  all  about  it.  And  we 
went  out  her  back  door,  and  see  way  up  the  slide,  or 
trough.  There  wuz  a  railin'  on  each  side  on't,  and  a 
place  in  the  middle  where  she  said  the  Toboggen 
came  down. 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  Who  is  the  Toboggen,  anyway  ? 
Is  he  a  native  of  the  place  or  a  Injun  ?  Anyway," 
sez  he,  "  I'd  give  a  dollar  bill  to  see  him  a  comin* 
down  that  place." 

And  the  woman  said,  "A  Toboggen  wuz  a  sort  of 
a  long  sled,  that  two  or  three  folks  could  ride  on,  and 
they  come  down  that  slide  with  such  force  that  they 
went  way  out  acrost  the  fields  as  far  as  the  row  of 
lights,  before  it  stopped." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  did  you  ever  see  the  beat 
cn't?  "  Sez  I,  "  Haint  that  as  far  as  from  our  house 
toMissPixley's?" 

"  Yes,"  says  he,  "  and  further  too.  It  is  as  far  as 
Uncle  Jim  Hozzleton's. 

"  Wall,"  says  T,  "  I  believe  you  are  in  the  right 
on't." 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  How  do  they  get  back  agin  ? " 
Do  they  come  in  the  cars,  or  in  their  own  conven 
iences  ?  " 


252  How  IT  WOKKS. 

"  There  is  a  sleigh  to  bring  'em  back,  but  sometimes 
they  walk  back/'  sez  the  woman. 

"  Walk  back  ! "  sez  I,  in  deep  amaze.  "  Do  they 
walk  from  way  out  there,  and  cleer  up  that  mountain 
agin?" 

"  Yes,"  sez  she.  "  Don't  you  see  the  place  at  the 
side  for  'em  to  draw  the  Toboggen  up,  and  the  little 
flights  of  steps  for  'em  to  go  up  the  hill  ?  " 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  in  deep  amaze,  and  anxius  as  ever 
to  get  information  on  deep  subjects,  "  where  duz  the 
fun  come  in,  is  it  in  walkin'  way  over  the  plain  and 
up  the  hills,  or  is  it  in  comin'  down  ?  " 

And  she  said  she  didn't  know  exactly  where  the 
fun  lay,  but  she  s'posed  it  wuz  comin'  down.  Any 
way,  they  seemed  to  enjoy  it  first  rate.  And  she  said 
it  wuz  a  pretty  sight  to  see  'em  all  on  a  bright  clear 
night,  when  the  sky  wuz  blue  and  full  of  stars,  and  the 
earth  white  and  glistenin'  underneath  to  see  7  or  800, 
all  dressed  up  in  the  gayest  way,  suits  of  white 
blankets,  gay  borders  and  bright  tasseled  caps  of  every 
color,  and  suits  of  every  other  pretty  color  all  trimmed 
with  fur  and  embroideries,  to  see  'em  all  a  laughin' 
and  a  talkin',  with  their  cheeks  and  eyes  bright  and 
glowin',  to  see  'em  a  comin'  down  the  slide  like  flashes 
of  every  colored  light,  and  away  out  over  the  white 
glistenin'  plains;  and  then  to  see  the  long  line  of 
happy  laughin'  creeters  a  walkin'  back  agin'  drawin* 
the  gay  Toboggens.  She  said  it  wuz  a  sight  worth 
eeeinV 


"JEST  A   R£D  FLASH."  253 

**  Do  they  come  down  alone  ?  "  sez  Josiah. 

"  Oh  no  ! "  sez  she.  "  Boys  and  their  sweethearts, 
men  and  wives,  fathers  and  mothers  and  children, 
sometimes  4  on  a  Toboggan." 

Sez  Josiah,  lookin'  anamated  and  clever,  "  I'd  love 
to  take  you  on  one  on  'em,  Samantha.' 

"  Oh  no  !  "  sez  I,  "  I  wouldn't  want  to  be  took." 

But  a  bystander  a  standin'  by  said  it  wuz  a  sight 
to  behold  to  stand  up  on  top  and  start  off.  He  said 
the  swiftness  of  the  motion,  the  brightness  of  the 
electric  lights  ahead,  the  gleam  of  the  snow  made  it 
seem  like  plungin'  down  a  dazzlin'  Niagara  of  white 
ness  and  glitterin'  light ;  and  some,  like  bein'  shot  out 
of  a  cannon.  Why,  he  said  they  went  with  such 
lightnin'  speed,  that  if  you  stood  clost  by  the  slide  a 
waitin'  to  see  a  friend  go  by,  you  might  stand  so  near 
as  to  touch  her,  but  you  couldn't  no  more  see  her  to 
recognize  her,  than  you  could  recognize  one  spoke 
from  another  in  the  wheel  of  a  runaway  carriage, 
You  would  jest  see  a  red  flash  go  by,  if  so  be  it  wuz 
a  red  gown  she  had  on.  A  red  flash  a  dartin'  through 
the  air,  and  a  disappearin'  down  the  long  glitterin' 
lane  of  light. 

You  could  see  her  a  goin'  back,  so  they  said,  a 
laughin'  and  a  jokin'  with  somebody,  if  so  be  she 
walked  back,  but  there  wuz  long  sleighs  to  carry  'em 
back,  them  and  their  Toboggens,  if  they  wanted  to 
ride,  at  the  small  expenditure  of  10  cents  apiece. 

They  go  in  the  fastest  time  anybody  can  make  till  they 
17 


254  THE  MODEL  -TOBOGGEN. 

go  on  the  lightnin',  a  way  in  which  they  will  go  be« 
fore  long,  I  think,  and  Josiah  duz  too. 

"  They  said  there  wuzn't  nothin'  like  it.  And  I  said, 
"•  Like  as  not."  I  believed  'em.  And  then  the  wo- 
tnan  said,  "  This  long  room  we  wuz  a  standin'  in,"  for 
we  had  gone  back  into  the  house,  durin'  our  interview, 
this  long  room  wuz  all  warm  and  light  for  'em  to 
come  into  and  get  warm,  and  she  said  as  many  as  600 
in  a  night  would  come  in  there  and  have  supper 
there. 

And  then  she  showed  us  the  model  of  a  Toboggen, 
all  sculped  out,  with  a  man  and  a  woman  on  it.  The 
girl  wuz  ahead  sort  a  drawin'  the  Toboggen,  as  you 
may  say,  and  her  lover.  (I  know  he  wuz,  from  his 
looks.)  He  wuz  behind  her,  with  his  face  right  clost 
to  her  shoulder. 

And  I'll  bet  that  when  they  started  down  that 
gleamin'  slide,  they  felt  as  if  they  2  wuz  alone  under 
fhe  stars  and  the  heavens,  and  wuz  a  glidin'  down 
.nto  a  dazzlin'  way  of  glory.  You  could  see  it  in 
their  faces.  I  liked  their  faces  real  well. 

But  the  sight  on  'em  made  Josiah  Allen,  crazier'n 
ever  to  go  too,  and  he  sez,  "  I  feel  as  if  I  must  To 
boggen,  Samantha ! " 

Sez  I,  "  Be  calm  !  Josiah,  you  can't  slide  down  hill 
in  July." 

"  How  do  you  know  ?  "  sez  he,  "  I'm  bound  to  en 
quire."  And  he  asked  the  woman  if  they  ever  To- 
boggened  in  the  summer. 


"A   POWERFUL    WEEP  ON."  255 

"  No,  never ! "  sez  she. 

And  I  sez,  "  You  see  it  can't  be  done.*' 

"  She  never  see  it  tried,"  sez  he.  "  How  can  you 
tell  what  you  can  do  without  tryin'  ?  "  sez  he  lookin' 
shrewdly,  and  longingly,  up  the  slide.  I  trembled, 
for  I  knew  not  what  the  next  move  of  his  would  be. 
But  I  bethought  me  of  a  powerful  weepon  I  had  by 
me.  And  I  sez,  "  The  driver  will  ask  pay  for  every 
minute  we  are  here." 

And  as  I  sez  this,  Josiah  turned  and  almost  flew 
down  the  steps  and  into  the  buggy.  I  had  skairt 
him.  Truly  I  felt  relieved,  and  sez  I  to  myself, 
"  What  would  wimmen  do  if  it  wuzn't  for  these  little 
weepons  they  hold  in  their  hands,  to  control  their 
pardners  with."  I  felt  happy. 

But  the  next  words  of  Josiah  knocked  down  all 
that  palace  of  Peace,  that  my  soul  had  betook  herself 
to.  Sez  he,  "  Samantha  Allen,  before  I  leave  Sara 
toga  I  shall  Toboggen." 

Wall,  I  immegetly  turned  the  subject  round  and 
talked  wildly  and  almost  incoherently  on  politicks.  I 
praised  the  tariff  amost  beyond  its  deserts.  I  brung 
up  our  foreign  relations,  and  spoke  well  on  'em.  I 
tackled  revenues  and  taxation,  and  hurried  him  from 
one  to  the  other  on  'em,  almost  wildly,  to  get  the  idee 
out  of  his  head.  And  I  congratulated  myself  on 
havin'  succeeded.  Alas!  how  futile  is  our  hopes, 
sometimes  futiler  than  we  have  any  idee  on  ! 

By  night  all  thoughts  of  danger  had  left  me,  and 


"Josiah  turned  and  almost  flew  down  the  steps  and  into 
the  buggy."     p.  2$$. 


IS  HE  KIDNAPPED  ?  257 

I  slept  sweetly  and  peacefully.  But  early  in  the 
mornin'  I  had  a  strange  dream.  I  dreamed  I  wuz  in 
the  woods  with  my  head  a  layin'  on  a  log,  and  the 
ground  felt  cold  that  I  wuz  a  layin'  on.  And  then 
the  log  gin  way  with  me,  and  my  head  came  down 
onto  the  ground.  And  then  I  slept  peaceful  agin,  but 
chilly,  till  anon,  or  about  that  time,  I  heard  a  strange 
sound  and  I  waked  up  with  a  start.  It  wuz  in  the 
first  faint  glow  of  mornin'  twilight.  But  as  faint  as 
the  light  wuz,  for  the  eye  of  love  is  keen,  I  missed 
my  beloved  pardner's  head  from  the  opposite  pillow, 
and  I  riz  up  in  wild  agitation  and  thinkses  I,  "  Has 
rapine  took  place  here ;  has  Josiah  Allen  been  abducted 
away  from  me?  Is  he  a  kidnapped  Josiah?" 

At  that  fearful  thought  my  heart  begun  to  beat  so 
voyalently  as  to  almost  stop  my  breath,  and  I  felt  I 
wuz  growin'  pale  and  wan,  wanner,  fur  wanner  than 
I  had  been  sense  I  came  to  Saratoga.  I  love  Josiah 
Allen,  he  is  dear  to  me. 

And  I  riz  up  feelin'  that  I  would  find  that  dear 
man  and  rescue  him  or  perish  in  the  attempt.  Yes, 
I  felt  that  I  must  perish  if  I  did  not  find  him.  What 
would  life  be  to  me  without  him  ?  And  as  I  thought 
that  thought  the  light  of  the  day  that  wuz  a  breaking 
looked  sort  of  a  faint  to  me,  and  sickish.  And  like 
a  flash  it  came  to  me,  the  thought  that  that  light 
seemed  like  the  miserable  dawns  of  wretched  days 
without  him,  a  pale  light  with  no  warmth  or  bright 
ness  in  it. 


258  A    WILD  EFFORT. 

But  at  that  very  minute  I  heard  a  noise  outside  the 
door,  and  I  heard  that  beloved  voice  a  sayin'  in  low 
axents  the  words  I  had  so  often  heard  him  speak, 
words  I  had  oft  rebuked  him  for,  but  now,  so  weak 
will  human  love  make  one,  now,  I  welcome  them 
gladly — they  sounded  exquisitely  sweet  to  me.  The 
words  wuz,  "  Dumb  'em  !  " 

And  I  joyfully  opened  the  door.  But  oh  !  what  a 
sight  met  my  eye.  There  stood  Josiah  Allen,  arrayed 
in  a  blanket  he  had  took  from  our  bed  (that 
accounted  for  my  cold  feelin'  in  my  dream).  The 
blanket  wuz  white,  with  a  gay  border  of  red  and 
yellow.  He  had  fixed  it  onto  him  in  a  sort  of  a 
dressy  way,  and  strapped  it  round  the  waist  with  my 
shawl  strap.  And  he  had  took  a  bright  yeller  silk 
handkerchief  of  hisen,  and  had  wrapped  it  round  his 
head  so's  it  hung  down  some  like  a  cap,  and  he  wuz  a 
fcryin'  to  fasten  it  round  his  forward  with  one  of  my 
stockin'  supporters.  He  couldn't  buckle  it,  and  that 
is  what  called  forth  his  exclamations.  At  his  feet, 
partly  upon  the  stairs,  wuz  the  bolster  from  our  bed 
(that  accounted  for  the  log  that  had  gin  way).  And 
he  had  spread  a  little  red  shawl  of  mine  over  the  top 
on't,  and  as  I  opened  the  door  he  wuz  jest  ready  to 
embark  on  the  bolster,  he  wuz  jest  a  steppin'  onto  it. 
But  as  he  see  me  he  paused,  and  I  sez  in  low  axentsf 
"What  are  you  a  goin'  to  do,  Josiah  Allen?" 

"  I'm  a  goin'  to  Toboggen,"  sez  he. 


260  SAMANTHA' S  FINAL   EFFORT, 

Sez  I,  "  Do  you  stop  at  once,  and  come  back  into 
your  room." 

"  No,  no  !  "  sez  he  firmly,  and  preparin*  to  embark 
on  the  bolster,  "  I  am  a  goin'  to  Toboggen.  And  you 
come  and  go  to.  It  is  so  fashionable,"  sez  he,  "  such 
a  genteel  diversion." 

Sez  I,  "  Do  you  stop  it  at  once,  and  come  back  to 
your  room.  Why,"  sez  I,  "  the  hull  house  will  be 
routed  up,  and  be  up  here  in  a  minute." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  they'll  see  fun  if  they  do  and 
fashion.  I  am  a  goin',  Samantha !  "  and  he  stepped 
forward. 

Sez  I,  "  They'll  see  sunthin'  else  that  begins  with 
a  f,  but  it  haint  fun  or  fashion.'  And  agin  I  sez> 
"  Do  you  come  back,  Josiah  Allen.  You'll  break 
your  neck  and  rout  up  the  house,  and  be  called  a 
fool." 

"  Oh  no,  Samantha  !  I  must  Toboggen.  I  must 
go  down  the  slide  once."  And  he  fixed  the  bolster 
more  firmly  on  the  top  stair. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  feelin'  that  I  wuz  drove  to  my  last 
ambush  by  him,  sez  I,  "  probably  five  dollars  won't 
make  the  expenses  good,  besides  your  doctor's  bill, 
and  my  mornin'.  And  I  shall  put  on  the  deepest  of 
crape,  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I. 

1  see  he  wavered  and  I  pressed  the  charge  home. 
Sez  I,  "  That  bolster  is  thin  cloth,  Josiah  Allen,  and 
you'll  probably  have  to  pay  now  for  draggin'  it  all 
over  the  floor.  If  anybody  should  see  you  with  it 


A  NEW  EXPERIMENT.  261 

there,  that  bolster  would  be  charged  in  your  bill. 
/  And  how  would  it  look  to  the .  neighbors  to  have  a 
bolster  charged  in  your  bill  ?  And  I  should  treasure 
it,  Josiah  Allen,  as  bein'  the  last  bill  you  made  before 
you  broke  your  neck  ! " 

"  Oh,  wall,"  sez  he,  I  s'pose  I  can  put  the  bolster 
back."  But  he  wuz  snappish,  and  he  kep'  snappish 
all  day. 

He  wuzn't  quelled.  Though  he  had  gin  in  for  the 
time  bein',  I  see  he  wuzn't  quelled  down.  He  acted 
dissatisfied  and  high-headed,  and  I  felt  worried  in  my 
mind,  not  knowin'  what  his  next  move  would  be. 

Oh !  the  tribulations  it  makes  a  woman  to  take 
care  of  a  man.  But  then  it  pays.  After  all,  in  the 
deepest  of  my  tribulations  I  feel,  I  do  the  most  of  the 
time  feel,  that  it  pays.  When  he  is  good  he  is  dretful 
good. 

Wall,  I  went  over  to  see  Polly  Pixley  the  next 

night,  and  when  I  got  back  to  my  room,  there  stood 

Josiah  Allen  with  both  of  his  feet  sort  a  bandaged 

and  tied  down  onto  sumthin',  which  I  didn't  at  first 

recognize.     It  wuz  big  and  sort  a  egg  shaped,  and 

J  open  worked,  and  both  his  feet  wuz  strapped  down 

1  tight  onto  it,  and  he  wuz  a  pushin'  himself  round  the 

(  room  with  his  umberell. 

And  I  sez, "  What  is  the  matter  now,  Josiah  Allen ; 
what  are  you  a  doin'  now  ?  " 

"Oh  I  am  a  walkin'  on  snow-shoes,  Samantha! 
But  I  don't  see,"  sez  he  a  stoppin'  to  rest,  for  he 


262  SICK  OF  THE 

seemed  tuckered  out, "  I  don't  see  how  the  savages  got 
round  as  they  did  and  performed  such  journeys.  You 
put  'em  on,  Samantha,"  sez  he,  "  and  see  if  you  can 
get  on  any  faster  in  'em." 

Sez  I,  coldly,  "  The  savages  probable  did'nt  have 
both  feet  on  one  shoe,  Josiah  Allen,  as  you  have.  I 
shall  put  on  no  snow-shoes  in  the  middle  of  July ; 
but  if  I  did,  I  should  put  'em  on  accordin'  to  a  little 
mite  of  sense.  I  should  try  to  use  as  much  sense  as 
a  savage  any  way." 

"  Why,  how  it  would  look  to  have  one  foot  on  that 
great  big  snow-shoe.  I  always  did  like  a  good  close 
fit  in  my  shoes.  And  you  see  I  have  room  enough 
and  to  spare  for  both  on  'em  on  this.  Why  it 
wouldn't  look  dressy  at  all,  Samantha,  to  put  'em  on 
as  you  say." 

Sez  I  very  coldly,  "  I  don't  see  anything  over  and 
above  dressy  in  your  looks  now,  Josiah  Allen,  with 
both  of  your  feet  tied  down  onto  that  one  shoe,  and 
you  a  tryin'  to  move  off  when  you  can't.  I  can't  see 
anything  over  and  above  ornamental  in  it,  Josiah 
Allen." 

"Oh  !  you  are  never  willin'  to  give  in  that  I  look 
dressy,  Samantha.  But  I  s'pose  I  can  put  my  feet 
where  you  say.  You  are  so  sot,  but  they  are  too  big 
for  me — I  shall  look  like  a  fool." 

I  looked  at  him  calmly  over  my  specks,  and  sez  I, 
"  I  guess  I  sha'n't  notice  the  difference  or  realize  the 
change.  I  wonder,"  sez  I,  in  middlin'  cold  axents, 


FEELING  LIKE  A   SAVAGE 

whow  you  think  you  are  a  lookin'  now,  Josiah 
Allen." 

"  Oh  !  keep  a  naggin'  at  me !  "  sez  he.  But  I  see 
he  wuz  a  gittin'  kinder  sick  of  the  idee. 

"  What  you  mean  by  puttin'  'em  on  at  all  is  more 
than  I  can  say,"  sez  I,  "  a  tryin  to  walk  on  snow- 
shoes  right  in  dog-days." 

"  I  put  'em  on,"  Samantha,  sez  he,  a  beginnin'  to 
unstrap  'em,  "  I  put  'em  on  because  I  wanted  to  feel 
like  a  savage." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  have  seen  you  at  times  durin* 
the  last  20  years,  when  I  thought  you  realized  how 
they  felt  without  snow-shoes  on,  either." 

(These  little  interchanges  of  confidence  will  take 
place  in  every-day  life.)  But  at  that  very  minute 
Ardelia  Tutt  rapped  at  the  door,  and  Josiah  hustled 
them  snow-shoes  into  the  closet,  and  that  wuz  the  last 
trial  I  had  with  him  about  'em.  He  had  borrowed 
'em. 

Wall,  Ardelia  wuz  dretful  pensive,  and  soft  actin* 
that  night,  she  seemed  real  tickled  to  see  us,  and  to 
get  where  we  wuz.  She  haint  over  and  above  suited 
with  the  boardin'  place  where  she  is,  I  think,  I  don't 
believe  they  have  very  good  food,  though  she  won't 
bomplain,  bein'  as  they  are  relations  on  her  own  side. 
And  then  she  is  sech  a  good  little  creeter  anyway. 
But  I  had  my  suspicions.  She  didn't  seem  very 
happy.  She  said  she  had  been  down  to  the  park  that 
afternoon,  she  and  the  young  chap  that  has  been  & 


•Oh,  I  aa  walkin'  on  snow-shoes,  Samantha."     page 


SICKENING    OF  BIAL.  265 

pay  in*  her  so  much  attention  lately,  Bial  Flamburg. 
She  said  they  had  sot  down  there  by  the  deer  park 
most  all  the  afternoon  a  watchin'  the  deer.  She  spoke 
dretful  well  of  the  deer.  And  they  are  likely  deer  for 
anything  I  know.  But  she  seemed  sort  a  pensive  and 
low  spirited.  Mebby  she  is  a  beginnin'  to  find  Bial 
Flamburg  out.  Mebby  she  is  a  beginnin'  to  not  like 
his  ways.  He  drinks  and  smokes,  that  I  know,  and 
I've  mistrusted  worse  things  on  him. 


XIV. 

LAKE  GEORGE   AND   MOUNT   M'GREGOR. 

IT  wuz  on  a  nice  pleasant  day  that  Ardelia  Tutt, 
Josiah  Allen,  and  me,  met  by  previous  agreement 
quite  early  in  the  mornin',  A.  M.,  and  sot  out  for 
Lake  George.  It  is  so  nigh,  that  you  can  step  onto 
the  cars,  and  go  out  and  see  George  any  time  of  day. 

It  seemed  to  me  jest  as  if  George  wuz  glad  \ve  had 
come,  for  there  wuz  a  broad  happy  smile  all  over  his 
face,  and  a  sort  of  a  dimplin'  look,  as  if  he  wanted  to 
laugh  right  out.  All  the  beckonin'  shores  and  islands, 
with  their  beautiful  houses  on  'em,  and  the  distant 
forests,  and  the  trees  a  bendin'  over  George,  all  seemed 
to  sort  a  smile  out  a  welcome  to  us.  We  had  a  most 
beautiful  day,  and  got  back  quite  late  in  the  afternoon, 
P.M. 

And  the  next  day,  a  day  heavenly  calm  and  fair, 
Josiah  Allen  and  me  sot  sail  for  Mount  McGregor — 
that  mountain  top  that  is  lifted  up  higher  in  the 
hearts  of  Americans  than  any  other  peak  on  the  con 
tinent — fur  higher.  For  it  is  the  place  where  the 
memory  of  a  Hero  lays  over  all  the  peaceful  landscape 
266 


ASCENDING    THE  MOUNT.  267 

like  a  inspiration  and  a  benediction,  and  will  rest  there 
forever. 

The  railroad  winds  round  and  round  the  mountain 
sometimes  not  seemin'ly  goin'  up  at  all,  but  gradually 
a  movin'  on  towards  the  top,  jest  as  this  brave  Hero 
did  in  his  career.  If  some  of  the  time  he  didn't  seem 
to  move  on,  or  if  some  of  the  time  he  seemed  to  go 
back  for  a  little,  yet  there  wuz  a  deathless  fire  inside 
on  him,  a  power,  a  strength  that  kep'  him  a  goin'  up, 
up,  up,  and  drawin'  the  nation  up  with  him  onto  the 
safe  level  ground  of  Victory. 

We  got  pleasant  glimpses  of  beauty,  pretty  pictures 
on't,  every  little  while  as  we  wended  our  way  on  up 
the  mountains.  Anon  we  would  go  round  a  curve,  a 
ledge  of  rocks  mebby,  and  lo  !  far  off  a  openin'  through 
the  woods  would  show  us  a  lovely  picture  of  hill  and 
dell,  blue  water  and  blue  mountains  in  the  distance. 
And  then  a  green  wood  picture,  shut  in  and  lonely, 
with  tall  ferns,  and  wild  flowers,  and  thick  green 
grasses  under  the  bendin'  trees.  Then  fur  down  agin' 
"  picture  of  a  farm-house,  sheltered  and  quiet,  with 
fields  layin'  about  it  green  and  golden. 

But  anon,  we  reached  the  pretty  little  lonesome 
station,  and  there  we  wuz  on  top  of  Mount  McGregor. 
We  disembarked  from  the  cars  and  wended  our  way 
up  the  hill  up  the  windin'  foot  path,  wore  down  by 
the  feet  of  pilgrims  from  every  land,  quite  a  tegus  walk 
though  beautiful,  up  to  the  good-lookin',  and  good 
appearin'  tarven. 


268  A   STARVING  MAN. 

I  would  fain  have  stopped  at  that  minute  at  tHe 
abode  the  Hero  had  sanctified  by  his  last  looks.  But 
my  companion  said  to  me  that  he  wuz  in  nearly  a 
starvin'  state.  Now  it  wuzn't  much  after  11  A.  M. 
forenoon,  and  I  felt  that  he  would  not  die  of  starva 
tion  so  soon.  But  his  looks  wuz  pitiful  in  the  extreme 
and  he  reminded  me  in  a  sort  of  a  weak  voice  that  he 
didn't  eat  no  breakfast  hardly. 

I  S2Z  truthfully,  "  I  didn't  notice  it,  Josiah."  But 
sez  I,  "  I  will  accompany  you  where  your  hunger  can 
be  slaked."  So  we  went  straight  up  to  the  tarven. 

But  I  would  stop  a  minute  in  front  of  it,  to  see  the 
lovely,  lovely  seen  that  wuz  spread  out  before  our 
eyes.  For  fur  off  could  we  see  milds  and  milds  of 
the  beautiful  country  a  layin'  fur  below  us.  Beauti 
ful  landscape,  dotted  with  crystal  lakes,  laved  by  the 
blue  Hudson  and  bordered  by  the  fur-away  moun 
tains. 

It  wuz  a  fair  seen,  a  fair  seen.  Even  Josiah  wuz 
rousted  up  by  it,  and  forgot  his  hunger.  I  myself 
wuz  lost  in  the  contemplation  on  it,  and  entirely  by 
the  side  of  myself.  So  much  so,  that  I  forgot  where 
I  wuz,  and  whether  I  wuz  a  wife  or  a  widow,  or  what 
I  wuz. 

But  anon,  as  my  senses  came  back  from  the  realm 
of  pure  beauty  they  had  been  a  traversin',  I  recollected 
that  I  wuz  a  wife,  that  Providence  and  Elder  Mink- 
ley  had  placed  a  man  in  my  hands  to  take  care  on ; 


JOSIAH  IN  PERIL.  269 

and  I  see  he  wuz  gone  from  me,  and  I  must  look  him 
up. 

And  I  found  that  man  in  one  of  the  high  tallish 
lookin'  swing  chairs  that  wuz  a  swingin'  from  high 
poles  all  along  the  brow  of  the  hill.  They  looked 
some  like  a  stanchol  for  a  horse,  and  some  like  a  pair 
of  galluses  that  criminals  are  hung  on. 

Josiah  wuzn't  able  to  work  it  right  and  it  did  re. 
quire  a  deep  mind  to  get  into  one  without  peril.  And 
he  wuz  on  the  brink  of  a  catastrophe.  I  got  him  out 
by  siezin'  the  chair  and  holdin'  it  tight,  till  he  dis 
mounted  from  it — which  he  did  with  words  unadapted 
to  the  serenity  of  the  atmosphere.  And  then  we  went 
out  the  broad  pleasant  door-yard  up  into  the  tarven, 
and  my  companion  got  some  coffee,  and  some  refresh 
ments,  to  refresh  ourselves  with.  And  then  he,  feelin* 
clever  and  real  affectionate  to  me  (owin'  partly  I  s'pose 
to  the  good  dinner),  we  wended  our  way  down  to  the 
cottage  where  the  Hero  met  his  last  foe  and  fell  victo 
rious. 

We  went  up  the  broad  steps  onto  the  piazza,  and  \ 
looked  off  from  it,  and  over  all  the  landscape  undei 
the  soft  summer  sky,  lay  that  same  beautiful  tendei 
inspired  memory.  It  lay  like  the  hush  that  follows  a 
prayer  at  a  dyin'  bed.  Like  the  glow  that  rests  on 
the  world  when  the  sun  has  gone  down  in  glory.  Like 
the  silence  full  of  voices  that  follows  a  oriter's  inspired 
words. 

The  air,  the  whole  place,  thrilled  with  that  memorji 
18 


270  THE    G^EAT  ARMY. 

that  presence  that  wuz  with  us,  though  unseen  to  the 
eyes  of  our  spectacles.  It  followed  us  through  the 
door  way,  it  went  ahead  on  us  into  the  room  where  the 
pen  wuz  laid  down  for  the  last  time,  where  the  last 
words  wuz  said.  That  pen  wuz  hung  up  over  the  bed 
where  the  tired  head  had  rested  last.  By  the  bedside 
wuz  the  candle  blowed  out,  when  he  got  to  the  place 
where  it  is  so  light  they  don't  need  candles.  The 
watch  stopped  at  the  time  when  he  begun  to  recken 
time  by  the  deathless  ages  of  immortality.  And  as  I 
stood  there,  I  said  to  myself,  "  I  wish  I  could  see  the 
faces  that  wuz  a  bendin'  over  this  bed,  August  llth, 
1885." 

All  the  ministerin'  angels,  and  heroes,  and  con 
querors,  all  a  waitin'  for  him  to  join  'em.  All  the 
Grand  Army  of  the  Republic,  them  who  fell  in  moun 
tain  and  valley  ;  the  lamented  and  the  nameless,  all, 
all  a  waitin'  for  the  Leader  they  loved,  the  silent, 
quiet  man,  whose  soul  spoke,  who  said  in  deeds  what 
weaker  spirits  waste  in  language. 

I  wished  I  could  see  the  great  army  that  stood 
around  Mount  McGregor  that  day.  I  wished  I  could 
hear  the  notes  of  the  immortal  revelee,  which  wuz  a 
soundin'  all  along  the  lines  callin'  him  to  wake  from 
his  earth  sleep  into  life — callin'  him  from  the  night 
here,  the  night  of  sorrow  and  pain,  into  the  mornin'. 

And  as  I  lifted  my  eyes,  the  eyes  of  the  General 
seemed  to  look  cleer  down  into  my  soul,  full  of  the 
secrets  that  he  could  tell  now,  if  he  wanted  to,  full  of 


"  He  vuz  on  the  brink  of  a  cntastrophy.     I  got  him  out  by 
seizin'  the  chair  and  holdin'  it  tight  till  he  dismounted." 


272  INSIDE    THE  COTTAGE. 

the  mysteries  of  life,  the  mysteries  of  death.  The 
voiceless  presence  that  filled  the  hull  landscape,  earth 
and  air,  looked  at  us  through  them  eyes,  half  mourn 
ful,  prophetic,  true  and  calm,  they  wuz  a  lookin* 
through  all  the  past,  through  all  the  future.  What 
did  they  see  there  ?  I  couldn't  tell,  nor  Josiah. 

In  another  room  wuz  the  flowers  from  many  climes. 
Flowers  strewed  onto  the  stage  from  hands  all  over 
the  world,  when  the  foot  lights  burned  low,  and  the 
dark  curtain  went  down  for  the  last  time  on  the  Hero. 
Great  masses  of  flowers,  every  one  on  'em,  bearin'  the 
world's  love,  the  world's  sorrow  over  our  nation's 
loss. 

I  had  a  large  quantity  of  emotions  as  I  stood  there, 
probably  as  many  as  48  a  minute  for  quite  a  spell, 
and  that  is  a  large  number  of  emotions  to  have,  when 
the  size  of  'em  is  as  large  as  the  sizes  of  'em  wuz.  I 
thought  as  I  stood  there  of  what  I  had  hearn  the  Hero 
said  once  in  his  last  illness, — that,  liftin'  up  his  grand 
right  arm  that  had  saved  the  Nation,  he  said,  "  I  am 
on  duty  from  four  to  six." 

Yes,  thinkses  I,  he  wuz  on  duty  all  through  the 
shadows  and  the  darkness  of  war,  all  through  the 
peril,  and  the  heartache,  and  the  wild  alarm  of  war, 
calm  and  dauntless,  he  wuz  on  duty  till  the  mornin' 
of  peace  came,  and  the  light  wuz  shinin'. 

On  duty  through  the  darkness.  No  one  believed, 
no  one  dared  to  think  that  if  peril  had  come  again  to 
the  country,  he  would  not  have  been  ready, — ready 


ON  t)UTY.  273 

to  face  danger  and  death  for  the  people  he  had  saved 
once,  the  people  whom  he  loved,  because  he  had  dared 
death  for  'em. 

Yes,  he  wuz  on  duty. 

There  wuz  a  darker  shadow  come  to  him  than  any 
cloud  that  ever  rose  over  a  battle-field  when,  honest 
and  true  himself  as  the  light,  he  still  stood  under  the 
shadow  of  blame  and  impendin'  want,  stood  in  the 
blackest  shadow  that  can  cover  generous,  faithful 
hearts,  the  heart-sickenin'  shadow  of  ingratitude ; 
when  the  people  he  had  saved  from  ruin  hesitated, 
and  refused  to  give  him  in  the  time  of  his  need  the 
paltry  pension,  the  few  dollars  out  of  the  millions  he 
had  saved  for  them,  preferring  to  allow  him,  the 
greatest  hero  of  the  world,  the  man  who  had  repre 
sented  them  before  the  nations,  to  sell  the  badges  and 
swords  he  had  worn  in  fightin'  their  battles,  for  bread 
for  himself  and  wife. 

But  he  wuz  on  duty  all  through  this  night. 
Patient,  uncomplainin'.  And  not  one  of  these  war 
riors  fightin'  their  bloodless  battle  of  words  aginst 
him,  would  dare  to  say  that  he  would  not  have  been 
ready  at  any  minute,  to  give  his  life  agin  for  these 
very  men,  had  danger  come  to  the  country  and  they 
had  needed  him. 

And  when  hastened  on  by  the  shock,  and  the  sus 
pense,  death  seemed  to  be  near  him,  so  near  that  it 
seemed  as  if  the  burden  must  needs  be  light — the 
tardy  justice  that  came  to  him  must  have  seemed  like 


274  AN  ADMIRING  NATION. 

an  insult,  but  if  he  thought  so  he  never  said  it ;  no, 
brave  and  patient,  he  wuz  on  duty. 

And  all  through  the  long,  long  time  that  he  looked 
through  the  shadows  for  a  more  sure  foe  than  had 
ever  lain  in  Southern  ambush  for  him,  he  wuz  on  duty. 
Not  an  impatient  word,  not  an  anxious  word.  Of  all 
the  feerin',  doubtin',  hopin',  achin'  hearts  about  him, 
he  only  wuz  calm. 

For,  not  only  his  own  dear  ones,  but  the  hull  coun 
try,  friends  and  foes  alike,  as  if  learnin'  through  fear 
of  his  loss  how  grand  a  hero  he  wuz,  and  how  greatly 
and  entirely  he  wuz  beloved  by  them  all, — they  sent 
up  to  Heaven  such  a  great  cloud  of  prayers  for  his 
safety  as  never  rose  for  any  man.  But  he  only  wuz 
calm,  while  the  hull  world  wuz  excited  in  his  behalf. 

For  the  sight  of  his  patient  work,  the  sight  of  him 
who  stopped  dyin'  (as  it  were)  to  earn  by  his  own 
brave  honest  hand  the  future  comfort  of  his  family, 
amazed,  and  wonderin'  at  this  spectacle,  one  of  the 
greatest  it  seems  to  me  that  ever  wuz  seen  on  earth, 
the  hull  nation  turned  to  him  in  such  a  full  hearted 
love,  and  admiration,  and  worship,  that  they  forgot 
in  their  quicker  adorin'  heart-throbs,  the  slower 
meaner  throbs  they  had  gin  him,  this  same  brave 
Hero,  jest  as  brave  and  true-hearted  in  the  past  as  he 
wuz  on  his  grand  death-bed. 

They  forgot  everything  that  had  gone  by  in  their 
worship,  and  I  don't  know  but  I  ort  to.  Mebby  I 
Had.  I  shouldn't  wonder  a  mite  if  I  had.  But  all 


THE    WATCH  RELIEVED.  275 

the  while,  all  through  the  agony  and  the  labor,  and 
when  too  wearied  he  lay  down  the  pen, — he  wuz  on 
duty. 

Waitin'  patiently,  fearlessly,  till  he  should  see  in 
the  first  glow  of  the  sunrise  the  form  of  the  angel 
comin'  to  relieve  his  watch,  the  tall,  fair  angel  of  Rest, 
that  the  Great  Commander  sent  down  in  the  mornin' 
watches  to  relieve  his  weary  soldier, — that  divinest 
angel  that  ever  comes  to  the  abode  of  men,  though 
her  beauty  shines  forever  through  tears,  led  by  her 
hand,  he  has  left  life's  battle-field  forever ;  and  what 
is  left  to  this  nation  but  memory,  love,  and  mebby 
remorse. 

But  little  matters  it  to  him,  the  Nation's  love  cr 
the  Nation's  blame,  restin'  there  by  the  calm  waters 
he  loved.  The  tides  come  in,  and  the  tides  go  out ; 
jest  as  they  did  in  his  life ;  the  fickle  tide  of  public 
favor  that  swept  by  him,  movin'  him  not  on  his  heav 
enly  mission  of  duty  and  patriotism. 

The  tides  go  out,  and  the  tides  come  in  ;  the  wind 
wails  and  the  wind  sings  its  sweet  summer  songs  ;  b;it 
he  does  not  mind  the  melody  or  the  clamor.  He  is 
nesting.  Sleep  on,  Hero  beloved,  while  the  world 
wakes  to  praise  thee. 

Wall,  we  sot  sail  from  Mount  McGregor  about 
half-past  four  P.  M.,  afternoon.  And  we  wound  round 
and  round  the  mountain  side  jest  as  he  did,  only  goin* 
down  into  the  valley  instid  of  upwards.  But  the 
trees  that  clothed  the  bare  back  of  the  mountain 


276  DAISY  STATION. 

looked  green  and  shinin'  in  the  late  afternoon  sun« 
light,  and  the  fields  spread  out  in  the  valley  looked 
green  and  peaceful  under  the  cool  shadows  of  ap- 
proachin'  sunset. 

And  right  in  the  midst  of  one  of  these  fields,  all 
full  of  white  daisies,  the  cars  stopped  and  the  con 
ductor  sung  out :  "  Five  minutes'  stop  at  Daisy  sta 
tion.  Five  minutes  to  get  out  and  pick  daisies." 

And  sez  Josiah  to  me  in  gruff  axents,  when  I  asked 
him  if  he  wuz  goin'  to  get  out  and  pick  some.  Sez 
he,  "  Samantha,  no  man  can  go  ahead  of  me  in  hatin* 
the  dumb  weeds,  and  doin'  his  best  towards  uprootin' 
'em  in  my  own  land  ;  and  I  deeply  sympathize  with 
any  man  who  is  over  run  by  'em.  But  why  am  I 
beholdin'  to  the  man  that  owns  this  lot?  Why 
should  I  and  all  the  rest  of  this  carload  of  folks,  all 
dressed  up  in  our  best  too,  lay  hold  and  weed  out 
these  infernal  nuisances  for  nothin'  ?  " 

Yes,  he  said  these  fearfully  profane  words  to  me 
and  I  herd  him  in  silence,  for  I  did  not  want  to  make 
a  seen  in  public.  Sez  I,  "  Josiah,  they  are  pickin' 
'em  because  they  love  'em." 

"  Love  'em  ! "  Oh,  the  fearful,  scornful  unbelievin' 
look  that  came  over  my  pardner's  face,  as  I  said  these 
peaceful  words  to  him.  And  he  added  a  expletive 
which  I  am  fur  from  bein'  urged  to  ever  repeat.  It 
wuz  sinful. 

"  Love  'em ! "  Agin  he  sez.  And  agin  follerd  a 
expletive  that  wuz  still  more  forcible,  and  still  more 


PICKING  DAISIES.  277 

sinful.  And  I  felt  obliged  to  check  him  which  I 
did.  And  after  a  long  parlay,  in  which  I  used  my 
best  endeavors  of  argument  and  reason  to  convince 
him  that  I  wuz  in  the  right  on't,  I  see  he  wuzn't  con 
vinced.  And  then  I  spoke  about  its  bein'  fashionable 
to  get  out  and  pick  'em,  and  he  looked  different  to 
once.  I  could  see  a  change  in  him.  All  my  argu 
ments  of  the  beauty  and  sweetness  of  the  posies  had 
no  effect,  but  when  I  said  fashionable,  he  faltered,  and 
he  sez,  "  Is  it  called  a  genteel  diversion  ?  " 

Andlsez,  "Yes." 

And  finally  he  sez,  "  Wall,  I  s'pose  I  can  go  out 
and  pick  some  for  you.  Dumb  their  dumb  picters." 

Sez  I,  "  Don't  go  in  that  spirit,  Josiah  Allen." 

Wall,  I  shall  go  in  jest  that  spirit,"  he  snapped 
out,  "  if  I  go  at  all."  And  he  went. 

But  oh  !  it  wuz  a  sight  to  set  and  look  on,  and  see 
the  look  onto  his  face,  as  he  picked  the  innocent  blos 
soms.  It  wuz  a  look  of  such  deep  loathing  and 
hatred,  combined  with  a  sort  of  a  genteel,  fashionable 
air. 

Altogether  it  wuz  the  most  curius,  and  strange  look, 
ihat  I  ever  see  outside  of  a  menagery  of  wild  animals. 
And  he  had  that  same  look  onto  his  face  as  he  came 
\n  and  gin  'em  to  me.  He  had  yanked  'em  all  up  by 
vheir  roots  too,  which  made  the  Bokay  look  more 
strange.  But  I  accepted  of  it  in  silence,  for  I  see  by 
his  mean  that  he  wuz  not  in  a  condition  to  brook 
another  word. 


£78  PAINTING  THE  STEEPLE. 

And  I  trembled  when  a  bystander  a  standin'  by 
who  wuz  arrangin'  a  beautiful  bunch  of  'em,  a  hand- 
lin'  'em  as  flowers  ort  to  be  handled,  as  if  they  had  a 
soul,  and  could  feel  a  rough  or  tender  touch, — this 
man  sez  to  Josiah,  "  I  see  that  you  too  love  this  beau 
tiful  blossom." 

I  wuz  glad  the  man's  eyes  wuz  riveted  onto  his 
Bokay,  for  the  ferocity  of  Josiah  Allen's  look  wuz 
sunthin'  fearful.  He  looked  as  if  he  could  tear  him 
lim'  from  lim'. 

And  I  hastily  drawed  Josiah  to  a  seat  at  the  other 
end  of  the  car,  and  voyalently,  but  firmly,  I  drawed 
his  attention  off  onto  Religion. 

I  sez,  "  Josiah,  do  you  believe  we  had  better  paint 
the  steeple  of  the  meeting-house,  white  or  dark  col- 
ered?" 

This  wuz  a  subject  that  had  rent  JonesviDe  to  its 
very  twain.  And  Josiah  had  been  fearfully  exer 
cised  on  it.  And  this  plan  of  mine  succeeded.  He 
got  eloquent  on  it,  and  I  kinder  held  off,  and  talked 
offish,  and  let  him  convince  me. 

I  did  it  from  principle. 


ADVENTURES  AT  VARIOUS  SPRINGS. 

A  FEW  days  after  this,  Josiah  Allen  came  in,  and 
sez  he,  "  The  Everlastin'  spring  is  the  one  for  me, 
Samantha  !  I  believe  it  will  keep  me  alive  for  hun 
dreds  and  hundreds  of  years." 

Sez  I,  "  I  don't  believe  that,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  Wall,  it  is  so,  whether  you  believe  it  or  not. 
Why,  I  see  a  feller  just  now  who  sez  he  don't  believe 
anybody  would  ever  die  at  all,  if  they  kep'  themselves 
kind  a  wet  through  all  the  time  with  this  water." 

Sez  I,  "Josiah  Allen,  you  are  not  talkin'  Bible. 
The  Bible  sez,  l  all  flesh  is  as  grass.'  " 

"  Wall,  that  is  what  he  meant ;  if  the  grass  wuz 
watered  with  that  water  all  the  time,  it  would  never 
wilt." 

"  Oh,  shaw ! "  sez  I.  (I  seldom  say  shaw,  but  this 
seemed  to  me  a  time  for  shawin'.) 

But  Josiah  kep'  on,  for  he  wuz  fearfully  excited. 
Sez  he,  "Why,  the  feller  said,  there  wuz  a  old  man 
who  lived  right  by  the  side  of  this  spring,  and  felt 
the  effects  of  it  inside  and  out  all  the  time,  it  wuz  so 
healthy  there.  Why  the  old  man  kep'  on  a  living 

279 


280  THE  DEAD  ALIVE. 

and  a  livin'  till  he  got  to  be  a  hundred.  And  ha 
wuz  kinder  lazy  naturally  and  he  got  tired  of  livin'. 
He  said  he  wuz  tired  of  gettin'  up  mornin's  and 
dressin'  of  him,  tired  of  pullin'  on  his  boots  and 
drawin'  on  his  trowsers,  and  he  told  his  grandson 
Sam  to  take  him  up  to  Troy  and  let  him  die. 

"Wall,  Sam  took  him  up  to  Troy,  and  he  died 
right  away,  almost.  And  Sam  bein'  a  good-hearted 
chap,  thought  it  would  please  the  old  man  to  be 
buried  down  by  the  spring,  that  healthy  spot.  So  he 
took  him  back  there  in  a  wagon  he  borrowed.  And 
when  he  got  clost  to  the  spring,  Sam  heard  a  sithe, 
and  he  looked  back,  and  there  the  old  gentleman  wuz 
a  settin'  up  a  leanin'  his  head  on  his  elbo  and  he  sez, 
in  a  sort  of  a  sad  way,  not  mad,  but  melancholly, 
1  You  hadn't  ort  to  don  it,  Sam.  You  hadn't  ort  to. 
I'm  in  now  for  another  hundred  years.'  " 

I  told  Josiah  I  didn't  believe  that,  Sez  I,  "I 
believe  the  waters  are  good,  very  good,  and  the  air  is 
healthy  here  in  the  extreme,  but  I  don't  believe  that." 

But  he  said  it  wuz  a  fact,  and  the  feller  said  he 
could  prove  it.  "  Why,"  Josiah  sez,  "  with  the  min 
erals  there  is  in  that  spring,  if  you  only  take  enough 
of  it,  I  don't  see  how  anybody  can  die."  And  sez 
Josiah,  "  I  am  a  goin'  to  jest  live  on  that  water  while 
I  am  here." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  you  must  do  as  you  are  a  mind 
to,  with  fear  and  tremblin'." 

I  thought  mebby  quotin'  Scripture  to  him  would 


GUZZLING    THE    MATER.  281 

kinder  quell  him  down,  for  he  wuz  fearfully  agitated 
and  wrought  up  about  the  Everlastin'  spring.  And 
he  begun  at  once  to  calculate  on  it,  on  how  much  he 
could  drink  of  it,  if  he  begun  early  in  the  mornin' 
and  drinked  late  at  night. 

But  I  kep'  on  megum.  .  I  drinked  the  waters  that 
seemed  to  help  me  and  made  me  feel  better,  but  wuz 
megum  in  it,  and  didn't  get  over  excited  about  any  on 
'em.  But  oh !  oh  !  the  quantities  of  that  water  that 
Josiah  Allen  took  !  Why,  it  seemed  as  if  he  would 
make  a  perfect  shipwreck  of  his  own  body,  and  wash 
himself  away,  till  one  day  he  came  in  fearful  excited 
agin,  and  sez  he,  in  agitated  axents,  "  I  made  a  mis 
take,  Samantha.  The  Immortal  spring  is  the  one  for 
me." 

"Why? "sez  I. 

"Oh,  I  have  jest  seen  a  feller  that  has  been  a 
tellin'  me  about  it." 

"  What  did  he  say  ?"  sez  I,  in  calm  axents. 

"  Wall,  I'll  tell  you.  It  has  acted  on  my  feelin'a 
dretful."  Says  he,  "  I  have  shed  some  tears."  (I  see 
Josiah  Allen  had  been  a  cryin'  when  he  came  in.) 

And  I  sez  agin,  "  What  is  it  ?  " 

"  Wall,"  he  said,  "  this  man  had  a  dretful  sick  wife. 
And  he  wuz  a  carryin'  her  to  the  Immortal  spring 
jest  as  fast  as  he  could,  for  he  felt  it  would  save  her, 
if  he  could  get  her  to  it.  But  she  died  a  mile  and  a 
half  from  the  spring.  It  wuz  night,  for  he  had 
traveled  night  and  day  to  get  her  there,  and  the 


CRYING  IN  THE    WRONG  PLACE.  28$ 

tarvens  wuz  all  shut  up,  and  he  laid  her  on  the 
spring-house  floor,  and  laid  down  himself  on  one 
of  the  benches.  He  took  a  drink  himself,  the  last 
thing  before  he  laid  down,  for  he  felt  that  he  must 
iiave  sunthin'  to  sustain  him  in  his  affliction. 

"  Wall,  in  the  night  he  heard  a  splashin',  and  he 
rousted  up,  and  he  see  that  he  had  left  the  water 
kinder  careless  the  night  before,  and  it  had  broke 
loose  and  covered  the  floor  and  riz  up  round  the  body, 
and  there  she  wuz,  all  bright  and  hearty,  a  splashin* 
and  a  swimmin'  round  in  the  water."  He  said  the 
man  cried  like  a  child  when  he  told  him  of  it. 

And  sez  Josiah,  "It  wuz  dretful  affectin'.  It 
brought  tears  from  me,  to  hear  on't.  I  thought  what 
if  I  had  been  you,  Samautha  ! " 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  I  don't  see  no  occasion  for  tears, 
unless  you  would  have  been  sorry  to  had  me  brung 
to." 

"  Oh  ! "  sez  Josiah,  "  I  didn't  think  !  I  guess  I 
uave  cried  in  the  wrong  place." 

Sez  I  coldly,  "  1  should  think  as  much." 

And  Josiah  put  on  his  hat  and  hurried  out.  He 
meant  well.  But  it  is  quite  a  nack  for  pardners  to 
know  jest  when  to  cry,  and  when  to  laff. 

Wall,  he  follered  up  that  spring,  and  drinked  more, 
fur  more  than  wuz  good  for  him  of  that  water.  And 
then  anon,  he  would  hear  of  another  one,  and  some 
dretful  big  story  about  it,  and  he  would  foller  that 
up,  and  so  it  went  on,  he  a  folleriu'  on,  and  I  a  bein* 


HOJRROJRt 

raegum,  and  drinkin'  stiddy,  but  moderate.  And  as 
it  might  be  expected,  I  gained  in  health  every  day, 
and  every  hour.  For  the  waters  is  good,  there  haint 
no  doubt  of  it. 

But  Josiah  takin'  'em  as  he  did,  bobbin'  round  from 
one  to  the  other,  drinkin'  'em  at  all  hours  of  day  and 
night,  and  floodin'  himself  out  with  'em,  every  one  or 
'em — why,  he  lost  strength  and  health  every  day,  till 
I  felt  truly,  that  if  it  went  on  much  longer,  I  should 
go  home  in  weeds.  Not  mullein,  or  burdock,  or  any 
thing  of  that  sort,  but  crape. 

But  at  last  a  event  occurred  that  sort  a  sot  him  to 
thinkin'  and  quelled  him  down  some.  One  day  we 
sot  out  for  a  walk,  Josiah  and  Ardelia  Tutt  and  me. 
And  in  spite  of  all  my  protestations,  my  pardner  had 
drinked  1 1  glasses  full  of  the  spring  he  wuz  a  follerin' 
then.  And  he  looked  white  round  the  lips  as  any 
thing.  And  Ardelia  and  I  wuz  a  sittin'  in  a  good 
shady  place,  and  Josiah  a  little  distance  off,  when  r 
man  ackosted  him,  a  man  with  black  eyes  and  blaclf 
whiskers,  and  sez,  "  You  look  pale,  Sir.  What  water 
are  you  a  drinkin'  ?  " 

And  Josiah  told  him  that  at  that  time  lie  wuz  a 
drinkin'  the  water  from  the  Immortal  spring. 

"  Drinkin'  that  water  ?  "  sez  the  man,  startin'  back 
horrefied. 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  turnin'  paler  than  ever,  for  the 
man's  looks  wuz  skairful  in  the  extreme. 

"  Oh !  oh ! "  groaned  the  man.     "  And  you  are  a 


286  DEADLY  POISON. 

married  man  ?  "  he  groaned  out  mournfully,  a  lookin* 
pitifully  at  him.  "  With  a  family  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah,  faintly. 

"  Oh  dear,"  sez  the  man,  "  must  it  be  so,  to  die,  so 
—so  lamented  ?  " 

"  To  die  ! "  sez  Josiah,  turnin'  white  jest  round  the 
lip. 

"  Yes,  to  die !  Did  you  not  say  you  had  been  a 
drinkin'  the  water  from  the  Immortal  spring  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  sez  Josiah. 

"  Wall,  it  is  a  certain,  a  deadly  poison." 

"  Haint  there  no  help  for  me  ?  "  sez  Josiah. 

"  Yes,"  sez  the  man,  "  You  must  drink  from  the 
Live-forever  spring,  at  the  other  end  of  the  village. 
That  water  has  the  happy  effect  of  neutralizin'  the 
poisons  of  the  Immortal  spring.  If  anything  can 
save  you  that  can.  Why,"  sez  he,  "folks  that  have 
been  entirely  broke  down,  and  made  helpless  and 
hopeless  invalids,  them  that  have  been  brung  down 
on  their  death-beds  by  the  use  of  that  vile  Immortal 
water,  have  been  cured  by  a  few  glasses  of  the  pure 
healin'  waters  of  the  Live-forever  spring.  I'd  advise 
you  for  your  own  sake,  and  the  sake  of  your  family, 
who  would  mourn  your  ontimely  decese,  to  drink  from 
that  spring  at  once." 

"  But,"  sez  Josiah,  with  a  agonized  and  hopeless 
fook,  "  I  can't  drink  no  more  now." 

"Why?"  sez  the  man. 

w  Because  I  don't  hold  any  more.     I  don't  hold 


WONDERFUL    WATERS.  287 

but  two  quarts,  and  I  have  drinked  11  tumblers  full 
now." 

"  Eleven  glasses  of  that  poison  ?  "  sez  the  loan. 

"  Wall,  if  it  is  too  late  I  am  not  to  blame.  Pve 
warned  you.  Farewell,"  sez  he,  a  graspin'  holt  of 
Josiah's  hand.  "  Farewell,  forever.  But  if  you  cfa 
live,"  sez  he,  "  if  by  a  miricle  you  are  saved,  remem 
ber  the  Live-forever  spring.  If  there  is  any  help  for 
you  it  is  in  them  waters." 

And  he  dashed  away,  for  another  stranger  wuz  ap 
proach  in'  the  seen. 

I,  myself,  didn't  have  no  idee  that  Josiah  wuz  a 
goin'  to  die.  But  Ardelia  whispered  to  me,  she  must 
go  back  to  the  hotel,  so  she  went.  I  see  she  looked 
kinder  strange,  and  I  didn't  object  to  it.  And  when 
we  got  back  she  handed  me  some  verses  entitled  : 

"  Stanzas  on  the  death  of  Joeiah  Allen." 

She  handed  'em  to  me,  and  hastened  away,  quick. 
But  Josiah  Allen  didn't  die.  And  this  incident  made 
him  more  megum.  More  as  I  wanted  him  to  be. 
Why,  you  have  to  be  megum  in  everything,  no  matter 
how  good  it  is.  Milk  porridge,  or  the  Bible,  or  any 
thing.  You  can  kill  yourself  on  milk  porridge  if  you 
drink  enough.  And  you  can  set  down  and  read  the 
Bible,  till  you  *yrow  to  your  chair,  and  lose  your  eye 
sight. 

Now  these  waters  are  dretful  good,  but  you  have 
got  to  use  some  megumness  with  'em,  it  stands  to 
reason  you  have.  Taint  megum  to  drink  from  10  to 


USING    THE    WATERS.  289 

12  glasses  at  a  time,  and  mix  your  drinks  goin'  rouncf 
from  spring  to  spring  like  a  luny.  No ;  get  a  good 
doctor  to  tell  you  what  minerals  you  seem  to  stand  in 
need  on  the  most,  and  then  try  to  get  'em  with  fear 
and  tremblin'.  You'll  get  help  I  haint  a  doubt  on't. 
For  they  are  dretful  good  for  varius  things  that  afflict 
the  human  body.  Dretful  I 


XVI. 

AT  A  LAWN  PARTY. 

WALL,  the  very  next  mornin'  Miss  Flamm  sent 
word  for  Josiah  and  me  to  come  that  night  to  a  lawn 
party.  And  I  sez  at  once,  "  I  must  go  and  get  some 
lawn." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  What  will  you  do  with  it? " 

And  I  sez,  "  Oh,  I  s'pose  I  shall  wrap  it  round  me, 
I'll  do  what  the  rest  do." 

And  sez  Josiah,  "  Hadn't  I  ort  to  have  some  too  ? 
If  it  is  a  lawn  party  and  everybody  else  has  it,  I  shall 
feel  like  a  fool  without  any  lawn." 

And  I  looked  at  him  in  deep  thought,  and  through 
him  into  the  causes  and  consequences  of  things,  and 
sez  I,  "  I  s'pose  you  do  ort  to  have  a  lawn  necktie,  or 
handkerchief,  or  sunthin'." 

Sez  he,  "  How  would  a  vest  look  made  out  of  it,  a 
kinder  sprigged  one,  light  gay  colors  on  a  yaller 
ground-work  ?  " 

But  I  sez  at  once,  "  You  never  will  go  out  with 
me,  Josiah,  with  a  lawn  vest  on."  And  I  settled  it 
right  there  on  the  spot. 

Then  he  proposed  to  have  some  wrapped  round  his 
290 


A   MOURNFUL   MUSICIAN.  291 

tai,  oort  a  festooned.  But  I  stood  like  marble  aginst 
that  idee.  But  I  knew  I  had  got  to  have  some  lawn, 
and  pretty  soon  we  sallied  out  together  and  wended 
our  way  down  to  where  I  should  be  likely  to  find  a 
lawn  store. 

And  who  should  we  meet  a  comin'  out  of  a  store 
but  Ardelia.  Her  3d  cousin  had  sent  her  over  to  get 
a  ingregient  for  cookin'.  Good,  willin'  little  creeter! 
She  walked  along  with  us  for  a  spell.  And  while  she 
wuz  a  walkiu'  along  with  us,  we  come  onto  a  sight 
that  always  looked  pitiful  to  me,  the  old  female  that 
wuz  always  a'  sittin  there  a  singin'  and  playin'  on  a 
accordeun.  And  it  seemed  to  me  that  she  looked 
piti fuller  and  homblier  than  ever,  as  she  sot  there 
amongst  the  dense  crowd  that  mornin'  a  singin'  and 
a  playin'.  Her  tone  wuz  thin,  thin  as  gauze,  hombly 
gause  too.  But  I  wondered  to  myself  how  she  wuz 
a  feelin'  inside  of  her  own  mind,  and  what  voices  she 
heard  a  speakin'  to  her  own  soul,  through  them  hom 
bly  strains.  And,  entirely  unbeknown  to  myself,  I 
fell  into  a  short  revery  (short  but  deep)  right  there  in 
the  street,  as  I  looked  down  on  her,  a  settin'  there  so 
old,  and  patient  and  helpless,  amongst  the  gay  movin* 
throng. 

And  I  wondered  what  did  she  see,  a  settin'  there 
with  her  blind  eyes,  what  did  she  hear  through  them 
hombly  tones  that  she  wuz  a  singin'  day  after  day  to 
a  crowd  that  wuz  indifferent  to  her,  or  despised  her? 
Did  she  hear  the  song  of  the  mornin',  the  spring  time 


292  WHAT  MAY   YET  CO  MR. 

of  life  ?  Did  the  song  of  a  lark  come  back  to  her,  a 
lark  flyin'  up  through  the  sweet  mornin'  sky  over  the 
doorway  of  a  home,  a  lark  watched  by  young  eyes, 
two  pairs  of  'em,  that  made  the  seem'  a  blessedness  ? 
Did  a  baby's  first  sweet  blunders  of  speech,  and  happy 
laughter  come  back  to  her,  as  she  sot  there  a  drawin' 
out  with  her  wrinkled  hands  them  miserable  sounds 
from  the  groanin'  instrument  ?  Did  home,  love,  hap 
piness  sound  out  to  her,  out  of  them  hombly  strains  ? 
I'd  have  gin  a  cent  to  know. 

And  I'd  have  gin  a  cent  quick  to  know  if  the  tread 
. — tread — tread  of  the  crowd  goin'  past  her  day  after 
day,  hour  after  hour,  seems  to  her  like  the  trample  of 
Time  a  marchin'  on.  Did  she  hear  in  'em  the  foot 
steps  of  child,  or  lover,  or  friend,  a  steppin'  away  from 
her,  and  youth  and  happiness,  and  hope,  a  stiddy  goin' 
away  from  her? 

Did  she  ever  listen  through  the  constant  sound  of 
them  steps,  listen  to  hear  the  tread  of  them  feet  that 
she  must  know  wuz  a  comin'  nigh  to  her — the  icy 
feet  that  will  approach  us,  if  their  way  leads  over 
rocks  or  roses  ? 

Did  she  hate  to  hear  them  steps  a  comin'  nearer  to 
her,  or  did  she  strain  her  ears  to  hear  'em,  to  welcome 
7em  ?  I  thought  like  as  not  she  did.  For  thinkses 
I  to  myself,  and  couldn't  help  it,  if  she  is  a  Christian 
she  must  be  glad  to  change  that  old  accordeun  for  a 
harp  of  any  size  or  shape.  For  mournfuller  and 
more  melancholy  sounds  than  her  voice  and  that  in- 


MISREADING  SIGNS.  293 

strument  made  I  never  hearn,  nor  ever  expect  to  hear, 
and  thin. 

Poor,  old,  hombly  critter,  I  gin  her  c^uite  a  lot  of 
change  one  day,  and  she  braced  up  and  sung  and 
drawed  out  faster  than  ever,  and  thinner.  Though 
I'd  have  gladly  hearn  her  stop. 

When  I  come  up  out  of  my  revery,  I  see  Ardelia 
lookin'  at  her  stiddy  and  kind  a  sot.  And  I  mis 
trusted  trouble  wuz  ahead  on  me,  and  I  hurried  Josiah 
down  the  street.  Ardelia  a  sayin'  she  had  got  to  turn 
the  corner,  to  go  to  another  place  for  her  3d  cousin. 

Jest  as  we  wuz  a  crossin'  a  street  my  companion 
drawed  my  attention  to  a  sign  that  wuz  jest  overhead, 
and  sez  he,  "  That  means  me,  I'm  spoke  of  right  out, 
and  hung  up  overhead." 

And  sez  I,  "  What  do  you  mean  ?  " 

Sez  he,  "Kead  it—'  The  First  Man-I-Cure  Of  The 
Day.'  That's  me,  Samantha ;  I  haint  a  doubt  of  it. 
And  I  s'pose  I  ort  to  go  in  and  be  cured.  I  s'pose 
probably  it  will  be  expected  of  me,  that  I  should  go 
in,  and  let  him  look  at  my  corns." 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen,  I've  heerd  you  talk  time  and 
agin  aginst  big  feelin'  folks,  and  here  you  be  a  talkin' 
it  right  to  yourself,  and  callin'  yourself  the  first  man 
of  the  day." 

"Wall,"  sez  he  firmly,  "I  believe  it,  and  I  be 
lieve  you  do,  and  you'd  own  up  to  it,  if  you  wuzn't 
so  aggravatin'." 

"Wall,  sez  I  mildly,  "I  do  think  you  are  the 


294  SETTLING  JO  SI  AH. 

first  in  some  things,  though  what  them  things  are,  I 
would  be  fur  from  wautin'  to  tell  you.  But/"'  I  con 
tinued  on,  "  I  don't  see  you  should  think  that  means 
you.  Saratoga  is  full  of  men,  and  most  probable 
every  man  of  'em  thinks  it  means  him." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  I  don't  think  it  means  me,  I  know 
it.  And  I  s'pose,"  he  continued  dreamily,  "  they'd 
cure  me,  and  not  charge  a  cent." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  "wait  till  another  time,  Josiah 
Allen."  And  jest  at  this  minute,  right  down  under 
our  feet,  we  see  the  word  "Pray,"  in  big  letters 
scraped  right  out  in  stun.  And  Josiah  sez,  "  I  won 
der  if  the  dumb  fools  think  anybody  is  goin  to  kneel 
down  right  here  in  the  street,  and  be  run  over.  Why 
a  man  would  be  knocked  over  a  dozen  times,  before 
he  got  through  one  prayer,  Now  I  lay  me  down  to 
sleep,  or  anything." 

"Wall,"  sez  I,  mildly,  "I  don't  think  that  would 
be  a  very  suitable  prayer  under  the  circumstances.  It 
haint  expected  that  you'd  lay  down  here  for  a  nap — 
howsumever,"  sez  I  reesunably — "their  puttin'  the 
word  there  shows  what  good  streaks  the  folks  here 
have,  and  I  don't  want  you  to  make  light  on't,  and  if 
you  don't  want  to  act  like  a  perfect  backslider  you'll 
ceese  usin'  s»".h  profane  language  on  sech  a  solemn 
eubject." 

Wall,  we  went  into  a  good  lookin'  store  and  I  wuz 
jest  a  lookin'  at  some  lawn  and  a  wonderin'  how  many 


296  A    GARDEN  PARTY. 

yards  I  should  want,  when  who  should  come  in  bul 
Miss  Flamm  to  get  a  rooch  for  her  neck. 

And  she  told  me  that  I  didn't  need  any  lawn,  and 
that  it  wuz  a  Garden  party,  and  folks  dressed  in  any 
thing  they  wuz  a  mind  to,  though  sez  she,  "  A  good 
many  go  in  full  dress." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I  calmly,  "  I  have  got  one."  And 
she  told  me  to  come  in  good  season. 

That  afternoon,  Josiah  a  bein'  out  for  a  walk,  I  took 
out  of  my  trunk  a  dress  that  Alminy  Hagidon  had 
made  for  me  out  of  a  very  full  pattern  I  had  got  of  a 
peddler,  and  wanted  it  all  put  in,  so's  it  would  fade 
all  alike,  for  I  mistrusted  it  wouldn't  wash.  It  wuz 
gethered-in  full  round  the  waist,  and  the  sleeves  wuz 
set  in  full,  and  the  waist  wuz  kinder  full  before,  and 
it  had  a  deep  high  ruffle  gathered-in  full  round  the 
neck.  It  wuz  a  very  full  dress,  though  I  haint  proud, 
and  never  wuz  called  so.  Yet  anybody  duz  take  a 
modest  pleasure  in  bein'  equal  to  any  occasion  and 
comin'  up  nobly  to  a  emergency.  And  I  own  that  I 
did  say  to  myself,  as  I  pulled  out  the  gethers  in  front, 
"  Wall,  there  may  be  full  dresses  there  to-night,  but 
there  will  be  none  fuller  than  mine." 

And  I  wuz  glad  that  Alminy  had  made  it  jest  as 
she  had.  She  had  made  it  a  little  fuller  than  even  I 
had  laid  out  to  have  it,  for  she  mistrusted  it  would 
shrink  in  washin'.  It  WHZ  a  very  full  dress.  It  wuz 
eambrick,  dark  chocolate,  with  a  set  flower  of  a  kind 


JUST  THE    THING.  297 

of  a  cinnamon  brown  and  yellow,  it  wuz  bran  new 
and  looked  well. 

Wall,  I  had  got  it  on,  and  wuz  contemplatin*  its 
fullness  with  complacency  and  a  hand-glass,  a  seem' 
how  nobly  it  stood  out  behind,  and  how  full  it  wuz, 
when  Josiah  Allen  came  in.  I  had  talked  it  over 
with  him,  before  he  went  out — and  he  wuz  as  tickled 
as  I  wuz,  and  tickleder,  to  think  I  had  got  jest  the 
right  dress  for  the  occasion.  But  he  sez  to  me  tht 
first  thing. — "  You  are  all  wrong,  Samantha,  full  dress 
means  low  neck  and  short  sleeves." 

Sez  I,  "I  know  better!" 

Sez  he,  "  It  duz." 

Sez  I,  "  Somebody  has  been  a  foolin'  you,  Josiah 
Allen !  There  ain't  no  sense  in  it.  Do  you  s'pose 
folks  would  call  a  dress  full,  when  there  wuzn't  more'n 
half  a  waist  and  sleeves  to  it.  I'd  try  to  use  a  little 
judgment,  Josiah  Allen  ! " 

But  he  contended  that  he  wuz  in  the  right  on't. 
And  he  took  up  his  best  vest  that  lay  on  the  bed,  and 
sot  down,  and  took  out  his  jack  knife  and  went  a  rip- 
pin'  open  one  of  the  shoulders,  and  sez  I,  "  What  are 
you  doin',  Josiah  Allen  ?  " 

"  Why,  you  can  do  as  you  are  a  mind  to,  Samantha 
Allen,"  sez  he.  "  But  I  shall  go  fashionable,  I  shall 
go  in  full  dress." 

Sez  I,  "  Josiah  Allen  !  do  you  look  me  in  the  face 
and  say  you  are  a  goin'  in  a  low  neck  vest,  and 
everything,  to  that  party  to-night  ?  " 


298  BOUND    TO   BE  FASHIONABL^ 

"  Yes,  mom,  I  be.  I  am  bound  to  be  fashionable/* 
And  he  went  to  rollin'  up  his  shirt  sleeves  and  turnin' 
in  the  neck  of  his  shirt,  in  a  manner  that  wuz  per 
fectly  immodest. 

I  turned  my  head  away  instinctively,  for  I  felt  that 
my  cheek  wuz  a  gettin'  as  red  as  blood,  partly  through 
delicacy  and  partly  through  righteous  anger.  Sez  I, 
"  Josiah  Allen,  be  you  a  calculatin'  to  go  there  right 
out  in  public  before  men  and  wimmen,  ashowin'  your 
bare  bosom  to  a  crowd?  "Where  is  your  modesty, 
Josiah  Allen  ?  Where  is  your  decency  ?  " 

Sez  he  firmly,  "  I  keep  'em  where  all  the  rest  do, 
who  go  in  full  dress." 

I  sot  right  down  in  a  chair  and  sez  I,  "Wall  there 
is  one  thing  certain  ;  if  you  go  in  that  condition,  you 
will  go  alone.  Why,"  sez  I,  "  to  home,  if  Tirzah  Ann, 
your  own  daughter,  had  ketched  you  in  that  perdick- 
erment,  a  rubbin'  on  linement  or  anything,  you  would 
have  jumped  and  covered  yourself  up,  quicker*  n  a 
flash,  and  like  ways  me,  before  Thomas  Jefferson. 
And  now  you  lay  out  to  go  in  that  way  before  young 
girls,  and  old  ones,  and  men  and  wimmen,  and  want 
me  to  foller  on  after  your  example.  What  in  the 
world  are  you  a  thinkin'  on,  Josiah  Allen  ?  " 

"Why  I'm  a  thinkin,  on  full  dress,"  sez  he  in  a 
pert  tone,  a  kinder  turnin'  himself  before  the  glass, 
where  he  could  get  a  good  view  of  his  bones.  His 
thin  neck  wuzu't  much  more  than  bones,  anyway,  and 
so  I  told  him.  And  I  asked  him  if  he  could  see  any 


GROANS  AND  SIGHS.  299 

beauty  in  it,  and  sez  I,  "  Who  wants  to  look  at  our  old 
bare  necks,  Josiah  Allen  ?  And  if  there  wuzn't  any 
other  powerful  reeson  of  modesty  and  decency  in  it, 
you'd  ketch  your  death  cold,  Josiah  Allen,  and  be  laid 
up  with  the  newmoan.  You  know  you  would,"  sez 
I,  "  you  are  actin'  like  a  luny,  Josiah  Allen." 

"  It  is  you  that  are  actin'  like  a  luny,"  sez  he  bit 
terly.  "  I  never  propose  anything  of  a  high  fashion 
able  kind  but  what  you  want  to  break  it  up.  Why, 
dumb  it  all,  you  know  as  well  as  I  do,  that  men  haint 
called  as  modest  as  wimmen  anyway.  And  if  they  have 
the  name,  why  shouldn't  they  have  the  game  ?  Why 
shouldn't  they  go  round  half  dressed  as  well  as  wim 
men  do  ?  And  they  are  as  strong  agin  ;  if  there  is  any 
danger  to  health  in  it  they  are  better  able  to  stand  it. 
But,"  sez  he,  in  the  same  bitter  axents,  "  you  always 
try  to  break  up  all  my  efforts  at  high  life  and  fash 
ion.  I  presume  you  won't  waltz  to-night,  nor  want 
me  to." 

I  groaned  several  times  in  spite  of  myself,  and 
fcithed,  "  Waltz  ! "  sez  I  in  awful  axents.  "A  class- 
leader  !  ar'1  ft  grandfather !  and  talkin'  about  waltz- 
in'!" 

Sez  Josiah,  "  Men  older  than  me  waltz,  and  foller 
it  up.  Put  their  arms  right  round  the  prettiest  girls 
in  the  room,  hug  'em,  and  swing  'em  right  round  " — 
sez  he  kinder  spoony  like. 

I  said  nothin'  at  them  fearful  words,  only  my  groans 
and  sithes  became  deeper  and  more  voyalent. 


300  HE  SURRENDERS. 

in  a  minute  I  see  through  the  fingers  with  which 
I  had  nearly  covered  my  face,  that  he  wuz  a  pullin' 
down  his  shirt  sleeves  and  a  puttin'  his  jack  knife  in 
his  pocket. 

That  man  loves  me.  And  love  sways  him  round 
often  times  when  reesun  and  sound  argument  are 
powerless.  Now,  the  sound  reesun  of  the  case  didn't 
move  him,  such  as  the  indelicacy  of  makin'  a  exhibi 
tion  of  one's  self  in  a  way  that  would,  if  displayed 
in  a  heathen,  be  a  call  for  missionarys  to  convert 
'em,  and  that  makes  men  blush  when  they  see  it  in  a 
Christian  woman. 

The  sound  reason  of  its  bein'  the  fruitful  cause  of 
disease  and  death,  through  the  senseless  exposure. 

The  sound  reason  of  the  worse  than  folly  of  old 
and  middle-aged  folks  thinkin'  that  the  exhibition  is 
a  pretty  one  when  it  haint. 

The  sound  reason  of  its  bein*  inconsistent  for  a 
woman  to  allow  the  familiarity  of  a  man  and  a 
stranger,  a  walkin'  up  and  puttin'  his  arm  round  her, 
and  huggin*  her  up  to  him  as  clost  as  he  can ;  that 
act,  that  a  woman  would  resent  as  a  deadly  insult  and 
her  incensed  relatives  avenge  with  the  sword,  if  it 
occurred  in  any  other  place  than  the  ball-room  and 
at  the  sound  of  the  fiddle.  The  utter  inconsistency 
of  her  meetin'  it  with  smiles,  and  making  frantic 
efforts  to  get  more  such  affronts  than  any  other  woman 
present — her  male  relatives  a  lookin'  proudly  on. 

The  inconsistency  of  a  man's  bein'  not  only  held 


WHAT  FIDDLES  DO.  3Q1 

out  applauded  for  doin'  what,  if  it  took 
place  in  the  street,  or  church,  would  make  him  out 
lawed,  for  where  is  there  a  lot  of  manly  men  who 
would  look  on  calmly,  and  see  a  sweet  young  girl 
insulted  by  a  man's  ketchin'  hold  of  her  and  embracin' 
of  her  tightly  for  half  an  hour, — why,  he  would  be 
turned  out  of  his  club  and  outlawed  from  Christian 
homes  if  it  took  place  in  silence,  but  yet  the  sound  of 
a  fiddle  makes  it  all  right. 

And  I  sez  to  myself  mildly,  as  I  sot  there,  "  Is  it 
that  men  and  wimmen  lose  their  senses,  or  is  there  a 
sacredness  in  the  strains  of  that  fiddle,  that  makes 
immodesty  modest,  indecency  decent,  and  immorality 
moral  ? "  And  agin  I  sithe  heavy  and  gin  3  deep 
groans.  And  I  see  Josiah  gin  in.  All  the  sound 
reasons  weighed  as  nothin'  with  him,  but  2  or  3 
groans,  and  a  few  sithes  settled  the  matter.  Truly 
Love  is  a  mighty  conqueror. 

And  anon  Josiah  spoke  and  sez, (t  Wall,  I  s'pose  I 
can  gin  it  all  up,  if  you  feel  so  about  it,  but  we  shall 
act  like  fools,  Samantha,  and  look  like  'em." 

Sez  I  sternly,  "  Better  be  fools  than  naves,  Josiah 
Allen  !  if  we  have  got  to  be  one  or  the  other,  but  we 
haint.  We  are  a  standin'  on  firm  ground,  Josiah 
Allen,"  sez  I.  "  The  platform  made  of  the  boards 
of  consistency,  and  common  sense,  and  decency,  is 
one  that  will  never  break  down  and  let  you  through 
it,  into  gulfs  and  abysses.  And  on  that  platform  we 
will  both  stand  to-night,  dear  Josiah." 
20 


•Why,  I'm  a  thinkin'  on  full  dress,"  sez  he.     page  29!. 


A   SIGHT  TO   BEHOLD.  3Q3 

I  think  it  is  always  best  when  a  pardner  has 
gin  in  and  you  have  had  a  triumph  of  principle,  to  be 
bland ;  blander  than  common  to  him.  I  always  love 
at  such  times  to  round  my  words  to  him  with  a  sweet 
affectionateness  of  mean.  I  love  to,  and  he  loves  it. 

We  sot  out  in  good  season  for  the  Garden  party. 
And  it  wuz  indeed  a  sight  to  behold  !  But  I  did  not 
at  that  first  minute  have  a  chance  to  sense  it,  for 
Miss  Flamm  sent  her  hired  girl  out  to  ask  me  to 
come  to  her  room  for  a  few  minutes.  Miss  Flamm's 
house  is  a  undergoin'  repairs  for  a  few  weeks,  sunthin' 
had  gin  out  in  the  water  works,  so  she  and  her  hired 
girl  have  been  to  this  tarven  for  the  time  bein'.  The 
hired  girl  got  us  some  good  seats  and  tellin'  Josiah  to 
keep  one  on  'em  for  me,  I  follered  the  girl,  or  "  maid," 
as  Miss  Flamm  calls  her.  But  good  land  !  if  she  is 
a  old  maid,  I  don't  see  where  the  young  ones  be. 

Miss  Flamm  had  sent  for  me,  so  she  said,  to  see  if 
I  wanted  to  ride  out  the  next  day,  and  what  time 
would  be  the  most  convenient  to  me,  and  also,  to  see 
how  I  liked  her  dress.  She  didn't  know  as  she 
should  see  me  down  below,  in  the  crowd,  and  she 
wanted  me  to  see  it.  (Miss  Flamm  uses  me  dretful 
well,  but  I  s'pose  |ds  of  it,  is  on  Thomas  J's  account. 
Some  folks  think  she  is  goin'  to  have  another  law 
suit,  and  I  am  glad  enough  to  have  him  convey  her 
lawsuits,  for  they  are  good,  honerable  ones,  and  she 
pays  him  splendid  for  carryin'  'em.) 

Wall,  she  had  her  skirts  all  on  when  I  went  in,  alJ 


304  WHERE  IS   THE    WAISTf 

a  foamin'  and  a  shinin',  down  onto  the  carpet,  in  a 
glitterin'  pile  of  pink  satin  and  white  lace  and  posys. 
Gorgus  enough  for  a  princess. 

And  I  didn't  mind  it  much,  bein'  only  females 
present,  if  she  wuz  exposin'  of  herself  a  good  deal.  I 
kinder  blushed  a  little  as  I  looked  at  her,  and  kep'  my 
eyes  down  on  her  skirts  all  I  could,  and  thinkses  I  to 
myself, — "  What  if  G.  Washington  should  come  in  ? 
I  shouldn't  know  which  way  to  look."  But  then  the 
very  next  minute,  I  says  to  myself,  "  Of  coarse  he 
won't  be  in  till  she  gets  her  waist  on.  I'm  a  bor- 
rowin'  trouble  for  nothin'." 

At  last  Miss  Flamm  spoke  and  says  she,  as  she 
kinder  craned  herself  before  the  glass,  a  lookin'  at  her 
back  (most  the  hull  length  on  it  bare,  as  I  am  a  livin* 
creeter) ;  and  says  she,  "  How  do  you  like  my  dress  ?  " 

"  Oh,"  says  I,  wantin'  to  make  myself  agreeable 
(both  on  account  of  principle,  and  the  lawsuit),  "  the 
Bkirts  are  beautiful  but  I  can't  judge  how  the  hull 
dress  looks,  yoo  know,  till  you  get  your  waist  on." 

"  My  waist  ?  "  says  she. 

"  Yes,"  says  I. 

"  I  have  got  it  on,"  says  she. 

"  Where  is  it  ? "  says  I,  a  lookin'  at  her  closer 
through  my  specks,  "  Where  is  the  waist  ?  " 

"  Here,"  says  she,  a  pintin'  to  a  pink  belt  ribbon, 
and  a  string  of  beads  over  each  shoulder. 

Says  I,  "  Miss  Flamm,  do  you  call  that  a  waist  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  says  she,  and  she  balanced  herself  on  her 


306  RATHER  LOW. 

little  pink  tottlin'  slippers.  She  couldn't  walk  in  'em 
a  good  honerable  walk  to  save  her  life.  How  could 
she,  with  the  instep  not  over  two  inches  acrost,  and 
the  heels  right  under  the  middle  of  her  foot,  more'u 
a  finger  high  ?  Good  land,  they  wuz  enuff  to  lame  a 
Injun  savage,  and  curb  him  in.  But  she  sort  o'  bal 
anced  herself  unto  'em,  the  best  she  could,  and  put. 
her  hands  round  her  waist — it  wuzn't  much  bigget- 
than  a  pipe-stem,  and  sort  o'  bulgin'  out  both  ways, 
above  and  below,  some  like  a  string  tied  tight  round 
a  piller, — and  says  she  complacently,  "  I  don't  believe 
there  will  be  a  dress  shown  to-night  more  stylish  an/ 
beautiful  than  mine." 

Says  I,  "Do  you  tell  me,  Miss  Flamrn,  that  you 
are  a  goin'  down  into  that  crowd  of  promiscus  men 
and  women,  with  nothin'  but  them  strings  on  to  cover 
you  ?  "  Says  I,  "  Do  you  tell  me  that,  and  you  a  per- 
fesser  and  a  Christian  ?  " 

"  Yes,"  says  she,  "  I  paid  300  dollars  for  this  dress, 
and  it  haint  likely  I  am  goin'  to  miss  the  chance  of 
showin'  it  off  to  the  other  wimmen  who  will  envy  me 
the  possession  of  it.  "  To  be  sure,"  says  she,  "  it  is  a 
little  lower  than  Americans  usually  wear.  But  in 
fashion,  as  in  anything  else,  somebody  has  got  to  go 
ahead.  This  is  the  very  heighth  of  fashion,"  says 
she. 

Says  I  in  witherin'  and  burnin'  skorn,  "  It  is  the 
heighth  of  immodesty." 

And  I  jest  turned  my  back  right  ont*  fcer,  and 


A    WRATHFUL   SEPARATION.  3Q7 

sailed  out  of  the  room.  I  wiizn't  a  goin'  to  stand 
that,  lawsuit  or  no  lawsuit.  I  wuz  all  worked  up  in 
my  mind,  and  by  the  side  of  myself,  and  I  didn't  aet 
over  it  for  some  time,  neither. 

Wall,  I  found  my  companion  seated  in  that  couiiei-t- 
able  place,  and  a  keepin'  my  chair  for  me,  and  so  I 
sot  down  by  him,  and  truly  we  sot  still,  and  sec  the 
glory,  and  the  magnificence  on  every  side  on  us. 
There  wuz  3  piazzas  about  as  long  as  from  our  house 
to  Jonesville,  or  from  Jonesville  to  Loontown,  all 
filled  with  folks  magnificently  dressed,  and  a  big  gar 
den  layin'  between  'em  about  as  big  as  from  our  house 
to  Miss  Gowdey's,  and  so  round  crossways  to  Alminy 
Hagidone's  brother's,  and  back  agin'.  It  wuz  full  as 
fur  as  that,  and  you  know  well  that  that  is  a  great 
distance.  , 

There  wuz  some  big  noble  trees,  all  twinklin'  full 
of  lights,  of  every  coler,  and  rows  of  shinin'  lights, 
criss-crossed  every  way,  or  that  is,  every  beautiful 
way,  from  the  high  ornimental  pillers  of  the  immense 
house,  that  loomed  up  in  the  distance  round  us  on 
every  side,  same  as  the  mountains  loom  up  round 
Loontown. 

There  wu»  *  oig  platform  built  iu  the  mitu*ie  of 
the  garden,  with  sweet  music  discoursin'  from  it  the 
most  enchantin'  strains.  And  the  fountains  wuz 
sprayin'  out  the  most  beautiful  colers  you  ever  see  in 
your  life,  and  fall  in'  down  in  pink,  and  yellow,  and 
gold,  and  green,  and  amber,  and  silver  water  ;  spark- 


308  GORGEOUS   THRONGS. 

lin'  down  onto  the  green  beautiful  ferns  and  flowers 
that  loved  to  grow  round  the  big  marble  basin  which 
shone  white,  risin'  out  of  the  green  velvet  of  the 
grass. 

Josiah  looked  at  that  water,  and  sez  he,  "  Saman- 
tha,  I'd  love  to  get  some  of  that  water  to  pass  round 
evenin's  when  we  have  company."  Sez  he,  "  It  would 
look  so  dressy  and  fashionable  to  pass  round  pink 
water,  or  light  blue,  or  light  yeller.  How  it  would 
make  Uncle  Nate  Gowdey  open  his  eyes.  I  believe 
I  shall  buy  some  bottles  of  it,  Samantha,  to  take 
home.  What  do  you  say  ?  I  don't  suppose  it  would 
cost  such  a  dretful  sight,  do  you  ?  " 

Sez  he,  "  I  s'pose  all  they  have  to  do  is  to  put 
pumps  down  into  a  pink  spring,  or  a  yeller  one,  as 
the  case  may  be,  and  pump.  And  I  would  be  willin' 
to  pump  it  up  myself,  if  it  would  come  cheaper." 

But  my  companion  soon  forgot  to  follow  up  the 
theme  in  lookin'  about  him  onto  the  magnificent 
seen,  and  a  seein'  the  throngs  of  men  and  wimmen 
growin'  more  and  more  denser,  and  every  crowd  on 
'em  that  swept  by  us,  and  round  us,  and  before  us,  a 
growin'  more  gorgus  in  dress,  or  so  it  seemed  to  us. 
Gemms  of  every  gorgus  coler  under  the  heavens  and 
some  jest  the  coler  of  the  heavens  when  it  is  blue  and 
shinin'  or  when  it  is  purplish  dark  in  the  night  time, 
or  when  it  is  full  of  white  fleecy  clouds,  or  when  it  is 
a  shinin'  with  stars. 

Why.,  one  woman  had  so  many  diamonds  on  that 


CRUSHED    WAISTS.  309 

she  had  a  detective  follerin'  her  all  round  wherever 
she  went.  She  wuz  a  blaze  of  splendor  and  so  wuz 
lots  of  'em,  though  like  the  stars,  they  differed  from 
each  other  in  glory. 

But  whatever  coler  their  gowns  wuz,  in  one  thing 
they  wuz  most  all  alike — most  all  of  'em  had  waists 
all  drawed  in  tight,  but  a  bulgin'  out  on  each  side, 
more  or  less  as  the  case  might  be.  Why  some  of 
them  waists  wuzn't  much  bigger  than  pipe's  tails  and 
so  I  told  Josiah. 

And  he  whispered  back  to  me,  and  sez  he,  "I 
wonder  if  them  wimmen  with  wasp  waists,  think 
that  we  men  like  the  looks  on  'em.  They  make  a 
dumb  mistake  if  they  do.  Why,"  sez  he,  "  we  men 
know  what  they  be ;  we  know  they  are  nothin'  but 
crushed  bones  and  flesh."  Sez  he,  "  I  could  make  my 
own  waist  look  jest  like  'em,  if  I  should  take  a  rope 
and  strap  myself  down." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  in  agitated  axents,  "  don't  you  try 
to  go  into  no  such  enterprise,  Josiah  Allen." 

I  remembered  the  eppisode  of  the  afternoon,  and  I 
sez  in  anxius  axents,  and  affectionate,  "  Besides  not 
lookin'  well,  it  is  dangerous,  awful  dangerous.  And 
how  I  should  blush,"  sez  I,  "  if  I  wuz  to  see  you  with 
a  leather  strap  or  a  rope  round  your  waist  under  your 
coat,  a  drawin'  you  in  ;  a  changin'  your  good  honer- 
able  shape.  And  God  made  men's  and  wimmen's 
waists  jest  alike  in  the  first  place,  and  it  is  jest  as 
smart  for  men  to  deform  themselves  in  that  way  as  it 


310  SMALL   FEET. 

is  for  wimffitfii.  But  oh,  the  agony  of  my  soul  if  I 
should  see  you  a  tryin'  to  disfigure  yourself  in  that 
way." 

"  You  needn't  be  afraid,  Samantha,"  sez  he,  "  I  am 
dressy,  and  always  wuz,  but  I  haint  such  a  fool  as 
that,  as  to  kill  myself  in  perfect  agony,  for  fashion." 

I  didn't  say  nothin'  but  instinctively  I  looked 
down  at  his  feet,  "  Oh,  you  needn't  look  at  my  feet, 
Samantha,  feet  are  very  different  from  the  heart,  and 
lungs,  and  such.  You  can  squeeze  your  feet  down, 
and  not  hurt  much  more'n  the  flesh  and  bones.  But 
you  are  a  destroyin'  the  very  seat  of  life  when  you 
draw  your  waist  in  as  them  wimmen  do." 

"  I  know  it,"  sez  I,  "  but  I  wouldn't  torture  myself 
in  any  way  if  I  wuz  in  your  place." 

"  I  don't  lay  out  to,"  sez  he.  "  I  haint  a  goin'  to 
wear  corsets,  it  haint  at  all  probable  I  shall,  though  I 
am  better  able  to  stand  it,  than  wimmen  be." 

"  I  know  that,"  sez  I.  "  I  know  men  are  stronger 
and  better  able  to  bear  the  strain  of  bein'  drawed  in 
and  tapered."  I  am  reesonable,  and  will  ever  speak 
truthful  and  honest,  and  this  I  couldn't  deny  and 
didn't  try  to. 

"  Wall,  dumb  it,  what  makes  men  stronger  ?  "  sez 
he. 

"  Why,"  sez  I,  "  I  s'pose  one  great  thing  is  their 
dressin'  comfortable." 

"  Wall,  I  am  glad  you  know  enough  to  know  it," 
«PB  he.  "  Why,"  sez  he,  "jest  imagine  a  man  tyin1 


ANXIE  TV  ALL  A  YED.  31  \ 

a  rope  round  his  waist,  round  and  round  ;  or  worse 
yet,  take  strong  steel,  and  whalebones,  and  bind  and 
choke  himself  down  with  'em,  and  tottlin'  himself  up 
on  high  heel  slippers,  the  high  heels  comin'  right  up 
in  the  ball  of  his  foot — and  then  havin'  heavy  skirts 
a  holdin'  him  down,  tied  back  tight  round  his  knees 
and  draggin'  along  on  the  ground  at  his  feet — imagine 
me  in  that  perdickerment,  Samantha." 

I  shuddered,  and  sez  I,  "  Don't  bring  up  no  such 
seen  to  harrow  up  my  nerve."  Sez  I,  "  You  know  I 
couldn't  stand  it,  to  see  you  a  facin'  life  and  its  solemn 
responsibilities  in  that  condition.  It  would  kill  me 
to  witness  your  suffering  "  sez  I.  And  agin'  I  shud 
dered,  and  agin  I  sithed. 

And  he  sez,  "  Wall,  it  is  jest  as  reasonable  for  a 
man  to  do  it  as  for  a  woman ;  it  is  far  worse  and  more 
dangerous  for  a  woman  than  a  man." 

"  I  know  it,"  sez  I,  between  my  sithes.  "  I  know 
it,  but  I  can't,  I  can't  stand  it,  to  have  you  go  into 
it." 

"  Wall,  you  needn't  worry,  Samantha,  I  haint  a 
fooJ.  You  won't  ketch  men  a  goin'  into  any  such 
performances  as  this,  they  know  too  much."  And 
then  he  resumed  on  in  a  lighter  axent,  to  get  my  mind 
still  further  off  from  his  danger,  for  I  wuz  still  a 
sithin',  frequent  and  deep. 

Sez  he,  as  he  looked  down  and  see  some  wimmen  a 
passin'  below ;  sez  he,  "  I  never  see  such  a  sight  in 


312  SIGNIFICANT  BLUSHES^ 

my  life,  a  man  can  see  more  here  in  one  evenin'  th*^ 
he  can  in  a  life  time  at  Jonesville." 

"  That  is  so,  Josiah,"  sez  I,  "  you  can."  And  I 
felt  every  word  I  said,  for  at  that  very  minute  a  lady, 
or  rather  a  female  woman,  passed  with  a  dress  on  so 
low  in  the  neck  that  I  instinctively  turned  away  my 
head,  and  when  I  looked  round  agin,  a  deep  rAush 
wuz  mantlin'  the  cheeks  of  Josiah  Allen,  a  flushin*  up 
his  face,  clear  up  into  his  bald  head. 

I  don't  believe  I  had  ever  been  prouder  of  Josiah 
Allen,  than  I  wuz  at  that  minute.  That  blush  spoke 
plainer  than  words  could,  of  the  purity  and  soundness 
of  my  pardner's  morals.  If  the  whole  nation  had 
stood  up  in  front  of  me  at  that  time,  and  told  me  his 
morals  wuz  a  tottlin'  I  would  have  scorned  the  sug 
gestion.  No,  that  blush  telegraphed  to  me  right 
from  his  soui,the  sweet  tidin's  of  his  modesty  and 
worth. 

And  I  couldn't  refrain  from  sayin'  in  encouraging 
happy  axents,  "  Haint  you  glad  now,  Josiah  Allen, 
that  you  listened  to  your  pardner ;  haint  you  glad 
that  you  haint  a  goin'  round  in  a  low  necked  coat  and 
vest,  a  callin'  up  the  blush  of  skern  and  outraged 
modesty  to  the  cheeks  of  noble  and  modest  men  ?  " 

"Yes,"  sez  he,  graspin'  holt  of  my  hand  in  the 
warmth  of  his  gratitude,  for  he  see  what  I  had  kep' 
him  from.  "  Yes,  you  wuz  in  the  right  on't,  Saman- 
tha.  I  see  the  awfulness  of  the  peril  from  which  you 
rescued  of  me.  But  never,"  sez  he,  a  lookin'  down 


WRATH  AT  THE    WALTZ.  313 

agin  over  the  railin',  onto  some  more  wimmen  a 
passin'  beneath,  "  never  did  I  see  what  I  have  seen 
here  to-night.  Not,"  sez  he  dreemily,  "  sense  I  wuz 
a  baby." 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  don't  try  to  look,  Josiah ;  turn 
your  eyes  away." 

And  I  believe  he  did  try  to — though  such  is  the 
fascination  of  a  known  danger  in  front  of  you,  that 
it  is  hard  to  keep  yourself  from  contemplatin'  of  it. 
But  he  tried  to.  And  he  tried  to  not  look  at  the 
waltzin'  no  more  than  he  could  help,  and  I  did  too. 
But  in  spite  of  himself  he  had  to  see  how  clost  the 
young  girls  wuz  held ;  how  warmly  the  young  men 
embraced  'em.  And  as  he  looked  on,  agin  I  see  the 
hot  blush  of  shame  mantillied  Josiah's  cheeks,  and 
again  he  sez  to  me  in  almost  warm  axents,  "  I  realize 
what  you  have  rescued  me  from,  Samantha." 

And  I  sez,  "You  couldn't  have  looked  Elder 
Minkley  in  the  face,  could  you  ?  if  you  had  gone  into 
that  shameful  diversion." 

"  No,  I  couldn't,  nor  into  yourn  nuther.  I  couldn't 
have  looked  nobody  in  the  face,  if  I  had  gone  on  and 
imposed  on  any  young  girl  as  they  are  a  doin',  and 
insulted  of  her.  Why,"  sez  he,  "  if  it  wuz  my  Tirzah 
Ann  that  them  men  wuz  a  embracin',  and  huggin', 
and  switchin'  her  round,  as  if  they  didn't  have  no 
respect  for  her  at  all, — why,  if  it  wuz  Tirzah  Ann,  I 
would  tear  'em  lim  from  lim." 

And  he  looked  capable  on't.     He  looked  almost 


314  FLEEING  FOR  HOME. 

sublime  (though  small).     And  I  hurried  him  away 

from  the  seen,  for  I  didn't  know  what  would  ensue 

»•> 
and  foller  on,  if  T  let  him  linger  there  longer.     He 

looked  as  firm  and  warlike  as  one  of  our  bantam 
fowls,  a  male  one,  when  hawks  are  a  hoverin'  over  the 
females  of  the  flock.  And  when  I  say  Bantam  I  say 
it  with  no  disrespect  to  Josiah  Allen.  Bantams  are 
noble,  and  warlike  fowls,  though  small  boneded. 

I  got  one  more  glimps  of  Miss  Flamm  jest  as  we 
left  the  tarven.  She  wuz  a  standin'  up  in  the  parlor, 
with  a  tall  man  a  standin'  up  in  front  of  her  a  talkin'. 
He  seemed  to  be  biddin'  of  her  good-bye,  for  he  had 
holt  of  her  hand,  and  he  wuz  a  sayin'  as  we  went  by 
'em,  sez  he,  "  I  am  sorry  not  to  see  more  of  yqu." 

"  Good  land  !  "  thinkses  I,  "  what  can  the  man  be  a 
thinkin'  on  ?  the  mean,  miserable  creeter  !  If  there 
wuz  ever  a  deadly  insult  gin  to  a  woman,  then  wuz 
Che  time  it  wuz  gin.  Good  land  !  good  land  ! " 

I  don't  know  whether  Miss  Flamm  resented  it,  or 
not,  for  I  hurried  Josiah  along.  I  didn't  want  to 
expose  him  to  no  sich  sights,  good,  innocent  old 
creeter.  So  I  kep'  him  up  on  a  pretty  good  jog  till 
I  got  him  home. 


XVII. 

A   TRIP   TO  SCHUYLERVILLE. 

IT  wuz  a  lovely  mornin'  when  ray  companion  and 
me  sot  out  to  visit  Schuylerville  to  see  the  monument 
that  is  stood  up  there  in  honor  of  the  Battle  of 
Saratoga,  one  of  7  great  decisive  battles  of  the 
world. 

Wall,  the  cars  rolled  on  peacefully,  though  screechin* 
occasionally,  for,  as  the  poet  says,  "  It  is  their  nater 
to,"  and  rolled  us  away  from  Saratoga.  And  at  first 
there  wuzn't  nothin'  particularly  insperin'  in  the  looks 
of  the  landscape,  or  ruther  woodscape.  It  wuz  mostly 
woods  and  rather  homblj  woods  too,  kinder  flatlookin'. 
But  pretty  soon  the  scenery  became  beautiful  and  im 
pressive.  The  rollin'  hills  rolled  down  and  up  in 
great  billowy  masses  of  green  and  pale  blue,  accordin* 
as  they  wuz  fur  or  near,  and  we  went  by  shinin'  water, 
and  a  glowin'  landscape,  and  pretty  houses,  and  fields 
of  grain  and  corn,  etc.,  etc.  And  anon  we  reached  a 
place  where  "  Victory  Mills  "  wuz  printed  up  high, 
in  big  letters.  When  Josiah  see  this,  he  sez, "  Haint 
that  neighborly  and  friendly  in  Victory  to  come  over 
here  and  put  up  a  mill  ?  That  shows,  Samantha," 

815 


316  VICTORY  MILLS. 

sez  he,  "  that  the  old  hardness  of  the  Revolution  is 
entirely  done  away  with." 

He  wuz  jest  full  of  Revolutionary  thoughts  that 
mornin',  Josiah  Allen  wuz.  And  so  wuz  I  too,  but 
my  strength  of  mind  is  such,  that  I  reined  'em  in  and 
didn't  let  'em  run  away  with  me.  And  I  told  him 
that  it  didn't  mean  that.  Sez  I,  "  The  Widder  Albert 
wouldn't  come  over  here  and  go  to  millin',  she  nor 
none  of  her  family." 

"  But,"  sez  he,  "  the  name  must  mean  sunthin'.  Do 
you  s'pose  it  is  where  folks  get  the  victory  over  things  ? 
If  it  is,  I'd  give  a  dollar  bill  to  get  a  grist  ground  out 
here,  and,"  sez  he,  in  a  sort  of  a  coaxin'  tone,  "  l«'s 
stop  and  get  some  victory,  Samantha." 

And  I  told  him,  that  I  guessed  when  he  got  a 
victory  over  the  world,  the  flesh,  or  the — David,  he 
would  have  to  work  for  it,  he  wouldn't  get  it  ground 
out  for  him.  But  anon,  he  cast  his  eyes  on  sunthin' 
else  and  so  forgot  to  muse  on  this  any  further.  It 
wuz  a  fair  seen. 

Anon,  a  big  manufactory,  as  big  as  the  hull  side  of 
Jonesville  almost,  loomed  up  by  the  side  of  us.  And 
anon,  the  fair,  the  beautiful  country  spread  itself  out 
before  our  vision.  While  fur,  fur  away  the  pale  blue 
mountains  peeked  up  over  the  green  ones,  to  see  if  they 
too  could  see  the  monument  riz  up  to  our  National 
Liberty.  It  belonged  to  them,  jest  as  much  as  to  the 
hill  it  wuz  a  standin'  on,  it  belongs  to  the  hull  liberty- 
lovin'  world. 


THE   MONUMENT.  317 

Wall,  the  cars  stopped  in  a  pretty  little  village,  a 
clean,  pleasant  little  place  as  I  ever  see,  or  want  to 
see.  And  Josiah  and  me  wended  our  way  up  the 
broad  roomy  street,  up  to  where  the  monument 
seemed  to  sort  a  beegon  to  us  to  come.  And  when 
we  got  up  to  it,  we  see  it  wuz  a  sight,  a  sight  to  be 
hold. 

The  curius  thing  on't  wuz,  it  kep  a  growin'  bigger 
and  bigger  all  the  time  we  wuz  approachin'  it,  till,  as 
we  stood  at  its  base,  it  seemed  to  tower  up  into  the 
very  skies. 

There  wuz  some  flights  of  stun  steps  a  leadin'  up  to 
some  doors  in  the  side  on't.  And  we  went  inside  on't 
after  we  had  gin  a  good  look  at  the  outside.  But 
it  took  us  some  time  to  *;et  through  gazin'  at  the  out 
side  on't. 

Way  up  over  our  heads  wuz  some  sort  a  recesses, 
some  like  the  recess  in  my  spare  bed-room,  only 
higher  and  narrower,  and  kinder  nobler  lookin'. 
And  standin'  up  in  the  first  one,  a  lookin'  stiddy 
through  storm  and  shine  at  the  North  star,  stood 
General  Gates,  bigger  than  life  considerable,  but  none 
too  big ;  for  his  deeds  and  the  deeds  of  all  of  our  old 
4  fathers  stand  out  now  and  seem  a  good  deal  bigger 
than  life.  Yes,  take  'em  in  all  their  consequences,  a 
eight  bigger. 

Wall,  there  he  stands,  a  leanin'  on  his  sword.    He'll 
be  ready  when  the  enemy  comes,  no  danger  but  what 
he  will. 
JO 


318  GENERAL   SCHUYLER. 

On  the  east  side,  is  General  Schuyler  a  horsback, 
ready  to  dash  forward  against  the  foe,  impetuous,  ar 
dent,  gallant.  But  oh  !  the  perils  and  dangers  that 
obstruct  his  pathway;  thick  underbrush  and  high, 
tall  trees  stand  up  round  him  that  he  seemin'ly  can't 
get  through. 

But  his  gallant  soldiers  are  a  helpin'  him  onward, 
they  are  a  cuttin'  down  the  trees  so's  he  can  get 
through  'em  and  dash  at  the  enemy.  You  see  as  you 
look  on  him  that  he  will  get  through  it  all.  No  envy, 
nor  detraction,  nor  jealousy,  no  such  low  underbrush 
full  of  crawlin'  reptiles,  nor  no  high  solid  trees,  no 
danger  of  any  sort  can  keep  him  back.  His  big 
brave,  generous  heart  is  sot  on  helnin'  his  country, 
he'll  do  it. 

On  the  south  side,  is  the  saddest  sight  that  a  pa 
triotic  American  can  see.  On  a  plain  slab  stun,  lookin' 
a  good  deal  like  a  permanent  grave-stun,  sot  up  high 
there,  for  Americans  to  weep  over  forever,  bitter  tears 
of  shames,  is  the  name,  "Arnold." 

He  wuz  a  brave  soldier ;  his  name  ort  to  be  there ; 
it  is  all  right  to  have  it  there  and  jest  where  it  is,  on 
a  grave-stun.  All  through  the  centuries  it  will  stand 
there,  a  name  carved  by  the  hand  of  cupidity,  selfish 
ness,  and  treachery. 

On  the  west  side,  General  Morgan  is  standin'  up 
with  his  hands  over  his  eyes,  lookin'  away  into  the 
sunset.  He  looked  jest  like  that  when  he  wuz  a 
lookin'  after  prowlin'  red  skins  and  red  coats;  when 


GENERAL   MORGAN.  319 

the  sun  wuz  under  dark  clouds,  and  the  day  wuz  dark 
100  years  ago. 

But  now,  all  he  has  to  do  is  to  stand  up  there  and 
look  off  into  the  glowin'  heavens,  a  watchin'  the 
golden  light  of  the  sun  of  Liberty  a  rollin'  on  west 
ward.  He  holds  his  hand  over  his  eyes ;  its  rays 
most  blind  him,  he  is  most  lost  a  thinkin'  how  fur, 
how  fur  them  rays  are  a  spreading  and  a  glowin', — 
way,  way  off,  Morgan  is  a  lookin'  onto  our  future, 
and  it  dazzles  him.  Its  rays  stretch  off  into  other 
lands ;  they  strike  dark  places ;  they  burn !  they 
glow  !  they  shine !  they  light*up  the  world  ! 

Hold  up  your  head,  brave  old  General,  and  your 
loyal  steadfast  eyes.  You  helped  to  strike  that  light. 
Its  radience  half-frights  you.  It  is  so  heavenly 
bright,  its  rays,  may  well  dazzle  you.  Brown  old 
soldiers,  I  love  to  think  of  you  always  a  standin'  up 
there,  lifted  high  up  by  a  grateful  Nation,  a  lookin' 
off  over  all  the  world,  a  lookin'  off  towards  the 
glowin'  west,  toward  our  glorious  future. 

On  the  inside  too,  it  wuz  a  noble  seen.  After  you 
rose  up  the  steps  and  went  inside,  you  found  yourself 
in  a  middlin'  big  room  all  surrounded  by  figures  in 
what  they  called  Alto  Relief,  or  sunthin'  to  that  effect. 
I  don't  know  what  Alto  they  meant.  I  don't  know 
nobody  by  that  name,  nor  I  don't  know  how  they 
relieved  him.  But  I  s'pose  Alto  when  he  wuz  there 
wuz  relieved  to  think  that  the  figures  wuz  all  so  noble 
and  impressive.  Mebby  he  had  been  afraid  they 


320  ROYALTY  AND  LIBERTY. 

wouldn't  suit  him  and  the  nation.  But  they  did,  they 
must  have.  He  must  have  been  hard  to  suit,  Alto 
must,  if  he  wuzn't  relieved,  and  pleased  with  these. 

On  one  side  wuz  George  the  3d  of  England,  in  his 
magnificent  palace,  all  dressed  up  in  velvet  and  lace, 
surrounded  by  his  slick  drestup  nobles,  and  all  of  'em 
a  sittin'  there  soft  and  warm,  in  the  lap  of  Luxury, 
a  makin'  laws  to  bind  the  strugglin'  colonies. 

And  right  acrost  from  that,  wuz  a  picture  of  them 
Colonists,  cold  and  hungry,  a  havin'  a  Rally  for  Free 
dom,  and  a  settin'  up  a  Town  meetin'  right  amongst 
the  trees,  and  under-brush  that  hedged  'em  all  in  and 
tripped  'em  up  at  every  step ;  and  savages  a  hidin' 
behind  the  trees,  and  fears  of  old  England,  and  dread 
of  a  hazerdous  unknown  future,  a  hantin'  and  cloud- 
in'  every  glimpse  of  sky  that  came  down  on  'em 
through  the  trees.  But  they  looked  earnest  and  good, 
them  old  4  fathers  did,  and  the  Town  meetin'  looked 
determined,  and  firm  principled  as  ever  a  Town  meet- 
in'  looked  on  the  face  of  the  earth. 

Then  there  wuz  some  of  the  women  of  the  court, 
fine  ladies,  all  silk,  and  ribbons,  and  embroideries, 
and  paint,  and  powder,  a  leanin'  back  in  their  cush 
ioned  arm-chairs,  a  wantin'  to  have  the  colonies  taxed 
still  further  so's  to  have  more  money  to  buy  lace  with 
and  artificial  flowers.  And  right  acrost  from  'em  wuz 
some  of  our  old  4  mothers,  in  a  rude  log  hut,  not 
strong  enough  to  keep  out  the  cold,  or  the  Injuns. 
One  wuz  a  cardin'  wools,  one  of  'em  wuz  a  spinninr 


NOBLE    WOMEN.  321 

'em,  a  tryin*  to  make  clothes  to  cover  the  starved, 
half-naked  old  4  fathers  who  wuz  a  tramplin'  round 
in  the  snow  with  bare  feet  and  shiverin'  lims.  And 
one  of  'em  had  a  gun  in  her  hand.  She  had  smuggled 
the  children  all  in  behind  her  and  she  wuz  a  lookin* 
out  for  the  foe.  These  wimmen  hadn't  no  ribbons  on, 
no,  fur  from  it. 

And  then  there  wuz  General  Schuyler  a  fellin*  trees 
to  obstruct  the  march  of  the  British  army.  And  Miss 
Schuyler  a  settin'  fire  to  a  field  of  wheat  rather  than 
have  it  help  the  enemy  of  her  country.  Brave  old  4 
mother,  worthy  pardner  of  a  grand  man,  she  wuz  a 
takin'  her  life  in  her  hand  and  a  destroyin'  her  own 
property  for  the  sake  of  the  cause  she  loved.  A 
emblem  of  the  way  men  and  women  sot  fire  to  their 
own  hopes,  their  own  happiness,  and  burnt  'em  up  on 
the  altar  of  the  land  we  love. 

And  there  wuz  some  British  wimmen  a  follerin* 
their  husbands  through  the  perils  of  danger  and 
death,  likely  old  4  mothers  they  wuz,  and  thought 
jest  as  much  of  their  pardners  as  I  do  of  my  Josiah. 
I  could  see  that  plain.  And  could  see  it  a  shinin* 
still  plainer  in  another  one  of  the  pictures — Lady 
Aukland  a  goin'  over  the  Hudson  in  a  litile  canoe 
with  the  waves  a  dashin'  up  high  round  her,  to  get  to 
the  sick  bed  of  her  companion.  The  white  flag  of 
truce  wuz  a  wavin'  over  her  head  and  in  her  heart 
wuz  a  shinin'  the  clear  white  light  of  a  woman's  death- 
less  devotion.  Oh !  there  wuz  likely  wimmen 


322  JENNIE  McCREA. 

amongst  the  British,  I  haiiit  a  doubt  of  it,  and  men 
too. 

And  then  we  clim  a  long  flight  of  stairs  and  we  see 
some  more  pictures,  all  round  that  room.  Alto 
relieved  agin,  or  he  must  have  been  relieved,  and 
happified  to  see  'em,  they  wuz  so  impressive.  I. 
myself  had  from  25  to  30  emotions  a  minute  while  I 
stood  a  lookin'  at  em — big  lofty  emotions  too. 

There  wuz  Jennie  McCrea  a  bein'  dragged  offen 
her  horse,  and  killed  by  savages.  A  dreadful  sight 
— a  woman  settin'  out  light-hearted  toward  happiness 
and  goin'  to  meet  a  fearful  doom.  Dreadful  sight 
that  has  come  down  through  the  centuries,  and  hap 
pens  over  and  over  agin  amongst  female  wimmen. 
But  here  it  wuz  fearful  impressive  for  the  savages  that 
destroyed  her  wuz  in  livin'  form,  they  haint  always 
materialized. 

Yes,  it  wuz  a  awful  seen.  And  jest  beyond  it,  wuz 
Burgoyne  a  scoldin'  the  savages  for  the  cruelty  of  the 
deed.  Curius,  haint  it?  How  the  acts  and  deeds  of 
a  man  that  he  sets  to  goin',  when  they  have  come  to 
full  fruition  skare  him  most  to  death,  horrify  him  by 
the  sight.  I'll  bet  Burgoyne  felt  bad  enough,  a 
lookin'  on  her  dead  body,  if  it  wuz  his  doin's  in  the 
first  place,  in  lettin'  loose  such  ignerance  and  savagery 
onto  a  strugglin'  people. 

Yes,  Mr.  Burgoyne  felt  bad  and  ashamed,  I  haint 
a  doubt  of  it.  His  poet  soul  could  suffer  as  well  as 
enjoy — and  then  I  didn't  feel  like  sayin'  too  much 


BURGOYNE'S  SURRENDER.  323 

aginst  Mr.  Burgoyne,  bavin'  meditated  so  lately  in 
the  treachery  of  Arnold,  one  of  our  own  men  doin' 
a  act  that  ort  to  keep  us  sort  a  humble-minded  to  this 
day. 

And  then  there  wuz  the  killin'  and  buryin'  of 
Frazier  both  impressive.  He  wuz  a  gallant  officer 
and  a  brave  man.  And  then  there  wuz  General 
Schuyler  (a  good  creeter)  a  turnin'  over  his  command 
to  Gates.  And  I  methought  to  myself  as  I  looked 
on  it,  that  human  nater  wuz  jest  about  the  same  then; 
it  capered  jest  about  as  it  duz  now  in  public  affairs 
and  offices.  Then  there  wuz  the  surrender  of  Bur 
goyne  to  Gates.  A  sight  impressive  enough  to  fur 
nish  one  with  stiddy  emotions  for  weeks  and  weeks. 
A  thinkin'  of  all  he  surrendered  to  him  that  day,  and 
all  that  wuz  took. 

The  monument  is  dretful  high.  Up,  up,  up,  it 
soars  as  if  it  wuz  bound  to  reach  up  into  the  very 
heavens,  and  carry  up  there  these  idees  of  ourn  about 
Free  Rights,  and  National  Liberty.  It  don't  go  clear 
up,  though.  I  wish  it  did.  If  it  had,  I  should  have 
gone  up  the  high  ladder  clear  to  the  top.  But  I  de 
sisted  from  the  enterprise  for  2  reasons,  one  wuz,  that 
it  didn't  go,  as  I  say,  clear  up,  and  the  other  wuz 
that  the  stairs  wuzn't  finished. 

Josiah  proposed  that  he  should  go  up  as  he  clim  up 
our  well,  with  one  foot  on  each  side  on't.  He  said  he 
wuz  tempted  to,  for  he  wanted  dretfully  to  look  out 
of  them  windows  on  the  top.  And  he  said  it  would 


324  THE  SCHUYLER  MANSION. 

probable  be  expected  of  him.  And  I  told  him  that  1 
guessed  that  the  monument  wouldn't  feel  hurt  if  he 
didn't  go  up;  I  guessed  it  would  stand  it.  I  dis 
couraged  the  enterprise. 

And  anon  we  went  down  out  of  the  monument, 
and  crossed  over  to  the  good-lookin'  house  where  the 
man  lives  who  takes  care  of  the  monument,  and  shows 
off  its  good  traits,  a  kind  of  a  guardian  to  it.  And 
we  got  a  first-rate  dinner  there,  though  such  is  not 
their  practice.  And  then  he  took  us  in  a  likely 
buggy  with  2  seats,  and  a  horse  to  draw  it,  and  we 
sot  out  to  see  what  the  march  of  100  years  has  left  us 
of  the  doin's  of  them  days. 

Time  has  trampled  out  a  good  many  of  'em,  but 
we  found  some.  We  found  the  old  Schuyler  mansion, 
a  settin'  back  amongst  the  trees,  with  the  old  knocker 
on  it,  that  had  been  pulled  by  so  many  a  old  4  father, 
carryin'  tidin's  of  disappointment,  and  hope,  and  tri 
umph,  and  encouragement,  and  everything.  We 
went  over  the  threshold  wore  down  by  the  steps  that 
had  fell  there  for  a  hundred  years,  some  light,  some 
heavy  steps. 

We  went  into  the  clean,  good-lookin'  old  kitchen, 
with  the  platters,  and  shinin'  dressers  and  trays ;  the 
old-fashioned  settee,  half-table  and  half-seat.  And 
we  see  the  cup  General  Washington  drinked  tea  out 
of,  good  old  creeter.  I  hope  the  water  biled  and  it 
wuz  good  tea,  and  most  probable  it  wuz.  And  we 
see  lots  of  arms  that  had  been  carried  in  the  war,  and 


A    GOOD    OLD  HOUSE.  325 

cannon  balls,  and  shells,  and  tommy-hawks,  and 
hatchets,  and  arrows,  and  etc.,  etc.  And  down  in  one 
room  all  full  of  other  curiosities  and  relicts,  wuz  the 
skull  of  a  traitor.  I  should  judge  from  the  looks  on't 
that  besides  bein'  mean,  he  wuz  a  hombly  man. 
Somebody  said  folks  had  made  efforts  to  steal  it. 
But  Josiah  whispered  to  me,  that  there  wuzn't  no 
danger  from  him,  for  he  would  ruther  be  shet  right 
up  in  the  Tombs  than  to  own  it,  in  any  way. 

And  I  felt  some  like  him.  Some  of  his  teeth  had 
been  stole,  so  they  said.  Good  land  !  what  did  they 
want  with  his  teeth  !  .But  it  wuz  a  dretful  interestin' 
spot.  And  I  thought  as  I  went  through  the  big 
square,  roomy  rooms  that  I  wouldn't  swap  this  good 
old  house  for  dozens  of  Queen  Anns,  or  any  other 
of  the  fashionable,  furbelowed  houses  of  to-day.  The 
orniments  of  this  house  wuz  more  on  the  inside,  and 
I  couldn't  help  thinkin'  that  this  house,  compared 
with  the  modern  ornimental  cottages,  wuz  a  good  deal 
like  one  of  our  good  old-fashioned  foremothers  in  her 
plain  gown,  compared  with  some  of  the  grandma's 
of  to-day,  all  paint,  and  furbelows,  and  false  hair. 

The  old  4  mothers  orniments  wuz  on  the  inside, 
and  the  others  wuz  more  up  on  the  roof,  scalloped  off 
and  ginger-breaded,  and  criss-crossed. 

The  old  house  wuz  full  of  rooms  fixed  off  beau 
tiful.  It  wuz  quite  a  treat  to  walk  through  'em.  But 
the  old  fireplaces,  and  mantle  tray  shelves  spoke  to 
our  hearts  of  the  generations  that  had  poked  them 


OLD    THINGS.  327 

fires,  and  leaned  up  against  them  mantle  trays.  They 
went  ahead  on  us  through  the  old  rooms ;  I  couldn't 
see  'em,  but  I  felt  their  presence,  as  I  follered  'em 
over  the  old  thresholts  their  feet  had  worn  down  a 
hundred  years  ago.  Their  feet  didn't  make  no  sound, 
their  petticoats  and  short  gowns  didn't  rustle  against 
the  old  door  ways  and  stair  cases. 

The  dear  old  grandpas  in  their  embroidered  coats, 
didn't  cast  no  shadow  as  they  crossed  the  sunshine  that 
came  in  through  the  old-fashioned  window  panes. 
No,  but  with  my  mind's  eye  (the  best  eye  I  have  got, 
and  one  that  don't  wear  specks)  I  see  'em,  and  I  fol- 
lerd  'em  down  the  narrow,  steep  stair  case,  and  out 
into  the  broad  light  of  4  P.  M.,  1886. 

Anon,  or  shortly  after,  we  drove  up  on  a  corner 
of  the  street  jest  above  where  the  Fish  creek  empties 
into  the  Hudson,  and  there,  right  on  a  tall  high  brick 
block,  wuz  a  tablet,  showin'  that  a  tree  once  stood 
jest  there,  under  which  Burgoyne  surrendered.  And 
agin,  when  I  thought  of  all  that  he  surrendered  that 
day,  and  all  that  America  and  the  world  gained,  my 
emotions  riz  up  so  powerful,  that  they  wuzn't  quelled 
down  a  mite,  by  seein'  right  on  the  other  side  of  the 
house  wrote  down  these  words,  "  Drugs,  Oils,  etc." 

No,  oil  couldn't  smooth  'em  down,  nor  drugs  drug 
'em ;  they  wuz  too  powerful.  And  they  lasted  jest 
as  soarin'  and  eloquent  as  ever  till  we  turned  down  a 
cross  street,  and  arrove  at  the  place,  jest  the  identical 
spot  where  the  British  stacked  their  arms  (and  stacked 


328  A  MOTHER'S  SOUL. 

all  their  pride,  and  their  ambitious  hopes  with  'em). 
It  made  a  high  pile. 

Wall,  from  there  we  went  up  to  a  house  on  a  hill, 
where  poor  Baroness  Riedesel  hid  with  her  three 
little  children,  amongst  the  wounded  and  dyin'  offi 
cers  of  the  British  army,  and  stayed  there  three  days 
and  three  nights,  while  shots  and  shells  wuz  a  bom- 
bardin'  the  little  house — and  not  knowin'  but  some 
of  the  shots  had  gone  through  her  lover  husband's 
heart,  before  they  struck  the  low  ruff  over  her  head. 

What  do  you  s'pose  she  wuz  a  thinkin'  on  as  she 
lay  hid  in  that  suller  all  them  three  days  and  three 
nights  with  her  little  girls'  heads  in  her  lap?  Jest 
the  same  thoughts  that  a  mother  thinks  to-day,  as  she 
cowers  down  with  the  children  she  loves,  to  hide  from 
danger ;  jest  the  same  thoughts  that  a  wife  thinks  to 
day  when  her  heart  is  out  a  facing  Danger  and  death, 
with  the  man  she  loves. 

She  faced  danger,  and  died  a  hundred  deaths  in  the 
thought  of  the  danger  to  them  she  loved.  I  see  the 
very  splinters  that  the  cruel  shells  and  cannon  balls 
split  and  tore  right  over  her  head.  Good  honorable 
splinters  and  not  skairful  to  look  at  to-day,  but  hard, 
and  piercin,'  and  harrowin'  through  them  days  and 
nights. 

Time  has  trampled  over  that  calash  she  rode  round 
so  much  in  (I  wish  I  could  a  seen  it) ;  but  Time  has 
ground  it  down  into  dust.  Time's  hand,  quiet  but 
heavy,  rested  down  on  the  shinin'  heads  of  the  three 


ON   TO    OBLIVION.  329 

little  girls,  and  their  Pa  and  Ma,  and  pushed  'em 
gently  but  firmly  down  out  of  sight ;  and  all  of  them 
savages  who  used  to  follow  that  calash  as  it  rolled  on 
wards,  and  all  their  canoes,  and  war  hoops,  and  snow- 
shoes,  etc.,  etc. 

Yes,  that  calash  of  Miss  Riedesel  has  rolled  away, 
rolled  away  years  ago,  carryin'  the  three  little  girls, 
their  Pa  and  Ma  and  all  the  fears,  and  hopes,  and 
dreads,  and  joys,  and  heartaches  of  that  time  it  has 
rolled  on  with  'em  all ;  on,  on,  down  the  dusty  road 
of  Oblivion, — it  has  disappeared  there  round  the  turn 
of  road,  and  a  cloud  of  dust  comes  up  into  our  faces, 
as  we  try  to  follow  it.  And  the  Injuns  that  used  to 
howl  round  it,  have  all  follered  on  the  trail  of  that 
calash,  and  gone  on,  on,  out  of  sight.  Their  canoes 
have  drifted  away  down  the  blue  Hudson,  away  off 
into  the  mist  and  the  shadows.  Curius,  haint  it  ? 

And  there  the  same  hills  and  valleys  lay,  calm  and 
placid,  there  is  the  same  blue  sparklin'  Hudson. 
Dretful  curius,  and  sort  a  heart  breakin'  to  think  on't 
• — haint  it  ?  Only  jest  a  few  more  years  and  we,  too, 
shall  go  round  the  turn  of  the  road,  out  of  sight, — 
out  of  sight,  and  a  cloud  of  dust  will  come  up  and 
hide  us  from  the  faces  of  them  that  love  us,  and 
them,  too,  from  the  eyes  of  a  newer  people. 

All  our  hopes,  all  our  ambitions,  all  our  loves,  our 
joys,  our  sorrows, — all,  all  will  be  rolled  away  or 
floated  away  down  the  river,  and  the  ripples  will  rip 
ple  on  jest  as  happy ;  the  sunshine  will  kiss  the  hills 


330 


PASSING  AWAY. 


jest  as  warmly,  and  lovin'ly ;  but  other  eyes  will  look 
on  'em,  other  hearts  will  throb  and  burn  within  'er* 
at  the  sight. 

Kinder  sad  to  think  on,  haint  it  ? 


XVIII. 

THE  SOCIAL  SCIENCE   MEETING. 

ONE  day  Josiah  and  me  went  into  a  meetin'  where 
they  wuz  kinder  fixin'  over  the  world,  sort  a  repairin' 
of  it,  as  you  may  say.  Some  of  the  deepest,  smartest 
speeches  I  ever  hearn  in  my  life,  I  hearn  there. 

You  know  it  is  a  middlin'  deep  subject.  But  they 
rose  to  it.  They  rose  nobly  to  it.  Some  wuz  for 
repairin'  it  one  way,  and  some  another — some  wanted 
to  kinder  tinker  it  up,  and  make  it  over  like.  Some 
wanted  to  tear  it  to  pieces,  and  build  it  over  new.  But 
they  all  meant  well  by  the  world,  and  nobody 
could  help  respectin'  'em. 

I  enjoyed  them  hours  there  with  'em,  jest  about  as 
well  as  it  is  in  my  power  to  enjoy  anything.  They 
wuz  all  on  'em  civilized  Christian  folks  and  philan 
thropists  of  different  shades  and  degrees,  all  but  one. 
There  wuz  one  heathen  there.  A  Hindoo  right  from 
Hindoostan,  and  I  felt  kinder  sorry  for  him.  A 
heathen  sot  right  in  the  midst  of  them  folks  of  refine 
ment,  and  culture,  who  had  spent  their  hull  lives  a 
tryin'  to  fix  over  the  world,  and  make  it  good. 

This  poor  little  heathen,  with  a  white  piller 

331 


332  QUEER  PROCEEDINGS. 

or  sunthin'  wound  round  his  head  (I  s'pose  he  hadn't 
money  to  buy  a  hat),  and  his  small  black  eyes  lookin' 
out  kinder  side  ways  from  his  dark  hombly  little  face, 
rousted  up  my  pity,  and  my  sympathy.  There  had 
been  quite  a  firm  speech  made  against  allowin'  for 
eigners  on  our  shores.  And  this  little  heathen,  in 
his  broken  speech,  said,  It  all  seemed  so  funny  to  him, 
when  everybody  wuz  foreigners  in  this  country,  to 
think  that  them  that  got  here  first  should  say  they 
owned  it,  and  send  everybody  else  back.  And  he 
said,  It  seemed  funny  to  him,  that  the  missionarys  we 
sent  over  to  his  land  to  teach  them  the  truth,  told 
them  all  about  this  land  of  Liberty,  wlier*.  everybody 
wuz  free,  and  everybody  could  earn  a  home  for  them 
selves,  and  urged  'em  all  to  come  over  here,  and  then 
when  they  broke  away  from  all  that  held  'em  in  their 
own  land,  and  came  thousands  and  thousands  of  milds, 
to  get  to  this  land  of  freedom  and  religion, — then 
they  wuz  sent  back  agin,  and  wuzn't  allowed  to  land. 
It  seemed  so  funny. 

And  so  it  did  to  me.  And  I  said  to  myself,  I 
wonder  if  they  don't  lose  all  faith  in  the  missionarys, 
and  what  they  tell  them.  I  wonder  if  they  don't 
have  doubts  about  the  other  free  country  they  tell  'em 
about.  The  other  home  they  have  urged  'em  to 
prepare  for,  and  go  to.  I  wonder  if  they  haint 
afraid,  that  when  they  have  left  their  own  country 
and  sailed  away  for  that  home  of  Everlastin'  freedom, 
they  will  be  sent  back  agin,  and  not  allowed  to  land 


A  HEFTY  JOB.  3*3 

But  it  comferted  me  quite  a  good  deal  to  meditate 
on't,  that  that  land  didn't  have  no  laws  aginst  foreign 
emigration.  That  its  ruler  wuz  one  who  held  the 
rights  of  the  lowest,  and  poorest,  and  most  ignerent 
of  His  children,  of  jest  as  much  account  as  he  did  the 
rights  of  a  king.  Thinkses  I  that  poor  little  head 
with  the  piller  case  on  it  will  be  jest  as  much  looked 
up  to,  as  if  it  wuz  white  and  had  a  crown  on  it.  And 
I  felt  real  glad  to  think  it  wuz  so. 

But  I  went  to  every  meetin'  of  'em,  and  enjoyed 
every  one  of  'em  with  a  deep  enjoyment.  And  I  said 
then,  and  I  say  now,  for  folks  that  had  took  such  a 
hefty  job  as  they  had,  they  done  well,  nobody  could 
do  better,  and  if  the  world  wuzn't  improved  by  their 
talk  it  wuz  the  fault  of  the  world,  and  not  their'n. 

And  we  went  to  meetin'  on  Sunday  mornin'  and 
night,  and  hearn  good  sermons.  There's  several  high 
big  churches  at  Saratoga,  of  every  denomination,  and 
likely  folks  belong  to  the  hull  on  'em.  There  is  no 
danger  of  folks  losin'  their  way  to  Heaven  unless  they 
want  to,  and  they  can  go  on  their  own  favorite  paths 
too,  be  they  blue  Presbyterian  paths,  or  Methodist 
pasters,  or  by  the  Baptist  boat,  or  the  Episcopalian 
high  way,  or  the  Catholic  covered  way,  or  the  Unitar 
ian  Broadway,  or  the  Shadow  road  of  Spiritualism. 

No  danger  of  their  losin'  their  way  unless  they  want 
to.  And  I  thought  to  myself  as  I  looked  pensively  at  the 
different  steeples,  "  What  though  there  might  be  a  good 

deal  of  wranglin',  and  screechin',  and  puffin'  off  steam, 
22 


334  JOSIAWS  SCHEME. 

at  the  different  stations,  as  there  must  always  be 
where  so  many  different  routes  are  a  layin'  side  by 
side,  each  with  its  own  different  runners,  and  conduct 
ors,  and  porters,  and  managers,  and  blowers,  still  it 
must  be,  that  the  separate  high  ways  would  all  end  at 
last  in  a  serener  road,  where  the  true  wayfarers  and 
the  earnest  pilgrims  would  all  walk  side  by  side,  and 
forget  the  very  name  of  the  station  they  sot  out  from. 

I  sez  as  much  to  my  companion,  as  we  wended  our 
way  home  from  one  of  the  meetin's,  and  he  sez, 
"  There  haint  but  one  right  way,  and  it  is  a  pity  folks 
can't  see  it."  Sez  he  a  sithin'  deep,  "Why  can't 
everybody  be  Methodists?" 

We  wuz  a  goin'  by  the  'Piscopal  church  then,  and 
he  sez  a  lookin'  at  it,  as  if  he  wuz  sorry  for  it,  "  What 
a  pity  that  such  likely  folks  as  they  be,  should  be 
lieve  in  such  eronious  doctrines.  Why,"  sez  he,  "  I 
have  hearn  that  they  believe  that  the  bread  at  com 
munion  is  changed  into  sunthin'  else.  What  a  pity 
that  they  should  believe  anything  so  strange  as  that 
is,  when  there  is  a  good,  plain,  practical,  Christian 
belief  that  they  might  believe  in, — when  they  might 
be  Methodists.  And  the  Baptists  now,"  sez  he,  a 
glancin'  back  at  their  steeple,  "why  can't  they  be 
lieve  that  a  drop  is  as  good  as  a  fountain  ?  Why  do 
they  want  to  believe  in  so  much  water?  There  haint 
no  need  on't.  They  might  be  Methodists  jest  as  well 
as  not,  and  be  somebody." 

And  he  walked  along  pensively  and  in  deep  thought, 


WHAT  CHURCH  TO  JINE.  335 

and  I  a  feelin'  somewhat  tuckered  didn't  argue  with 
him,  and  silence  rained  about  us  till  we  got  in  front 
of  the  hall  where  the  Spiritualists  hold  their  meetin's, 
and  we  met  a  few  a  comin'  out  on  it  and  then  he 
broke  out  and  acted  mad,  awful  mad  and  skernful, 
and  sez  he  angrily,  "  Them  dumb  fools  believe  in 
supernatural  things.  They  don't  have  a  shadow  of 
reason  or  common  sense  to  stand  on.  A  man  is  a  fool 
to  gin  the  least  attention  to  them,  or  their  doin's. 
Why  can't  they  believe  sunthin*  sensible  ?  Why  can't 
they  jine  a  church  that  don't  have  anything  curius  in 
it?  Nothin'  but  plain,  common  sense  facts  in  it: 
Why  can't  they  be  Methodists  ?  " 

"  The  idee !  "  sez  he,  a  breakin'  out  fresh.  "  The 
idee  of  believin'  that  folks  that  have  gone  to  the  other 
world  can  come  back  agin  and  appear.  Shaw  ! "  sez 
he,  dretful  loud  and  bold.  I  don't  believe  I  ever 
heard  a  louder  shaw  in  my  life  than  that  wuz,  or  more 
kinder  haughty  and  highheaded. 

And  then  I  spoke  up,  and  sez,  "  Josiah,  it  is  always 
well,  to  shaw  in  the  right  place,  and  I  am  afraid  you 
haint  studied  on  it  as  much  as  you  ort.  I  am  afraid 
you  haint  a  shawm'  where  you  ort  to." 

"  Where  should  I  shaw  ?  "  sez  he,  kinder  snappish. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  when  you  condemn  other  folkses 
beliefs,  you  ort  to  be  careful  that  you  haint  a  con- 
demin'  your  own  belief  at  the  same  time.  Now  my 
belief  is  grounded  in  the  Methodist  meetin'  house 
like  a  rock ;  my  faith  has  cast  its  ancher  there  inside 


336  THE   SUPERNATURAL. 

of  her  beliefs  and  can't  be  washed  round  by  any 
waves  of  opposin'  doctrines.  But  I  am  one  who  can't 
now,  nor  never  could,  abide  bigotry  and  intolerance 
either  in  a  Pope,  or  a  Josiah  Allen. 

"  And  when  you  condemn  a  belief  simply  on  the 
ground  of  its  bein'  miraculous  and  beyond  your  com 
prehension,  Josiah  Allen,  you  had  better  pause  and 
consider  on  what  the  Methodist  faith  is  founded. 

"All  our  orthodox  meetin'  houses,  Presbyterian, 
Baptist,  Methodist,  Episcopalian,  every  one  on  'em, 
Josiah  Allen,  are  sot  down  on  a  belief,  a  deathless 
faith  in  a  miraculous  birth,  a  life  of  supernatural 
events,  the  resurrection  of  the  dead,  His  appearance 
after  death,  a  belief  in  the  graves  openin'  and  the 
dead  comin'  forth,  a  belief  in  three  persons  inhabitin' 
one  soul,  the  constant  presence  and  control  of  spirit 
ual  influences,  the  Holy  Ghost,  and  the  spirits  of  just 
men.  And  while  you  are  a  leanin'  up  against  that 
belief,  Josiah  Allen,  and  a  leanin'  heavy,  don't  shaw 
at  any  other  belief  for  the  qualities  you  hold  sacred  in 
your  own." 

He  quailed  a  very  little,  and  I  went  on. 

"  If  you  want  to  shaw  at  it,  shaw  for  sunthin'  else 
in  it,  or  else  let  it  entirely  alone.  If  you  think  it 
lacks  active  Christian  force,  if  you  think  it  is  not  ar- 
gressive  in  its  assaults  at  Sin,  if  you  think  it  lacks 
faith  in  the  Divine  Head  of  the  church,  say  so,  do  •, 
but  for  mercy's  sake  try  to  shaw  in  the  right  place." 

"  Wall,"  sez  he,  "  they  are  a  low  set  that  follers  ft 


NO  BIGOTRY.  337 

up  mostly,  and  you  know  it."  And  his  head  was 
right  up  in  the  air,  and  he  looked  very  skernful. 

But  I  sez,  "  Josiah  Allen,  you  are  a  shawin'  agin  in 
the  wrong  place/'  sez  I.  "If  what  you  say  is  true, 
remember  that  1800  years  ago,  the  same  cry  wuz  riz 
up  by  Pharisees,  '  He  eats  with  Publicans  and  sinners.' 
They  would  not  have  a  king  who  came  in  the  guise 
of  the  poor,  they  scerned  a  spiritual  truth  that  did 
not  sparkle  with  worldly  lustre, 

"  But  it  shone  on ;  it  lights  the  souls  of  humanity 
to-day.  Let  us  not  be  afraid,  Josiah  Allen.  Truth 
is  a  jewel  that  cannot  be  harmed  by  deepest  investiga 
tion,  by  roughest  handlin'.  It  can't  be  buried,  it  will 
shine  out  of  the  deepest  darkness.  What  is  false  will 
be  washed  away,  what  is  true  will  remain.  For  all 
this  frettin',  and  chafing,  all  this  turbeleno;  of  con- 
flectin'  beliefs,  opposin'  wills,  will  only  polish  this 
jewel.  Truth,  calm  and  serene,  will  endure,  will 
shine,  will  light  up  the  world." 

He  begun  to  look  considerable  softer  in  mean,  and 
I  continued  on  :  "  Josiah  Allen,  you  and  I  know  what 
we  believe  the  beautiful  religion  (Methodist  Episcopal) 
that  we  both  love,  makes  a  light  in  our  two  souls. 
But  don't  let  us  stand  in  that  light  and  yell  out,  that 
everybody  else's  light  is  darkness ;  that  our  light  is 
the  only  one.  No,  the  heavens  are  over  all  the  earth  ; 
the  twelve  gates  of  heaven  are  open  and  a  shinin* 
down  on  all  sides  of  us. 

"  Jonesville  meetin'   house  (Methodist   Episcopal) 


338  OPEN  GATES. 

haint  the  only  medium  through  which  the  light 
streams.  It  is  dear  to  us,  Josiah  Allen,  but  let  us 
not  think  that  we  must  coller  everybody  and  drag 
'em  into  it.  And  let  us  not  cry  out  too  much  at  other 
folkses  superstitions,  when  the  rock  of  our  own  faith, 
that  comforts  us  in  joy  and  sorrow,  is  sot  in  a  sea  of 
s  upernatu  ralism. 

"  You  know  how  that  faith  comforts  our  two  souls, 
how  it  is  to  us,  like  the  shadow  of  a  great  rock  in  a 
weary  land,  but  they  say,  their  belief  is  the  same  to 
them,  let  us  not  judge  them  too  hardly.  No,  the 
twelve  gates  of  heaven  are  open,  Josiah  Allen,  and  a 
shin  in'  down  onto  the  earth.  We  know  the  light  that 
has  streamed  into  our  own  souls,  but  we  do  not  know 
exactly  what  rays  of  radience  may  have  been  reflected 
down  into  some  other  lives  through  some  one  of  those 
many  gates. 

"  The  plate  below  hay  \&  be  prepared,  before  it  can 
ketch  the  picture  and  hold  it.  The  light  does  not 
strike  back  the  same  reflection  from  every  earthly 
thing.  The  serene  lake  mirrors  back  the  light,  in  a 
calm  flood  of  glory,  the  flashin'  waterfall  breaks  it  into 
a  thousand  dazzliu'  sparkles.  The  dewy  petal  of  the 
yellow  field  lily,  reflects  its  own  ray  of  golden  light 
back,  so  does  the  dark  cone  of  the  pine  tree,  and  the 
diamond,  the  opal,  the  ruby,  each  tinges  the  light  witli 
its  own  coloring,  but  the  light  is  all  from  above.  And 
they  all  reflect  the  light,  in  their  own  way  for  which 
thr  Divine  skill  has  prepared  them. 


WHAT  WE  SEE.  339 

"Let  us  not  try  to  compel  the  deep  blue  Ocean 
waves  and  the  shinin'  waterfall,  and  the  lily  blow,  to 
reflect  back  the  light,  in  the  same  identical  manner. 
No,  let  the  light  stream  down  into  high  places,  and 
low  ones,  let  the  truth  shine  into  dark  hearts,  and 
into  pure  souls.  God  is  light.  God  is  Love.  It  is 
His  light  that  shines  down  out  of  the  twelve  gates, 
and  though  the  ruby,  or  the  amethyst,  may  color  it 
by  their  own  medium,  the  light  that  is  reflected,  back 
is  the  light  of  Heaven.  And  Josiah  Allen,"  sez  I  in 
a  deeper,  earnester  tone,  "  let  us  who  know  so  little 
ourselves,  be  patient  with  other  ignerent  ones.  Let 
us  not  be  too  intolerent,  for  no  intolerence,  Josiah 
Allen  is  so  cruel  as  that  of  ignerence,  an'  stupidity." 

Sez  Josiah,  "  I  won't  believe  in  anything  I  can't 
see,  Samantha  Allen." 

I  jest  looked  round  at  him  witheringly,  and  sez  I, 
"  What  have  you  ever  seen,  Josiah  Allen,  I  mean  that 
is  worth  seein'?  Haint  everything  that  is  worth 
havin'  in  life,  amongst  the  unseen  ?  The  deathless 
loves,  the  aspirations,  the  deep  hopes,  and  faiths,  that 
live  in  us  and  through  us,  and  animate  us  and  keep 
us  alive, — Whose  spectacles  has  ever  seen  'em? 
What  are  we,  all  of  us  human  creeters,  any  way,  but 
little  atoms  dropped  here,  Heaven  knows  why,  or  how, 
into  the  midst  of  a  perfect  sea  of  mystery,  and  unseen 
influences.  What  hand  shoved  us  forwards  out  of 
the  shadows,  and  what  hand  will  reach  out  to  us  from 
the  shadows  and  draw  us  back  agin  ?  Have  you  seen 


340  MYSTERIES. 

it  Josiah  Allen?  You  have  felt  this  great  onseen 
force  a  movin'  you  along,  but  you  haint  sot  your  eyes 
on  it. 

"What  is  there  above  us,  below  us,  about  us,  but  a 
Waste  of  mystery,  a  power  of  onseen  influences  ? 

"  You  won't  believe  anything  you  can't  see  : — Did 
you  ever  see  old  Gravity,  Josiah  Allen,  or  get  ac 
quainted  with  him  ?  Yet  his  hands  hold  the  worlds 
together.  Who  ever  see  the  mysterious  sunthin'  in  the 
North  that  draws  the  ship's  compass  round  ?  Who 
ever  see  that  great  mysterious  hand  that  is  dropped 
down  in  the  water,  sweepin'  it  back  and  forth,  makin' 
the  tides  come  in,  and  the  tides  go  out  ?  Who  ever 
has  ketched  a  glimpse  of  them  majestic  fingers,  Josiah 
Allen?  Or  the  lips  touched  with  lightnin',  whose 
whispers  reach  round  the  world,  and  through  the 
Ocean  ?  You  haint  see  'em,  nor  I  haint,  No,  Josiah 
Allen,  we  don't  know  much  of  anything,  and  we 
don't  know  that  for  certain.  We  are  all  on  us  only 
poor  pupils  down  in  the  Earth's  school-room,  learnin' 
with  difficulty  and  heart  ache  the  lessons  God  sets 
for  us. 

"Tough  old  Experience  gives  us  many  a  hard 
floggin',  before  we  learn  the  day's  lessons.  And  we 
find  the  benches  hard,  long  before  sundown.  And  it 
makes  our  hearts  ache  to  see  the  mates  we  love  droop 
their  two  tired  heads  in  sleep,  all  round  us  before 
school  is  out.  But  we  grind  on  at  our  lessons,  as  best 
we  may.  Learnin'  a  little  maybe.  Havin'  to  onlearn 


SCHOOL    OF  EXPERIENCE.  34J 

a  sight,  as  the  pinters  move  on  towards  four.  Clasp 
ing  hands  with  fellow  toilers  and  (hard  task)  onclaspin' 
?em,  as  they  go  up  above  us,  or  down  nearer  the  foot. 
Havin'  little  '  intermissions '  of  enjoyment,  soon  over. 
But  we  plod  on,  on,  and  bimeby — and  sometimes  we 
think  we  do  not  care  how  soon — the  teacher  will  say 
to  us,  that  we  can  be  '  dismissed/  And  then  we 
shall  drop  out  of  the  rank  of  learners,  and  the  school 
will  go  without  us,  jest  as  busily,  jest  as  cheerfully, 
jest  as  laboriously,  jest  as  sadly.  Poor  learners  at 
the  hard  lessons  of  life.  Learn  in'  out  of  a  book  that 
is  held  out  to  us  from  the  shadows  by  an  onseen,  in 
exorable  hand.  Settin'  on  hard  benches  that  may  fall 
out  from  under  us  at  any  time.  Poor  ignerent  cree- 
ters  that  we  are,  would  it  not  be  a  too  arrant  folly  for 
us  to  judge  each  other  hardly,  we,  all  on  us,  so  de 
plorably  ignerent,  so  weakly  helpless  ?  " 

Sez  Josiah,  in  earnest  axcents,  "  Le's  walk  a  little 
faster." 

And,  in  lookin'  up,  1  see  that  he  wuz  readin'  a  ad 
vertisement.  I  ketched  sight  of  a  picture  ornamentin' 
of  it.  It  wuz  Lydia  Pinkham.  And  as  I  see  that 
benine  face,  I  found  and  recovered  myself.  Truly,  I 
had  been  a  soarin'  up,  up,  fur  above  Saratoga,  Patent 
Medicines,  Josiah  Allen,  etc.,  etc. 

But  when  I  found  myself  by  the  side  of  Josiah 
Allen  once  more,  I  moved  onwards  in  silence,  and 
soon  we  found  ourselves  right  by  the  haven  where  I 


342 


AT  THE  HAVEN. 


desired  to  be,— our  own   tried  and  true    boardin* 
house. 

Truly  eloquence  is  tuckerin',  very,  especially  when 
you  are  a  soarin'  and  a  walkin'  at  the  same  time. 


XIX. 

8T.  CHRISTINA'S  HOME. 

WALL,  it  wuz  that  very  afternoon,  almost  imme* 
getly  after  dinner,  that  Josiah  Allen  invited  me 
warmly  to  go  with  him  to  the  Roller  Coaster.  And 
I  compromised  the  matter  by  his  goin'  with  us  first 
to  St.  Christina's  Home,  and  then,  I  told  him,  I 
would  proceed  with  him  to  the  place  where  he  would 
be.  They  wuz  both  on  one  road,  nigh  to  each  other, 
and  he  consented  after  some  words. 

I  felt  dretfully  interested  in  this  Home,  for  it  is-a 
place  where  poor  little  sick  children  are  took  to,  out 
of  their  miserable,  stiflin',  dirty  garrets^trnd  cellars, 
and  kep'  and  made  well  and  happy  in  their  ^ifeasant, 
home-like  surroundin's.  And  I  thought  to  mySfclf, 
as  I  looked  ont  on  the  big  grounds  surrounding  it, 
and  walked  through  the  clean  wide  rooms,  that  the 
change  to  these  children,  brought  out  of  their  narrow 
dark  homes  of  want  and  woe,  into  this  great  sun 
shiny  Home  with  its  clean  fresh  rooms,  its  good  food, 
its  cheery  Christian  atmosphere,  its  broad  sunshiny 
playgrounds,  must  seem  like  enterin'  Paradise  to  'em. 

And  I  thought  to  myself  how  thankful  I  wuz  that 

343 


344  CLEAN  AS  A   PIN. 

this  pleasant  House  Beautiful,  wuz  prepared  for  the 
rest  and  refreshment  of  the  poor  little  pilgrims,  worn 
out  so  early  in  the  march  of  life.  And  I  further 
thinkses  I,  "  Heaven  bless  the  kind  heart  that  first 
thought  on't,  and  carried  out  the  heavenly  idee." 

The  children's  faces  all  looked  so  happy,  and 
bright,  it  wuz  a  treat  to  see  'em.  And  the  face  of  the 
sister  who  showed  us  round  the  rooms  looked  as  calm, 
and  peaceful,  and  happy,  as  if  her  face  wuz  the  sun 
from  which  their  little  lights  wuz  reflected. 

Up  amongst  the  rooms  overhead,  every  one  on  'em 
clean  as  a  pin  and  sweet  and  orderly,  wuz  one  room  that 
specially  attracted  my  attention.  It  wuz  a  small  chapel 
where  the  little  ones  wuz  took  to  learn  their  prayers 
and  say  'em.  It  wuzn't  a  big,  barren  barn  of  a  room, 
such  as  I  have  often  seen  in  similar  places,  and  which 
I  have  always  thought  must  impress  the  children 
with  a  awful  sense  of  the  immensity  and  lonesomeness 
of  space,  and  the  intangebility,  and  distance  of  the 
Great  Spirit  who  inhabiteth  Eternity.  No,  it  wuz 
small,  and  cozy,  and  cheerful,  like  a  home.  And  the 
stained  glass  window  held  a  beautiful  picture  of 
love  and  charity,  which  might  well  touch  the  chil 
dren's  hearts,  sweetly  and  unconsciously,  with  the 
divine  worth  of  love,  and  beauty,  and  goodness. 

And  I  could  fancy  the  dear  little  ones  kneelin* 
here,  and  prayin'  "Our  Father,  who  art  in  Heaven," 
and  feelin'  that  He  wuz  indeed  their  Father,  and  not 
a  stranger,  and  that  Heaven  wuz  not  fur  off  from  'em, 


346  WASTING    TIME. 

And  I  thought  to  myself "  Never !  never !  through 
all  their  life  will  they  get  entirely  away  from  the 
pure,  sweet  lessons  they  learn  here." 

I  enjoyed  the  hour  I  spent  here  with  a  deep,  heart 
enjoyment,  and  so  did  Josiah.  Or,  that  is,  I  guess 
he  did,  though  he  whispered  to  me  from  time  to  time, 
or  even  oftener,  as  we  went  through  the  buildin', 
that  we  wuz  a  devourin'  time  that  we  might  be 
spendin*  at  the  Roller  Coaster. 

"Wall,  at  last,  greatly  to  my  pardner's  satisfaction, 
we  sot  out  for  the  place  where  he  fain  would  be.  On 
our  way  there  we  roamed  through  another  Indian 
Encampment,  a  smaller  one  than  that  where  we  had 
the  fearful  incident  of  the  Mermaid  and  Sarah. 

No,  it  wuzn't  so  big,  but  it  had  many  innocent  di 
versions  and  a  photograph  gallery,  and  other  things 
for  its  comfert.  And  a  standiri'  up  a  leanin'  aginst 
a  tree,  by  one  of  the  little  houses  stood  a  Injun.  He 
wuz  one  of  the  last  left  of  his  tribe.  He  seemed  to 
be  a  lookin'  pensively  on — and  seein'  how  the  land 
that  had  belonged  to  'em,  the  happy  huntin'-grounds, 
the  springs  they  believed  the  Great  Spirit  had  gin  to 
'em,  had  all  passed  away  into  the  hands  of  another 
race. 

I  wuz  sorry  for  that  Injun,  real  sorry.  And 
thinkses  I  to  myself,  we  feel  considerable  pert  now, 
and  lively,  but  who  knows  in  another  three  or  four 
hundred  years,  but  what  one  of  the  last  of  our  race, 
may  be  a  leanin'  up  aginst  some  new  tree,  right  in 


ARDELIA   AND  BIAt.,  347 

the  bc*me  spot,  a  watehin'  the  old  places  passed  away 
into  other  hands,  raebby  black  hands,  or  some  other 
colored  ones;  mebby  yellow  ones,  who  knows?  I 
don't,  nor  Josiah  don't.  But  my  pardner  wuz  a  hur- 
ryin'  me  on,  so  I  dropped  my  revery  and  my  umberell 
in  my  haste  to  foller  on  after  his  footsteps. 

Josiah  picked  up  my  umberell,  but  he  couldn't 
pick  up  my  soarin'  emotions  for  me.  No,  he  haint 
never  been  able  to  get  holt  of  'em.  But  suffice  it  to 
say,  that  soon,  preceded  by  my  companion,  I  found 
myself  a  mountin'  the  nearly  precipitus  stairs,  that 
led  to  the  Roller  Coaster. 

And  havin'  reached  the  spot,  who  should  we  find 
there  but  Ardelia  Tutt  and  Bial  Flamburg.  They 
had  been  on  the  Roller  Coaster  seven  times  in  succes 
sion,  and  the  car.  And  they  wuz  now  a  sittin'  down 
to  recooperate  their  energies,  and  collect  their  scattered 
wits  together.  The  Roller  Coaster  is  very  scatterin' 
to  wits  that  are  not  collected  firm  and  sound,  and  ce 
mented  by  strong  common  sense. 

The  reason  why  the  Roller  Coaster  don't  scatter 
such  folkses  wits  is  supposed  to  be  because,  they  don't 
go  on  to  it.  Ardelia  looked  as  if  her  idees  wuz  scat 
tered  to  the  four  pints  of  the  compass.  As  for  Bial, 
_'t  seemed  to  me,  as  if  he  never  had  none  to  scatter. 
But  he  spoke  out  to  once,  and  said,  he  didn't  care  to 
ride  on  'em.  (Bial  Flamburg's  strong  pint,  is  his 
truthfulness,  I  can't  deny  that.) 

Ardelia  wouldn't  own  up  but  what  she  enjoyed  it 


348  JOSIAWS  HOPES. 

dretfully.  You  know  folks  are  most  always  so.  If 
they  partake  of  a  pleasure  and  recreation  that  is 
doubtful  in  its  effects,  they  will  always  say,  what  a  high 
extreme  of  enjoyment  they  enjoyed  a  partakin'  of  it. 
Curius,  haint  it  ?  "  Wall,  Josiah  had  been  anticipatin' 
so  much  enjoyment  from  the  exercise,  that  I  didn't 
make  no  move  to  prevent  him  from  embarkin'  on  it — • 
though  it  looked  hazardous  and  dangerous  in  the  ex 
treme. 

I  looked  down  on  the  long  valleys,  and  precipitous 
heights  of  the  assents  and  desents,  in  which  my  pard- 
ner  wuz  so  soon  to  be  assentin'  and  desentin*  and  I 
trembled,  and  wuz  jest  about  to  urge  him  to  forego 
his  diversion,  for  the  sake  of  his  pardner's  happiness, 
but  as  I  turned  to  expostulate  with  him,  I  see  the 
beautiful,  joyous,  hopeful  look  on  his  liniment,  and 
the  words  fell  almost  dead  on  my  tongue.  I  felt  that 
I  had  ruther  suffer  in  silence  than  to  say  one  word  to 
mar  that  biiss. 

Such  is  the  love  of  pardners,  and  such  is  some  of 
the  agonies  they  suffer  silently  to  save  from  woundin' 
the  more  opposite  one.  No,  I  said  not  a  word  ;  but 
silently  sat,  and  see  him  makin'  his  preparations  to 
embark.  He  see  the  expression  onto  my  face,  and  he 
too  wuz  touched  by  it.  He  never  said  one  word  to 
me  about  embarkin'  too,  which  I  laid  to  two  reasons. 
One  wuz  my  immovable  determination  not  to  embark 
on  the  voyage,  which  I  had  confided  to  him  before, 


GOOD-BYE.  349 

And  the  other  wuz,  the  added  expenses  of  the  journey 
\f  he  took  his  companion  with  him. 

No,  I  felt  that  he  thought  it  wuz  better  we  should 
part  temporarily  than  that  the  expenditure  should  be 
doubled.  But  as  the  time  drew  near  for  him  to  leave 
me,  I  see  by  his  meen  that  he  felt  bad  about  leavin* 
me.  He  realized  what  a  companion  I  had  been  to 
him.  He  realized  the  safety  and  repose  he  had  always 
found  at  my  side  and  the  unknown  dangers  he  wuz  a 
rushin'  into. 

And  he  got  up  and  silently  shook  hands  with  me. 
He  would  have  kissed  me,  I  make  no  doubt,  if  folks 
hadn't  been  a  standin'  by.  He  then  embarked,  and 
with  lightnin'  speed  wuz  bore  away  from  me,  as  he 
dissapeared  down  the  desent,  his  few  gray  hairs  waved 
back,  and  as  he  went  over  the  last  precipitus  hill,  I 
heard  him  cry  out  in  agonizin'  axents,  "  Samantha ! 
Samantha ! " 

And  I  rushed  forwards  to  his  rescue  but  so  light 
nin'  quick  wuz  their  movements  that  I  met  my  com 
panion  a  comin'  back,  and  I  sez,  the  first  thing,  "  I 
heard  your  cry,  Josiah  !  I  rushed  to  save  you,  my 
dear  pardner." 

"  Yes,"  sez  he,  "  I  spoke  out  to  you,  to  call  your 
attention  to  the  landscape,  over  the  woods  there  !  '* 

I  looked  at  him  in  a  curious,  still  sort  of  a  way, 
and  didn't  say  nothin'  only  just  that  look.  Why, 
that  man  looked  °\1  trembly  and  broke  up,  but  he  kep' 
on. 


350  JOSIAH  SCREAMS. 

"  Yes,  it  wuz  beautiful  and  inspiring  and  I  knew 
you  wuz  such  a  case  for  landscapes,  I  thought  I  would 
call  your  attention  to  it." 

Sez  I,  coldly,  "  You  wuz  skairt,  Josiah  Allen,  and 
you  know  it." 

"  Skairt !  the  idee  of  me  bein'  skairt.  I  wuz  callin* 
your  attention  to  the  beauty  of  the  view,  over  in  the 
woods." 

"  What  wuz  it  ?  "  sez  I,  still  more  coldly  ;  for  1 
can't  bear  deceit,  and  coverin'  up. 

"  Oh,  it  wuz  a  house,  and  a  tree,  and  a  barn,  and 
things." 

"A  great  seen  to  scream  about,"  sez  I.  "  It  would 
probable  have  stood  there  till  you  got  back,  but  you 
couldn't  seem  to  wait." 

"  No,  I  have  noticed  that  you  always  wanted  to  see 
things  to  once.  I  have  noticed  it  in  you." 

"  I  could  most  probable  have  waited  till  you  got 
back,  to  see  a  house  and  a  tree."  And  in  still  more 
frigid  axents,  I  added,  "Or  a  barn."  And  I  sez, 
kinder  sarkastikly,  "You  enjoyed  your  ride,  I  s'pose." 

"Immensely,  it  wuz  perfectly  beautiful  !  So  sort  a 
free  and  soarin'  like.  It  is  jest  what  suits  a  man." 

"  You'd  better  go  right  over  it  agin,"  sez  I. 

"  Yes,"  sez  the  man  who  runs  the  cars.  "  You'd 
better  go  agin." 

"  Oh  no,"  sez  Josiah. 

"Why not? "sez  I. 

"  Why  not  ?  "  sez  the  man. 


"KINDER   CLOUDY."  351 

Josiah  Allen  looked  all  around  the  room,  and  down 
on  the  grass,  as  if  trying  to  find  a  good  reasonable 
excuse  a  layin'  round  loose  somewhere,  so's  he  could 
get  holt  of  it. 

"  You'd  better  go,"  sez  I,  "  I  love  to  see  you  happy, 
Josiah  Allen." 

"  Yes,  you'd  better  go,"  sez  the  man. 

"  No !  "  sez  Josiah,  still  a  lookin'  round  for  a  excuse, 
up  into  the  heavens  and  onto  the  horizon.  And  at 
last  his  face  kinder  brightenin'  up,  as  if  he  had  found 
one :  "  No,  it  looks  so  kinder  cloudy,  I  guess  I  won't 
go.  I  think  we  shall  have  rain  between  now  and 
night."  And  so  we  said  no  more  on  the  subject  and 
sot  out  homewards. 

Ardelia  wrote  a  poem  on  the  occasion,  wrote  it 
right  there,  with  rapidity  and  a  lead  pencil,  and 
handed  it  to  me,  before  I  left  the  room.  I  put  it  into 
my  pocket  and  didn't  think  on  it,  for  some  days  after 
wards. 

That  night  after  we  got  home  from  the  Roller 
Coaster,  I  felt  dretful  sort  a  down  hearted  about 
Abram  Gee,  I  see  in  that  little  incident  of  the  day, 
that  Bial,  although  I  couldn't  like  him,  yet  I  see  he 
had  his  good  qualities,  I  see  how  truthful  he  wuz. 
And  although  I  love  truth — I  fairly  worship  it — yet 
I  felt  that  if  things  wuz  as  he  said  they  wuz,  he 
would  more'n  probable  get  Ardelia  Tutt,  for  I  know 
the  power  of  Ambition  in  her,  and  I  felt  that  she 


352  *    CRISIS  AT  HAND. 

would  risk  the  chances  of  happiness,  for  the  name  of 
bein'  a  Banker's  Bride. 

So  I  sat  there  in  deep  gloom,  and  a  chocolate 
colored  wrapper,  till  as  late  as  half  past  nine  o'clock 
p.  M.  And  I  felt  that  the  course  of  Abram's  love 
wuz  not  runnin'  smooth.  No,  I  felt  that  it  wuz  run- 
pin'  in  a  dwindlin'  torrent  over  a  rocky  bed,  and  a 
percepitus  one.  And  I  felt  that  if  he  wuz  with  me 
then  and  there,  if  we  didn't  mingle  our  tears  together 
we  could  our  sithes,  for  I  sithed,  powerful  and  fre 
quent. 

Poor  short-sighted  creeter  that  I  wuz,  a  settin'  in 
the  shadow,  when  the  sun  wuz  jest  a  gettin'  ready  to 
shine  out  onto  Abram  and  reflect  off  onto  my  envious 
heart.  Even  at  that  very  time  the  hand  of  righteous 
Retribution  had  slipped  its  sure  noose  over  Bial 
Flamburg's  neck,  and  wuz  a  walkin'  him  away  from 
Ardelia,  away  from  happiness  (oritory). 

At  that  very  hour,  half  past  nine  P.  M.,  Ardelia 
Tutt  and  Abram  Gee  had  met  agin,  and  rosy  love  and 
happiness  wuz  even  then  a  stringin'  roses  on  the 
chain  that  wuz  to  bind  'em  together  forever. 

The  way  on't  wuz :  It  bein'  early  when  Ardelia 
got  here,  Bial  proposed  to  take  her  out  for  a  drive  and 
she  consented.  He  got  a  livery  horse,  and  buggy,  and 
they  say  that  the  livery  man  knew  jest  what  sort  of  a 
creeter  the  horse  wuz,  and  knew  it  wuz  liable  to  break 
the  buggy  all  to  pieces  and  them  to,  and  he  let  'em 
have  it  for  goin-'  But  howsumever,  whether  that  is 


THE  BANKER.  353 

so  or  not,  when  they  got  about  five  or  six  milds  from 
Saratoga  the  horse  skeert  out  of  the  road,  and  throwed 
'em  both  out. 

It  wuz  a  bank  of  sand  that  skeert  it,  a  high  bank 
that  wuz  piled  up  by  a  little  hovel  that  stood  by  the 
side  of  the  road.  The  ground  all  round  the  hut  wua 
too  poor  to  raise  anything  else  but  sand,  and  had 
raised  sights  of  that. 

A  man  and  woman,  dretful  shabby  lookin',  wuz  a 
standin'  by  the  door  of  the  hut,  and  the  man  had  a 
shovel  in  his  hand,  and  had  been  a  loadin'  sand  into 
a  awful  big  wheelbarrow  that  wuz  a  standin'  by — 
seemin'ly  ready  to  carry  it  acrost  the  fields,  to  where 
some  man  wuz  a  mixin'  some  motar  to  lay  the 
foundations  of  a  barn. 

Wall,  the  old  man  stood  a  pantin'  by  the  side  of  the 
wheelbarrow,  as  if  he  had  indeed  got  on  too  heavy  a 
load.  It  wuz  piled  up  high.  The  horse  shied,  and 
Ardelia  wuz  throwed  right  out  onto  the  bank  of  sand, 
Bial  by  the  side  of  her.  And  the  old  man  and 
woman  came  a  runnin'  up,  and  callin'  out,  "  Bial,  my 
son,  my  son,  are  you  wounded  ?  " 

And  there  it  all  wuz.  Ardelia  see  the  hull  on  it. 
The  Banker  wuz  before  her,  and  she  wuz  a  lay  in'  on 
the  bank.  And  the  banker  wuz  a  doin'  a  heavy  busi 
ness,  if  anybody  doubted  it,  let  'em  take  holt  and 
cart  a  load  on  it  acrost  the  fields. 

Wall,  Ardelia  wuz  jarred  fearful,  in  her  heart,  her 
ambition,  her  pride,  and  her  bones.  And  as  th« 


KIND  BUT  COARSE.  355 

horse  wuz  a  fleein'  far  away,  and  no  other  convey 
ance  could  be  found  to  transport  her  to  the  next 
house  (Ardelia  wouldn't  go  into  his'n),  and  night  wuz 
approachin'  with  rapid  strides,  the  old  Banker  jest 
unloaded  the  load  of  sand  (good  old  creeter,  he  would 
have  to  load  it  all  over  agin),  and  took  Ardelia  into 
the  wheelbarrow,  and  wheeled  her  over  to  the  next 
house  and  unloaded  her. 

The  old  Banker  told  Ardelia  that  when  his  neigh 
bor  ^ot  home  he  would  take  her  back  to  Saratoga, 
which  he  did.  He  had  been  to  the  village  for  neces 
saries,  buthe  turned  right  round  and  carried  her  back 
to  Mr.  Pixleyses.  And  I  s'pose  Ardelia  paid  him, 
mebby  as  high  as  75  cents.  As  for  Bial,  he  tramped 
off  into  the  house,  and  she  didn't  see  him  agin,  nor 
didn't  want  to.  Wall,  I  s'pose  it  wuz  durin'  that 
ride  on  the  wheelbarrow,  that  Ardelia's  ambition 
quelled  to  softer  emotions.  I  s'pose  so.  She  never 
owned  it  right  up  to  me,  but  I  s?pose  so. 

Bial  Flamburg  hadn't  lied  a  word  to  her.  In  all 
her  agony  she  realized  that.  But  she  had  built  a  high 
towerin'  structure  of  ambition  ou  what  he  said,  and 
it  had  tottered.  And  as  is  natural  in  times  of  danger, 
the  heart  turns  instinctively  to  its  true  love,  she 
thought  of  Abram  Gee,  she  wanted  him.  And  as  if 
in  answer  to  her  deep  and  lovin'  thought,  who  should 
come  out  to  the  buggy  to  help  her  out  at  Mr.  Pix 
leyses  gate,  but  Abram  Gee  ?  He  had  come  unex- 


356  IN  ABRAM'S  ARMS. 

pected,  and  on  the  eight  o'clock  train,  and  wuz  there 
waitin'  for  her. 

If  Bial  Flamburg  had  been  with  her,  he  wouldn't 
have  gone  a  nigh  the  buggy,  but  he  see  it  was  a  old 
man,  and  he  rushed  out.  Ardelia  couldn't  walk  a 
step  on  her  feet  (owin'  to  bein  shaken  up,  in  bones 
and  feelin's),  and  Abram  jest  took  her  in  his  strong 
lovin'  arms  and  carried  her  into  the  house,  and  she 
sort  a  clung  round  his  neck,  and  seemed  tickled 
enough  to  see  him, 

But  she  wuz  dretful  shook  up  and  agitated,  and  it 
wuzn't  till  way  along  in  the  night  some  time,  that 
she  wuz  able  to  write  a  poem  called,  "  a  lay  on  a 
wheelbarrow ;  or,  the  fallen  one." 

Which  I  thought  when  I  read  it.  wuz  a  good  name 
for  it,  for  truly  she  had  fell,  and  truly  she  had  lay  on 
it.  Howsumever,  Ardelia  wrote  that  jest  because  it 
wuz  second  nater  to  write  poetry  on  every  identical 
thing  she  ever  see  or  did. 

She  wuz  glad  enough  to  get  rid  of  Bial  Flamburg 
and  glad  enough  to  go  back  to  her  old  love.  Abranr 
wuz  too  manly  and  tender  to  say  a  word  to  Ardel//* 
that  night  on  the  subject  nearest  to  his  heart.  Jtfo, 
he  see  she  needed  rest.  But  the  next  day,  when  they 
wuz  alone  together,  I  s'pose  he  put  the  case  all  before 
her.  All  his  warm  burnin'  love  for  her,  all  his  jeal 
ousy,  and  his  wretchedness  while  she  wuz  a  waverin* 
between  Banks  and  Bread,  how  his  heart  had 


358  ENGAGED. 

checked  by  the  thought  that  Bial  would  vault  over 
him,  and  in  the  end  hold  him  at  a  discount. 

.Why,  I  s'pose  he  talked  powerful  and  melted 
Ardelia's  soft  little  heart  till  it  wuz  like  the  softest 
kind  of  dough  in  his  hands.  And  then  he  went  on 
tenderly  to  say,  how  he  needed  her,  and  how  she 
could  mould  him  to  her  will.  I  s'pose  he  talked 
well,  and  eloquent,  I  s'pose  so.  Anyhow  she  accepted 
him  right  there  in  full  faith  and  a  pink  and  white 
cambric  dress. 

And  they  came  over  and  told  me  about  it  in  the 
afternoon  p.  M.  And  I  felt  well  and  happy  in  my 
mind,  and  wished  'em  joy  with  a  full  heart  and  a 
willin'  mind. 

They  are  both  good  creeters.  And  she  bein'  so  soft, 
and  he  so  kinder  hardy  and  stout-hearted,  I  believe 
they  will  get  along  firstrate.  And  when  she  once 
let  her  mind  and  heart  free  to  think  on  him,  she  wor 
ships  him  so  openly  and  unreservedly  (though  soft), 
that  I  don't  believe  there  is  a  happier  man  in  the 
hull  country. 

"Wall,  I  lay  out  to  give  'em  a  handsome  present  when 
they  be  married,  which  will  be  in  the  fall.  Mother 
Gee  (who  has  got  as  well  as  can  be  expected)  is  goin' 
to  live  with  Susan.  And  I'm  glad  on't.  Mother 
Gee  is  a  good  old  female  no  doubt,  but  it  is  resky 
work  to  take  a  new  husband  to  live  with,  and  when 
you  take  a  mother-in-law  too  it  adds  to  the  resk. 


AB RAM'S  LOVE.  359 

But  she  is  goin'  to  live  with  Susan  ;  it  is  her  preffer- 
ence. 

And  Abram  has  done  so  well,  that  he  has  bought 
another  five  acres  onto  his  place,  and  is  a  goin'  to  fix 
his  house  all  over  splendid  before  the  weddin'  day. 
And  Ardelia  is  to  go  right  from  the  altar  to  her  home 
— it  is  her  own  wishes. 

She  knows  enough  in  her  way,  Ardelia  duz.  And 
she  has  a  wisdom  of  the  heart  which  sometimes  I 
think,  goes  fur  ahead  of  the  wisdom  of  the  head. 
And  then  agin,  I  think  they  go  well  together,  wisdom 
of  the  head  and  the  heart  too.  (The  times  I  think 
this  is  after  readin'  her  poetry.) 

But  any  way  she  will  make  Abram  a  good  soft 
little  wife,  lovin'  and  affectionate  always.  And  good 
land !  he  loves  her  to  that  extent  that  it  wouldn't 
make  no  difference  to  him  if  she  didn't  know  enough 
to  come  in  when  it  rained.  He  would  fetch  her  in, 
drippin'  and  worship  her,  damp  or  dry. 


XX. 

AN  ACCIDENT   WITH   RESULTS. 

WALL,  it  wuz  on  the  very  day  before  we  laid  out 
to  leave  for  home.  I  wuz  a  settin'  in  my  room  a  men- 
din'  up  a  rip  in  my  pardner's  best  coat,  previous  to 
packin'  in  his  trunk,  when  all  of  a  sudden  Miss 
Flamm's  hired  girl  came  in  a  cryin',  and  sez  I, "  What 
is  the  matter  ?  " 

And  sez  she,  "  Ah !  Miss  Flamm  has  sent  for  you 
and  Mr.  Allen  to  come  over  there  right  away.  There 
has  been  a  axident." 

"  A  axident ! "  sez  I. 

"  Yes,"  sez  she.  "  The  little  girl  has  got  hurt,  and 
they  don't  think  she  will  live.  Poor  little  pretty 
tiling,"  sez  the  hired  girl,  and  busted  out  a  cryin' 
agin. 

"How  did  she  get  hurt?"  sez  I,  as  I  laid  down 
the  coat,  and  went  to  tyin'  on  my  bunnet  mekani- 
cally. 

"  Wall,  the  nurse  had  her  out  with  the  baby  and 

the  little  boys.     And  we  s'pose  she  had  been  drinkin' 

too  much.     We  all  knew  she  drinked,  and  she  wuzn't 

in  a  condition  to  go  out  with  the  children  this  morn' 

360 


A  MOTHER'S  SORROW.  361 

in',  and  Miss  Flamm  would  have  noticed  it  and  kep' 
'em  in,  but  the  dog  wuz  sick  all  night,  and  Miss 
Flamm  wuz  up  with  it  most  all  night,  and  she  felt 
wore  out  this  mornin'  with  her  anxtety  for  the  dog, 
and  her  want  of  sleep,  and  so  they  went  out,  and  it 
wuzn'  more'n  half  an  hour  before  it  took  place.  She 
left  the  baby  carriage  and  the  little  boys  and  girl  in  a 
careless  place,  not  knowin'  what  she  wuz  about,  and 
they  got  run  over.  The  baby  and  the  little  boys 
wuzn't  hurt  much,  but  they  think  the  little  girl  will 
die.  Miss  Flamm  went  right  into  a  caniption  fit,"  sez 
she,  "  when  she  wuz  brung  in." 

"  It  is  a  pity  she  hadn't  went  into  one  before,"  sez 
I  very  dryly,  dry  as  a  chip  almost.  My  axents  wuz 
fairly  dusty  they  wuz  so  dry.  But  my  feelin's  for 
Miss  Flamm  moistened  up  and  melted  down  when  I 
see  her,  when  we  went  into  the  room.  It  didn't  take 
us  long  for  they  are  still  to  the  tarven,  and  we  met 
Josiah  Allen  at  the  door,  so  he  went  with  us. 

Yes,  Miss  Flamm  felt  bad  enough,  bad  enough. 
She  has  got  a  mother's  heart  after  all,  down  under  all 
the  strings  and  girtins,  and  laces,  and  dogs,  etc.,  etc., 
that  have  hid  it,  and  surrounded  it.  Her  face  wuz  jest 
as  white  and  deathly  as  the  little  girl's,  and  that  wuz 
jest  the  picture  of  stillness  and  death.  And  I  remem 
bered  then  that  I  had  heard  that  the  little  girl  wuz 
her  favorite  amongst  her  children,  whenever  she  had 
any  time  to  notice  'em.  She  wuz  a  only  daughter  aad 
a  beauty,  besides  bein'  smart. 


after  he  had  knelt  down  and  begun  to  pray,  he  felt  that  dog  clivb 
Up  onto  his  heels  and  pull  at  his  coat-tails."     page  362. 


"PRAY  FOR  ME."  363 

The  doctor  had  been  there  and  done  what  he  could, 
and  gone  away.  He  said  there  wuz  nothin'  more  to 
do  till  she  came  out  of  that  stuper,  if  she  ever  did. 

But  it  looked  like  death,  and  there  Miss  Flamm  sot 
alone  with  her  child,  and  her  conscience.  She  wuzu't 
a  cryin'  but  there  wuz  a  look  in  her  eyes,  in  her  set 
white  face  that  went  beyond  tears,  fur  beyond  'em. 
She  gripped  holt  of  my  hand  with  her  icy  cold  ones, 
and  sez  she,  "  Pray  for  me  ! "  She  wuz  bruug  up  a 
Methodist,  and  knew  we  wuz  the  same.  My  feelin's 
overcame  me  as  I  looked  in  her  face  and  the  child's, 
both  lookin'  like  dyin'  faces,  and  I  sez  with  the  tears 
a  jest  runnin'  down  my  cheeks  and  a  layin'  my  hand 
tender  on  her  shoulder,  "  Is  there  anything  I  can  do 
for  you,  you  poor  little  creeter  ?  " 

"  Pray  for  me,"  sez  she  agin,  with  her  white  lips 
not  movin'  in  a  smile,  nor  a  groan. 

Now  my  companion,  Josiah  Allen,  is  a  class-leader, 
and  though  I  say  it  that  mebby  shouldn't — That  man 
is  able  in  prayer.  He  prays  as  if  he  meant  what  he 
said.  He  don't  try  to  show  off  in  oritory  as  so  many 
do,  or  give  the  Lord  information.  He  never  sez,  "  Oh 
Lord,  thou  knowest  by  the  mornin'  papers,  so  and  so." 
No,  he  prays  in  simple  words  for  what  he  wants.  And 
he  always  seems  to  feel  that  somebody  is  nigh  to  him, 
a  hearin'  him,  and  if  it  is  best  and  right,  his  requests 
will  be  granted. 

So  I  motioned  for  that  man  to  kneel  down  by  the 
bed  and  pray,  which  he  did.  He  wuz  to  the  fore  side 


364  TEARS. 

of  the  bed,  and  Miss  Flamm  and  I  on  the  other  side, 
Wall,  Josiah  commenced  his  prayer,  in  a  low,  earnest 
askin'  voice,  then  all  of  a  sudden  he  begun  to  hesitate, 
waver,  and  act  dretful  agitated.  And  his  actions  and 
agitations  seemed  to  last  for  some  time.  I  thought  it 
wuz  his  feelin's  overcomin'  of  him,  and  of  course,  my 
hand  bein'  over  my  eyes  in  a  respectful,  decent  way, 
I  didin't  see  nothin'. 

But  at  last,  after  what  wuz  seemingly  a  great  effort, 
he  began  to  go  on  as  usual  agin.  About  that  time  I 
heard  sunthin'  hit  the  wall  hard  on  the  other  side  of 
the  room,  and  I  heard  a  yelp.  But  then  everything 
wuz  still  and  Josiah  Allen  made  a  good  prayer.  And 
before  it  wuz  through  Miss  Flamm  laid  her  head  down 
onto  my  shoulder,  and  busted  into  tears. 

And  what  wuz  rooted  up  and  washed  away  by 
them  tears  I  don't  know,  and  I  don't  s'pose  anybody 
duz.  Whether  vanity,  and  a  mistaken  ambition,  and 
the  poor  empty  successes  of  a  fashionable  life  wuz  up 
rooted  and  floated  away  on  the  awakened,  sweepin' 
tide  of  a  mother's  love  and  remorse  ;  whether  the  dog 
floated  down  that  stream,  and  low  necked  dresses,  and 
high  hazardus  slippers,  and  strings  for  waists  and  cor 
sets,  and  fashion,  and  folly,  and  rivalry,  and  waltzin', 
and  glitter,  and  buttons,  and  show  ;  whether  they  all 
went  down  that  stream,  swept  along  like  bubbles  on 
a  heavin'  tumultuous  tide,  I  don't  know,  nor  I  don't 
s'pose  anybody  duz. 

But  any  way,  from  that  day  on  Miss  Flamm  has 


A  DEAD  DOG.  365 

been  a  different  woman.  I  stayed  with  her  all  that 
night  and  the  next  day,  she  a  not  leavin'  the  child's 
bed  for  a  minute,  and  we  a  not  gettin'  of  her  to, 
much  as  we  tried  to  ;  eatin'  whatever  we  could  make 
her  eat  right  there  by  the  bedside.  And  on  the  2d 
day  the  doctor  see  a  change  in  the  child  and  she  began 
to  roust  a  little  out  of  that  stuper,  and  in  a  week's 
time,  she  wuz  a  beginnin'  to  get  well. 

We  stayed  on  till  she  wuz  out  of  danger  and  then 
we  went  home.  But  I  see  that  she  wuz  to  be  trusted 
with  her  children  after  that.  She  dismissed  that 
nurse,  got  a  good  motherly  one,  who  she  said  would 
help  her  take  care  of  the  children  for  the  future ;  only 
help  her,  for  she  should  have  the  oversight  of  'em  her 
self,  always. 

The  hired  girl  told  me  (Miss  Flamm  never  men 
tioned  it  to  me),  and  she  wuz  glad  enough  of  it,  that 
the  dog  wuz  dead.  It  died  the  day  the  little  girl  wuz 
hurt.  The  hired  girl  said  the  doctor  had  told  Miss 
Flamm,  that  it  couldn't  live  long.  But  it  wuzn't 
till  we  wuz  on  our  way  home  that  I  found  out  one  of 
the  last  eppisodes  in  that  dog's  life.  You  see,  sick  as 
that  dog  wuz,  it  wuz  bound  to  bark  at  my  pardner  as 
long  as  it  had  a  breath  left  in  its  body.  And  Josiah 
told  me  in  confidence  (and  it  must  be  kep',  it  is  right 
that  it  should  be) ;  he  said  jest  after  he  had  knelt 
down  and  began  to  pray  he  felt  that  dog  climb  up 
onto  his  heels,  and  pull  at  his  coat  tails,  and  growl  a 
low  mad  growl,  and  naw  at  'em. 


366  HINDRANCES   TO  PRAYER. 

He  tried  to  nestle  round  and  get  it  off  quietly,  but 
no,  there  it  stood  right  onto  Josiah  Allen's  heels,  and 
hung  on,  and  tugged  at  them  coat-tails,  and  growled 
at  'em  that  low  deep  growl,  and  shook  'em,  as  if  de 
termined  to  worry  'em  off.  And  there  my  companion 
wuz.  He  couldn't  show  his  feelin's  in  his  face  ;  he 
had  got  to  keep  his  face  all  right  towards  Miss 
Flamm.  And  his  feelin's  was  rousted  up  about  her, 
and  he  wuz  a  wantin',  and  knew  he  wuz  expected, 
to  have  his  words  and  manner  soothin'  and  comfortin', 
and  that  dog  a  standin'  on  his  heels  and  tear-in'  off  his 
coat-tails. 

What  to  do  he  didn't  know.  He  couldn't  stop  his 
prayer  on  such  a  time  as  this  and  kill  a  dog,  though 
he  owned  up  to  me  that  he  felt  like  it,  and  he  couldn't 
keep  still  and  feel  his  coat-tails  tore  off  of  him,  and 
be  growled  at,  and  shook,  and  nawed  at  all  day.  So 
he  said  after  the  dog  had  gin  a  most  powerful  tug, 
almost  a  partin'  the  skirts  asunder  from  his  coat,  he 
drew  up  one  foot  carefully  (still  a  keepin'  his  face 
straight  and  the  prayer  agoin')  and  brung  it  back 
sudden  and  voyalent,  and  he  heard  the  dog  strike 
aginst  the  opposite  side  of  the  room  with  one  short, 
sharp  yelp,  and  then  silence  rained  down  and  he 
finished  the  prayer. 

But  he  said,  and  owned  it  up  to  me,  that  it  didn't 
seem  to  him  so  much  like  a  religious  exercise,  as  he 
could  wish.  It  didn't  seem  to  help  his  spiritual 
growth  much,  if  any. 


"  Wall,  he  wuz  a  strugglin'  with  it  and  with  his  feelin's,  for  I  kep 
on  a  sayin',  'Josiah,  do  be  calm ;  do  be  careful  about  usin'  a  profane 
word  so  nigh  home,  and  at  this  time  of  day,  and  you  just  home  from 
a  tower.'  "  page  366. 


368  A   HARD  PLACE. 

And  I  sez,  "  I  should  think  as  much/'"  and  I  sez, 
"  You  wuz  in  a  hard  place,  Josiah  Allen. " 

And  he  sez,  "  It  wuz  the  dumbest  hard  place  any 
one  wuz  ever  in  on  earth." 

And  I  sez,  "  I  don't  know  but  it  wuz."  That 
man  wuz  to  be  pitied,  and  I  told  him  so,  and  he 
acted  real  cheerful  and  contented  at  hearin'  my  mind. 
He  owned  up  that  he  had  dreaded  tellin'  me  about 
it,  for  fear  I  would  upbraid  him.  But,  good  land  !  I 
would  have  been  a  hard  hearted  creeter  if  I  could  up 
braid  a  man  for  goin'  through  such  a  time  as  that. 
He  said  he  thought  mebby  I  would  think  it  wuz 
irreverent  or  sunthin',  the  dog's  actions,  at  such  a 
time. 

"  Wall,"  sez  I,  "  you  didn't  choose  the  actions,  did 
you?  It  wuzn't  nothin'  you  wanted." 

"  No,"  sez  he  feelin'ly.  "  Heaven  knows  I  didn't. 
And  I  done  the  best  I  could,"  sez  he  sort  a  pitiful. 

Sez  I,  "  I  believe  you,  Josiah  Allen,"  and  sez  I 
warmly,  "  I  don't  believe  that  Alexander,  or  Cezar,  or 
Grover  Cleveland,  could  have  done  any  better." 

He  brightened  all  up  at  this,  he  felt  dretful  well  to 
think  I  felt  with  him,  and  my  feelin's  wuz  all  rousted 
up  to  think  of  the  sufferin's  he  had  went  through,  so 
we  felt  real  well  towards  each  other.  Such  is  some  of 
the  comforts  and  consolations  of  pardners.  How- 
sumever,  the  dog  died,  and  I  wuz  kinder  sorry  for 
the  dog.  I  think  enough  of  dogs  (as  dogs)  and  al 
ways  did.  Always  use  'em  dretful  well,  only  it  mads 


THE  HOME    TRIP.  369 

me  to  have  'em  put  ahead  of  children,  and  sot  up  in 
front  of  'em.  I  always  did  and  always  shall  like  a 
dog  as  a  dog. 

Wall,  they  say  that  when  that  dog  died,  Miss  Flamm 
hardly  inquired  about  it,  she  wuz  so  took  up  in  get- 
tin'"  acquainted  with  her  own  children.  And  I  s'pose 
they  improved  on  acquaintance,  for  they  say  she  is 
jest  devoted  to  'em.  And  she  got  acquainted  with 
G.  Washington  too,  so  they  say.  He  wuz  a  stiddy, 
quiet  man,  and  she  had  got  to  lookin'  on  him  as  her 
banker  and  business  man.  But  they  say  she  liked 
him  real  well,  come  to  get  acquainted  with  him.  He 
always  jest  worshipped  her,  so  they  are  real  happy. 
There  wuz  always  sunthin'  kinder  good  about  Miss 
Flamm. 

Thos.  J.  is  a  carryin'  on  another  lawsuit  for  her 
(more  money  that  descended  onto  her  from  her  father, 
or  that  ort  to  descend).  And  he  is  carryin'  it  stiddy 
and  safe.  It  will  bring  Thomas  Jefferson  over  900 
dollars  in  money  besides  fame,  a  hull  lot  of  fame. 

Wall,  we  sot  sail  for  home  in  good  spirits,  and  the 
noon  train.  And  we  reached  Jonesville  with  no  par 
ticular  eppisodin'  till  we  got  to  the  Jonesville  Depot. 
I  ruther  think  Ardelia  Tutt  wrote  a  poem  on  the  cars 
goin'  home,  though  I  can't  say  for  certain, 

She  and  Abram  sot  a  few  seats  in  front  of  us,  and 
I  fliought  I  see  a  certain  look  to  the  backside  of  her 
head  that  meant  poetry.  It  wuz  a  kind  of  a  sot  look, 
and  riz  up  like.  But  I  can't  say  for  certain  for  she 


*H«  would  be  dumbed  if  he  didn't  leave  it  right  there  on  th% 
platform."     page  372. 


THE   HEFTY  TRUNK.  371 

didn't  have  no  chance  to  tell  me  about  it.  Abram 
looked  down  at  her  all  the  time  as  if  he  jest  wor 
shipped  her.  And  she  is  a  good  little  creeter,  and  will 
make  him  a  happy  wife,  I  don't  make  no  doubt.  As 
I  said,  the  old  lady  is  goin'  to  live  with  Susan.  They 
went  right  on  in  the  train,  for  Ardelia's  home  lays 
beyond  Jonesville,  and  Abram  wuz  goin'  home  with 
her  by  Deacon  Tutt's  request.  They  are  willin'. 

Wall,  we  disembarked  from  the  cars,  and  we  found 
the  old  mair  and  the  Democrat  a  waitin*  for  us. 
Thomas  J.  wuz  a  comin'  for  us,  but  had  spraint  his 
wrist  and  couldn't  drive.  Wall,  Josiah  lifted  our 
saddul  bags  in,  and  my  umbrell,  and  the  band  box. 
But  when  he  went  to  lift  my  trunk  he  faltered.  It 
wuz  heavy.  I  had  got  relicts  from  Mount  McGregor, 
from  the  Battlefield,  from  the  various  springs,  miner 
als,  stuns,  and  things,  and  Josiah  couldn't  lift  it. 

What  added  to  the  hardness  of  the  job,  the  han 
dles  had  broken  offen  it,  and  he  had  to  grip  hold  on 
it,  by  the  might  of  his  finger  nails.  It  wuz  a  hard 
job,  and  Josiah's  face  got  red  and  I  felt,  as  well  as 
see,  that  his  temper  wuz  a  risin'.  And  I  sez,  instinct 
ively,  "  Josiah,  be  calm  ! "  For  I  knew  not  what  on- 
guarded  word  he  might  drop  as  he  vainly  tried  to 
grip  hold  on't,  and  it  eluded  his  efferts  and  came 
down  on  the  ground  every  time,  a  carryin'  with  it,  I 
s'pose,  portions  of  his  finger-nails,  broke  off  in  the 
fray. 

Wall,  he  wuz  a  strugglin'  with  it  and  with  his 


372  A  NEW  HAND. 

feelin's,  for  I  kep'  on  a  say  in',  "  Josiah,  do  be  calm  ! 
Do  be  careful  about  usin'  a  profane  word  so  nigh 
home  and  at  this  time  of  day,  and  you  jest  home 
from  a  tower." 

And  he  kep'  his  feelin's  nobly  under  control,  and 
never  said  a  word,  only  to  wonder  "  what  under  the 
High  Heavens  a  woman  wanted  to  lug  round  a  ton 
of  stuns  in  her  trunk  for."  And  anon  sayin'  that 
he  would  be  dumbed  if  he  didn't  leave  it  right  there 
on  the  platform. 

Savin'  these  few  slight  remarks  that  man  nobly  re 
strained  himself,  and  lugged  and  lifted  till  the  blood 
almost  gushed  through  his  bald  head.  And  right  in 
the  midst  of  the  fray,  a  porter  came  up  and  went  to 
liftin'  the  trunk  in  the  usual  high-headed,  haughty 
way  Railroad  officials  have.  But  anon  a  change  came 
over  his  linement.  And  as  it  fell  back  from  his  fin 
gers  to  the  platform  for  the  3d  time,  he  broke  out  in 
a  torrent  of  swearin'  words  dretful  to  hear. 

I  felt  as  if  I  should  sink  through  the  Democrat. 
But  Josiah  listened  to  the  awful  words  with  a  warm 
glow  of  pleasure  and  satisfaction  a  beamin'  from  his 
face.  I  never  saw  him  look  more  complacent.  And 
as  the  man  moistened  his  hands  and  with  another 
frightful  burst  of  profanity  histed  it  into  the  end  of 
the  buggy. 

Wall,  I  gin  the  man  a  few  warnin*  words  aginst 
profanity,  and  Josiah  gin  him  a  quarter  for  liftin'  in 


HOME  AGAIN!  373 

the  trunk,  he  said,  and  we  drove  off  in  the  meller 
glow  of  the  summer  sunset. 

But  it  wuz  duskish  before  we  got  to  the  turn  of 
the  road,  and  considerable  dark  before  we  got  to  the 
Corners.  But  we  went  on  thgough  the  shadows,  a 
feelin'  we  could  bear  'ein,  for  we  wuz  together,  and 
we  wuz  a  goin'  home. 

And  pretty  soon  we  got  there  !  The  door  wuz  open, 
ihe  warm  light  wuz  a  streamin'  out  from  doors  and 
windows,  and  there  stood  the  children  ! 

There  they  all  wuz,  all  we  loved  best,  a  waitin*  to 
welcome  us.  Love,  which  is  the  light  of  Heaven, 
wuz  a  shinin'  on  their  faces,  and  we  had  got  home. 


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printed  or  excellent  paper— most  of  them  finely  illustrated.  Full  and 
handsomely  bound  in  cloth.  Price,  75  cents  a  volume,  postpaid. 

CAROLINA  LEE.    By  Lillian  Bell,     With  frontispiece  by  Dora 
Wheeler  Keith. 

Carolina  Lee  is  the  Uncle  Tom's  Cabin  of  Christian  Science.  •  Its 
keynote  is  "  Divine  Love"  in  the  understanding  of  the  knowledge  of 
all  good  things  which  may  be  obtainable.  When  the  tale  is  told,  the 
sick  healed,  wrong  changed  to  right,  poverty  of  purse  and  spirit 
turned  into  riches,  lovers  made  worthy  of  each  other  and  happily 
united,  including  Carolina  Lee  and  her  affinity,  it  is  borne  upon  the 
reader  that  he  has  been  giving  rapid  attention  to  a  free  lecture  on 
Christian  Science ;  that  the  working  out  of  each  character  is  an  argu 
ment  for  "  Faith;"  and  that  the  theory  is  persuasively  attractive. 

A  Christian  Science  novel  that  will  bring  delight  to  the  heart  of 
every  believer  in  that  faith.  It  is  a  well  told  story,  entertaining,  and 
cleverly  mingles  art,  humor  and  sentimont 

HILMA,  by  William  Tillinghast  Eldridge,  with  illustrations  by 
Harrison  Fisher  and  Martin  Justice,  and  inlay  cover. 

It  is  a  rattling  good  tale,  written  with  charm,  and  full  of  remark 
able  happenings,  dangerous  doings,  strange  events,  jealous  intrigues 
and  sweet  love  making.  The  reader's  interest  is  not  permitted  to  lag, 
but  is  taken  up  and  carried  on  from  incident  to  incident  with  ingenu 
ity  and  contagious  enthusiasm.  The  story  gives  us  the  Graustark 
and  The  Prisoner  of  Zenda  thrill,  but  the  tale  is  treated  with  fresh 
ness,  ingenuity,  and.  enthusiasm,  and  the  climax  is  both  unique  and 
satisfying.  It  will  hold  the  fiction  lover  close  to  every  page. 

THE    MYSTERY    OF    THE    FOUR    FINGERS,  by  Fred  M. 
White,  with  halftone  illustrations  by  Will  Gref e. 

A  fabulously  rich  gold  mine  in  Mexico  is  known  by  the  picturesque 
a»d  mysterious  name  of  The  four  Fingers.  It  originally  belonged 
to  an  Ajstec  tribe,  and  its  loaaition  is  known  to  one  surviving  descendant 
— a  man  possessing  wonderful  occult  power.  Should  any  person  un 
lawfully  discover  its  whereabouts,  four  of  his  fingers  are  mysteriously 
removed,  and  one  by  one  retwrted  to  him.  The  appearance  of  the 
final  fourth  betokens  has  swift  and  violent  death. 

Surprises,  strange  and  startling,  are  ooneealed  in  every  chapter  of 
thts  completely  engrossing  detective  story.  The  horrible  fascination 
of  tbe  tragedy  hol'ds  one  in  rapt  attention  to  the  end.  And -through 
it  raas  the  thread  of  a  ouiious  love  story. 

GROSSET  &  DUNLAP,  Publishers,         -         -         New  York 


UNIVERSITY  OF  CALIFORNIA  LIBRARY,  LOS  ANGELES 

COLLEGE  LIBRARY 

This  book  is  due  on  the  last  date  stamped  below. 


Book  Slip-25m-7,'61(C1437s4)4280 


College 
•ary 


UCLA-College  Library 

PS  1949  H72S3 1887 


** 


0057051047  * 


UC  SOUTHERN  REGIONAL  LIBRARY  FACILITY 


A     001  199355     7 


